[ The problem with a self-hatred as deep as Kaveh's is that it likes to come back all on its own from time to time, resurfacing to cause problems no matter how many times it's been shut down before. A circumstance like that has to be frustrating for someone like Alhaitham even before his own hang-ups come into play, leaving him feeling like he doesn't know how to comfort the other man. And yet despite the pissed off and tired look on his roommate's face, despite the way he runs a frustrated hand through his hair, Kaveh does feel comforted, feels an odd sense of peace settle in him.
Alhaitham says he's only ever himself.
But Alhaitham has feelings for him, doesn't he?
(Even if he won't let Kaveh take things further between them!)
Even someone far less intelligent than him would be able to do the simple emotional arithmetic involved to realize that what that means is that Alhaitham has feelings for who he really is, not who he feels he needs to be. That even if he doesn't like himself, Alhaitham does.
(His partner may claim that Kaveh doesn't need his validation. And he shouldn't. He doesn't. But by the Archons, it helps.) ]
I love you. [ It's mumbled as he reaches to catch the other's hand, as he leans up to press a soft kiss to the other's mouth, something brief and chaste and desperately wanting to be more, held back only by the knowledge of where they are right now. It's only the second time he's dared say the words out loud, and the words are almost diffident this time, not forced to his lips by alcohol and anger as they were the last. Instead, it's a softly sweet need to show his appreciation, a want to convey just how grateful he is for the other's presence.
It's not enough, especially not when compared to how much Alhaitham has just said. But it will have to do for now; Kaveh just hopes the soft smile on his lips and the hold he's taken on the other's hand will take care of the rest of the unspoken words. ]
no subject
Alhaitham says he's only ever himself.
But Alhaitham has feelings for him, doesn't he?
(Even if he won't let Kaveh take things further between them!)
Even someone far less intelligent than him would be able to do the simple emotional arithmetic involved to realize that what that means is that Alhaitham has feelings for who he really is, not who he feels he needs to be. That even if he doesn't like himself, Alhaitham does.
(His partner may claim that Kaveh doesn't need his validation. And he shouldn't. He doesn't. But by the Archons, it helps.) ]
I love you. [ It's mumbled as he reaches to catch the other's hand, as he leans up to press a soft kiss to the other's mouth, something brief and chaste and desperately wanting to be more, held back only by the knowledge of where they are right now. It's only the second time he's dared say the words out loud, and the words are almost diffident this time, not forced to his lips by alcohol and anger as they were the last. Instead, it's a softly sweet need to show his appreciation, a want to convey just how grateful he is for the other's presence.
It's not enough, especially not when compared to how much Alhaitham has just said. But it will have to do for now; Kaveh just hopes the soft smile on his lips and the hold he's taken on the other's hand will take care of the rest of the unspoken words. ]