sempiternals | are we crawling, and falling?

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are we crawling, and falling? | @houndfangs

[ It's late, and Sangonomiya Kokomi should be asleep. Sleep deprivation, after all, can lead to any myriad number of issues, none pleasant nor conducive to a successful diplomatic trip— which, considering her current status as on a diplomatic trip, is a problem more pressing than usual. Not only are there the physical issues that on their own are something of a concern, but there's also the threat of weakened mental acuity and heightened emotional instability. So, really, going to sleep would be the best option, and if her body would just listen to logic and obey her, then all of this would be much easier.

Unfortunately, said logic does nothing to make it easy by calming the actual issue at hand, which is that sleep is doing its very best to evade her.

And that's why she's currently in the courtyard of the Tenryou Commission Headquarters, where she and her retinue are generously being housed, watching the stars and the full moon, her ears tuned to the sounds of the city around them. And really, she's not meant to be out here on her own; the peace is still new, the wounds still fresh enough that she promised her people that she'd keep a guard on her person at all times...

But it's late, and she didn't want to wake anyone for what is essentially a pity party.

......

She misses the ocean.

It's not that the capital is far from the shore, but unlike Watatsumi, it isn't one with the water that surrounds it. The smells in the air are those of festival foods and fireworks, the sounds those of people talking and celebrating the turn of a new year. At home, it would be the calming scents of salt and sand, the soothing hush of the rolling waves.

With a sigh, Kokomi takes a seat on the wooden stairs, her eyes trained on the sky.

Strange, isn't it, how with the war over, there seem to be so many little things for which she no longer knows how to prepare. ]

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(So that's why she was gone, similar thoughts which makes him amused to learn this. Seeing that they're in their colors he's pleased that he left that much of an impression tonight that she wanted something in teal and gold for him; it might not be the deeper part of his feelings in the open but it's enough to make him feel proud. He'll definitely be energized more once things are said and done, especially at knowing he eased her worries.

With the sensu in hand from her and him holding out the mask to her since the kitsune masks were close enough despite the small reminder, all in all he's pleased. He'll just need to remember to double back to ask the Taiyaki stand owner how he made it with lavender melon though he has a few ideas once he finds himself grinning.

A pleased pup now even, he'll treasure not only the mask but the sensu itself. He doesn't mind at all with the way he finds himself laughing a little. Similar thoughts aside, he'll consider tonight a success even if he won't be able to tell her like he wants to.)

Masks and sensu and uchiwa, I'll still treasure whatever souvenirs we bring back tonight proudly. (Ah. He near slips but he reins it back in just enough. He's positive that later the others will throw a fit but that's nothing that he would say makes this less worth it, he didn't suggest this after all to simply stand there idly and let her feel homesick.

Maybe if there's more time they could go by the beaches here on Narukami Island after slipping away on another evening like this alone. Without the eyes and ears of everyone on them.)

There's hopefully good spots still open, I'd be surprised if we did run into Yoimiya though knowing her since the fireworks are suppose to be her and her father's duty. (Though he has a gut feeling he shouldn't be surprised if they did after running into Itto earlier with Shinobu; that might happen but they'll have to see then in the end.)

[ Sadly, her thoughts on the uchiwa coloring aren't necessarily linked to what he's wearing right now, but his outfits in general; perhaps it would disappoint him to know that the impression he's left isn't quite as significant as he's imagining it to be... although perhaps it is significant in a different way, one that she has never considered before— and isn't considering now, either, as she takes the mask from him with a bright smile and puts it on, wearing it on the side of her head the way she sees others doing. ]

Me too. They will be a nice reminder of our time together.

[ Again, that strange feeling of not wanting it to be over, of almost dreading the main event of the fireworks for what it represents: the end of their evening.

Despite this, she manages to keep a smile on her lips, something playful against the strangeness of the emotion, as she links her arm through his again, letting him lead her toward where they have to go— and her arm tightens just a little at the sight of the crowds, the throngs of people getting thicker and thicker around them, and Kokomi is starting to wonder if it's worth this to find a good spot for them to sit when a voice cuts through the noise: ]

Ooh, wait wait... heeeeey, puppy guy! Aren't you Arataki's friend?

[ As if summoned by his thinking they wouldn't have a chance to meet up with her, none other than Naganohara Yoimiya appears in front of them, a bundle of unlit fireworks in her arms and a bright smile on her face as she looks from one to the other. ]

And this must be your friend too, right? Your girlfriend? Hehehe...

[ Kokomi stares at Yoimiya for a moment in silence, her brows lifted high under her bangs, a slight color in her cheeks and a wordless shake of her head as she tries to figure out how to address this newest face in front of the two of them. ]

(Him and his thought processes. He hadn't expected that but perhaps he should have known by now even as he keeps his arm linked with Kokomi's to ensure she stays close to him throughout the thickened crowds around them. He didn't expect that on one hand but half did expect it on the other; someone who knew him due to his association with Itto given the two are best friends.

Though he half thought Itto was the reason why it was out there given circumstances.

No use crying over spilt milk anyway, since he can make this work and hopefully not cause some manner of energy drainage on Kokomi's part. Especially since Gorou isn't sure how to explain her entirely.)

W-we're um... this is her Excellency, Sangonomiya Kokomi, actually. Your Excellency, this is Nagonahara Yoimiya, she's more one of Itto's friends however since they've known each other longer.

(He probably was going to have to explain later how exactly he managed to leave with her but they didn't need to know that he willingly sneaked out with her while everyone was asleep. Though he is blushing as he keeps his eyes shyly on Kokomi without realizing at her being called his girlfriend; something which he has yet to dare notice.

Puppy guy was definitely not a nickname he thought he would leave the evening with too but it could be far more worse for him anyway. Some of his nicknames could get downright vicious in varying degrees.)

We were actually on our way to get a spot found to watch the show.

(Is it obvious he's trying to not focus on the part where she called them boyfriend and girlfriend knowing his hearts pounding now at it?)

[ Yoimiya isn't stupid. She's not, you know, Sumeru scholar levels of intelligent, but she likes to think she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. It's for that reason that she takes Sangonomiya's blush and Gorou's aversion of the subject for what it is: a clear confession on both of their parts, albeit one each of them seems to be trying to avoid. And that's... well, that's practically a travesty! Young love should be celebrated, shouldn't it?

And if there's one thing Yoimiya knows how to do, it's celebrate. ]

A spot to watch the fireworks, you say? It just so happens I know of the best place for it. Why don't you follow me, okay~?

[ She's as fast as a firework on her feet, and Kokomi is left to blink, following along with Gorou as quickly as her own feet can carry her through the throngs of people; like before, she notices the change in his demeanor, and this time she feels a little guilty: surely her General's life would be easier if he wasn't being mistaken for being her romantic companion. While it's not exactly a surprise that some people see them that way, given the amount of time the two of them spend together, it must make it even more difficult than the matter of time alone when it comes to approaching the girl he does like...

If they weren't moving so fast, she might stop to apologize.

But there's no time for that, because soon they emerge at a spot clear of people— due largely to its having been roped off as a fireworks storage area, although at this point there isn't much left in said storage crates, she can see from here. Yoimiya turns to them both with a smile, and spreads her arms to indicate the space. ]

Ja jaa~n! Here it is, a space just for the two of you! I'll tell the Tenryou Commission you're allowed to be here, so don't worry~! Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!

[ Without even so much as a goodbye, Yoimiya starts to head off once more, but she pauses on her way past Gorou, her lips close to his ear as she speaks once more, this time her words for him and him alone: ]

I'll make it extra special for your first date with her, puppy guy~ Have a nice night!

(Gods, he almost wants to combust! Especially since he was trying to not admit to Kokomi he does in fact like her. The irony is that Kokomi is in fact the person he was desiring as his romantic companion and he really didn't know how much more obvious it's getting if everyone in the entire city could call out how they look cute together. Or if Yoimiya of all people could call him out for having painfully obvious pining toward Kokomi to begin with, then it's clearly not as well hidden as he had hoped to everyone except Kokomi herself.

The area they were brought to surprised him, the fireworks storage area? It's not crowded, devoid of all life except them now and he's clearly surprised that they were able to be brought somewhere this 'premium' for lack of a better term on the situation. Gorou hates to admit it but it is an excellent area despite the repeated comments on congratulating them for their first date.

He almost wants to thank Yoimiya but soon enough finds himself choking harshly just about, gawking at her comment on their 'first date' being made now extra special. Dear Gods, Yoimiya, why would you betray him like this now too similarly to Itto! Something that he drops before his ears flick about as if to make certain nobody else is coming around which seemingly helps to calm him.

He did seem to shoot an apologetic glance toward Kokomi over this turn of events not going the way he expected either. More surprises tonight now more than ever, shocking as it was.)

I'm sorry also for her doing this... a-and if its made you uncomfortable any, I'm at least fine in my own case, just worried more about you.

(As always really. He knows her social battery and other things runs differently than his own reserves. So far he can honestly say after tonight he might fall asleep more soundly than ever since the trip here; probably more deeper than he did after the decree ended from how tirelessly they worked.)

[ Perhaps it's good then that she's as oblivious about this as she is. Her being more aware of the situation might just make things worse for him, even though she doesn't realize that. As it is, her assumption is that his embarrassment and frustration comes from being thought of as dating his commanding officer, and how can she blame him for that? Especially when she was already thinking about the fact that it must get in the way of his ability to date that girl he actually likes...

Is it wrong of her, then, that she finds herself wanting to spend more time with him and not less?

...Of course it is, comes the immediate thought, admonishing where its precursor dared wonder. His problem is borne of the fact that his duty already requires him spend so much time by her side... taking even more of his time to fulfill her own selfish desires is hardly liable to help him with it. It is not his job to cover her social needs, nor his fault that she has no real friends with whom to spend time (outside of the Traveler, of course, but it is not as if they are ever free...)

This is why she has books, is it not? She should not try to change those things that already work, no matter how much tonight may have showed her that she enjoys spending time with others more than she realized before.

Kokomi is lost enough in her own thoughts that it takes her a moment to recognize Gorou is talking to her again, his expression apologetic and his cheeks still flushed. ]

There is no need to apologize, General. To tell you the truth, I am not entirely surprised that people seem to think as such, with the amount of time we spend together. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you... I am sure it does nothing for your situation. [ She pauses for a moment before continuing, her voice a little smaller than she would like to to be: ] If it would help you, please do not hesitate to have the object of your affections talk to me... I will assure her myself that it is not the case with us.

[ Another strange, uncomfortable knot in her stomach leaves her frowning internally, even as she keeps that smile on her lips. Discomfort, perhaps, at the idea of talking about his love life with someone she can only assume she does not know well, if at all? ]

(Again. He swears he thinks he detects something different, something unusual in her tone. Her voice normally isn't that small, her tone felt off for trying to reassure him even with that smile. Did he miss something after all? The moment he filed away earlier of thinking he heard jealousy began to re-emerge for the time being; did she really feel the same and they both hadn't realized? It's far too early for him to say even now once he looks at her with a more quiet determination he has tucked away from her eyes. He'll make sure to make this night into something magical too then.

That way if she did feel the same, no matter their ranks, he'll give her this to let her draw strength on knowing he feels the same too.

Now that he has this in mind he brings himself to take in mind her words more though it pains him to hear her think that it wasn't her. Gorou didn't expect her to notice truly that his object of affections remains her and solely her. He isn't interested in anyone else which is the truth of it all once he shakes his head with a smile, choosing instead to speak:) ... Excellency, you'd be surprised, maybe one day I'll tell you the truth on who it is. I only know that I enjoyed tonight the most with you despite the unusual turn of events.

(Because I'm with you. The unsaid words being something meant to stay to himself and he makes sure of that. Maybe not a full admission but maybe something to let her think about more after this if perchance she finds herself feeling the same way.

To him he does not need another. His one and only is before him without him daring reveal any of it unless the time finds itself right, unless she seeks to hear his answer to her own if any if he did hear correctly by her tone now twice.

If he did then he'll meet her heart with his own, if he didn't then he'll take tonight with fond memories and let himself carry onward knowing his feelings will remain the same regardless.)

[ That he can detect the change in her voice shows not only how well he knows her but also the level of attention he pays to her— she, after all, is barely aware of the shifts in her own demeanor in this case, much less what they might possibly be indicating. What she is starting to recognize, however, and what in turn is starting to concern her is that recurring feeling twisting in her stomach. As naïve as she can be when it comes to her feelings, she's clever enough that she's starting to see a pattern falling into place, starting to recognize not just what it is, but the fact that it seems to come up in concert with discussions about the girl he likes.

Kokomi is a clever young woman, and she knows that that cannot merely be a coincidence. It has to be that the sick feeling is a direct result of her knowledge that he has feelings for someone.

Which has to mean...

Well, it is likely a mix of feelings: the first being the guilt she feels over the impact of his duty on his social life, and second the new realization of her wanting to spend more time with him, and the third the knowledge that such a desire is selfish beyond compare. Is it jealousy? Almost certainly. But she also knows it is not his responsibility to entertain her. Tonight's outing was borne of his kindness toward her, and she should not take advantage of that; in that case, the jealousy is just something she will have to learn to live with.

She can do that, can she not? She owes him that much, with everything he has done for her until now.

And so she does her best to shake herself out of the strange funk in which she's found herself, her smile warm as she fixes it on him. ]

If ever you decide you wish to tell me, I of course will be thrilled to hear all about it. But, General... you are not obliged to tell me anything at all, if it is not what you want. [ He is, after all, entitled to his private life. ] That said... I have also enjoyed myself this evening. Greatly so.

[ So much so that she doesn't want it to end, but how is she to tell him that? ]

(Truthfully, he is considering maybe hinting a bit more strongly even if he has no right to on how he doesn't want the night to end either. He wanted it to continue onward and just things to keep going knowing that she might genuinely feel the same. That he might not have known the truth until now that they've managed to spend some manner of additional time together though he isn't sure how to approach this first.

Her words about it were enough to incense him a little right as he makes a decision to maybe see if he can tell her before they're found. Maybe see if he can also try to let her know without saying it straight to her that it's her; that it would always be her even if he isn't sure if he could tell her the words he wants to say in their entirety.)

... Excellency, I... (He's biting his lip, thinking, his gaze holding itself on her with the depths of his feelings surfacing just enough. What would one way of saying it be? Then it hits him.) Kokomi. I don't know how I can tell you this but... as honest as I can be, I don't think I want the night to end. (He never uses her name, it feels so foreign on his tongue but sweet. Its nothing amongst his norm to say, to use so willingly her name without the title so maybe that's the biggest and most important hint he can give.

He would say more or try to tell her more without being completely open but it was then that the sudden start of the fireworks starts and catches his attention. Loud explosions filling the air as he near jolts like a frightened pup from the sound before taking her hand in an attempt to ground himself. Unwittingly taking it at that. Gods, if he knew he was that bold unintentionally after using her name instead of her title then he definitely would have combusted.

Or asked their deceased God to smite him if not the Shogun for committing this act without thinking or realizing.

Sadly he can't help how scared he was about it but the fireworks themselves are beautiful. Worth this wait of theirs as the colors fill the sky and he watches on perhaps breathlessly before directing his attention back toward Kokomi.

She's really far more beautiful under the sky filled with such colors, more than he'd ever imagine.)

[ The expression on Kokomi's face when he says her name is one of shock, a lift of her brows that reveals the pleasant surprise she feels even as she tries to hide it, a task which becomes less and less possible as he keeps speaking, telling her that his feelings toward the night are the same as hers. He does not want it to be over... is it somehow possible he saw through her and is trying to ease the guilty she's feeling by putting himself in the same situation?

Surely not. Logic tells her it is incredibly unlikely, unlikely to the point it is closer to impossible, and yet the worry still settles deep in her chest. It is however a worry she does her best to ignore on the strength of said logic, and she offers him a smile in the name of honesty, honesty grounded in her trust of him and her own logical thoughts, and she nods. She should tell him, she thinks, that she too does not wish the night over, that she wants to it to keep going as long as it can, and if her selfishness here is less of an issue... ]

I—

[ It's as far as she gets before the fireworks explode overhead, and she startles a little, and then once again to find in the next moment his hand around hers; Kokomi's gaze turns quickly from the sky to Gorou's face, and then the hand wrapped around hers, and she feels heat warming her cheeks as her fingers coil around his in return.

Her thoughts are temporarily put aside in favor of turning back to the fireworks again, her eyes wide and a bright smile forming on her lips as she watches the patterns decorate the sky. She doesn't notice it when, a short way into them, his eyes turn to her instead; nor does she notice the way her fingers involuntarily tighten on his at some of the bigger explosions. ]

So beautiful...

(Beautiful. It's all so beautiful, down to seeing this look on her face, underneath the fireworks, alone together without any interruption even as he silently swears to himself that this alone was worth using her name alone before he grew startled by the explosions. A moment made more special by them being together to Gorou, a moment he never wants to forget as being perhaps when he fell so very hard for her that he doubts he'd ever find another now.

This only confirms it to him. His heart is hers, his heart will stay hers.

So to watch her in silent vigil, to not say a word of his heart longing for her so deeply, he'll live with that as long as she finds her happiness. Whether it be she notices his feelings or finds another. The thought aside he realizes that she spoke again. He'll need to ask her what she was going to say after a bit longer once he finds his eyes on the explosions again now with him sneaking looks at her knowing she might not detect him for now.)

... yeah... it really is beautiful.

(So is she too. The unsaid part of it even once he realizes he grabbed her hand, instead of jerking away he simply squeezes hers in response to her tightening her grip. This will be something else then he'll count as a treasured memory. Holding her hand even if it was over a cowardly moment he had due to his canine instincts hitting at the sudden noises. He can apologize later if she doesn't like it.

For now while the fireworks start to die down, he only hopes that he can have just a little longer with her. Before the night is forced to end once the others catch on that they're no longer with them; he'll surely be scolded for doing this even if he did leave with her to protect her, but, he couldn't bring himself to mind the thought.)

What were you going to say actually? (It's a question that strikes him once he notices the colors had eased to being more relaxed in the sky than earlier.)

[ As the fireworks continue, Kokomi finds herself in silent awe, watching the lights explode across the night sky with wide, watching eyes and an absent smile on her lips, completely unaware of the eyes on her in turn. She's aware of course, albeit vaguely, of the fact that their fingers are linked together, and the heat remains in her own cheeks as a direct result, but other than that she pays no heed to any changes in the strength of her grip or his, her attention solely on the flashing lights in the sky. Only when the patterns start to slow their dance does she come back to reality, looking across at him as he speaks— and noticing anew the grip of her hand on his, cheeks darkening yet more as she offers a momentarily wordless smile, unentangling their fingers and taking her hand back to herself. ]

Ah... my apologies.

[ But he spoke, and she has to take several mental steps back in order to actually hear the words that stunned her from her dazed reverie, a slow blink as she considers them, as she glances away because the moment of her bravery has passed, allowing her to hide behind the guilt if she so chooses, despite the logic, despite all the things she knows. ]

It... it was nothing.

[ And yet, on the off-chance that he was not merely speaking to make her happy, should she not be honest too? The thought is louder than the guilt, supporting the logic and making her ground herself on a breath, looking up at him again in the next moment. ]

...Merely that I have also enjoyed this evening greatly, and... I also do not wish it to end quite so soon.

[ If at all, she thinks, but she must save some of her pride in case he's only trying to please her, the way he so often does. ]

N-no, it's fine... I did grab it.

(Worth that too. His tail was wagging again though slowly once he finds himself starting to mull over how to go about this. He didn't want her to think he wasn't meaning any of it whenever she at first tries to backtrack, he was ready to have to head back with her instead of finding some manner of way to stay out a little longer whenever she soon changes her words.

The way he lights up hearing that, it thrills him more than she might realize once he smiles widely, so happily, with ears going up along side his tail out of pure joy.

They weren't going back then!

In that case he's more than willing to keep going, this wasn't something to please her with like she thought but a true earnest wish to be with her a little longer. To have something that he knows he can't have so easily with admitting the way he felt toward her. He may not be able to now but he would surely if given the opportunity to hear those words from her that she felt the same, he would.)

... do you want to go by the shore then for a little longer?

(They're nearby, thankfully, so they probably could before they're noticed missing just... relax finally. For a little longer without the eyes of others on them.)

[ For a single moment, Kokomi thinks she'll regret telling him so easily that she does not want the night to end. After all, there's still that possibility, however slight it is, that he has seen through her façade, is speaking merely because he thinks it's what she will want—

The way he lights up, though, is enough to quickly put such insidious thoughts to rest, eyes bright and tail and ears perking up in that way they have that reveals even things he would rather keep silent sometimes. He really is happy about this, and that makes her happy too, she realizes, the knowledge that he genuinely wishes to spend time with her beyond the call of his duty...

Having just taken her hand back, she offers her arm to him instead, allowing him to take it so that they can wend their way down from their vantage point and through the streets— much quieter now that the main event is over, mostly comprised in fact of young couples who, she notices almost absent-mindedly, walk in much the same way they do— until they reach the shoreline.

From here, the noise from the city above is almost entirely muted by the cliffside between them and the soft rush of the waves against the sand, and Kokomi can't quite help the way she breaks from the lock of their arms to run forward so her feet touch the water, a pleased sigh on her lips as she inhales the sea's salty scent.

Oh, but this was exactly what she needed...

They may get in trouble in the morning, but at this point it has all been worth it, she thinks, turning to Gorou with a bright smile and an outstretched hand. ]

The water is the perfect temperature, General. Join me?

(If asked, Gorou would later admit that he did worry that he may have come off as doing things to just make her happy. Honestly it was from a wish to be with her in general but he is partially glad she hasn't seen through his own feelings yet. Part of why he during the walk once he links their arms together there's a sense of joy that he managed to not completely screw this up. What a relief in its entirety that he'll have this additional time with her in the end, here he thought he'd have to throw in the towel.

That aside, he notices just a little the other couples that were staring at them to a degree before going back to their own business instead of paying them any heed. The quiet and how everything seems to have eased into a more relax atmosphere is pleasant to him, the canine would love to see another festival were they given opportunity in the future but he knows that isn't always possible.

For now once they reach the shore, he isn't surprised to see Kokomi take off the way she did. Its pleasant for him to see it too. Her being this happy once he slips out of his geta before stepping foot on the sand itself. It's really just what he needed too in seeing her this happy and not anywhere near as depressed as awhile ago, his feelings aside, he liked seeing her happy too and at ease.

Those thoughts soon were interrupted by her extending her arm and asking him to join her, the heat soon makes it way back into his cheeks with his tail instantly wagging at the idea. Something he hasn't noticed too.

With a smile he steps forward toward the water even if inwardly he has butterflies in his stomach then takes her hand. Really tonight going this great is just making it better even if he's going to be in for it later.)

After you then, Excellency.

[ It's not really until Gorou steps out of his geta that Kokomi realizes she probably should have done the same... but it's a little too late for that now. She'll just have to be careful not to get the whole yukata wet, she thinks, despite the fact that there's a big part of her that longs to just submerge herself entirely in the cool of the water... but then she'd be alone under there, not enjoying her time with the young General who kindly accompanied her here. It doesn't seem right to her, and so it's an urge she resists.

Instead, she stays in the shallower parts of the water, letting it flow over the top of her feet, one hand bunched in her yukata to hold it up over her ankles, the other with fingers entangled with Gorou's as she leads him on a walk, knowing all the right places to move so that he won't sink too deeply into the sand sucked away by the undertow.

It's not quite the same as the water back at the Island, with its clear bright quality, less cloudiness from surrounding civilization, but it's still lovely, and her smile stays, grows on her lips. ]

Would you think less of me if I told you I think this might just be the best part of the evening? [ The address is sudden, eyes bright and gleaming as she looks back at him. ] The festival was lovely, and the fireworks were beautiful, but... this is exactly what I needed.

[ And somehow, he knew. He always knows. Sometimes even before she does, she realizes. ]

...Thank you, Gorou.

[ Before she can think twice about what she's doing, she pauses in her walk, taking a step back instead and moving to press a kiss to his cheek. ]

(It's easy to follow her, to step at her side almost as if they were like the couples he saw earlier that were looking at them. Seeing her this happy was worth all of the teasing he dealt with during their time wandering the main streets too, the things he heard as well about the two of them being quite the cute couple. Those comments pushed aside he can safely think he made this into a success for the two of them which pleases him greatly.

Time spent with her would be worth all the teasing and suffering he has to deal with to potentially get it is what he thinks.

Whenever she speaks again and draws him from his thoughts and fondness of her that he attempts to keep hidden, he finds himself almost on cloud nine, flying close to the sun but hopefully not too close at hearing her remarks. That doesn't surprise him. She's always preferred the water which is something he recalls vividly once he stares briefly at the waters of Narukami Island again. Personally even he misses the waters of Watatsumi too but this isn't all bad.)

I wouldn't, not at all, since this was my other thought if you might not enjoy wandering the festival. (Things that the two of them enjoyed. His own case was more because the water reminded him of her, the scent of the ocean as well on top of it.) ... and it's worth the lecture I'll be getting too.

(It's her thanks that causes him to feel the urge to near beam as his tail starts to really wag, that is until it stops from surprise like the rest of him but it wasn't in a bad way either from his ears perking up to the cheek kiss. Gods! He didn't think this would happen but he now thinks he can wind up near dead tomorrow and this would be worth it.

This really is the best night he's ever had of his life with her.)

... I'd do it again too, Kokomi.

(That's a promise.)

[ Her smile widens just a little at the comment; once again through his words he shows how well he knows her, with plans already put aside for them to come out to the water if she wasn't pleased by the festival proper— although maybe a slight bit of guilt creeps back at the thought of him getting lectured for her benefit. While technically he outranks any and all of the others with them, they do still have rules they're meant to be following. He can't be punished, not truly, not when the person who is set to administer such punishments is herself, but that doesn't mean he'll be free of being lectured.

(Neither will she, but she's less worried about herself... especially when her men's attempts at lectures usually turn to them making stern requests rather than actually telling her off.)

The perk of his ears tells her once again that she's done the right thing— although the exact significance of it goes largely unrealized— as she steps back, her hand still linked with his, and there's just a moment that passes where she can't help but think that he's incredibly handsome like this, smiling with freedom mixed with something she doesn't quite understand. It's a thought that brings with it a hint of heat to her cheeks, and the priestess looks away.

He'd do it again? Despite the upcoming lecture?

So would she.

Kokomi's gaze stays averted, though, her eyes trained on the stars in the sky rather than back at him— Like before, there's a strange feeling in her stomach, a knot of something that she can't quite untangle or even place; it's something far from unpleasant in the way the earlier jealousy was, but not entirely pleasant either. She frowns, her gaze dropping to the low waves cresting over her sandalled feet.

And in the end, it takes her a moment or two too long to answer, turning back to him with another smile. ]

I will remember that, you know... next time I need a companion for something like this.

(If there's one thing, Gorou can only hope that things became more noticeable on terms of his feelings. Having this chance... he really does feel the urge to praise the Archons for it once he takes the moment to note that under the starlight like this she looks far more beautiful than ever. The fireworks had drawn it out perhaps earlier but under the stars on the shores of Narukami? It suits her far more.

It's lovely to see her so at ease though he can't help but wonder if he near said anything wrong again by how she stays quiet, how she takes a bit to answer that on terms of his earlier promise. He'll have to keep an eye on her he thinks, after this, just to make sure she's okay too knowing that this was very new in general.

For her anyway to attend such an event even if she had him at her side.

He'll have to remember that next time she gets home sick that he fully intends to take her down to the shore despite the others complaints. Having a bit more leeway in the regard of his rank helps though their lectures will be many which is something he quite clearly knows by now.

Regardless he'll enjoy this little moment between them, this moment of joy shared mutually knowing that they likely will be found soon. If the others woke up anyway yet. Gorou himself knows that typically he's the one pulling the night shift on terms of guarding when it comes down to it yet here it was different.)

We can go by the shore again then when that happens, wherever you want to then in that case. (Even the thought of her managing to take him underwater with her isn't so bad if she wishes to show him more than just what they saw on the beautiful shores of Watatsumi.) I can't say that I'd mind anywhere or anything personally on terms of it.

[ There is truly no reason for him to be so sweet to her, she thinks yet again. When they are at work, of course, she is his leader and he is bound to her service, but this is his personal time— she can't help but be struck once again by the level of his devotion, the care he has for her when she has no doubt he would be perfectly happy and content doing other things, spending time with others— such as that girl for whom he holds a torch.

As much as the thought comes with another unhappy twist of her gut, it also momentarily brings her memories back to something she said earlier in the night, something playful and in jest that now she finds herself wondering about despite everything:

Do you treat all your dates like this, General?

And what if he does? she wonders. The girl he likes would be the luckiest in the world if this is how Gorou treats the people for whom he cares, for whom he feels that he has a duty to uphold. Whether he's doing this out of a misplaced duty or a kindness, or even if it's that he genuinely enjoys her company, he's helping her more than perhaps he even realizes, and for that she is incredibly grateful— and also incredibly aware of how much this would mean to other people.

And it's tempting, she thinks, to take him up on his offer— anywhere or anything— but for now she doesn't come up with any extra ideas, instead just agreeing with a smile and a nod. Now that she thinks of it, there are places she certainly would like to take him, given time...

...But her first thought has to be for his personal life, and making sure he has the time to see that girl he wants to see.

She tilts her head, thinking. ]

...Will you indulge me in a deal of sorts, General?

(If only she knew that he held said torch for her and her alone, then she'd probably look at him like he's crazy. Or that's what he's going to assume she would do once he has to wonder what she might do now that he offered that; hopefully she comes up with somewhere nice whenever she wants to indulge on it. That would be nice. He could spend that time with the one he likes and holds dearly without anyone being any wiser to it.

What sort of deal was it she might want is the question, he near blinks at the thought right as his ears quizzically perk up like they were reading some sort of hidden signal in the air to her asking. He can probably figure it out then later if it's something a little complicated, right? He hopes so at least because it'd be nice enough.)

What do you need then, Excellency?

(Let's start with this first knowing that his devotion to Kokomi or at least the devotion he has yet to tell her about involving where his feelings lie, is vast and deep. Exactly like the oceans that the two often times are found fondly staring at in some manner even if Gorou's reasons for it differ knowing it would always be because it reminds him of her.

And because it'd always make him think of her too even now once he pushes back an urge to start reciting poetics the way Kazuha would.

His poetry is terrible anyway in comparison even if he is a good writer.)

[ If Kokomi knew the torch he bore was for her, then the thoughts on her mind now likely would never have come up. Not only because she'd be confused and concerned for any number of reasons, but because there wouldn't be that strangely-mingled cocktail of guilt and jealousy brewing in her stomach over this exact subject. After all, how could she possibly be jealous of herself?

But as it stands, she's unaware, and so when he offers her that puzzled look, asks what she needs, her reaction is a gentle smile, a comforting touch of her hand to his shoulder. He needn't worry, she thinks; if anything she is trying to do him a kindness, show him gratitude for how well he looks after her, how admirable she finds him—

—And when he has given up so much of himself to fulfill his duty to her and her people, how can she not give up that little, unhappy part of herself that doesn't want to offer him any of what she's about to say? ]

I know it will come as no surprise to you that sometimes I need to recharge with some time like we spent this evening... If you will agree to accompany me on these outings, wherever they may be, I want to offer in return a day free from your duties for each. Our excursion this evening has reminded me how much of your personal time you have given to the resistance's cause, and now that the fighting is over, I would have you enjoy more time for yourself—

[ there is, however, a catch, one that he might spot in the playful curve of her lips— although it is, if he pays close attention, a smile that does not quite reach her eyes, dampened as it is by the jealousy simmering behind what she is about to say ]

—But on at least some of these days, you must promise me to spend time with your friend. The girl for whom you have feelings.

(Maybe it's from the atmosphere, maybe it's just thoughts he has at the moment. But whenever she speaks, that smile, it tugs at his heart strings. After some thinking, his lips pursed in thought once he wonders if he can attempt to tell her now. Should he? His pining is so obvious to those around him and yet she misses so clearly that his heart has always been hers. His soul has been always hers too even now in that regard of his feelings.

Maybe, just maybe, it's why he settles on a choice of his own. He has to try and tell her, he has to, he must try in the end. So he'll let this determination strike him while the iron is hot. He can do that much anyway knowing how tonight went and if he gets rejected then that will be that.)

Excellency... there are many things I want to say, more than you know but if I have to give a proper answer... (Come on Gorou, don't chicken out now.) I li-... (Just as he goes to say the words, just as he finds himself feeling brave enough to speak there's familiar footsteps. Familiar voices in the air, some annoyed, other not choosing to speak once Gorou feels his tail and ears wilt into being depressed.

Damn it. Ruined, right as he looks apologetically at her. He wants to tell her so badly that it's her but the only chance he had was gone. Gone into the wind for another time if he somehow manages to get time alone with her again.

A pipe dream really knowing their schedules and how he's often times busy.)

[ Kokomi's head tilts when Gorou starts to talk. He's not immediately agreeing or disagreeing, so she knows instantly that he has something important to say; and even if his words did not tell her, his demeanor would, the way he almost seems to be gathering himself together, finding the right things to say and the right way to say them—

...if I have to give a proper answer...

—and just as the words are on his lips does she hear the echoing voices carrying over the night air, the sound of soldiers' boots on the sand as they hurry toward them. Gorou's ears droop, his tail too, an apologetic expression on his face a sharp contrast to the confused, dumbstruck look on hers. He barely got halfway through the second syllable of his statement, and yet—

Recovering as quickly as she can, Kokomi turns her own apologetic smile on the frazzled, frustrated guards.

With no fanfare, the night is over. ]

---

[ Weeks have passed, and in that time Kokomi feels as if she's barely had a chance to see Gorou. First and foremost, there was the rest of their visit to Inazuma City on which to focus— during which the rest of her retinue rarely took their eyes off her, and certainly made sure that the pair weren't left to their own devices— a habit that continued even for the first week or so of their return to Watatsumi Island, as if the soldiers were afraid she would abscond again at the nearest opportunity.

They don't understand, it makes her realize, not the way Gorou does: here at home, she's not homesick the way she was that night in the capital; there's no need for her to run wild in search of freedom, because here she has it.

If she's honest, however, the forced separation from her General may actually be a good thing. After all, unless she can figure out a way to properly sort through and understand them, the events and words that have been on repeat in her mind throughout the last few weeks are hardly conducive to a proper conversation. And that isn't even taking into consideration the something in her gut— the something in the quickening beat in her breast when she dwells on it for too long— that tells her that she already knows the answer she keeps pushing away.

The problem lies therein in the fact that Kokomi has no one with whom to discuss this. She doesn't have many friends— she barely even has people who will give her an answer that is objectively honest and not just the words they think she will want to hear most. And of the people that do fall into that category, the person with whom she wants most to talk about it is the one person with whom she cannot, not even now that her men are no longer keeping them apart.

Perhaps that's why in the end Sangonomiya Kokomi turns to a stranger— albeit a professional stranger, one whose trade is in the very thing she is seeking: advice. She's heard of "That's Life" magazine's Ms. Hina in passing during their time in Inazuma... and every single thing she's heard has been good. By all reports, she understands with an almost effortlessness the full depth of the issue on which each person writes, and responds with a solution no less than perfect. If there is anyone who can help Kokomi figure out what to do with a situation she doesn't even completely understand, it should be her—

—and at the very least, if her advice ends up not helping, the letters are anonymous. ]

Ms. Hina, [ she writes, ] I am not entirely sure how to tell this story, so please forgive me if it is confusing or hard to read. To tell you the truth, I am greatly confused myself.

I have a coworker with whom I have worked for a long time now. Technically, I am his superior, but the nature of our work means that under certain circumstances, I am required to listen to his orders. We have always worked well together, and I feel a kinship with him that is unlike anything I have with my other coworkers.

We recently went on a work outing. I had a wonderful time, but I also realized that I have given so much of myself to my job for so long that sometimes I am not sure of who I am outside of it. I also realized that I demand so much of my team that they likewise have little in the way of free time, and that I may be keeping them from enjoying their lives to the fullest. I was trying to express this to my coworker when we were interrupted by others, but

[ If she writes this much, not only will she be painfully obvious in who she is to any of her soldiers who stumble across it, but the likelihood of anyone reading it is next to nil because the magazine will simply refuse to publish!

Frowning, Kokomi picks up a new sheet of paper and rewrites the first part of the letter before continuing anew: ]

We recently attended a work outing, and I came to realize that I have feelings for him that are more complicated than they should be. However, for a number of reasons I am hesitant to speak up. Of course, there is the matter of our shared employment, and the fact that my work has kept me in the past from pursuing romantic relationships, meaning I am without any kind of experience (and I know the same is also true for him). But most importantly is the fact that when we were last together, he started to tell me something before we were interrupted, and no matter how many times I revisit the moment in my head, I cannot reasonably see it being anything other than a confession of his feelings for me. I am afraid to tell him of my own confused feelings at risk of hurting him if they are not what I am starting to think they might be.

I know this is an incredibly complicated situation, and the form of a letter does not allow me to fully expand on all the intricacies that may be involved. But I have heard a great many things about your problem-solving talents, Ms. Hina, and I am hoping you will be able to apply them to this issue.

Hopefully,

The Lonely Medaka

Edited 2023-01-29 15:11 (UTC)

(During this time period not only had Gorou been scolded by the others and forced to be apart from Kokomi, but, the others had started to eye him warily as if under the impression he'd elope with her whenever that isn't the case and hadn't been. For the time being they were all watching him up until eventually it began to relax more after returning home from their diplomatic outing. Thanks to it he finds himself now seated with letters he's sorting through, provided by his publisher aka quite truthfully a certain Guuji who often times made his life hell, with thoughts of providing some manner of hope to others in similar situations to him.

At first he works through them with ease until he comes across a very specific letter, The Lonely Medaka? All of it sounds familiar, enough he starts to wonder if it was in fact Kokomi only to brush it off. She likely wouldn't send a letter in for advice if she can reach the Traveler instead; that was part of why Gorou had been idly writing Kazuha on the side knowing the poet would be able to help maybe a little with his own words of wisdom.

Still... if on the off chance it was her, then he just couldn't let this go to waste whether it works out or not.)

Dear, The Lonely Medaka, Allow me to preface this with it is quite the conundrum you face in general: if there is something I can recommend then maybe speaking with him to learn where his heart is for you and where your own might perhaps be after hearing his words. If you think it to be reciprocated despite your lack of experience, then there is the tried and trued method of confessing to him your heart. I am not saying it works for everyone of course but if you find you must tell him then give yourself time to consider first on if you feel following your heart worth it. If you do, I can bet that he would be thrilled to know that you both feel the same in the end instead of silently and wistfully thinking of what could have been no matter your positions. If you do believe that you wish to tell him, that perhaps even with that in mind you desire to be selfish then no matter what others may say or think, it is your heart and you do sound as if you do plenty well enough regardless of that. It shouldn't be their choice on who your heart goes to in the end after all as well. So my thoughts is, tell him if you believe in your heart of hearts that it's something you want, something you're willing to take for yourself in hand and not let go of no matter what others may say or do were they to learn. I hope that this helps you. Ms. Hina.

(Hopefully this does help someone out more than what he's dealing with in the end. He'd have hated for them to also be suffering the same way he is with being uncertain on if he'd ever be allowed to say what lies in his heart, though his obligation is finished 'work' wise, that still leaves his letter to Kazuha, hopefully he reads it so he can have a bit of help.

Even if Gorou isn't certain if he might get back to him in time once he places the letters he finished neatly into their stack, each ready to publish though he idly wonders if he should ask Guuji Yae to tell him where that familiar letter came from.

... admittedly he decides against it for his sanity, she'd not let him know the information with ease once he sends out the letters back to her knowing she's likely waiting for them given he didn't have opportunity to do his advice column while at work in the city.

A fact which amused that fox, a gut feeling he had about it really once he gets ready to settle for now knowing the magazine will be published with these letters answer by the morning.

Maybe by then he'll get to see Kokomi to figure out if he can still tell her or not. Maybe he won't, all he knows is that he will figure out something perhaps later.)

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