[ Kaveh can't understand exactly what Tighnari is going through right now. His biology is completely different, and so his urges have never been entirely out of his control. The only thing to which he can continue to liken it is his sex and his gender, incongruous as they always were until he met someone willing to help him bring them somewhat more in alignment, out of his control in a different way.
All he can do is try to show the other man that he understands, that he doesn't blame him, that they're going to be alright—
As the time passes, he feels Tighnari start to relax against him— but he can also hear and feel the change in the other's breathing, a forced steadiness in each inhale and exhale. Kaveh bites his lip, runs his fingers through his friend's hair. ]
[ gods, how he hates that kaveh needs to comfort him at all - he shouldn't be, it's wrong, it's backward, but tighnari isn't strong enough to pull away from it, either. the fingers through his hair feel lovely, and tighnari's trembling ears fold back as he slowly pulls away, scrubbing at his face with both hands. things will never be the same, after this. he cannot undo what has been done. but he can still try to take care of kaveh. ]
I'm all right.
[ he says hollowly, his voice rough from weeping, and for the first time he can remember, he is unable to look kaveh in the eye. he busies himself with his things instead, carrying his packed bag aside to set it down at the end of kaveh's bed. he can feel his rut riding at his back, biting into his flesh. ]
[ For all that Tighnari tells him that he's all right, he doesn't sound it, doesn't feel it. Kaveh doesn't know how he can possibly express it, prove it to him that he's not as bad as his friend seems to think, that he knows already that the pain between them will pass, that he blames the fennec for nothing, knowing in his heart of hearts that anything that happened was out of Tighnari's control.
For now, at least, he follows the other over to his bed, reaching out to gently snag his slim wrist in long fingers. ]
`Nari.
[ His voice is soft, pleading. ]
Please don't shut me out. I promise you that I'm okay, you don't need... please don't beat yourself up over this. I'm okay. I don't blame you for anything, I know that... I know how hard you work to control this part of you, and...
[ Kaveh takes a moment, closes his eyes, lets out a low, slow breath. ]
You don't have to control it with me. Okay? I mean that. Let me help you. Not just to feel guilty. To really help.
those words threaten to bring tears to his eyes again, and tighnari tenses when those fingers wrap his wrist - but then.. he slowly relaxes, closing his aching eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I don't want to shut you out. You shouldn't - you shouldn't be the one comforting me, after -
[ he bites off the rest. tighnari doesn't want to argue anymore, not with kaveh, his sweet kaveh, who deserves all the warmth in the world. after a long moment of hesitation, tighnari turns his wrist to take kaveh's hand in his own, weaving their fingers together and squeezing gently. ]
[ The relief when Tighnari's wrist turns, taking Kaveh's hand in his... it's palpable, and there's a few seconds only that pass before he bursts into tears, wrapping his arms tightly around the other and pressing into him. ]
Thank the Archons. I thought you weren't going to come back to me.
[ It's probably not what Tighnari expects to hear, but it's the truth. Just moments ago, he was so scared that things were fucked up for good, and he—
He pulls back to look at the other, a small, quavering smile on his lips. ]
I meant everything I said. Let go of it and let me help you. We can... we can worry about the rest of it later. Okay?
[ Does he know exactly what he's asking for? No, and perhaps that's dangerous. But he wants to help, that's all that matters right now. ]
[ kaveh's tears are fierce and sudden, and tighnari's heart drops a little for having given him such a scare. he exhales softly, his arms coming around kaveh again, his stinging eyes closing as he presses his face to his shoulder.
everything isn't perfect again, things will take time to heal, as any wound does, but.. things feel a little bit lighter again, at least. tighnari isn't sure that he will ever truly be able to forgive himself for hurting kaveh in this way, but they can move forward together, at the very least. when kaveh pulls back, tighnari looks exceedingly tired, but he nods nonetheless. ]
All right. If you're still sure.
[ that kaveh can still want to help him despite it all is surely testament to his kindness, but not accepting will surely do more harm than good. ]
[ The words are quiet, hiccuped more than anything as he smiles through red-rimmed eyes down at the shorter man. Then, he sniffs, and shakes his head. ]
Sorry for crying. I just. I was worried, that's all. I thought...
[ Another shake of his head. No, none of that matters right now. What's important is that he can take care of Tighnari, so...
Another sniffle, and then he straightens up to his full height. He can do this. ]
If I wanna take these meds, I probably need to get some food... let me make a call to the kitchen, okay? And then I'll be here for whatever you need while we wait for it and after.
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sempiternals2023-12-14 11:09 am
no subject
All he can do is try to show the other man that he understands, that he doesn't blame him, that they're going to be alright—
As the time passes, he feels Tighnari start to relax against him— but he can also hear and feel the change in the other's breathing, a forced steadiness in each inhale and exhale. Kaveh bites his lip, runs his fingers through his friend's hair. ]
How are you feeling?
no subject
I'm all right.
[ he says hollowly, his voice rough from weeping, and for the first time he can remember, he is unable to look kaveh in the eye. he busies himself with his things instead, carrying his packed bag aside to set it down at the end of kaveh's bed. he can feel his rut riding at his back, biting into his flesh. ]
I can hold it off for a little while longer.
no subject
For now, at least, he follows the other over to his bed, reaching out to gently snag his slim wrist in long fingers. ]
`Nari.
[ His voice is soft, pleading. ]
Please don't shut me out. I promise you that I'm okay, you don't need... please don't beat yourself up over this. I'm okay. I don't blame you for anything, I know that... I know how hard you work to control this part of you, and...
[ Kaveh takes a moment, closes his eyes, lets out a low, slow breath. ]
You don't have to control it with me. Okay? I mean that. Let me help you. Not just to feel guilty. To really help.
no subject
those words threaten to bring tears to his eyes again, and tighnari tenses when those fingers wrap his wrist - but then.. he slowly relaxes, closing his aching eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I don't want to shut you out. You shouldn't - you shouldn't be the one comforting me, after -
[ he bites off the rest. tighnari doesn't want to argue anymore, not with kaveh, his sweet kaveh, who deserves all the warmth in the world. after a long moment of hesitation, tighnari turns his wrist to take kaveh's hand in his own, weaving their fingers together and squeezing gently. ]
You're right. We.. we'll be all right.
[ they'll always be all right. ]
no subject
Thank the Archons. I thought you weren't going to come back to me.
[ It's probably not what Tighnari expects to hear, but it's the truth. Just moments ago, he was so scared that things were fucked up for good, and he—
He pulls back to look at the other, a small, quavering smile on his lips. ]
I meant everything I said. Let go of it and let me help you. We can... we can worry about the rest of it later. Okay?
[ Does he know exactly what he's asking for? No, and perhaps that's dangerous. But he wants to help, that's all that matters right now. ]
no subject
everything isn't perfect again, things will take time to heal, as any wound does, but.. things feel a little bit lighter again, at least. tighnari isn't sure that he will ever truly be able to forgive himself for hurting kaveh in this way, but they can move forward together, at the very least. when kaveh pulls back, tighnari looks exceedingly tired, but he nods nonetheless. ]
All right. If you're still sure.
[ that kaveh can still want to help him despite it all is surely testament to his kindness, but not accepting will surely do more harm than good. ]
no subject
[ The words are quiet, hiccuped more than anything as he smiles through red-rimmed eyes down at the shorter man. Then, he sniffs, and shakes his head. ]
Sorry for crying. I just. I was worried, that's all. I thought...
[ Another shake of his head. No, none of that matters right now. What's important is that he can take care of Tighnari, so...
Another sniffle, and then he straightens up to his full height. He can do this. ]
If I wanna take these meds, I probably need to get some food... let me make a call to the kitchen, okay? And then I'll be here for whatever you need while we wait for it and after.