When he tells her that Hojo turned him into an experiment, her eyes narrow, and her fingers for a moment tighten over his arm before she realizes what she's doing and lets him go again with a small, apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry." The apology isn't for her hand, though, but for Hojo, and everything he had to have been through in that horrible man's laboratory. (She almost wishes she'd killed him before. Almost, because really it should be something Cloud gets to do himself. Maybe even has - she doesn't ask.)
She's sorry for Zack, too, for the sacrifice he made to save Cloud's life.
She folds her hands into her lap, looking out at the ocean waves before offering him another smile. She still has so many questions, but it's his turn, right?
He knows what she's apologizing for. He says as much just by placing his hand on her shoulder. His eyes lock with hers as she sends a smile his way. It's like he's learned how to respond not just in general, but in ways that she can easily pick up on.
Like the soft look in his eyes when he sees her. As if there isn't some incredible ocean right in front of them, or a beautiful world at their feet.
"Not really. Not anymore anyway. Only thing that's new to me is this whole fate thing." He pauses, trying to choose his next words. His thumb brushes against Tifa's skin in a thoughtful rubbing motion. He catches onto what he's doing and pulls back his hand, an apology on his lips before he settles for simply shaking his head.
"I guess I'm just worried about what will happen to us when I go back." Once that gets figured out, at least.
And once again she's struck by how different he is. The softness in his eyes, the way he not only touches her at will but also brushes his thumb against her skin... She averts her gaze as quick as she can to hide not only the surprise, but what feels suspiciously like heat in her cheeks.
His words before hinted at something between them, and her resolve then not to ask is shaken now by what he says next. This time, it's much more than a hint. They're together, right? He may as well have said it directly.
Of course, she knows he doesn't mean with her. He means with his Tifa, and yet still there's something about the thought that has a tingle running down her spine.
She shoves the thought back into a box for now, though, managing to turn her gaze back toward him. "I wish I could tell you I had an answer. I'm sorry."
Yet another apology, this time for what their actions may have done to his future.
"Yeah.." Cloud trails off, looking out into the ocean for a long moment. It's clear that he's thinking; tossing around his thoughts before speaking up again.
"It doesn't matter; so long as you end up okay, Tifa." His voice went a little softer, and she can tell that while he means it, there's a little something more in there.
Likely to do with what they have in the future as opposed to now.
If his words before had her feeling funny, it's nothing compared to the tumble of thoughts and emotions now. It's a tingle, a flutter of butterflies dancing over the heat that suddenly seems to want to pool in her stomach, and it takes every ounce of willpower she has not to reach for him again.
Or even to do something infinitely more foolish like kissing him.
Instead, she just looks at him, quiet, that pink dusting across her cheeks growing a little darker. "You...... Cloud." Her voice comes out in a whisper. "My... me being okay isn't more important than you, you know."
The words are strung together more awkwardly than she would like, but the point is there.
Cloud expects Tifa to say something along the lines of what she does, so his agreement comes quickly enough. "I know." It doesn't come out hard per se, but the tone of his voice suggests that he isn't budging on what he said to her prior.
This Cloud has experienced plenty of loss; at times because he wasn't strong enough to either stop it ahead of time, on time, or at all. Being able to do so much more now also helped him with learning more.
When his answer comes in the way it does, Tifa frowns at him. She can tell that he's completely serious, and as sweet as the thought is... something about it also makes her terribly unhappy.
"Hey." Her hands close over his again, fingers pressing into the skin as she moves so that she can seek his gaze with her own, despite being just a moment ago almost afraid of doing exactly that. Her eyes are narrowed, her brows creased in a frown.
"I can't be okay if you're not. I..." She catches herself, a slight grimace on her face. It's not fair to either of them for her to say that, and so she changes tactics: "You're important to me, so I need you to be okay too."
Cloud can't help the small smile that slowly shows itself in response to the way she's looking at him now. Even like this she's the most beautiful sight on the Planet.
"I know." Sure it's a repeat response, but he says it in a softer way and with a different sort of meaning altogether. That and his hand has reached up to cup Tifa's cheek. His eyes search hers subtly before lifting just as his hand moves so that his fingers can slip gently through some of her long hair.
"Who knows? Maybe everything will be okay in the end."
Every time he looks at her like that, it takes her right back off guard, destroys every last fragment of the wall she keeps trying to build up around herself. She can't help the way her eyes shift to the side, tracking the hand that cups her cheek before it disappears into her hair.
A few sharp, focused blinks, and she forces her gaze back to him instead, even as he touches her.
"I hope so." Her voice is thick with emotion and effort. "If what we did... if it ruined things for you, then... it wasn't worth it."
Especially when his sitting here in front of her now is proof that they're okay, they made it.
"Not just for me, but you too. Hopefully everything you'll do doesn't get wasted. It took me longer than it should have even with your help." There's a moment of hesitation because he isn't sure how this Tifa will react, but he likes to think Tifa pretty much had feelings for him even as they set out, so.
He leans in and kisses Tifa gently on the forehead. His lips linger there for a moment, his hand coming down to rest on Tifa's shoulder.
If she's understanding him correctly, then... she helped him find his way again? Who he really is, than who he thought he was? It sounds so much bigger than anything she could imagine herself doing; but then again, just a little while ago she would have said the same about going face to face with fate itself. Her life seems like it's bound to be one surprise after another.
A smaller surprise is the press of his lips against her forehead, his hand on her shoulder - and just like that, the wall crumbles all over again. As does her resolve.
Tifa leans into him, presses her lips into his... although the kiss barely lasts a second before she springs away, her eyes wide, cheeks pink.
Cloud shakes his head slowly. So much has already been changed potentially that he feels certain this kiss didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. On a smaller, more personal level however?
He loved it. Even that brief connection flooded his heart with emotions old and new. When she swiftly pulls back, Cloud smiles in response.
"I've been wanting to kiss you since the moment we got rid of those monsters." When he thought that she was the one he currently knew, that is. Still, much about this Tifa is definitely similar to the other.
The softness of her skin, the occasional bashfulness when they did something new...
With a small smile, Tifa shakes her head. No, even without letting herself finish that thought, she knows what he means. When he saved her, he thought she was his Tifa. Someone she most certainly is not.
Someone who even now she fears for both of them that she may have taken away from him.
And yet despite that knowledge, and the guilt, and everything else that should be stopping her, all she can think about when he smiles at her is that she wants to kiss him again.
"Don't... don't smile at me like that, Cloud." It's said in a near-whisper, her fingers clenching into a fist at her side. "It's not fair."
"Oh. Okay." She's making it pretty clear, so he stands and makes his way over to Fenrir. There's some rummaging around before he comes back with a tent.
"Well, they went to the Chocobo Ranch nearby. It's the only way to cross the marsh without having to fight the Midgar Zolom." He keeps his eyes off of her, instead focusing on unfurling the tent and beginning the parts of setting it up.
"If you want to go, I won't stop you." He's calm as he speaks, his tone understanding. He gets it, he does.
He's understanding where he shouldn't be. Since he arrived here and saved her from the Fangs, she's oscillated constantly between wanting to draw him in and wanting to push him away, and she's done a terrible job of hiding it. It was never her intention and yet somehow it feels like she's toying with him. The careful aversion of his eyes as he works on the tent only serves to deepen the guilt.
"I can't leave you," she replies after a too-long silence, and she stands too, moving over to help him with the tent. Can't, but also won't. "And I have the PHS. If the others need me, they'll let me know."
Tifa takes a deep breath as she works on anchoring the tent. Her mind is caught between two extremes. On one hand, there's the desire to see him safely home, to return him to the her who's surely waiting for him. But on the other, there's the swirling thoughts that won't leave her alone:
What if he never makes it back? Or worse, what if he does get back, only to find that everything is wrong? And, even more selfishly: What if this Cloud isn't in her future? What if their actions against the Harbingers have ruined it for them before they even have a chance to begin?
Tifa has never been good about allowing herself to be vulnerable. And yet here she is. Here they are. Has she hurt him, in her indecisiveness?
She takes a deep breath. "You have no idea how badly I want to," she tells him, her voice a near-whisper. "It's just... It wouldn't be fair to her. To me. Your me."
"I have a better idea than you think." Cloud replies calmly. It's true thanks in part to, well, everything he's experienced, but he doesn't feel like he needs to add to it, so he doesn't. Instead he digs around in the tent and pulls out a portable stove of some sort. He takes his time setting it up, and it isn't until after he uses Fire to light it that Cloud realizes he's been quiet the whole time since.
"Sorry." He tells Tifa, motioning for her to follow him as he heads for the land's edge. "I wasn't trying to ignore you. Just didn't know what else to say."
Cloud pulls out a contractible fishing rod and takes a seat. It's gonna be fish for dinner! If he's able to catch anything.
His words, few as they are, only serve to add to the internal maelstrom. Tifa bites her lip but doesn't say anything else, instead watching him set things up around the tent. So when his apology comes, she can only shake her head. It's not like she was talking either. And besides, despite the awkwardness of her own creation, it wasn't an unpleasant silence.
She follows him over the edge, brows lifting when he pulls out a fishing rod, and takes a seat beside him in the grass.
"I didn't know you could fish."
Then again, she supposes now that there's a lot of things she doesn't know about him.
"Not very well." He admits, sitting patiently to wait for a bite.
"I used to be alone a lot on my deliveries; certain things get old pretty fast. So I would try to mix it up." They could have gone to Kalm maybe, but Cloud didn't want to risk something happening to their tent.
"Won't exactly be the best dinner." Cloud finds himself absently wishing for a fish de-boning Materia...
Deliveries, huh? There's an undisguised curiosity in her eyes as her head tilts; deliveryman is a pretty far cry from mercenary. Once again it's there, that urge to ask, to know more than she reasonably should, but this time she smothers it. It's not fair to keep asking questions of him. Especially now, when she's spent the last however long jerking them both back and forth, and when her heart and mind are threatening to keep doing it the longer she sits here looking at him.
Thankfully, she's spared from the back-and-forth of her own thoughts and feelings for too much longer though, because when Cloud speaks up again, it gives her an idea. For a moment, it's hidden behind her hand in the form of an amused smile, before she offers:
"Let's make a deal, then. You fish, I'll cook. I can probably find a few herbs around here to flavor it, too. Okay?"
Cloud doesn't even bat an eye or hesitate in his response. "Sounds good." He looks to her and gives her an approving nod, careful not to smile too much at her--instead Tifa gets a small smirk. Still it doesn't even matter: the look in his eyes betrays him.
The warmth, the love--the appreciation--it's all there in his Mako-tinged eyes. Then they pull away to look back out to the ocean. He fishes for a bit and does catch a couple of nice sized types, then takes to scaling them to remove...you know..the scales, does his best to pull out bones and filet the fish up before cooking them.
Every now and again, Cloud can't help but look Tifa's way, even if he doesn't say anything while he works.
The look in his eyes is enough to send another shiver down her spine, heat pooling in her stomach. Warmth, love, appreciation - all of them are clear, easy to understand even without his having to say anything at all.
It's terrifying.
Tifa is almost grateful for the chance to break away from him for a little, to look around for something they can use to season the fish in some way. She's not expecting much - after all, the land around Midgar is largely barren, drained of its energy by the reactors. Even this far out, plants apart from grass are few and far between. She is able to find a few herbs though, coming back to him just in time for him to have the fish descaled and filleted.
"My turn." It's said with a small smile as she joins him again. "Relax a little, okay?" After all, he's come so far and put in so much work for her already; this is the very least she can do.
"Sure." He's perfectly fine with that and rises to his feet, looking around before stepping back to let Tifa take over.
"Wish there was a stream or something nearby." He grumbles, totally loud enough for Tifa to hear him. Cloud looks towards the ocean and makes his way to the edge of the continent. He lays flat on his belly and reaches over the edge while Tifa busies herself with seasoning and such.
splish splash goes the water as Cloud basically washes his hands in it. Sure it's all scales and blood and such, but it's the ocean! Fish do that to each other all the time. "Whoops--!" A much bigger splash can be heard as Cloud one hundred percent slips and falls into the ocean.
The smile curving her lips broadens a touch in response to his grumbling. The whole moment feels almost domestic, despite the initial strangeness of their encounter and how mixed her feelings seem determined to remain. Still, it seems that he's able to find a quick enough solution, and so she turns her attention back to the fish, preparing it with the few herbs she's managed to find.
She's just placed the filets on the grill when the splash sounds behind her, and she whirls around, her eyes wide. "Shit..!"
Fish forgotten, she sprints over to the water's edge, searching the waves for a sign of him.
"Cloud?!"
Can he swim? What if he can't swim? It's not like Nibelheim was coastal... Panic dictating her speed, Tifa tears off her boots and gauntlet, leaving them in the grassy dirt as she prepares to dive in right behind him.
His head bobs up in enough time that Tifa need not worry about soaking herself to help him. It's almost comical in a way really. It isn't unlike a the way a fishing bob might do it.
bob bob
Then his head shows above the water completely, Cloud crossing the little bit of distance to the bit of earth there. He's just going to cut a little foothold with his smaller sword and then from there he just "Hup!" jumps up and over her.
He lands safe and solid on his feet and sheathes his smaller sword back in place. Now he's all wet though. "I'm all wet." See?
It's a sigh of relief that washes over her when Cloud resurfaces, the whoosh of air from between her lips no doubt audible to him. She turns when he leaps over her, a hint of an amused smile tugging at her lips. He is all wet, the water running off him in streams now.
She shakes her head. "That's what happens when you fall in the ocean, Cloud."
Still, she wouldn't be Tifa if she didn't worry about him, even over something as little as him being a little waterlogged. With dusk setting in, it's hardly getting any warmer, and the last thing she wants is for him to get sick. Especially when he's come all this way (time?) for her sake.
"You should lay them out by the fire, let them dry."
At least for now, she's forgotten about her own discomfort.
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sempiternals2019-11-07 04:27 pm
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"I'm sorry." The apology isn't for her hand, though, but for Hojo, and everything he had to have been through in that horrible man's laboratory. (She almost wishes she'd killed him before. Almost, because really it should be something Cloud gets to do himself. Maybe even has - she doesn't ask.)
She's sorry for Zack, too, for the sacrifice he made to save Cloud's life.
She folds her hands into her lap, looking out at the ocean waves before offering him another smile. She still has so many questions, but it's his turn, right?
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Like the soft look in his eyes when he sees her. As if there isn't some incredible ocean right in front of them, or a beautiful world at their feet.
"Not really. Not anymore anyway. Only thing that's new to me is this whole fate thing." He pauses, trying to choose his next words. His thumb brushes against Tifa's skin in a thoughtful rubbing motion. He catches onto what he's doing and pulls back his hand, an apology on his lips before he settles for simply shaking his head.
"I guess I'm just worried about what will happen to us when I go back." Once that gets figured out, at least.
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His words before hinted at something between them, and her resolve then not to ask is shaken now by what he says next. This time, it's much more than a hint. They're together, right? He may as well have said it directly.
Of course, she knows he doesn't mean with her. He means with his Tifa, and yet still there's something about the thought that has a tingle running down her spine.
She shoves the thought back into a box for now, though, managing to turn her gaze back toward him. "I wish I could tell you I had an answer. I'm sorry."
Yet another apology, this time for what their actions may have done to his future.
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"It doesn't matter; so long as you end up okay, Tifa." His voice went a little softer, and she can tell that while he means it, there's a little something more in there.
Likely to do with what they have in the future as opposed to now.
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Or even to do something infinitely more foolish like kissing him.
Instead, she just looks at him, quiet, that pink dusting across her cheeks growing a little darker. "You...... Cloud." Her voice comes out in a whisper. "My... me being okay isn't more important than you, you know."
The words are strung together more awkwardly than she would like, but the point is there.
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This Cloud has experienced plenty of loss; at times because he wasn't strong enough to either stop it ahead of time, on time, or at all. Being able to do so much more now also helped him with learning more.
Things would be okay so long as Tifa herself was.
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"Hey." Her hands close over his again, fingers pressing into the skin as she moves so that she can seek his gaze with her own, despite being just a moment ago almost afraid of doing exactly that. Her eyes are narrowed, her brows creased in a frown.
"I can't be okay if you're not. I..." She catches herself, a slight grimace on her face. It's not fair to either of them for her to say that, and so she changes tactics: "You're important to me, so I need you to be okay too."
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"I know." Sure it's a repeat response, but he says it in a softer way and with a different sort of meaning altogether. That and his hand has reached up to cup Tifa's cheek. His eyes search hers subtly before lifting just as his hand moves so that his fingers can slip gently through some of her long hair.
"Who knows? Maybe everything will be okay in the end."
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A few sharp, focused blinks, and she forces her gaze back to him instead, even as he touches her.
"I hope so." Her voice is thick with emotion and effort. "If what we did... if it ruined things for you, then... it wasn't worth it."
Especially when his sitting here in front of her now is proof that they're okay, they made it.
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He leans in and kisses Tifa gently on the forehead. His lips linger there for a moment, his hand coming down to rest on Tifa's shoulder.
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If she's understanding him correctly, then... she helped him find his way again? Who he really is, than who he thought he was? It sounds so much bigger than anything she could imagine herself doing; but then again, just a little while ago she would have said the same about going face to face with fate itself. Her life seems like it's bound to be one surprise after another.
A smaller surprise is the press of his lips against her forehead, his hand on her shoulder - and just like that, the wall crumbles all over again. As does her resolve.
Tifa leans into him, presses her lips into his... although the kiss barely lasts a second before she springs away, her eyes wide, cheeks pink.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."
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He loved it. Even that brief connection flooded his heart with emotions old and new. When she swiftly pulls back, Cloud smiles in response.
"I've been wanting to kiss you since the moment we got rid of those monsters." When he thought that she was the one he currently knew, that is. Still, much about this Tifa is definitely similar to the other.
The softness of her skin, the occasional bashfulness when they did something new...
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With a small smile, Tifa shakes her head. No, even without letting herself finish that thought, she knows what he means. When he saved her, he thought she was his Tifa. Someone she most certainly is not.
Someone who even now she fears for both of them that she may have taken away from him.
And yet despite that knowledge, and the guilt, and everything else that should be stopping her, all she can think about when he smiles at her is that she wants to kiss him again.
"Don't... don't smile at me like that, Cloud." It's said in a near-whisper, her fingers clenching into a fist at her side. "It's not fair."
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"Well, they went to the Chocobo Ranch nearby. It's the only way to cross the marsh without having to fight the Midgar Zolom." He keeps his eyes off of her, instead focusing on unfurling the tent and beginning the parts of setting it up.
"If you want to go, I won't stop you." He's calm as he speaks, his tone understanding. He gets it, he does.
That just might make it all worse.
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"I can't leave you," she replies after a too-long silence, and she stands too, moving over to help him with the tent. Can't, but also won't. "And I have the PHS. If the others need me, they'll let me know."
Tifa takes a deep breath as she works on anchoring the tent. Her mind is caught between two extremes. On one hand, there's the desire to see him safely home, to return him to the her who's surely waiting for him. But on the other, there's the swirling thoughts that won't leave her alone:
What if he never makes it back? Or worse, what if he does get back, only to find that everything is wrong?
And, even more selfishly: What if this Cloud isn't in her future? What if their actions against the Harbingers have ruined it for them before they even have a chance to begin?
Tifa has never been good about allowing herself to be vulnerable. And yet here she is. Here they are. Has she hurt him, in her indecisiveness?
She takes a deep breath. "You have no idea how badly I want to," she tells him, her voice a near-whisper. "It's just... It wouldn't be fair to her. To me. Your me."
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"Sorry." He tells Tifa, motioning for her to follow him as he heads for the land's edge. "I wasn't trying to ignore you. Just didn't know what else to say."
Cloud pulls out a contractible fishing rod and takes a seat. It's gonna be fish for dinner! If he's able to catch anything.
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She follows him over the edge, brows lifting when he pulls out a fishing rod, and takes a seat beside him in the grass.
"I didn't know you could fish."
Then again, she supposes now that there's a lot of things she doesn't know about him.
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"I used to be alone a lot on my deliveries; certain things get old pretty fast. So I would try to mix it up." They could have gone to Kalm maybe, but Cloud didn't want to risk something happening to their tent.
"Won't exactly be the best dinner." Cloud finds himself absently wishing for a fish de-boning Materia...
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Thankfully, she's spared from the back-and-forth of her own thoughts and feelings for too much longer though, because when Cloud speaks up again, it gives her an idea. For a moment, it's hidden behind her hand in the form of an amused smile, before she offers:
"Let's make a deal, then. You fish, I'll cook. I can probably find a few herbs around here to flavor it, too. Okay?"
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The warmth, the love--the appreciation--it's all there in his Mako-tinged eyes. Then they pull away to look back out to the ocean. He fishes for a bit and does catch a couple of nice sized types, then takes to scaling them to remove...you know..the scales, does his best to pull out bones and filet the fish up before cooking them.
Every now and again, Cloud can't help but look Tifa's way, even if he doesn't say anything while he works.
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It's terrifying.
Tifa is almost grateful for the chance to break away from him for a little, to look around for something they can use to season the fish in some way. She's not expecting much - after all, the land around Midgar is largely barren, drained of its energy by the reactors. Even this far out, plants apart from grass are few and far between. She is able to find a few herbs though, coming back to him just in time for him to have the fish descaled and filleted.
"My turn." It's said with a small smile as she joins him again. "Relax a little, okay?" After all, he's come so far and put in so much work for her already; this is the very least she can do.
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"Wish there was a stream or something nearby." He grumbles, totally loud enough for Tifa to hear him. Cloud looks towards the ocean and makes his way to the edge of the continent. He lays flat on his belly and reaches over the edge while Tifa busies herself with seasoning and such.
splish splash goes the water as Cloud basically washes his hands in it. Sure it's all scales and blood and such, but it's the ocean! Fish do that to each other all the time. "Whoops--!" A much bigger splash can be heard as Cloud one hundred percent slips and falls into the ocean.
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She's just placed the filets on the grill when the splash sounds behind her, and she whirls around, her eyes wide. "Shit..!"
Fish forgotten, she sprints over to the water's edge, searching the waves for a sign of him.
"Cloud?!"
Can he swim? What if he can't swim? It's not like Nibelheim was coastal... Panic dictating her speed, Tifa tears off her boots and gauntlet, leaving them in the grassy dirt as she prepares to dive in right behind him.
She'll just give him a few seconds...
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bob bob
Then his head shows above the water completely, Cloud crossing the little bit of distance to the bit of earth there. He's just going to cut a little foothold with his smaller sword and then from there he just "Hup!" jumps up and over her.
He lands safe and solid on his feet and sheathes his smaller sword back in place. Now he's all wet though. "I'm all wet." See?
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She shakes her head. "That's what happens when you fall in the ocean, Cloud."
Still, she wouldn't be Tifa if she didn't worry about him, even over something as little as him being a little waterlogged. With dusk setting in, it's hardly getting any warmer, and the last thing she wants is for him to get sick. Especially when he's come all this way (time?) for her sake.
"You should lay them out by the fire, let them dry."
At least for now, she's forgotten about her own discomfort.
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had to use this icon again, really
XD OoOo~ Cloud: *shakes head* Tifa: *Careless Whisper plays*
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Dammit Tifa, the fish! XD
Yep, fish totally forgotten. LOL
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