Me? [ he responds incredulously as kaveh shoves him back, though the push doesn't have any of the fire his words do. ] Don't be ridiculous - you're the one who suggested a solely physical arrangement, and when I tried to do things that way - your way - it still upset you! So don't harp on about 'wanting me' when that's just a weak excuse to get angry about something else.
[ alhaitham's pissed off, so fucking pissed off, but he lets kaveh grab him and shove him for some reason - maybe because he doesn't trust himself in this kind of state not to know his own strength, or maybe because he thinks that perhaps the 'physical release' kaveh actually needs is to punch him in the face again. this is why he never used to bother reading into things further than surface-level, because it only resulted in getting entangled in terrible, aggravating messes like this one.
reclaiming the half step back that kaveh had pushed him, the scribe's intense energy doesn't waver for a second - eyes still wild, face still more furious than he can remember it ever being. later on he'll realise that the anger is largely directed away from the blonde, and more at himself; for letting this get to him so much, for being so affected by another human being, for losing control.
his life would be so much easier if this chaos wasn't a factor in it, and yet he seemed to be continually drawn back in like a moth to a flame. what was the point? ]
No matter what I do, you dislike it. No matter what I say, you argue it. I don't understand you, or why you're always acting like - [ a hand gestures wildly at kaveh as he seethes, body tense with anger. ] - this! How the hell can you want something, want 'me', when that makes you miserable no matter which way you have it? Do you ever stop to think, perhaps, about anyone but yourself for a second?
[ and that's a rare admission on his part, generally divorced from the impact of kaveh's emotional outbursts - but alhaitham dimly realises he feels like shit, unused to a vacuum of power and control inside him. he never picked losing battles, but this certainly felt like one. ]
no subject
[ alhaitham's pissed off, so fucking pissed off, but he lets kaveh grab him and shove him for some reason - maybe because he doesn't trust himself in this kind of state not to know his own strength, or maybe because he thinks that perhaps the 'physical release' kaveh actually needs is to punch him in the face again. this is why he never used to bother reading into things further than surface-level, because it only resulted in getting entangled in terrible, aggravating messes like this one.
reclaiming the half step back that kaveh had pushed him, the scribe's intense energy doesn't waver for a second - eyes still wild, face still more furious than he can remember it ever being. later on he'll realise that the anger is largely directed away from the blonde, and more at himself; for letting this get to him so much, for being so affected by another human being, for losing control.
his life would be so much easier if this chaos wasn't a factor in it, and yet he seemed to be continually drawn back in like a moth to a flame. what was the point? ]
No matter what I do, you dislike it. No matter what I say, you argue it. I don't understand you, or why you're always acting like - [ a hand gestures wildly at kaveh as he seethes, body tense with anger. ] - this! How the hell can you want something, want 'me', when that makes you miserable no matter which way you have it? Do you ever stop to think, perhaps, about anyone but yourself for a second?
[ and that's a rare admission on his part, generally divorced from the impact of kaveh's emotional outbursts - but alhaitham dimly realises he feels like shit, unused to a vacuum of power and control inside him. he never picked losing battles, but this certainly felt like one. ]