[ You do lie, Kaveh wants to say, at least to me. You lied to me when you said you were fine, you lied to me when you said you don't know which piece of mine this is— you're lying now— But in truth, this argument is one where being right or wrong doesn't matter, in the long run. What matters is that Alhaitham is honest about this at the very least, that he tells the truth about this even if he wants to lie about everything else. And Kaveh is prepared for any answer, is steady and sure and ready to hear anything that the scribe might have to say—
Except in the end, he's not ready at all.
He makes it through the questioning in silence, eyes closed against the stinging. The fingers not resting on Alhaitham's leg tighten at his own side in response to the confirmation of the other's intent, the understanding that he read too far into actions that took him by surprise and caused hurt to them both— but he makes it through the admission with a press of his teeth into his lower lip.
But then Alhaitham says that it was a test, and Kaveh's entire world shatters under him. His breath catches in a sudden sob, his eyes flying open once more as his heart seizes in his chest.
Gods, he's never been more the fool—
Trembling hands reach out, snatching up the paper from the table once more, almost throwing it in Alhaitham's lap this time. ]
Does this look like the work of someone who feels obligated? [ The words come out, rough and broken, between snatches of breath. ] I designed this for us, Alhaitham, there's even— there are even bedrooms for kids because— because I love you, and I know it's way too soon to think about any of that stuff but I want to get old with you, and raise a family with you, and—
[ His fingers clench again, crumpling the paper beyond repair in one corner, a hitch in his breath as he tries to get some semblance of control over his voice. ]
But I thought— You paid it off so suddenly, and you didn't tell me about it, and— Archons, Alhaitham, I fucked everything up—
[ And perhaps later, he'll address the questions from earlier— why he drew that conclusion, why he felt that Alhaitham was giving such an indication. Perhaps later, there's something to be said about testing, about how Alhaitham needs to learn to trust Kaveh and his feelings in the same way that Kaveh needs to learn not to jump to the worst possible conclusion. Perhaps later, Kaveh can explain that he will always, always fail any test Alhaitham gives him because he'll always put what he thinks the other man wants ahead of his own desires.
But right now he can't bring himself to think of that, not when the only thing on his mind is how badly he's messed up, how he's hurt the other man by jumping to conclusions. ]
I thought for sure you were tired of this. Tired of me. So I— I said I'd move out— [ The sound on his lips as he cuts his sentence in half is nothing short of anguished, and he presses the heels of both hands against his eyes, his body hunching over in much the same way Alhaitham's is. His voice, when he speaks again, is a whisper: ] I'm so sorry.
no subject
Except in the end, he's not ready at all.
He makes it through the questioning in silence, eyes closed against the stinging. The fingers not resting on Alhaitham's leg tighten at his own side in response to the confirmation of the other's intent, the understanding that he read too far into actions that took him by surprise and caused hurt to them both— but he makes it through the admission with a press of his teeth into his lower lip.
But then Alhaitham says that it was a test, and Kaveh's entire world shatters under him. His breath catches in a sudden sob, his eyes flying open once more as his heart seizes in his chest.
Gods, he's never been more the fool—
Trembling hands reach out, snatching up the paper from the table once more, almost throwing it in Alhaitham's lap this time. ]
Does this look like the work of someone who feels obligated? [ The words come out, rough and broken, between snatches of breath. ] I designed this for us, Alhaitham, there's even— there are even bedrooms for kids because— because I love you, and I know it's way too soon to think about any of that stuff but I want to get old with you, and raise a family with you, and—
[ His fingers clench again, crumpling the paper beyond repair in one corner, a hitch in his breath as he tries to get some semblance of control over his voice. ]
But I thought— You paid it off so suddenly, and you didn't tell me about it, and— Archons, Alhaitham, I fucked everything up—
[ And perhaps later, he'll address the questions from earlier— why he drew that conclusion, why he felt that Alhaitham was giving such an indication. Perhaps later, there's something to be said about testing, about how Alhaitham needs to learn to trust Kaveh and his feelings in the same way that Kaveh needs to learn not to jump to the worst possible conclusion. Perhaps later, Kaveh can explain that he will always, always fail any test Alhaitham gives him because he'll always put what he thinks the other man wants ahead of his own desires.
But right now he can't bring himself to think of that, not when the only thing on his mind is how badly he's messed up, how he's hurt the other man by jumping to conclusions. ]
I thought for sure you were tired of this. Tired of me. So I— I said I'd move out— [ The sound on his lips as he cuts his sentence in half is nothing short of anguished, and he presses the heels of both hands against his eyes, his body hunching over in much the same way Alhaitham's is. His voice, when he speaks again, is a whisper: ] I'm so sorry.