[ The hour is late in the House of Daena. Officially, the library closed some time before, but as always the wooden tables are dotted with students who have sneaked in to take advantage of a quieter-than-normal space. Some are studying, some are sleeping on piles of books; and one, a pretty blonde with fiery ruby eyes, is in the middle of an impassioned rant, words directed in a half-whisper to his silver-haired companion. ]
—and then he tried to kiss me again, [ Kaveh is saying, his nose wrinkled in displeasure and his voice at least 10 decibels too loud for their location. ] You'd think he would've gotten the hint the first time...
[ Breaking off with a shake of his head, he offers an apologetic smile and a small wave to a student across the way whose eyes fixed on his face, scowling as if to tell him to shut his mouth. And when he speaks again, his voice is lower in volume, edged with a frustrated sigh: ]
Honestly, sometimes I don't know why I bother.
[ An untruth, of sorts. Deep down, Kaveh knows exactly why he bothers with the various men and women with whom he's had dalliances, no matter how frustrating some— many— of them have been. It all comes down to the young man sitting at the table next to him, the emerald-eyed Haravatat forced not for the first time to listen to his frustrated rant. Alhaitham is so different from him in so many ways, his mind so fascinating and full of curiosities for the older of the two to explore; yet there are commonalities, too, experiences that draw them together and give them an understanding of each other that their fellow students simply cannot fathom. He is Kaveh's best friend—
And yet he's so much more than just that.
Since their first meeting, the blonde student has found his thoughts and dreams full of the other, and the many late nights sat up studying and talking have done nothing to help. Every kiss is for him, every touch given to another mapped in his mind to Alhaitham's body, even as they're designed in spirit to help him move on from the other. No matter what he does, nothing works.
So they're here, again: Kaveh ranting over a sketch as his fellow student tries to read, expressing his frustrations over a date that was doomed to fail from the start. ]
[ it never mattered how directly alhaitham displayed his distaste for these types of conversations. kaveh has no shortage of grievances to sigh and scowl at, and at his lower points, conversations with friends inevitably spiral into his upset ranting. alhaitham, who is ostensibly his closest friend, would receive the lion's share of this behavior no matter his reaction to it. to many, it seemed like kaveh would actively seek out alhaitham's dissenting opinions and scathing remarks about his relationships—even when it made him inevitably furious and offended.
the issue is that alhaitham has no shortage of commentary either. not when it concerns his golden-haired, ruby-eyed senior and the people he allows to court him, each for a short while until all fell apart.
alhaitham is as much a part of this problem as kaveh is. alhaitham himself is distantly aware of this, yet kaveh has always been an exception to alhaitham's stalwart rationality. there's nothing rational about the flare of jealousy in alhaitham's stomach each time kaveh offers his affectionate smiles in some other direction. there's no defense for covertly watching the give of kaveh's lips—only seemingly thin, plush at the lightest press of a finger, coral pink from so much nervous nibbling—when he kisses someone else. there's no excuse for the thought that erupts each time the relationship ends and kaveh is left pouting or exasperated or heartbroken: why do you bother at all when they hardly deserve you? ]
You say "honestly" as if you have not made such remarks many times in the past.
[ so yes, the two of them have (again) monopolized one of the far tables in the house of daena. thoughout kaveh's complaints, alhaitham has not looked up from his parcels of paper or the dictionary of runes beside it. his fingertips are gripping the nib of his quill a little too tightly, but his note-taking continues on. ]
Once again, I have mistakenly thought that my Senior had interest in studying this evening.
[ Of course, Alhaitham's comment is met first with a scowl, and then a sigh, something bordering on apologetic as he lowers his head, tries to focus his attention back on the sprawling sketches and diagrams in front of him. ]
No, no. I'm sorry, Alhaitham, you're not mistaken, I just... I just got distracted. I do want to study. [ Because he does, he really does— his assignment is due within the week, and if he can't figure out how to place the central column without ruining the feel of the whole design, he's not going to able to turn it in
(perfectionism is a curse)
and then he'll fail, and— and why would that be different to anything else, really? He can't even keep his attention on someone for long enough to drive his infuriating best friend from his mind, so what's the point? ]
I just don't get it, [ he mutters, and it's been less than two minutes since Alhaitham complained at him, since he apologized and resolved to shut his mouth for at the very least a little while. ] Did he think it would fix it somehow? After I already ended it? I told him I wouldn't change my mind, and it's not like he was a good enough kisser to make that happen even if I was on the fence...
[ He sighs. Archons, he sounds so shallow. Dumping a guy because he's a bad kisser? Of course, that's hardly the whole story, but there's a part of Kaveh that wonders how awful it sounds to Alhaitham, how badly the other man must be judging him by now— if he hasn't always judged him for his long string of short-lived relationships. He practically judges himself, especially when none of them end have ended up doing what they're meant to do— ]
Maybe I need to take a break from dating for a while.
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sempiternals2023-08-26 11:23 pm
here it begins, something to lie about
—and then he tried to kiss me again, [ Kaveh is saying, his nose wrinkled in displeasure and his voice at least 10 decibels too loud for their location. ] You'd think he would've gotten the hint the first time...
[ Breaking off with a shake of his head, he offers an apologetic smile and a small wave to a student across the way whose eyes fixed on his face, scowling as if to tell him to shut his mouth. And when he speaks again, his voice is lower in volume, edged with a frustrated sigh: ]
Honestly, sometimes I don't know why I bother.
[ An untruth, of sorts. Deep down, Kaveh knows exactly why he bothers with the various men and women with whom he's had dalliances, no matter how frustrating some— many— of them have been. It all comes down to the young man sitting at the table next to him, the emerald-eyed Haravatat forced not for the first time to listen to his frustrated rant. Alhaitham is so different from him in so many ways, his mind so fascinating and full of curiosities for the older of the two to explore; yet there are commonalities, too, experiences that draw them together and give them an understanding of each other that their fellow students simply cannot fathom. He is Kaveh's best friend—
And yet he's so much more than just that.
Since their first meeting, the blonde student has found his thoughts and dreams full of the other, and the many late nights sat up studying and talking have done nothing to help. Every kiss is for him, every touch given to another mapped in his mind to Alhaitham's body, even as they're designed in spirit to help him move on from the other. No matter what he does, nothing works.
So they're here, again: Kaveh ranting over a sketch as his fellow student tries to read, expressing his frustrations over a date that was doomed to fail from the start. ]
no subject
the issue is that alhaitham has no shortage of commentary either. not when it concerns his golden-haired, ruby-eyed senior and the people he allows to court him, each for a short while until all fell apart.
alhaitham is as much a part of this problem as kaveh is. alhaitham himself is distantly aware of this, yet kaveh has always been an exception to alhaitham's stalwart rationality. there's nothing rational about the flare of jealousy in alhaitham's stomach each time kaveh offers his affectionate smiles in some other direction. there's no defense for covertly watching the give of kaveh's lips—only seemingly thin, plush at the lightest press of a finger, coral pink from so much nervous nibbling—when he kisses someone else. there's no excuse for the thought that erupts each time the relationship ends and kaveh is left pouting or exasperated or heartbroken: why do you bother at all when they hardly deserve you? ]
You say "honestly" as if you have not made such remarks many times in the past.
[ so yes, the two of them have (again) monopolized one of the far tables in the house of daena. thoughout kaveh's complaints, alhaitham has not looked up from his parcels of paper or the dictionary of runes beside it. his fingertips are gripping the nib of his quill a little too tightly, but his note-taking continues on. ]
Once again, I have mistakenly thought that my Senior had interest in studying this evening.
no subject
No, no. I'm sorry, Alhaitham, you're not mistaken, I just... I just got distracted. I do want to study. [ Because he does, he really does— his assignment is due within the week, and if he can't figure out how to place the central column without ruining the feel of the whole design, he's not going to able to turn it in
(perfectionism is a curse)
and then he'll fail, and— and why would that be different to anything else, really? He can't even keep his attention on someone for long enough to drive his infuriating best friend from his mind, so what's the point? ]
I just don't get it, [ he mutters, and it's been less than two minutes since Alhaitham complained at him, since he apologized and resolved to shut his mouth for at the very least a little while. ] Did he think it would fix it somehow? After I already ended it? I told him I wouldn't change my mind, and it's not like he was a good enough kisser to make that happen even if I was on the fence...
[ He sighs. Archons, he sounds so shallow. Dumping a guy because he's a bad kisser? Of course, that's hardly the whole story, but there's a part of Kaveh that wonders how awful it sounds to Alhaitham, how badly the other man must be judging him by now— if he hasn't always judged him for his long string of short-lived relationships. He practically judges himself, especially when none of them end have ended up doing what they're meant to do— ]
Maybe I need to take a break from dating for a while.