softer than rain, harder than pain | @dawnbreaked

[vergeltung]

[ Trusting him was a mistake.

It was easier when she was a free agent, not having to worry about anyone else, focusing only on what she needed, what her company needed, working on a professional and not personal level, keeping her distance from others and letting them keep their distance from her.

It was lonely, but it was easier.

As a free agent, for example, she never would have been pacing the kitchen of the Dawn Winery with clenched fists and burning eyes, trying not to just snap and break something while Diluc's staff tend to him behind closed doors, caring for him through an unconsciousness going on at least a few hours now. She wouldn't be trembling with the cold horror of her Vision's resonance, nor dealing with tears she's unable to hide, sparkling as they are like diamonds frosted to her eyelashes. It wouldn't have been her for whom Kaeya came running, grave anxiety written over his face, tears of his own evident in the redness of his eyes and cheeks despite his attempts to hide them; she wouldn't have even known this was happening—

Somehow the thought does nothing to ease her churning, angry stomach. Eula closes her eyes and cups a hand over her mouth, convinced for a moment she's going to vomit. The free hand waves away whatever staff member it is who's trying to comfort her— she doesn't know these people, not enough for this— before coming to rest on the counter in front of her. She can feel the anxiety trembling through her skin where it contacts the furniture.

I swear, Ragnvindr, she thinks, a tight hold on the counter as if that will somehow make it better, if you get through this I'm going to kill you myself.

...

He'd better get through this. ]

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[vergeltung]

[ At first, Eula is lost enough in the promise of those words, whispered time and time again, that she doesn't think about the fact that they're both still mostly clothed, and him more than her. But the movement of his hands to start working on his vest, even as his kisses and murmurs go on without stopping, brings enough of a reminder that she reaches up to help where she can. She wants, Eula thinks, to be with him again, this time completely and wholly, a promise with their bodies that echoes those spoken between them.

Her own hands drop between them, then, starting to work on the buttons of his dress shirt as he pulls back the vest he was wearing over the top of it, the whole time returning those slow, deep kisses with her own, and his words with the same in answer where her heart manage it, her replies becoming slowly more consistent for each whisper he makes.

At this point, everything she knows is him. The tears that sprung to the corners of her eyes are now loose on her cheeks, but she doesn't care, trusts him with them the same way she's learned to trust him in so many other things. ]

I love you, [ she whispers, and this time the words make her heart skip a beat in her chest, the fear gradually being eclipsed by the power of her feelings themselves, and she finds a soft laugh on her lips, something sweet and happy and disbelieving, a momentary grab of his shirt as if to steady herself despite the fact that she's lying down. ] Ah... I love you.

[ Not a reply this time, but a promise of her own, her cheeks bright and warm and her pulse racing under her skin. ]

[dawnbreaked]

(For a moment he finds himself in a similar way without realizing she had the same thoughts of wanting to be one completely and wholly. The vest and tie for now finding themselves on the floor with his vision by the time she gets his dress shirt opened up, it's different like this, love instead of the fever pitch passion. Tenderness as well instead of mindlessly losing themselves to the more primal aspect of their feelings toward one another; he did worry a little at seeing the tears knowing how she is with crying only for it to drift away.

His lips near hers this time as she whispers, promises while holding him like this by his shirt for the time being. That normally intense gaze of his easing into something like when he was a boy, the boy she saw back then in that gentle spark of flame in response but at the same time not the same boy.)

I love you too... (Maybe it's all okay to lose themselves this time, being parts of themselves they locked away in the face of their own lives courses changing. His heart is pounding in his chest by now, noticeably so, from their close proximity but it didn't stop Diluc any from this time kissing her like she was air itself.

As if he can't breathe without her, can't get enough of her in general in the way that he's surrendered to her these parts of himself. Everything he felt he long since lost coming back between them once he notices the nagging voices had been silenced perhaps fully to the point he no longer felt as if they were attempting to drown him. Drown away what parts of him she deserves, drown away his heart in fire.)

I love you... (Not a whisper, resolute and driven, voice filling with his intense flames with him knowing that he means every bit of it. Every part of this would be something she has from him in heart and soul, from his love like fire giving her every inch of him.)

[vergeltung]

[ Her heart is beating quickly in her chest, a soft, warm kind of need and want spreading through her at a more gentle pace to normal, overtaken by the emotion and feeling being shared between them as the whispers and kisses are shared between them. And for once, the saltwater on her own cheeks isn't feared or hidden or brushed away with impatience, but worn with the same surprised pride as the words on her lips, the promises given to him in return for his own.

For Diluc, it's a return to a joy he once felt long ago; for Eula it's an entirely new sensation, a happiness she has never once experienced in her years on Teyvat, a euphoria strong enough that she still doesn't entirely know its edges or how far it extends throughout her, leaving her feeling giddy and silly and excited.

(And maybe later the fear will return, the worry that she needs him now, that she doesn't know what she would do if he were to leave, but right now it's buried deep beneath layers of layers of that excited joy, all anxieties smothered in the bright heat of their moment.)

Her fingers unentangle from his shirt with another whisper, moving to push the fabric over his shoulders instead, and she breaks the kiss as she does, needing the freedom of movement— but she finds herself caught for a moment by him, just looking into his eyes for several moments, hypnotized by something in them before she chuckles at her own expense and shakes her head. ]

Ah, I...

[ She licks her lips and shakes her head again, falling silent before leaning up to press her mouth to his again. She probably shouldn't, should instead focus on removing his pants, or her dress, or something, but right now she feels as if she simply can't go without kissing him for too long. ]

[dawnbreaked]

(During that time they parted, that time she pushes off his dress shirt just enough for him to shrug it off to the floor to join his growing clothing pile he finds his eyes locked on to hers. A sort of similar moment is going on with him after finding himself unable to take his eyes off hers, truthfully he thinks her eyes are beautiful. So beautiful, colorful in their own way compared to the embers of his own that sparks just like right now in the way they seem to be a full blown blaze that she's getting the pleasure of seeing.

Whenever she tries to speak only to kiss him, for their mouths to be back to being unable to part for as long as they did, he decides that it's likely on him to undress her too once he idly wonders how to go about getting her dress off to himself but not wanting to part for too long in general.

It felt too right to kiss her, to be so lost with her in the way their bodies were seeking one another out.

That ache he's getting is part of proof of that knowing he's starting to drift back into being worked up into a fever pitch. A pitch that she loves in the way his heat starts to burn again, starts to burn solely for her once their kiss starts to get deeper and deeper. Taking him further down into his want, into his aching need for her even now.

He wants to show her tonight just how much he loves her, just as he plans to beyond it to remind her that he means it no matter what that fear may say. His trousers are still undone since he didn't bother to fix them so it'd be a matter tugging them down the rest of the way once he stops being so preoccupied.

... maybe after he gets her dress off since if he has to wait any longer with her, he doubts that the two of them are going to be able to stop by more than their usual.)

[vergeltung]

[ For as much as she feels like she can't go without kissing him for long, there's countless reminders as her body shifts against his that neither of them wants to wait forever for this: the slickness between her thighs is one, the the remnant of his last release mixed with the want that still pulses from her; the hardness jutting against her core as they kiss is another, making her ache still more in reply.

She pulls away from their kiss with a soft gasp, and this time her eyes stay shut, another soft laugh on her lips as she pushes him off her so she can sit, only opening her eyes once more once she's sure he's no longer in her sight— and she can't help but giggle again. ]

Sorry. If I look at you, I won't be able to do what I need to do. [ As she speaks, she stands from the bed, unwinding the strap from under her breasts. It falls to the floor and is followed shortly after by the dress, which she unhooks from around her neck and lets slide down over her curves. The last to go is the thong still clinging flimsily to her thighs, soaked through with their combined pleasure. When she turns again, she's naked save for the strappy stilettos and the jewelry, and her hands are halfway up to undo the ribbon holding her hair, showing too clearly the length of her body and the shimmering wet between her thighs—

And her eyes alight on him, that same amused smile finding her lips even as a warm heat colors her cheeks. ]

...Diluc! [ she exclaims, unsure if she's scolding him or embarrassed.

(Or, possibly, even more in love with him than before.) ]

[dawnbreaked]

(As much as he didn't want to pull away, for it to end, he understood why she had to do it. His mind for now pulled away as he attempts to focus on undressing the rest of the way, his slacks soon hitting the floor with the rest of their clothes, their visions once he reaches to peel off his briefs. Diluc manages to get half way there with his arousal springing free before he finds himself pausing to stare; breathlessly staring as he looks her over with thoughts of how beautiful she is coming to mind.

Mesmerizing too if he's honest more, for the time being he actually did forget that he's not yet finished with how transfixed he is on her. That is, until she turns and says his name the way she did. Immediately he coughs, cheeks tinted in a hue similar to his red hair once he remembers that he was suppose to be doing something and that something was to finish undressing.)

S-sorry...

(A stutter for a change but she can take this to mean that he did in fact enjoy the thought of her undressing like that. He's going to consider it another thing to file back for the two of them for later; maybe something they can do instead of making a fool of themselves trying to talk dirty.

He hates to admit it but he has a feeling Kaeya would have been laughing had he heard Eula's comment about her thong being drenched. Mainly about the sheer bluntness of it and the fact there wasn't any subtly in it, then again, Diluc would have permitted her to stuff his mouth with the napkins over it.

But really, he finds himself as having had fallen more in love with her just by how he looked at her earlier. Something similar even as he pulls himself together enough knowing that they're both at a point their want is insatiable once his briefs join the pile on the floor.)

[vergeltung]

[ Her smile broadens a little at the color on his face, the stuttered apology, and she finds herself biting her lip in admiration, this time watching him in silence as he rids himself of his briefs. Despite her amusement, the light scolding in her voice, she can't help but think it's incredibly sexy that he was so distracted by her that he forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

Her hair falls back around her face and neck, the tie falling somewhere to the floor behind her, crossing the remaining soft carpet between her and the bed with her heels still very much on, crawling onto the bed and over him, a hand on his chest to push him back to the bed. ]

Enjoyed the show, did you? [ she murmurs, fingers skating over the skin, mouth lowering to brush lightly against his. ] Maybe I should give you one more often.

[ It's with that same sweet smile that she reaches between them, holding him around the base so that she can hold him steady as she lowers herself against him, a low moan against his lips as he fills her up once more, a tremble running down her spine and into her abdomen, heating her pleasantly from the inside out. Once he's hilted, she stills, allowing them both time to adjust. ]

I love you. [ It's a low gasp against him before she allows their kiss to deepen once more, her tongue sweeping over his lower lip in search of entrance to his mouth, her other hand coming up to rest on his face, fingers running through the strands of his hair.

She feels like she can't get enough of him, enough of the words and the connection binding them together, the desire she has for him. She shows it by starting to move her hips, a slow rocking motion, lifting and falling against him as she moans again into their kiss. ]

[dawnbreaked]

(By the time she comes in closer his heat begins to swell again, the hand pushing him back to the mattress against his chest was definitely feeling it, but it also had come from him thinking about her words about the 'show' she gave him now. Somehow he's fine with that thought as he decided earlier, the thought of watching her or her watching him even based off her own reaction to it.

Attractive isn't the half of it when it comes to her to him, sexy fits perhaps, so would gorgeous and beautiful. It's all enough to make him almost forget anything at the sight of her, like right now with his thoughts quieting down to being more about this moment between them as he settles his warm hands on her waist.)

... maybe that goes both ways then. (He murmurs that into their brief kiss, against her lips for now resisting the urge to kiss her breathless for a little longer.) So something else for later...

(Once she takes him by the base he exhales a bit sharply, the sensation of her lowering herself down making him feel drunk more than the wine they had earlier. It's still hanging about on him but not as strongly; it's a wonder that he wasn't drunker than that but likely for the best since he did resist the urge to keep drinking to avoid reminding her that he gets clingy.)

I love you too. (The groan leaving him muffled by their lips as he speaks, his lips parting for her as their kiss deepens. As he finds himself drowning now, as he finds himself falling further with her; falling so swiftly with her as he begins to melt more.

He couldn't get enough of her either, not her words, not her lips, not even that mutual desire between them and being one like this. His groans leaving him into their kiss and mixing with her moans as he starts to follow her rhythm she sets with his own hips rocking along. If anything Diluc felt as if he's more on fire now, more between them as if burning everything between them.)

[vergeltung]

I like that idea.

[ Yet another thing the her of just a couple of months ago would be incredibly surprised about: the smile on her lips as she talks about willingly stripping in front of another person, for no reason other than that it will turn him on, that she wants to see the longing, hungry look on his face and reward him for his patience. (That she, in turn, wants him to tease her too, to make her wait until she's begging for more.) ]

Something else for later.

[ The words fall silent on her lips when she starts to move, though, no longer whispering promises of love against his mouth but showing him with the motions of her body, her mouth focused only on their kiss, on the taste of him under her and the feel of his body against her own.

She loves him, she loves how he makes her feel— not only physically like this but the heat in her heart, a warmth that hasn't stopped blooming since that first night on Dragonspine; never until now has she felt so loved and needed, special in a world that up until now has left her feeling hollow and alone, like she's never had a place—

Until now. She has somewhere now. It's here.

And yet, at the same time— ]

We've... never actually said it, you know... [ It's gasped out between kisses, the words important despite her earlier decision to show and not tell, her eyes opening to search out his gaze as she smiles, as her hips rock and flush her cheeks with the pink heat of pleasure. ] Can we make it official, Diluc?

[ She'll ask more directly if she has to, but somehow Eula feels the words "will you be my boyfriend" are a little trite when his hips are rocking up against hers, heavy thrusts into her core that leave her gasping. ]

[dawnbreaked]

(It did make two of them in that regard, the Diluc of two months ago would have felt similarly. Being surprised and likely confused by the revelation; that he would not only be into having to patiently watch her strip down no matter how hungry he got for her but for him to want to do the same thing. To want to give her more once he finds himself looking at her with that love and hunger in his eyes.

In that smile of his as he finds himself surrendering even now to that flame that once had tried to block him from everything melting at her touch. Melting and fading away to let her in as they both began to have their own thoughts and feelings growing so fondly, so strongly, with each passing second between them.

Each day for him now that he realizes that it's felt so different to find himself in love, to find himself not being as alone he once had been with the two of them finding a home in one another. A home that he doesn't want to burn away from her eyes nor take from her either even now. The world can be cold and unforgiving as they both knew, but perhaps in the end their own trials make things worth it somewhat.

Worth that hellish time in their lives in varying degrees.

The thought soon fades at her question, to make it official between their kisses, their hips rocking together knowing that his thrusts were more firm than at the start of their relationship. Honestly, they really are unconventional, is something Diluc thinks, to make it official while in the midst of making love.)

We can... (So he smiles, it's bright, sunny as his eyes twinkle with amusement at the thought that they were confirming it in a moment like this. Making it official anyway.) ... so yes, I'd love to be with you, Eula.

(Not that she was wrong, the words were a little redundant whenever they were already in this state and practically wanting more than that between the heat and how she feels against him.)

[vergeltung]

[ At this point, the answer was a foregone conclusion— how could it be anything but— but she still finds her smile relaxing into something a little more relieved, her hold on him tightening as her heart swells with the joy of it. He loves her, she loves him, they're official, and never before has she imagined that such a thing could make her feel so complete.

Her words are replaced once more with her kisses, the movements of her hips picking up speed as she feels her pleasure building toward its peak, knowing from the way he moves under her that he's riding that same high, climbing just as quickly. But even as she finds herself become almost hurried, almost desperate, there's still something different about it, something tender and soft and sweet, new despite everything they've already experienced together.

Already she's wondering if she can convince him to stay in with her tomorrow, despite the fact that they'll both surely start to be questioned if they keep taking personal days like they have from time to time since this started, a new habit for each of them with no history of which to speak. It won't be long until someone finds them out— if they haven't found out already— but she no longer minds, despite the fervent requests for secrecy on that night huddled together against the cold.

When they're like this, her thoughts are usually silent, but now they're loud with possibilities and desires, and Eula finds it driving her forward, an ache starting in her thighs from the way she's lifting herself against him only to fall again, pace quickening with her breath, the coil winding tighter and tighter—

Until she falls over the edge with a sharp cry against his mouth, back arching and hips stuttering even as she tries to keep up a steady pace for him, keening and whimpering into his lips. ]

[dawnbreaked]

(Somehow this is more than fine with him, the joy of it is something that's mutual, the way he holds her now near tightly against him despite his arms likely feeling utterly on fire when he does, he's almost feeling as if he's starting to lose his mind again even now but all of it would be and is okay. He's in love with her and he won't dare give up this feeling for anything in the world.

More kisses were given back, more of him melting against her as his own speed follows along with hers in his thrusts. Hurried, desperate, yet tender and wanting as his peak starts to inch closer by this point. Ironically enough there is something he was thinking about like her at this moment.

That he would want to stay in again, maybe it turns into more of this, maybe it doesn't, but he's already wondering if anyone would dare to question them for just simply wanting time together. It might not be their usual perhaps, really, he finds himself caring less and less about the words of others on their relationship too. His happiness is with her and that was that; that night in Dragonspine was proof of it enough as their start.

For now he's getting closer and closer, inching forward, as the thoughts he normally would not have are filled with wonder on how he can ask this after start to soon fade.

It isn't long after she reaches her own peak that his own release comes, his arms holding her close against him as his lungs burn somewhat for air. As he finds himself in a daze, different than the usual ones that they have after these moments. The alcohol isn't helping still, but being happily drunk and in love isn't the worst.)

[vergeltung]

[ She's steel reeling from her own orgasm when his hits, and the burst of warmth makes her exhale shakily against his mouth, a pause from kissing while their lungs desperately seek the air that they're lacking; and distantly, through the fog of pleasure and the alcohol they've consumed, there's a thought about how glad she is for the daily potion she'd been put onto that allowed him to fill her with no concerns about pregnancy, because she's starting to think she's addicted to the sensation of the warmth of him in her.

Worn out, it's all she can do to lift her hips from him, moving to lie next to him on the bed, hand splayed loosely over his chest and lips pressing soft kisses against the underside of his jaw as she settles against him. ]

Mm.

[ It's a murmur, half a word at best, because there are things she wants to say but no energy to say them, her body still pleasantly thrumming from her release and his, her mind clouded over with relaxed, distant pleasure. If she can think of anything at all, like this, it's all the other things she wants to do with him— some sexual in nature, some not. But mostly her mind is just empty, pleasantly so, and relaxed.

She's content to lie like that for several long moments— when she finally looks up at him again from a half-doze, there's a dreamy, content smile that no one other than him has ever seen her wear before, and she presses another lazy kiss against his skin. ]

I love you, Ragnvindr, [ she murmurs again, and her brain is blissfully silent on the matter. ]

[dawnbreaked]

(For now his arm rests comfortably around her, thinking over just how to go about bringing up staying home in between the fog of pleasure, alcohol, and his drowsiness from the time spent like this. It's relaxing him far too much than he once would have thought about to be with her in this state. Pleasantly drunk and without worries for a change combined with thoughts of what else they could do; the sexual aspect not in all of them just like with her even as he feels the tension fade in his muscles.

The words she speaks next after her first time attempting to speak causes a smile from him, the words themselves causing a flame to be stoked again but without surrounding him in the violent wall that it once was. His head is not arguing with him this time too. All of it is quiet now once he kisses along her hair in their closeness, in their drowsy yet dreamy state.)

I love you too, Eula...

(And he would forever. His heart goes to her, just like the rest of him even as he closes his eyes for now. The tiredness from the alcohol and the evening spent now twice with the heat of their love slowly catching more up to him as he wonders if he should remind her tomorrow that he tends to be rather clingy when drinking.

Maybe, but there was still the question he meant to ask, the words he wanted to say too about seeing if they should stay home again. Stay inside and simply take the breather they needed again from their work and more, the time that they needed and wanted to spend with one another.)

... stay home tomorrow then? (Dreamy is how his voice sounds, still a little raw from the loudness between them, but dreamy like a warm fireplace.)

[vergeltung]

[ Eula can't help but find her eyes lighting up at the suggestion, a soft laugh on her lips as her fingers dance across his chest and her lips press against the underside of his jaw. Once again, he's read her mind and spoken of the exact thing she's been wanting to say herself, and once again it stuns her just how attuned to one another they are in that regard, how she went so long thinking him to be someone unworthy of her time. ]

Mm... you know, I was going to suggest the same. [ And there's that same dreamy quality to her voice too, a sweetness as she yawns and curls in closer. ] Staying home, I mean. So it sounds perfect to me.

[ They'll have to get used to it, she thinks, the other knights— the other people in their lives, accustomed to them being workaholics who barely allow time for themselves, now seeing them actually take days, sometimes more than one at a time, for relaxation and for each other.

Heck, maybe they should take a proper holiday, she thinks. It would be her first in forever... ]

...You know. [ The words are a little abrupt perhaps, her tone too, something sudden in it as the idea strikes her, and she half-sits despite the lazy drowsiness in her voice, looking down at him with a little smile. ] We should go on a vacation.