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sempiternals2023-01-07 10:13 pm
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softer than rain, harder than pain | @dawnbreaked
[ Trusting him was a mistake.
It was easier when she was a free agent, not having to worry about anyone else, focusing only on what she needed, what her company needed, working on a professional and not personal level, keeping her distance from others and letting them keep their distance from her.
It was lonely, but it was easier.
As a free agent, for example, she never would have been pacing the kitchen of the Dawn Winery with clenched fists and burning eyes, trying not to just snap and break something while Diluc's staff tend to him behind closed doors, caring for him through an unconsciousness going on at least a few hours now. She wouldn't be trembling with the cold horror of her Vision's resonance, nor dealing with tears she's unable to hide, sparkling as they are like diamonds frosted to her eyelashes. It wouldn't have been her for whom Kaeya came running, grave anxiety written over his face, tears of his own evident in the redness of his eyes and cheeks despite his attempts to hide them; she wouldn't have even known this was happeningâ
Somehow the thought does nothing to ease her churning, angry stomach. Eula closes her eyes and cups a hand over her mouth, convinced for a moment she's going to vomit. The free hand waves away whatever staff member it is who's trying to comfort herâ she doesn't know these people, not enough for thisâ before coming to rest on the counter in front of her. She can feel the anxiety trembling through her skin where it contacts the furniture.
I swear, Ragnvindr, she thinks, a tight hold on the counter as if that will somehow make it better, if you get through this I'm going to kill you myself.
...
He'd better get through this. ]
It was easier when she was a free agent, not having to worry about anyone else, focusing only on what she needed, what her company needed, working on a professional and not personal level, keeping her distance from others and letting them keep their distance from her.
It was lonely, but it was easier.
As a free agent, for example, she never would have been pacing the kitchen of the Dawn Winery with clenched fists and burning eyes, trying not to just snap and break something while Diluc's staff tend to him behind closed doors, caring for him through an unconsciousness going on at least a few hours now. She wouldn't be trembling with the cold horror of her Vision's resonance, nor dealing with tears she's unable to hide, sparkling as they are like diamonds frosted to her eyelashes. It wouldn't have been her for whom Kaeya came running, grave anxiety written over his face, tears of his own evident in the redness of his eyes and cheeks despite his attempts to hide them; she wouldn't have even known this was happeningâ
Somehow the thought does nothing to ease her churning, angry stomach. Eula closes her eyes and cups a hand over her mouth, convinced for a moment she's going to vomit. The free hand waves away whatever staff member it is who's trying to comfort herâ she doesn't know these people, not enough for thisâ before coming to rest on the counter in front of her. She can feel the anxiety trembling through her skin where it contacts the furniture.
I swear, Ragnvindr, she thinks, a tight hold on the counter as if that will somehow make it better, if you get through this I'm going to kill you myself.
...
He'd better get through this. ]
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Only now does she start to return the kisses, her mouth soft against his and wet with her tearsâ although why she's crying she couldn't begin to tell himâ and her arms move to circle him once more, holding him close in reply to the arms wrapped around her, grateful not just for his support but that of the wall lest her trembling legs collapse underneath her.
She's scared. She's terrified. But holding the words back changes nothing about how she feels, especially now that they're already in the air between them, her mouth to his ears, answered in kind. ]
...I love you too.
[ It's a whisper against his mouth this time, a reply after countless murmurs of the same words against her lips, and she can't quite help the way her hips arch slowly up against his, a sudden need to seal her words not only with kisses but the movements of her body, too, if she can manage to remain upright for long enough.
Archons help her, she never imagined she would feel like this. ]
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After his thought given, he reaches, if she allows it, to take her into a bridal carry first knowing it'd give her the perfect angle to still be close to him while also enabling her to not worry much about falling. He'll carry her like this to his bed... or should he start saying at this rate their bed? Whatever the case, Diluc fully intends to not tell Kaeya about how their night went.
Tonight stays between them as it should now and forever with all the time they'll have; this much is certain of him once he makes his way into the bedroom with her in his arms. His heats still there, still strong, partially from arousal from everything he's giving her but more from his feelings toward her even now.)
Didn't want you to get hurt before I keep saying it...
(That thoughtfulness of his as usual once he moves to set her down on the mattress after closing the door behind him. The room looked exactly as it did that night they came there together, that night where he gave her all of him and told her truly he only wanted her.
Something which still applies now too once he slips his dress shoes off before crawling in back over Eula, for now anyway unless she wanted to take control with a murmur against her lips again:) I love you... (All sealed with another kiss, another slow burning kiss filled to the brim with his emotions. His heart toward her even now.
He won't let go of her heart, which he hopes she realizes.)
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When he sets her down on the mattress, she reaches for him immediately, not wanting to be apart from him, arms circling his shoulders and meeting his kiss with her own mouth; there's a slowness to it that has her trembling, enhanced only by the taste of the words on his lips, and Eula sighs.
(She needs to thank him, later, is the absent thought that flits across her mind for the barest of moments, for thinking once more of her legs and the chance of them failing her in spectacular fashion.)
Her heart is aching with the words, the ice-cold shock of fear being slowly but surely melted under the bright heat of his fire, the same flame that right from the very start has been warring against the dread and the self-doubt and all the horrible things her brain likes to say about her, the inferno of his heart that has clashed time and time against with the walls of ice she's built over the years. Walls that, even now, resist the words he whispers and murmurs against her mouth, that try to spike that fear back into her heart.
She's better than that. ]
I love you too.
[ It's another whisper, a single reply to countless of his, but there's almost voice behind it now, something stronger in the way she whispers it as her arms lock a little tighter around him. ]
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A reminder that they do deserve these things, a reminder that he's not some sort of machine and is still human, still a person, still that boy who once ran about with sunshine in his smile before it all faded.
Though it's more that boy became a man who presses onward with heat filled retribution and anger but that is none of it at this time. His lips once again unable to part from hers, with the same murmurs of love between them. That bright flame he lets out coming out more, letting itself free in this inferno that he unleashes once he finds himself starting to be lost in a sense to this feeling of love.
The slow kisses filled with passion, with their heat and his love once he reaches for her to undo his vest knowing he's the one that's more clothed at the moment in that regard. He didn't want to part from their kiss yet or the words he says between them breathlessly, into it no less, just yet.
He can't help in the end to be relieved neither of them are listening to those parts of them that often times scream so loudly. Diluc even is more relieved he manages to even now force it down thanks to that boy he was once coming forth in this as if to say that in the end she was who he was waiting for after he was broken to pieces.
Her tightening her hold on him after responding is enough to give him reason anyway to keep letting his flames gradually engulf them more. To take them both into it's warm heat filled embrace even now.)
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Her own hands drop between them, then, starting to work on the buttons of his dress shirt as he pulls back the vest he was wearing over the top of it, the whole time returning those slow, deep kisses with her own, and his words with the same in answer where her heart manage it, her replies becoming slowly more consistent for each whisper he makes.
At this point, everything she knows is him. The tears that sprung to the corners of her eyes are now loose on her cheeks, but she doesn't care, trusts him with them the same way she's learned to trust him in so many other things. ]
I love you, [ she whispers, and this time the words make her heart skip a beat in her chest, the fear gradually being eclipsed by the power of her feelings themselves, and she finds a soft laugh on her lips, something sweet and happy and disbelieving, a momentary grab of his shirt as if to steady herself despite the fact that she's lying down. ] Ah... I love you.
[ Not a reply this time, but a promise of her own, her cheeks bright and warm and her pulse racing under her skin. ]
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His lips near hers this time as she whispers, promises while holding him like this by his shirt for the time being. That normally intense gaze of his easing into something like when he was a boy, the boy she saw back then in that gentle spark of flame in response but at the same time not the same boy.)
I love you too... (Maybe it's all okay to lose themselves this time, being parts of themselves they locked away in the face of their own lives courses changing. His heart is pounding in his chest by now, noticeably so, from their close proximity but it didn't stop Diluc any from this time kissing her like she was air itself.
As if he can't breathe without her, can't get enough of her in general in the way that he's surrendered to her these parts of himself. Everything he felt he long since lost coming back between them once he notices the nagging voices had been silenced perhaps fully to the point he no longer felt as if they were attempting to drown him. Drown away what parts of him she deserves, drown away his heart in fire.)
I love you... (Not a whisper, resolute and driven, voice filling with his intense flames with him knowing that he means every bit of it. Every part of this would be something she has from him in heart and soul, from his love like fire giving her every inch of him.)
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For Diluc, it's a return to a joy he once felt long ago; for Eula it's an entirely new sensation, a happiness she has never once experienced in her years on Teyvat, a euphoria strong enough that she still doesn't entirely know its edges or how far it extends throughout her, leaving her feeling giddy and silly and excited.
(And maybe later the fear will return, the worry that she needs him now, that she doesn't know what she would do if he were to leave, but right now it's buried deep beneath layers of layers of that excited joy, all anxieties smothered in the bright heat of their moment.)
Her fingers unentangle from his shirt with another whisper, moving to push the fabric over his shoulders instead, and she breaks the kiss as she does, needing the freedom of movementâ but she finds herself caught for a moment by him, just looking into his eyes for several moments, hypnotized by something in them before she chuckles at her own expense and shakes her head. ]
Ah, I...
[ She licks her lips and shakes her head again, falling silent before leaning up to press her mouth to his again. She probably shouldn't, should instead focus on removing his pants, or her dress, or something, but right now she feels as if she simply can't go without kissing him for too long. ]
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Whenever she tries to speak only to kiss him, for their mouths to be back to being unable to part for as long as they did, he decides that it's likely on him to undress her too once he idly wonders how to go about getting her dress off to himself but not wanting to part for too long in general.
It felt too right to kiss her, to be so lost with her in the way their bodies were seeking one another out.
That ache he's getting is part of proof of that knowing he's starting to drift back into being worked up into a fever pitch. A pitch that she loves in the way his heat starts to burn again, starts to burn solely for her once their kiss starts to get deeper and deeper. Taking him further down into his want, into his aching need for her even now.
He wants to show her tonight just how much he loves her, just as he plans to beyond it to remind her that he means it no matter what that fear may say. His trousers are still undone since he didn't bother to fix them so it'd be a matter tugging them down the rest of the way once he stops being so preoccupied.
... maybe after he gets her dress off since if he has to wait any longer with her, he doubts that the two of them are going to be able to stop by more than their usual.)
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She pulls away from their kiss with a soft gasp, and this time her eyes stay shut, another soft laugh on her lips as she pushes him off her so she can sit, only opening her eyes once more once she's sure he's no longer in her sightâ and she can't help but giggle again. ]
Sorry. If I look at you, I won't be able to do what I need to do. [ As she speaks, she stands from the bed, unwinding the strap from under her breasts. It falls to the floor and is followed shortly after by the dress, which she unhooks from around her neck and lets slide down over her curves. The last to go is the thong still clinging flimsily to her thighs, soaked through with their combined pleasure. When she turns again, she's naked save for the strappy stilettos and the jewelry, and her hands are halfway up to undo the ribbon holding her hair, showing too clearly the length of her body and the shimmering wet between her thighsâ
And her eyes alight on him, that same amused smile finding her lips even as a warm heat colors her cheeks. ]
...Diluc! [ she exclaims, unsure if she's scolding him or embarrassed.
(Or, possibly, even more in love with him than before.) ]
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Mesmerizing too if he's honest more, for the time being he actually did forget that he's not yet finished with how transfixed he is on her. That is, until she turns and says his name the way she did. Immediately he coughs, cheeks tinted in a hue similar to his red hair once he remembers that he was suppose to be doing something and that something was to finish undressing.)
S-sorry...
(A stutter for a change but she can take this to mean that he did in fact enjoy the thought of her undressing like that. He's going to consider it another thing to file back for the two of them for later; maybe something they can do instead of making a fool of themselves trying to talk dirty.
He hates to admit it but he has a feeling Kaeya would have been laughing had he heard Eula's comment about her thong being drenched. Mainly about the sheer bluntness of it and the fact there wasn't any subtly in it, then again, Diluc would have permitted her to stuff his mouth with the napkins over it.
But really, he finds himself as having had fallen more in love with her just by how he looked at her earlier. Something similar even as he pulls himself together enough knowing that they're both at a point their want is insatiable once his briefs join the pile on the floor.)
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Her hair falls back around her face and neck, the tie falling somewhere to the floor behind her, crossing the remaining soft carpet between her and the bed with her heels still very much on, crawling onto the bed and over him, a hand on his chest to push him back to the bed. ]
Enjoyed the show, did you? [ she murmurs, fingers skating over the skin, mouth lowering to brush lightly against his. ] Maybe I should give you one more often.
[ It's with that same sweet smile that she reaches between them, holding him around the base so that she can hold him steady as she lowers herself against him, a low moan against his lips as he fills her up once more, a tremble running down her spine and into her abdomen, heating her pleasantly from the inside out. Once he's hilted, she stills, allowing them both time to adjust. ]
I love you. [ It's a low gasp against him before she allows their kiss to deepen once more, her tongue sweeping over his lower lip in search of entrance to his mouth, her other hand coming up to rest on his face, fingers running through the strands of his hair.
She feels like she can't get enough of him, enough of the words and the connection binding them together, the desire she has for him. She shows it by starting to move her hips, a slow rocking motion, lifting and falling against him as she moans again into their kiss. ]
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Attractive isn't the half of it when it comes to her to him, sexy fits perhaps, so would gorgeous and beautiful. It's all enough to make him almost forget anything at the sight of her, like right now with his thoughts quieting down to being more about this moment between them as he settles his warm hands on her waist.)
... maybe that goes both ways then. (He murmurs that into their brief kiss, against her lips for now resisting the urge to kiss her breathless for a little longer.) So something else for later...
(Once she takes him by the base he exhales a bit sharply, the sensation of her lowering herself down making him feel drunk more than the wine they had earlier. It's still hanging about on him but not as strongly; it's a wonder that he wasn't drunker than that but likely for the best since he did resist the urge to keep drinking to avoid reminding her that he gets clingy.)
I love you too. (The groan leaving him muffled by their lips as he speaks, his lips parting for her as their kiss deepens. As he finds himself drowning now, as he finds himself falling further with her; falling so swiftly with her as he begins to melt more.
He couldn't get enough of her either, not her words, not her lips, not even that mutual desire between them and being one like this. His groans leaving him into their kiss and mixing with her moans as he starts to follow her rhythm she sets with his own hips rocking along. If anything Diluc felt as if he's more on fire now, more between them as if burning everything between them.)
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[ Yet another thing the her of just a couple of months ago would be incredibly surprised about: the smile on her lips as she talks about willingly stripping in front of another person, for no reason other than that it will turn him on, that she wants to see the longing, hungry look on his face and reward him for his patience. (That she, in turn, wants him to tease her too, to make her wait until she's begging for more.) ]
Something else for later.
[ The words fall silent on her lips when she starts to move, though, no longer whispering promises of love against his mouth but showing him with the motions of her body, her mouth focused only on their kiss, on the taste of him under her and the feel of his body against her own.
She loves him, she loves how he makes her feelâ not only physically like this but the heat in her heart, a warmth that hasn't stopped blooming since that first night on Dragonspine; never until now has she felt so loved and needed, special in a world that up until now has left her feeling hollow and alone, like she's never had a placeâ
Until now. She has somewhere now. It's here.
And yet, at the same timeâ ]
We've... never actually said it, you know... [ It's gasped out between kisses, the words important despite her earlier decision to show and not tell, her eyes opening to search out his gaze as she smiles, as her hips rock and flush her cheeks with the pink heat of pleasure. ] Can we make it official, Diluc?
[ She'll ask more directly if she has to, but somehow Eula feels the words "will you be my boyfriend" are a little trite when his hips are rocking up against hers, heavy thrusts into her core that leave her gasping. ]
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In that smile of his as he finds himself surrendering even now to that flame that once had tried to block him from everything melting at her touch. Melting and fading away to let her in as they both began to have their own thoughts and feelings growing so fondly, so strongly, with each passing second between them.
Each day for him now that he realizes that it's felt so different to find himself in love, to find himself not being as alone he once had been with the two of them finding a home in one another. A home that he doesn't want to burn away from her eyes nor take from her either even now. The world can be cold and unforgiving as they both knew, but perhaps in the end their own trials make things worth it somewhat.
Worth that hellish time in their lives in varying degrees.
The thought soon fades at her question, to make it official between their kisses, their hips rocking together knowing that his thrusts were more firm than at the start of their relationship. Honestly, they really are unconventional, is something Diluc thinks, to make it official while in the midst of making love.)
We can... (So he smiles, it's bright, sunny as his eyes twinkle with amusement at the thought that they were confirming it in a moment like this. Making it official anyway.) ... so yes, I'd love to be with you, Eula.
(Not that she was wrong, the words were a little redundant whenever they were already in this state and practically wanting more than that between the heat and how she feels against him.)
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Her words are replaced once more with her kisses, the movements of her hips picking up speed as she feels her pleasure building toward its peak, knowing from the way he moves under her that he's riding that same high, climbing just as quickly. But even as she finds herself become almost hurried, almost desperate, there's still something different about it, something tender and soft and sweet, new despite everything they've already experienced together.
Already she's wondering if she can convince him to stay in with her tomorrow, despite the fact that they'll both surely start to be questioned if they keep taking personal days like they have from time to time since this started, a new habit for each of them with no history of which to speak. It won't be long until someone finds them outâ if they haven't found out alreadyâ but she no longer minds, despite the fervent requests for secrecy on that night huddled together against the cold.
When they're like this, her thoughts are usually silent, but now they're loud with possibilities and desires, and Eula finds it driving her forward, an ache starting in her thighs from the way she's lifting herself against him only to fall again, pace quickening with her breath, the coil winding tighter and tighterâ
Until she falls over the edge with a sharp cry against his mouth, back arching and hips stuttering even as she tries to keep up a steady pace for him, keening and whimpering into his lips. ]
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More kisses were given back, more of him melting against her as his own speed follows along with hers in his thrusts. Hurried, desperate, yet tender and wanting as his peak starts to inch closer by this point. Ironically enough there is something he was thinking about like her at this moment.
That he would want to stay in again, maybe it turns into more of this, maybe it doesn't, but he's already wondering if anyone would dare to question them for just simply wanting time together. It might not be their usual perhaps, really, he finds himself caring less and less about the words of others on their relationship too. His happiness is with her and that was that; that night in Dragonspine was proof of it enough as their start.
For now he's getting closer and closer, inching forward, as the thoughts he normally would not have are filled with wonder on how he can ask this after start to soon fade.
It isn't long after she reaches her own peak that his own release comes, his arms holding her close against him as his lungs burn somewhat for air. As he finds himself in a daze, different than the usual ones that they have after these moments. The alcohol isn't helping still, but being happily drunk and in love isn't the worst.)
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Worn out, it's all she can do to lift her hips from him, moving to lie next to him on the bed, hand splayed loosely over his chest and lips pressing soft kisses against the underside of his jaw as she settles against him. ]
Mm.
[ It's a murmur, half a word at best, because there are things she wants to say but no energy to say them, her body still pleasantly thrumming from her release and his, her mind clouded over with relaxed, distant pleasure. If she can think of anything at all, like this, it's all the other things she wants to do with himâ some sexual in nature, some not. But mostly her mind is just empty, pleasantly so, and relaxed.
She's content to lie like that for several long momentsâ when she finally looks up at him again from a half-doze, there's a dreamy, content smile that no one other than him has ever seen her wear before, and she presses another lazy kiss against his skin. ]
I love you, Ragnvindr, [ she murmurs again, and her brain is blissfully silent on the matter. ]
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The words she speaks next after her first time attempting to speak causes a smile from him, the words themselves causing a flame to be stoked again but without surrounding him in the violent wall that it once was. His head is not arguing with him this time too. All of it is quiet now once he kisses along her hair in their closeness, in their drowsy yet dreamy state.)
I love you too, Eula...
(And he would forever. His heart goes to her, just like the rest of him even as he closes his eyes for now. The tiredness from the alcohol and the evening spent now twice with the heat of their love slowly catching more up to him as he wonders if he should remind her tomorrow that he tends to be rather clingy when drinking.
Maybe, but there was still the question he meant to ask, the words he wanted to say too about seeing if they should stay home again. Stay inside and simply take the breather they needed again from their work and more, the time that they needed and wanted to spend with one another.)
... stay home tomorrow then? (Dreamy is how his voice sounds, still a little raw from the loudness between them, but dreamy like a warm fireplace.)
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Mm... you know, I was going to suggest the same. [ And there's that same dreamy quality to her voice too, a sweetness as she yawns and curls in closer. ] Staying home, I mean. So it sounds perfect to me.
[ They'll have to get used to it, she thinks, the other knightsâ the other people in their lives, accustomed to them being workaholics who barely allow time for themselves, now seeing them actually take days, sometimes more than one at a time, for relaxation and for each other.
Heck, maybe they should take a proper holiday, she thinks. It would be her first in forever... ]
...You know. [ The words are a little abrupt perhaps, her tone too, something sudden in it as the idea strikes her, and she half-sits despite the lazy drowsiness in her voice, looking down at him with a little smile. ] We should go on a vacation.