[ The worst thing about the first set of words spoken in that cold, flat tone is the fact that they're true— it's no secret between them that Kaveh has, at least while sober, made a concerted effort to conceal from others the fact that he's living with Alhaitham. It is, however, an issue of his own wounded pride more than anything, a desperate grasp in the direction of keeping even some of his once-healthy reputation alive; he's the light of Kshahrewar, damnit, a genius architect, he's not meant to be broke and living off the good will of another.
(If you consider being forced to pay rent to a landlord in a house that was originally meant to be half his as "good will", anyway.)
That doesn't change the fact though that he's never once stopped to consider how it must make Alhaitham feel when he so frantically denies the fact that they're living together. In fact, to further the point, he doesn't often consider the scribe's feelings at all— Honestly, until last night, he wasn't actually sure he had any.
The books land next to him with a resounding thud, and Kaveh swallows against the emotion building too fast in his throat. ]
Alhaitham— [ But the scribe is talking again, his head swiveling as if trying to decide which of the architect's few possessions to pack up next, and this time the words from his lips are quite simply unfair, the blonde's hands dropping momentarily to his sides and his brows narrowing in protest, a lyrical anger in his voice as he retorts: ] How can I throw back in your face something I never actually asked for?! I told you I didn't want your help—
[ Kaveh cuts the sentence abruptly in two, closing his eyes and curling his hands into fists, trying to calm himself down. He's not wrong, not on this, but this isn't the time for that. Not when he's at risk of finding himself on the streets. He takes in a deep breath, trying in desperation to steady himself, to control the emotion that wants to reign over the situation, and opens his eyes again, searching for Alhaitham's gaze with his own. ]
I'm sorry, okay? Please don't throw me out. I'm not— [ a swallow against the lump in his throat, the pride that tries to keep him from admitting his faults, the feeling of sick that's half-hungover and half-panicked turmoil ] —I'm not as okay as I pretend to be, Alhaitham, you know that.
no subject
(If you consider being forced to pay rent to a landlord in a house that was originally meant to be half his as "good will", anyway.)
That doesn't change the fact though that he's never once stopped to consider how it must make Alhaitham feel when he so frantically denies the fact that they're living together. In fact, to further the point, he doesn't often consider the scribe's feelings at all— Honestly, until last night, he wasn't actually sure he had any.
The books land next to him with a resounding thud, and Kaveh swallows against the emotion building too fast in his throat. ]
Alhaitham— [ But the scribe is talking again, his head swiveling as if trying to decide which of the architect's few possessions to pack up next, and this time the words from his lips are quite simply unfair, the blonde's hands dropping momentarily to his sides and his brows narrowing in protest, a lyrical anger in his voice as he retorts: ] How can I throw back in your face something I never actually asked for?! I told you I didn't want your help—
[ Kaveh cuts the sentence abruptly in two, closing his eyes and curling his hands into fists, trying to calm himself down. He's not wrong, not on this, but this isn't the time for that. Not when he's at risk of finding himself on the streets. He takes in a deep breath, trying in desperation to steady himself, to control the emotion that wants to reign over the situation, and opens his eyes again, searching for Alhaitham's gaze with his own. ]
I'm sorry, okay? Please don't throw me out. I'm not— [ a swallow against the lump in his throat, the pride that tries to keep him from admitting his faults, the feeling of sick that's half-hungover and half-panicked turmoil ] —I'm not as okay as I pretend to be, Alhaitham, you know that.