sempiternals | are we crawling, and falling?

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are we crawling, and falling? | @houndfangs

[ It's late, and Sangonomiya Kokomi should be asleep. Sleep deprivation, after all, can lead to any myriad number of issues, none pleasant nor conducive to a successful diplomatic trip— which, considering her current status as on a diplomatic trip, is a problem more pressing than usual. Not only are there the physical issues that on their own are something of a concern, but there's also the threat of weakened mental acuity and heightened emotional instability. So, really, going to sleep would be the best option, and if her body would just listen to logic and obey her, then all of this would be much easier.

Unfortunately, said logic does nothing to make it easy by calming the actual issue at hand, which is that sleep is doing its very best to evade her.

And that's why she's currently in the courtyard of the Tenryou Commission Headquarters, where she and her retinue are generously being housed, watching the stars and the full moon, her ears tuned to the sounds of the city around them. And really, she's not meant to be out here on her own; the peace is still new, the wounds still fresh enough that she promised her people that she'd keep a guard on her person at all times...

But it's late, and she didn't want to wake anyone for what is essentially a pity party.

......

She misses the ocean.

It's not that the capital is far from the shore, but unlike Watatsumi, it isn't one with the water that surrounds it. The smells in the air are those of festival foods and fireworks, the sounds those of people talking and celebrating the turn of a new year. At home, it would be the calming scents of salt and sand, the soothing hush of the rolling waves.

With a sigh, Kokomi takes a seat on the wooden stairs, her eyes trained on the sky.

Strange, isn't it, how with the war over, there seem to be so many little things for which she no longer knows how to prepare. ]

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(If only she knew that he held said torch for her and her alone, then she'd probably look at him like he's crazy. Or that's what he's going to assume she would do once he has to wonder what she might do now that he offered that; hopefully she comes up with somewhere nice whenever she wants to indulge on it. That would be nice. He could spend that time with the one he likes and holds dearly without anyone being any wiser to it.

What sort of deal was it she might want is the question, he near blinks at the thought right as his ears quizzically perk up like they were reading some sort of hidden signal in the air to her asking. He can probably figure it out then later if it's something a little complicated, right? He hopes so at least because it'd be nice enough.)

What do you need then, Excellency?

(Let's start with this first knowing that his devotion to Kokomi or at least the devotion he has yet to tell her about involving where his feelings lie, is vast and deep. Exactly like the oceans that the two often times are found fondly staring at in some manner even if Gorou's reasons for it differ knowing it would always be because it reminds him of her.

And because it'd always make him think of her too even now once he pushes back an urge to start reciting poetics the way Kazuha would.

His poetry is terrible anyway in comparison even if he is a good writer.)

[ If Kokomi knew the torch he bore was for her, then the thoughts on her mind now likely would never have come up. Not only because she'd be confused and concerned for any number of reasons, but because there wouldn't be that strangely-mingled cocktail of guilt and jealousy brewing in her stomach over this exact subject. After all, how could she possibly be jealous of herself?

But as it stands, she's unaware, and so when he offers her that puzzled look, asks what she needs, her reaction is a gentle smile, a comforting touch of her hand to his shoulder. He needn't worry, she thinks; if anything she is trying to do him a kindness, show him gratitude for how well he looks after her, how admirable she finds him—

—And when he has given up so much of himself to fulfill his duty to her and her people, how can she not give up that little, unhappy part of herself that doesn't want to offer him any of what she's about to say? ]

I know it will come as no surprise to you that sometimes I need to recharge with some time like we spent this evening... If you will agree to accompany me on these outings, wherever they may be, I want to offer in return a day free from your duties for each. Our excursion this evening has reminded me how much of your personal time you have given to the resistance's cause, and now that the fighting is over, I would have you enjoy more time for yourself—

[ there is, however, a catch, one that he might spot in the playful curve of her lips— although it is, if he pays close attention, a smile that does not quite reach her eyes, dampened as it is by the jealousy simmering behind what she is about to say ]

—But on at least some of these days, you must promise me to spend time with your friend. The girl for whom you have feelings.

(Maybe it's from the atmosphere, maybe it's just thoughts he has at the moment. But whenever she speaks, that smile, it tugs at his heart strings. After some thinking, his lips pursed in thought once he wonders if he can attempt to tell her now. Should he? His pining is so obvious to those around him and yet she misses so clearly that his heart has always been hers. His soul has been always hers too even now in that regard of his feelings.

Maybe, just maybe, it's why he settles on a choice of his own. He has to try and tell her, he has to, he must try in the end. So he'll let this determination strike him while the iron is hot. He can do that much anyway knowing how tonight went and if he gets rejected then that will be that.)

Excellency... there are many things I want to say, more than you know but if I have to give a proper answer... (Come on Gorou, don't chicken out now.) I li-... (Just as he goes to say the words, just as he finds himself feeling brave enough to speak there's familiar footsteps. Familiar voices in the air, some annoyed, other not choosing to speak once Gorou feels his tail and ears wilt into being depressed.

Damn it. Ruined, right as he looks apologetically at her. He wants to tell her so badly that it's her but the only chance he had was gone. Gone into the wind for another time if he somehow manages to get time alone with her again.

A pipe dream really knowing their schedules and how he's often times busy.)

[ Kokomi's head tilts when Gorou starts to talk. He's not immediately agreeing or disagreeing, so she knows instantly that he has something important to say; and even if his words did not tell her, his demeanor would, the way he almost seems to be gathering himself together, finding the right things to say and the right way to say them—

...if I have to give a proper answer...

—and just as the words are on his lips does she hear the echoing voices carrying over the night air, the sound of soldiers' boots on the sand as they hurry toward them. Gorou's ears droop, his tail too, an apologetic expression on his face a sharp contrast to the confused, dumbstruck look on hers. He barely got halfway through the second syllable of his statement, and yet—

Recovering as quickly as she can, Kokomi turns her own apologetic smile on the frazzled, frustrated guards.

With no fanfare, the night is over. ]

---

[ Weeks have passed, and in that time Kokomi feels as if she's barely had a chance to see Gorou. First and foremost, there was the rest of their visit to Inazuma City on which to focus— during which the rest of her retinue rarely took their eyes off her, and certainly made sure that the pair weren't left to their own devices— a habit that continued even for the first week or so of their return to Watatsumi Island, as if the soldiers were afraid she would abscond again at the nearest opportunity.

They don't understand, it makes her realize, not the way Gorou does: here at home, she's not homesick the way she was that night in the capital; there's no need for her to run wild in search of freedom, because here she has it.

If she's honest, however, the forced separation from her General may actually be a good thing. After all, unless she can figure out a way to properly sort through and understand them, the events and words that have been on repeat in her mind throughout the last few weeks are hardly conducive to a proper conversation. And that isn't even taking into consideration the something in her gut— the something in the quickening beat in her breast when she dwells on it for too long— that tells her that she already knows the answer she keeps pushing away.

The problem lies therein in the fact that Kokomi has no one with whom to discuss this. She doesn't have many friends— she barely even has people who will give her an answer that is objectively honest and not just the words they think she will want to hear most. And of the people that do fall into that category, the person with whom she wants most to talk about it is the one person with whom she cannot, not even now that her men are no longer keeping them apart.

Perhaps that's why in the end Sangonomiya Kokomi turns to a stranger— albeit a professional stranger, one whose trade is in the very thing she is seeking: advice. She's heard of "That's Life" magazine's Ms. Hina in passing during their time in Inazuma... and every single thing she's heard has been good. By all reports, she understands with an almost effortlessness the full depth of the issue on which each person writes, and responds with a solution no less than perfect. If there is anyone who can help Kokomi figure out what to do with a situation she doesn't even completely understand, it should be her—

—and at the very least, if her advice ends up not helping, the letters are anonymous. ]

Ms. Hina, [ she writes, ] I am not entirely sure how to tell this story, so please forgive me if it is confusing or hard to read. To tell you the truth, I am greatly confused myself.

I have a coworker with whom I have worked for a long time now. Technically, I am his superior, but the nature of our work means that under certain circumstances, I am required to listen to his orders. We have always worked well together, and I feel a kinship with him that is unlike anything I have with my other coworkers.

We recently went on a work outing. I had a wonderful time, but I also realized that I have given so much of myself to my job for so long that sometimes I am not sure of who I am outside of it. I also realized that I demand so much of my team that they likewise have little in the way of free time, and that I may be keeping them from enjoying their lives to the fullest. I was trying to express this to my coworker when we were interrupted by others, but

[ If she writes this much, not only will she be painfully obvious in who she is to any of her soldiers who stumble across it, but the likelihood of anyone reading it is next to nil because the magazine will simply refuse to publish!

Frowning, Kokomi picks up a new sheet of paper and rewrites the first part of the letter before continuing anew: ]

We recently attended a work outing, and I came to realize that I have feelings for him that are more complicated than they should be. However, for a number of reasons I am hesitant to speak up. Of course, there is the matter of our shared employment, and the fact that my work has kept me in the past from pursuing romantic relationships, meaning I am without any kind of experience (and I know the same is also true for him). But most importantly is the fact that when we were last together, he started to tell me something before we were interrupted, and no matter how many times I revisit the moment in my head, I cannot reasonably see it being anything other than a confession of his feelings for me. I am afraid to tell him of my own confused feelings at risk of hurting him if they are not what I am starting to think they might be.

I know this is an incredibly complicated situation, and the form of a letter does not allow me to fully expand on all the intricacies that may be involved. But I have heard a great many things about your problem-solving talents, Ms. Hina, and I am hoping you will be able to apply them to this issue.

Hopefully,

The Lonely Medaka

Edited 2023-01-29 15:11 (UTC)

(During this time period not only had Gorou been scolded by the others and forced to be apart from Kokomi, but, the others had started to eye him warily as if under the impression he'd elope with her whenever that isn't the case and hadn't been. For the time being they were all watching him up until eventually it began to relax more after returning home from their diplomatic outing. Thanks to it he finds himself now seated with letters he's sorting through, provided by his publisher aka quite truthfully a certain Guuji who often times made his life hell, with thoughts of providing some manner of hope to others in similar situations to him.

At first he works through them with ease until he comes across a very specific letter, The Lonely Medaka? All of it sounds familiar, enough he starts to wonder if it was in fact Kokomi only to brush it off. She likely wouldn't send a letter in for advice if she can reach the Traveler instead; that was part of why Gorou had been idly writing Kazuha on the side knowing the poet would be able to help maybe a little with his own words of wisdom.

Still... if on the off chance it was her, then he just couldn't let this go to waste whether it works out or not.)

Dear, The Lonely Medaka, Allow me to preface this with it is quite the conundrum you face in general: if there is something I can recommend then maybe speaking with him to learn where his heart is for you and where your own might perhaps be after hearing his words. If you think it to be reciprocated despite your lack of experience, then there is the tried and trued method of confessing to him your heart. I am not saying it works for everyone of course but if you find you must tell him then give yourself time to consider first on if you feel following your heart worth it. If you do, I can bet that he would be thrilled to know that you both feel the same in the end instead of silently and wistfully thinking of what could have been no matter your positions. If you do believe that you wish to tell him, that perhaps even with that in mind you desire to be selfish then no matter what others may say or think, it is your heart and you do sound as if you do plenty well enough regardless of that. It shouldn't be their choice on who your heart goes to in the end after all as well. So my thoughts is, tell him if you believe in your heart of hearts that it's something you want, something you're willing to take for yourself in hand and not let go of no matter what others may say or do were they to learn. I hope that this helps you. Ms. Hina.

(Hopefully this does help someone out more than what he's dealing with in the end. He'd have hated for them to also be suffering the same way he is with being uncertain on if he'd ever be allowed to say what lies in his heart, though his obligation is finished 'work' wise, that still leaves his letter to Kazuha, hopefully he reads it so he can have a bit of help.

Even if Gorou isn't certain if he might get back to him in time once he places the letters he finished neatly into their stack, each ready to publish though he idly wonders if he should ask Guuji Yae to tell him where that familiar letter came from.

... admittedly he decides against it for his sanity, she'd not let him know the information with ease once he sends out the letters back to her knowing she's likely waiting for them given he didn't have opportunity to do his advice column while at work in the city.

A fact which amused that fox, a gut feeling he had about it really once he gets ready to settle for now knowing the magazine will be published with these letters answer by the morning.

Maybe by then he'll get to see Kokomi to figure out if he can still tell her or not. Maybe he won't, all he knows is that he will figure out something perhaps later.)

[ When the next morning comes, Kokomi is for once nowhere to be found. Those who usually see her on her daily walks through the island settlements report that she hasn't been by as of yet— and yet all of those things she usually does are done already, with nary a thing out of place. In fact, the only person who has seen the priestess since the day began is the courier, who for his part is already back in his boat and out to sea.

And what a strange day he is having, for usually she does not greet him in person at her shores.

As it turns out, this morning Kokomi rose before the sun streaked over the horizon, completing her usual chores in the deep blue-grey light of pre-dawn, and then collecting the goods from the courier and taking them wherever they were needed. Only then did she retire to her secret base, the same place she sits now as her eyes skim over the magazine page for what feels like the hundredth time.

Based on the stories she's heard, it comes as little surprise that Ms. Hina's advice seems to have delved right to the core of the situation. What does surprise her, however, is the way the columnist seems to have stuck to the idea that Gorou harbors feelings for her. While her own letter spoke of surety, she knows— as she is sure someone as wise as Ms. Hina would— that nothing is certain. The first paragraph of the letter acknowledges that... and the rest throws said acknowledgement aside in favor of assuming Kokomi's correctness in regards to the matter.

That in and of itself is troublesome. After all, for as sure as she is, what if she is somehow wrong? She wrote of being concerned at the idea of hurting Gorou, but what if she has this whole thing backwards and she is the one who winds up hurt? Or, even worse than that, what if she tells him of the feelings that have plagued her, only for him to pledge himself to her out of duty, while still holding feelings for another? The possibilities are numerous, and she's starting to wonder if she did herself a favor by writing in to the magazine at all, or if she should have just sat on this in silence...

Kokomi puts one gloved hand to her head, her eyes closing against the migraine forming between her brows. ]

(There's confusion in the air he notices, Gorou had just risen early and begins to almost wonder where Kokomi even is. He vaguely remembers he caught her scent more times than not heading somewhere private but he never once sold her out on that even as he finds himself heading out, almost in wonder if he should go show her that his nose does normally pick out where she goes with natural ease. Second thought that would be creepy. He can deal with waiting since there was something he needed to deliver which was his written report from yesterday's surveillance anyway.

It might be easier to just wait on her to come out once he makes his way toward the shrine, where she'd normally be if she wasn't off reading or whatever it was that needed her attention more. Though not before responding to others calling out to him with his usual smile that he tries to keep up in an attempt to seem normal as of late, Kazuha hasn't replied yet but he knows it will take time. It's only been a day and his friend is likely not in Inazuma by now based off this.

Gods, he wishes this was much more easier.

With that in mind there's also other thoughts like about what Kokomi is doing, if she's going to spend the day resting, if she were planning that he'd have known by now is something that's weighing on his mind so maybe this is the wrong move to not follow her scent. He didn't want to give her alarm or cause to find somewhere else to hide out whenever he can understand just how much she works in between his own personal feelings.

But on the other hand... he did want to tell her and seek her out, why must this be so complicated for him whenever he just wants to get this off his chest. Tell and take that he might be rejected even if his heart won't ever change the way it feels for her even now.

People in Guuji Yae's light novels made it look so easy whereas he was here having a difficult time figuring out just how to set up a perfect situation for them to be alone with to the point his tail and ears were frantically going back and forth between perked up and not at the same time.)

[ It's with her head pressed into her hand that it occurs to Kokomi for the first time: the reason she's struggling with this so much is that she hasn't slowed down to examine it from all angles, to understand the situation the way she would in any other case— she is a strategist, after all; why should she not use her skills to choose her best course of action in this as she would in all else?

So she chooses a fresh tome from the collections around her and works against the migraine, drafting out page after page of possibility—

He has feelings for me — My feelings are genuine
He has feelings for me — My feelings are not genuine
He has feelings for me — I cannot understand my own
His feelings are for another — My feelings are genuine
His feelings are for another — My feelings are not genuine
His feelings are for another — I cannot understand my own

—each with subheadings and entries examining further intricacies of the situation, such as his devotion to her as her General, the difficulties of their having their respective positions, their shared inexperience with relationships, and any others of which she can conceive.

The hours pass, and Kokomi barely even notices, but even at the end of it all she has a collection on the page of problems, all with no solutions. With so many possible outcomes, is she really supposed to take the leap like Ms. Hina suggested? So many of the stratagems on the page seem to result in worse outcomes than if she simply remains silent— but there's also a greater chance of happiness than the choice to remain silent, too.

Her migraine has gotten worse, and with no awareness of the fact that the sun is high above the island now, she deduces that a nap surely will not hurt things. Maybe, as naps often do, it will offer her some clarity for when she awakes once more.

And so she lowers her head onto the table, letting her eyes close and slipping almost immediately into a deep slumber, not stirring when her hand shifts and knocks the notebook onto the ground, open to one of the many pages full of her attempts to strategize emotion. ]

(Were it not for Gorou realizing that she has yet to show up so that he may give his report, he would have thought that he was lied to but by now he knows he has no choice but to use that nose of his to find her scent. This won't take long knowing that he can easily get the location; hopefully without him being called creepy for having had memorized her scent to this extent but at the time prior to this he felt it needed.

He didn't know if anyone would try and spirit her away during the war while everyone was off playing their respective roles, himself included.

Once he finds his way back to the trail and concentrates a moment, that's when he slowly picks out her scent from the many around and begins again to follow it carefully to not be seen knowing that the patrols can just as easily show at a bad time during this little 'misadventure' on his part. Closer and closer, until he finds himself entering her hideaway without so much as a sound and spots her asleep.

Strange, did she not rest well? That's a thought he has currently before noticing the notebook on the ground and lifting it slowly to not make it obvious he's there. Though leafing through the pages, that's when he finds his cheeks turning quite the vivid shade of red at a small realization. He must have written back to her after all first off, second off, she was trying to figure out if she felt the same even now?

He's silent and contemplative until he reaches out first to wake her though gently, he can start with this first and see if she wishes to speak. If she doesn't then he'll steel his resolve and be the man that Itto so fondly says that Gorou can be by manning up and telling her the truth.)

Excellency? (He hopes his voice is soft enough to not startle her too much, he really is not use to this.)

[ She's deep in what is, for the most part, a dreamless sleep, something relaxing and far removed from the stressors both public and personal that have been crowding her mind lately. Gone are the worries and questions over the feelings she may or may not hold for Gorou, gone are the concerns she has over his feelings— whether for her or someone else— and the unspoken jealousy she feels towards a woman who may or may not exist. In her sleep, everything is peaceful, all dark waters and white nights and phosphorescent blue flowers, a stillness around her ears that comes only from the depths of Enkanomiya—

—and Gorou's voice, calling to her.

What?

Just like that, the world below is dashed from her mind, her eyes opening with several long, slow blinks to find the man in question standing before her, a faded flush of red on his cheeks that raises a question through the fog, and Kokomi blinks again, trying to process. ]

Go— General? [ Memory strikes all at once, and she sits up, the movement abrupt and sudden, alertness in her gaze and the thoughts immediately piling into her brain before her half-asleep mouth can voice them aloud. What time is it? Gorou is here. Why is he here? Has something bad happened? Where is her book? Why are his cheeks red? What—

Oh Great Orobashi, where is her book? Kokomi's eyes sweep the floor of the cave, and there's a moment of relief when she sees it, closed, on the rock. A breath, two breaths... maybe he hasn't seen. She can operate under that assumption.

Ignoring the color creeping into her own cheeks, she clears her throat, standing and moving around to where the book fell, picking it up and holding it against her— and oh gods she hopes she looks casual doing so, because she sure doesn't feel it.

Her voice, when she speaks, is soft. ]

I apologize, General... I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?

It's about past noon, Excellency, I came to report how the recent patrols went at the shrine and didn't see you for quite some time so I decided to go looking. Er... don't worry I wasn't seen and I didn't tell anyone I can find you this easily. (Though it was sheepish in the way that he says that, he isn't going to lie about it. He's worried given that he didn't expect her to be in this state but he has to wonder if he should reveal he did in fact see what was in the pages of her notebook. Likely not unless she says nothing since he already is strengthening his resolve to tell her; to give her his heart now instead of letting her think this was only duty and obligation, to let her know that there is nobody else.

He can do this, he swears he can, Itto's voice is in the back of his head giving him a pep talk even of the ages one could say with how enthusiastic the half oni sounds in his head. Pushing, saying that he's got this, telling him that he's a delight again while even saying that he'll sweep her off her feet like the gentleman that he is.

With imagining that, it's helping him find his resolve, his decisions to try and push onward. He can do this. He knows he can do this once he mulls over what exactly to do here first with getting her to tell him first if she intends to act on it by hinting maybe.)

My duty aside, I got personally worried since I know that the others were watching us like a hawk and I did miss you as odd as it might be to say. (Is that too strong of a hint, too bold to say when it's true? He hopes it's not whenever he rubs the back of his neck, his faded blushing cheeks soon starting to feel the heat returning to them with each passing second.

Deep breaths Gorou, he can do this, he can really do this if he keeps going is what he's thinking. It has to be a good start, right? The Itto voice in his head thinks so currently.)

I hope that wasn't too bold to say.

[ Past noon? Oh, no. She's been cooped up in here far too long. He's likely not the only one who has been worried, and when the people of Watatsumi Island worry about her, they can get a little out of hand— It's for a moment that her mind starts to go down this rabbit hole before she manages to tune back in on what he's saying, reminding herself that if things were drastically out of sorts, he would have already told her, rather than taking the time to assure her that he was not seen in his mission to come and find her.

She relaxes... as much as she can with her notebook held to her chest as if fearing it will spontaneously open if she so much as relaxes her grip.

Gorou's words continue, though, and with them the color in his cheeks darkens, and the color in hers starts to form into something equally red, a slight widening of her eyes revealing how much he's taken her off-guard as her heart beats a little faster in her chest. He's missed her... She has missed him too. Kokomi's mind starts to mentally open the book still shut tight in her arms, thumbing through the stratagems she has so carefully laid out— ]

General. That night, just before the others found us at the shoreline... [ Kokomi speaks before she stops to consider the words, and the strategist in her brain screeches to a halt in her work, staring in horror at what the emotion in her breast is about to say, even as she knows she can't stop herself from saying it. ] ...You were about to say something.

[ The color in her cheeks darkens, but she somehow manages to hold her gaze steady. All she needs is to know his answer. It narrows down the outcomes significantly— ]

Do you remember what it was?

(At first he wonders if she might still be panicking, still thinking that something was up or that he could have been followed whenever he wasn't. Though it's the color in her cheeks that causes him to note that the shade they took on is adorable on her to the point he found his heart beating faster. He needs to focus, focus Gorou, the mini Itto is saying to focus even if she is adorable.

Her words and her question causes him to swallow a bit, as mentioned earlier the mini Itto is hyping him up more, telling him this is the moment of truth and he's gonna be every bit the charmer that he is in telling her that. That he's a man's man and friends of Arataki Itto don't back down no matter how much they're out of their element.

Somehow imagining Itto there is helping him tremendously with keeping it cool knowing that his friend would be doing his damn hardest to cheer them on.)

Excellency... n-no, Kokomi then... you were saying that I should tell the girl I'm interested in how I feel but. (He has to take a moment to swallow, gods his mouth feels so dry but he's going to do this. He has to do this! She did ask him and it's not by any means easier.) It's... it's you.

(Steady Gorou. His eyes though normally fierce are staying directly on her even now with the way that he's trying so very hard to not retreat from this even if the deep red of his cheeks is enough indication it's taking a lot for him to be this brave.)

... I like you.

[ The words are exactly those that Kokomi hoped against hope she would hear, all the while telling herself that the outcome would be whatever it would be. They're answered by a twisting, anxious feeling in her stomach, a wide-eyed look in his direction, a dry mouth heralding the fact that she has no idea whatsoever what she is supposed to say to him now, because—

He has feelings for me — My feelings are genuine
He has feelings for me — My feelings are not genuine
He has feelings for me — I cannot understand my own

He has feelings for me

Oh, she hoped for this, but she did not expect this, despite Ms. Hina's encouraging words, despite the fact that the advice columnist already seemed to know— by the gods, how could she possibly know such things? Is it just that Kokomi was blind to all that was sitting right in front of her?

She closes her eyes, takes a steadying breath— and then another, because the first did nothing at all to help her, and a third, because the second wasn't much better— before opening them once more, looking at him in a quiet solemnity, trying to piece together the right words in her head. Despite having drawn up so many outcomes and strategies, she feels like she is walking on grounds unknown...

Perhaps the right thing to do is a joke, she thinks. To break the tension.

And so she smiles, a gentle expression (albeit, despite herself, a little twisted from her internal struggle) manages a slight laugh as she comments: ] I suppose in hindsight it was quite odd of me to suggest you spend time with the girl in question on your days off, then...

... yes, but, you didn't know since a lot of it was me struggling on whether I should tell you or not after noticing things. I was half paying attention to your mood and picked out things so it led me to think maybe I shouldn't hide it, since I thought you were getting jealous of Shinobu whenever erm... admittedly she sees me as a brother due to Itto.

(A more quiet admission on his part perhaps but one that he means nonetheless by now. It's nothing he can say he's use to doing by now with admitting something like romantic feelings and yet he's certain that he might be rejected in the end too for this. He did assume things. He just won't dare mention some of the curses he was saying about Itto spinning him around internally. Best not to do that for now.

This needs another approach since maybe he could mention his fear that he would be rejected. It's only fitting if he did considering this is why he so willingly kept quiet for so long around her; a fear of rejection and his rank also isn't helping much of anything either on top of it. He's the general, she's the priestess. Ironically enough a similar thing with him worrying she'd take his feelings the wrong way in multiple forms.

Despite him knowing her enough and how she wasn't that type of person typically depending.

Though for now he should find the words next, thankfully the miniature Itto talking to him is being helpful in pushing him the right way. The last time he did this it ended so poorly to the point he near wishes that he hadn't done that. The hints from it? Let's just say it involved him trying to interact with someone new and he found out fast the miniature Itto had it's off days in his mind.)

I was scared of being rejected, I guess we can say more even if I resolved myself to tell you that night.

[ In response to her weak joke, Gorou continues, telling her more of his feelings and explaining his reasons behind deciding to tell her despite his fear, and all Kokomi can do is stare at him, feeling more and more helpless for each word that passes his lips. This is meant to be the easy part, is the miserable thought at the front of her mind. This is the part where she knows and her choices just became so much easier, her paths all laid out by planning and strategy...

But he is afraid of rejection, and what if she makes it worse by allowing herself to believe in feelings that she somehow has misunderstood?

Her heart feels as if it is in her throat. Kokomi's eyes drop from the earnest, sincere gaze fixed on her, her hand coming up to the ribbon tied at her breast, hovering just above her Vision as if it will somehow slow the fluttering panic of her heart. Her fingers are trembling. ]

General. I... [ Her eyes flicker towards the magazine, and for a moment she considers picking it up, showing him the letter she wrote by way of explanation. The coward's way out, as it were.

She is no coward. But she should err on the side of caution, for the sake of his feelings. ]

Your observations were not incorrect. I was experiencing feelings of jealousy... not only toward Miss Shinobu, but also whenever I thought about your feelings toward— um, that girl. [ Oh, the irony, to have felt such jealousy toward herself without even being aware of it! ] To be honest, I have thought about that a lot since that night, those feelings, and... [ She pauses for breath, her eyes fixed back on the floor of the small, comfortable cave. ] ...And I have reached the conclusion that I may also hold feelings for you. Only I am not entirely sure. I have no wish to hurt you...

[ Once again, she trails off. What does she say from here? Every single strategy she planned out ended with her either telling him or not, and now she's told him and she's realizing very quickly that she should have been more thorough in her planning, should have worked out exactly what she needed to do in this moment...

She finally looks up at him, the anxiety no doubt written clear all over her face. ]

I am... not sure what to do or say next.

Admittedly, I do understand if it doesn't turn out to be that you might not feel similar. I only thought it might be taken the wrong way, I'm not saying this due to our ranks but as me in the end; this is my heart speaking, not my duty.

(Duty is something completely different to matters of the heart, some say their duties should be assisting their wives, their children, or their fellow men and women under the same flag. The same home they wish to protect, perhaps even devote themselves to keeping safe for the sake of those that are precious to them in general. Gorou may devote himself to Kokomi but there's a difference in the emotional part of it and his role at work.

His emotions seek more to be with her, his job seeks to do what he must for not just her but everyone under him.

The fear of being rejected is certainly something he'll always have but it's different in this regard; he saw it more as he's scared it would be rejected in how he actually meant it. Though now he's getting off track from the current situation once he notices she seems anxious, uncertain now in general. Thinking over something isn't difficult, he's already given her the advice so he'll take things slowly with her.

They're still both very new to all aspects of this admission knowing he himself kept quiet for so long on his romantic thoughts toward her. Really it was more his fault that he did keep quiet about it but there's still the fact that they can face some manner of issues given differences in roles and power. Gorou didn't mind their rank difference but there would be others who would find fault in it.)

Mm, we can go slowly about it is what I think. Ease into it, find our way through it instead of rushing like some our age do; I just don't want you to think you have to speed into anything with me.

(It'd be easier to say that he would rather them take their time in general. Her feelings do need sorting out as well as the fact Gorou didn't desire to make it seem as if she needed to be quicker or anything. Whatever pieces of him she gets can come as they feel ready and comfortable.

That much he feels certain on.)

[ As his words continue, it's all Kokomi can do for a few minutes to look at him in awed silence and admiration. New to this they both may be, and yet for every part of her that is anxious and unsure, worried for him and his feelings, he's there and two steps ahead, knowing exactly what they need— the same way, she thinks with color rising to her cheeks, that Ms. Hina knew without question what Kokomi needed to do.

Meanwhile, she— usually the person who excels at strategies and plans, who knows exactly what to do in practically any situation that could arise— has been hopelessly clueless and unsure, hesitant in every action and afraid.

It is almost shameful.

With a small, embarrassed smile, Kokomi sets her book down on her desk, making sure to cover the magazine's contents for now at least— perhaps later, when she's more sure of herself, she will admit to him that she sought help from an advice columnist— and then takes a small step in his direction, offering a nod in response to his words. ]

I... am tempted to agree, General. [ A pause. ] Gorou. I think... your advice is very sound.

[ Once again, she is somewhat at a loss, unsure what exactly to do with herself. Going slow is one thing, but... what exactly does that entail? Even there, she is somewhat clueless. The only thing of which she is really sure is... ]

Um... if we are going about this slowly, then does that mean... would it make sense for me to ask you on a date? [ Once again, she pauses, feeling the words out, considering them and rolling them over in her head despite the fact they've already been spoken to the noonday air. ] Or, ah... is this something I should wait for you to ask me? [ Another slight, embarrassed smile. ] I apologize. It seems that with this sort of thing, I am... ah, embarrassingly clueless.

[ She has never felt so out of her depth before. ]

I thought it'd help. (His success as Miss Hina is credited to all of it. If there's one thing he's good at, it's giving advice, all the right advice and right words after placing careful analysis on the situation. Obviously he didn't want to reveal that was him that gave her the original advice due to thinking that someone was suffering just as he had been, but, he can reveal this little detail and secret of his later.

New territory is one thing, both of them being completely blind and uncertain on where to go about things is another. Gorou himself even knows that once he realizes what she said, blushing cheeks on his part aside, he near thinks he should be careful on some of these things. Might as well so that things don't get taken the wrong away then.)

It's fine if you want to ask me too, Kokomi, but it's fine that you're not use to this. As much as I'm out my depth, unknown territory so to speak, I'm comfortable still knowing it's with you despite it. (That being the truth, always being the truth of it whenever his ears for a brief moment twitch out of happiness though he's trying to not show it to remain composed. She'll likely catch on quickly his ears and tail give him away easily.

Easily enough that it's going to be a miracle if he doesn't wind up having her mess with them as a means of recharging her energy. Although that ironically doesn't sound like a bad idea.) It also means you can touch my ears and tail without permission? (Not that he's joking, that much is serious but he is attempting to cut the tension down in the air to help her feel more relaxed.

It's up to him anyway so she doesn't stress herself out heavily into a migraine or something. Ironically enough something he didn't know she already did, he hadn't gone over everything in her book but enough to have an idea on what was going on while she slept.

He'll consider the fact she got a nap as enough of a price to pay for having to strengthen and steel up for his resolve to not crumble in telling her.)

[ Just as Gorou has no intent of telling her about Miss Hina now, nor does Kokomi— again, that is something that can come later— so she feels safer with her book of notes placed on top of the magazine, and the joke that follows from him only helps her to relax more, her smile turning from awkward into something sweeter, a hint of pink on her cheeks as she looks at the way said ears and tail seem to have perked up as he talks. It's tempting to reach out and ruffle his ears right now, but she holds back, not wanting to immediately take advantage of such a new permission.

It's equally as tempting to promptly ask him on a date, now that he's said it's fine, but... something makes her hesitate just for a moment, her eyes trailing over his shoulder to the noonday sun high overhead the island.

Kokomi straightens a little taller and takes a deep breath, her smile shifting momentarily into something a little less familiar, more distant. Did he not come to give her his report? She should hear it first, and then—

Hopefully he understands her purpose, but if he doesn't, she can at least explain herself afterward, right? ]

...General, you said you came to give me a report, correct? Has anything of consequence occurred during the patrols that should be brought to my notice?

[ She finds herself hoping against hope that the answer is no. If that is the case, then there is nothing left between them this afternoon but time— perhaps she will ask him on a date. They could get something to eat and while away the hours here in this cave, or head out to one of the neighboring islands... perhaps she could even take him down to Enkanomiya.

(Her stomach, she notices absently, does a strange little flip at the thought.) ]

I almost forgot actually before we made plans but nothing occurred yes, Excellency, patrols have all gone smoothly. Obviously we'll still need to be on guard but we should be okay.

(Professionalism first, he can swap to using her name again after once things are more casual and relaxed again. It helps he seems to have caught on fast but he did realize quickly she might want time with him knowing that he did bring it up to her. It's surprising to see she wanted it with him that fast but Gorou being Gorou fully intends to make the most of this.

She wouldn't have brought up the report otherwise. Then again if he had more grave news he would not be this delighted and casual; meaning whether she wishes to while away the hours in her secret hideout or take him to the isles if not Enkanomiya, there should be ample time before they ought to head back. It helps that Gorou knows that he's often times found with her if not in his usual spots so the others might assume they're off planning if they don't attempt to interrogate him later.

He'll make sure that they find his story believable for the time being just so they don't have to worry about insistent poking and prodding on what's going on between them if the truth were to come out early.

Going slow was his suggestion not only to let them ease into it but to also gradually prepare themselves for the questionable gazes and the like they're going to be receiving later. The comments as well knowing that there is a difference between the comments on the streets of Inazuma and those of the people of Watatsumi. His men and the others included among their ranks.)

So, plans and the like should be okay unless something comes up while we're out in which case I'm happy to enjoy what time we have together either way.

(Best to make sure she knows he won't be upset if business comes to interrupt them knowing that there's always something that can draw their attention in some manner.)

[ She smiles as he not only picks up immediately on the intent behind her question, but segues smoothly between his personal and professional tones, giving her the exact information she needs while still calling her appropriately by title— it's not as if she doubted him, not when he's always been the very best she's had, but her own loaded nerves in this moment are making it somewhat difficult for her, and she can only be impressed by him yet again. ]

Thank you, General. You are dismissed, and the rest of your day is yours to do with as you wish.

[ There's a pause, and once again her smile turns to something gentler, more genuine even as it's shyer— apparently it's not so hard for her to switch between the two modes after all, even if she doesn't realize it yet— a shyness echoed in the tone of voice she has when she continues on: ] ...Although I was wondering if perhaps you would like to spend at least some of it with me.

[ Perhaps it is a little silly, she thinks, to ask him formally on a date when he has already made it clear he would like to spend his time with her, but in the wake of this new development between the two of them, it somehow feels like the right thing to do. And besides, she knows him well enough to be certain he will not judge her for just a little silliness, especially now.

The question, of course, is what they should do. The pull of Enkanomiya is strong, but it seems like a lot for a first date, especially when they have agreed to take things slowly. Slow in Kokomi's mind means familiar, new but not strange; the other thoughts of staying here and talking, or walking around the other islands, would be ideal for that.

She wonders which he would prefer. ]

(Good thing he's fine with these things taking time; he wouldn't have suggested going slow otherwise once he does smile a little in response to her own. Given the time he can probably make her favorite this time or his own for lunch; that way she can get some manner of energy back in her once he idly goes over which might be better. A meal for two that he loves maybe for this time and he can try her own cooking next time then in that case.

It's a pleasant thought to do this actually since that would be a good start once he finds that red hue creeping up on his cheeks at the thought.) Of course! I can make us lunch as well if you're hungry or in need of a pick-me-up. (No need to hide he's thinking about that given she did get a pleasant nap until afternoon. Well, that and he's going to assume that overthinking drained her enough earlier based off what he skimmed.

For now Gorou is pleased enough to sit there with her if she rather not eat for a little longer. He would in fact not judge her as she thought and knew, though had he known she wished to bring him to Enkanomiya he'd have planned out something for some other time for that. The hound wouldn't mind visiting it with her whenever the chance comes up.

He can say that much for sure in any case about it.)

Lunch... [ It's as she utters the word that Kokomi's stomach rumbles, the realization setting in that between her morning rounds, her excessive planning, and her accidental nap, she hasn't eaten at all today. A blush comes to her cheeks, a bemused smile on her lips, and her gaze falls from Gorou's for just a moment as she nods. ] Um... it seems that I am quite hungry, actually... So, if it is not too much trouble for you to make food for us, then I would be happy to accept.

[ And if that is that case... ]

Should we stay here this afternoon, then? I know it is not anything special for a first date— [ especially compared to the festival to which he took her just a few short weeks ago ] —but it might be nice to just rest here and talk with one another, if you would like that.

[ As always, she thinks, he knows what she needs even before she does, realizing her need for food before it was even something able to register in her own mind. She's not exactly sure how he always does it, but it's something to be admired, something for which she counts herself lucky—

And something that gives her a small pause, the priestess looking at him quietly for a moment or two before she speaks once more: ]

Gorou. If we are to try this, then... [ Another pause, Kokomi mulling over the words for a moment, trying to figure out exactly how to say what it is that's on her mind. ] ...We need to be equals.

I can make my favorite then if you're okay with Tonkotsu Ramen. (Victorious Legend as it's called, his men often times spoke of it being heavenly in it's taste and it's aroma. Something which has spread around was the fact he's quite good at it; there were even occasions that Itto asked why he didn't want to get into being a chef much to Gorou's surprise about it.

Though the thought of them staying together there is fine by him, truly, he wants to stay with her and that much is certain in the way his tail starts wagging though he's attempting to play it cool.) That's okay with me, anything is truthfully. (That and he was glad the festival despite the interruption was memorable for the two of them to the point he considers it one of his best nights ever.

Next time he'll be careful to not draw about too much attention again if they have the chance another time. Though it's her words after that gets him to focus again on the now instead of before. Equals. He'll have to remember this too then knowing it's easy for him to be casual and to be at ease with others.

Her being another story knowing that this would take time but it isn't something he can't manage all the same too.)

I can start using your name more often then when we're alone, among other things, it'll take time but I'm more than willing as new as it all is. (That's a promise on his part too though unsaid on the 'promise' of it.)

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