[ tired and suffering from the worst hangover he'd subjected himself in years alhaitham may be, but even that kind of handicap wasn't enough to let kaveh's insinuation slip past him.
fear, really?
he almost wants to give some sort of retort to prove that actually, no, he's nothing of the sort but the words instead die on his lips as the other keeps talking. it absolves him of the need to recognise something truly ridiculous yet inarguably correct at the same time, a realisation that makes something awful twist inside him because alhaitham prides himself on being immovable, impervious, unaffected. having already experienced so much loss had necessitated closing his heart off to any other circumstance in which he could suffer it, which wasn't a small part of why he wasn't sumeru's most social individual, why he rarely got close to people, why this was proving so difficult.
his headache pounds in the background, and alhaitham suddenly feels very tired. ]
We're not very good at this.
[ - is the astute observation he offers as a sigh escapes him, fingers briefly raising to pinch the bridge of his brow as if it'd relieved some of the pressure of the headache, when in reality, what was affecting him most was the gravity of the situation. all the ridiculous things that kaveh was saying in his own direction, things that were factually untrue and - it's a huge mess.
a mess of subjectivity, of misinterpretations, of feelings, and briefly, alhaitham wonders if he could even begin to untangle them from one another. ]
Do you honestly think I'd willingly spend my time in the company of anyone I disliked? That I'd bother enough to hide that kind of disdain? Honestly, have you ever seen me interact with anyone else?
[ he murmurs, straightening up again. his tone is still purely explanatory, as if these were the answers to the most obvious question in the world - and to him, it was. fixing kaveh with a square gaze, his brow kinks in a slight frown. ]
no subject
fear, really?
he almost wants to give some sort of retort to prove that actually, no, he's nothing of the sort but the words instead die on his lips as the other keeps talking. it absolves him of the need to recognise something truly ridiculous yet inarguably correct at the same time, a realisation that makes something awful twist inside him because alhaitham prides himself on being immovable, impervious, unaffected. having already experienced so much loss had necessitated closing his heart off to any other circumstance in which he could suffer it, which wasn't a small part of why he wasn't sumeru's most social individual, why he rarely got close to people, why this was proving so difficult.
his headache pounds in the background, and alhaitham suddenly feels very tired. ]
We're not very good at this.
[ - is the astute observation he offers as a sigh escapes him, fingers briefly raising to pinch the bridge of his brow as if it'd relieved some of the pressure of the headache, when in reality, what was affecting him most was the gravity of the situation. all the ridiculous things that kaveh was saying in his own direction, things that were factually untrue and - it's a huge mess.
a mess of subjectivity, of misinterpretations, of feelings, and briefly, alhaitham wonders if he could even begin to untangle them from one another. ]
Do you honestly think I'd willingly spend my time in the company of anyone I disliked? That I'd bother enough to hide that kind of disdain? Honestly, have you ever seen me interact with anyone else?
[ he murmurs, straightening up again. his tone is still purely explanatory, as if these were the answers to the most obvious question in the world - and to him, it was. fixing kaveh with a square gaze, his brow kinks in a slight frown. ]
What reassurance do you need?