[ Perhaps the worst of it all is that Kaveh knows, logically, that all the things Alhaitham says are true. He wouldn't willingly spend time in the company of someone with whom he did not wish to spend time. He wouldn't bother to hide disdain held for another. He never has before, why would he start now?
But it's a logic answered on the other side of his brain by the memory that his own mother was okay with leaving him behind, by the knowledge that when it comes to the other man, he's often the exception rather than the rule— Alhaitham may be willing to eject anyone else from his life without a second thought, but Kaveh knows it wouldn't be that simple for him, even if the other man was ready to move on. After all, they're inextricably entwined, not so easily parted by something as little as will—
And so how is he able to answer a question such as that?
Kaveh looks up, meeting the fixed squareness of that gaze, and this time it's the elder who finds it hard to maintain the contact between their eyes. ]
Is it really as easy as that? [ His voice is soft, serious despite the sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ] This is part of who I am, Alhaitham. It will get easier in time but maybe it will never fully go away—
[ And that's why it's important for them to have this discussion, to learn, to figure out what they can do to make it easier for them in the future, when their insecurities and idiosyncracies try to play them off against one another. ]
Is there anything I could have said before this happened that would have reassured you? I told you I love you, but you still had reason to doubt.
[ There's no blame in his voice. This isn't Alhaitham's fault. Nor is it his. He understands that, logically, even though that dark part of his mind wants to crowd over itself in anger and guilt, hating him for confirming the fears that the other doesn't even want to admit to having. ]
[ is the quick, flat reply to kaveh's question - could he say more, do more - and that kind of offer is so inexplicably him to a fault that the scribe nips it in the bud straightaway. whatever they'd been building together so far was something that they'd constructed in tandem, but alhaitham isn't blind; he sees the small things that the other does that he'd never even think of, the way that he phrases things more eloquently and diplomatically than the scribe ever would.
the last thing that he wants is for kaveh to do more on top of the more he already does everywhere else. ]
It was nothing you did or didn't do, it was the circumstances we were given. [ a sigh, as he distantly considers revisiting dori to heist the money back. ] I suppose that's part of who I will always be too; I doubt there'll ever be a time where I wouldn't chase a theory if it pertained to something important to me.
[ the discomfort of the conversation is still present like a thick blanket draped over his body, and as a distraction response the taller man runs a hand through his unkempt hair in an attempt to smooth it back. in a measured tone edged with lethargy; ]
I don't know if anything I'm saying is helping, really. Where do things go from here? Do you move back in, and we act as if this was an idiotic misunderstanding? Do you stay wherever it is you're staying, and we start over?
[ after all, this was stretching beyond his knowledge of social constructs. it's not like he'd gone through relationships before, let alone semi-breakups, so he has no idea what an acceptable solution is. continuing with nonchalance; ]
As long as it results in this - [ he idly gestures between them: ] continuing, I love you, so I'm open to whatever solution you find most comfortable.
[ oh, and he doesn't even think about that as he says it, nor does he even notice. ]
[ Funnily enough, for the first time ever Kaveh isn't genuinely asking if there's more he could have done. In a way, the question is rhetorical— something to make Alhaitham realize that the feeling was something insidious, something that took them both in its grasp despite everything between them being otherwise perfect.
(That said, he still would have made an effort to do more had the other man told him he could, and so the scribe's quick rejection is probably a wise move on his part.)
But despite that small misunderstanding, the architect's message seems to have gotten across, and he finds his smile turning to something a little more fond.
The questions that Alhaitham poses are wise, sensible, and Kaveh has answers to all of them as well as queries of his own: If the other is happy with it, he wants to move back in. Chalking it up to a misunderstanding makes the most sense, but some vulnerabilities have been uncovered— on both their parts— that may mean they have to tread more carefully for a while. They'll need to learn to be better about communicating with each other.
And as for the scribe: does he want his money repaid to him? The guilt says doubtlessly yes, but the Kaveh who is learning, the Kaveh who is trying to be an adult man in a semi-functioning relationship, says it's a question that has to be asked. Does he want it repaid— and if not, should they start saving instead, putting money aside for that house Kaveh has designed for them, or for something similar, something they can dream together?
His lips are halfway parted in reply when Alhaitham continues talking, and drops— with the straightest, most stoic face he's worn in the whole time Kaveh has been in his orbit— a bomb so powerful the blonde nearly staggers off the bed in shock. His eyes wide, he stares, and the tears he's worked so hard on keeping back the last week (largely failing, but he tried) spring instantly to his eyes, brimming and overflowing before he can voice more than a single syllable in reaction. ]
Good tears— [ he gasps out with a wet, breathless laugh, lest Alhaitham misunderstand as he has before; he reaches up to brush the tears from his lashes, shaking his head. ] I love you too.
[ in his sluggish state, alhaitham hadn't expected simple words to break the dam of kaveh's tears and for a moment he simply stares at the other with a blank, bemused look as the architect laughs the reaction off. it's incredibly silly, but somehow oddly endearing at the same time in that way that the blonde had always perfected - and with a quiet huff, the scribe shakes his head. ]
You're ridiculous.
[ because he is, they are, and even though he hadn't consciously thought about the phrase itself, alhaitham supposes it had merely become a solidified fact over the week they'd been apart. his mind never had trouble dispensing objective truths, and this one was no different - kaveh's departure had proven to him something which he'd half-thought was impossible, that someone had managed to become such an integral part in his life that continuing on without them was somewhat of an empty existence.
it surprises him a little, perhaps, but the scribe would never dare argue with evidence.
seeing the blonde cry still makes something twist inside him though, even if they were 'good tears' (a concept alhaitham will never understand), and so in a subtle, functional gesture of comfort, a large hand comes to rest on top of kaveh's knee.
perhaps it wouldn't make him stop crying, but it would make the taller man feel a little less conscious of the fact he'd let his hands go earlier. ]
Also, that's not an answer to anything I asked. I can offer more options, but I imagine they'll start becoming either more irrelevant or more absurd.
[ Alhaitham's words, the hand on his knee, serve to bring him out of the emotional well he created for himself and back into reality, another wet laugh as he lowers his hand to clasp over the one at his knee, tangling their fingers together, expression fond as he meets the other's eyes once again. Really, with such sweetness on the other's lips— no matter how calmly and factually the words were spoken— Kaveh has to fight back the urge to tell the scribe to just shut up and kiss him, that they can work out the details later, once one has slept off his hangover and the other has relaxed enough that he's not crying fresh tears into existence each and every minute.
But he knows Alhaitham well enough to know that such a demand will leave him without a moment's peace until they speak about it, and so he sighs, another shake of his head as he wipes at his eyes once more, a light brush of the back of his hand gathering as many tears as he can.
(Fruitlessly, of course, because they're immediately replaced with more.) ]
If you'll have me, I want to stay here with you— [ he says, thumb absently tracing patterns into the other's skin ] —and I don't want to start over, but I don't think it's as simple as just saying it was a misunderstanding, either. We have to learn from this, and get better about communicating these things, even when they're hard. That goes for me as well as for you.
[ He should probably give Alhaitham a moment to digest that, allow discussion about that part first and foremost, but the words are on his lips and he doesn't want to re-gather the bravery to speak them, so he charges on: ]
About the money you paid to Dori. Do you want me to pay you back? Or do we put that money instead to other dreams?
"If I'll have you." [ he repeats, his voice simply tired incredulity as if this was the stupidest hypothetical he'd ever heard. ] This house always was half your home, even if it wasn't in title. You can move back in when you desire.
[ because it had become that, hadn't it? a home, rather than a chattel. not that alhaitham was a particularly sentimental person when it came to things, but there'd perhaps been more than one reason he'd kept the house all these years even though kaveh had signed himself out of it. it had been born from their collaborative work, and to that end, had become a reminder of them.
alhaitham will put that two and two together eventually, when his head didn't feel like caving in. ]
If it's not starting over, then what does that look like? I'm unfamiliar.
[ the scribe sighs, not at the prospect of work, but at the prospect of not knowing. he deals in facts and certainties (which is an irony considering the highly strung emotional capacity of the blonde sitting in front of him) - and while he's willing to learn, alhaitham's still raw. ]
As for Dori - forget it. I wouldn't have paid it off if doing so would've put me in financial jeopardy, so you don't have to worry about it.
[ a pause, as he arches an eyebrow underneath a mess of silver hair. ]
After all, that was essentially the point of the whole endeavour.
Then consider me moved back in. [ The response comes quiet, quick. ] I'll have to pick up a few things from Tighnari's place later, but—
[ Whoops. Tighnari. Kaveh told the other he'd "be back later"— last night. He should probably contact the forest ranger sooner rather than later to let him know he's alright.
In a little while, though. Right now he wants to relax like this, enjoy the comfort of the man sprawled out against his side. Idly, his fingers tighten around the hand twined with his, lifting it to his lips so he can dot soft kisses along the crests of Alhaitham's knuckles as he listens to the other feel the words out.
Of course, the answer is as difficult as the question. Kaveh's never been in a relationship quite like this one, nor one as serious as this. Even by himself, Alhaitham warrants a certain degree of care... The blonde sighs, brows furrowing as he thinks it over. ] It doesn't look all that much different from before— [ is his eventual answer, his smile soft. ] Just... It's just a promise. If something happens, and one of us feels... insecure, or has doubts, or doesn't understand... then we talk about it instead of testing. Or assuming.
[ The smile fades in place, a more serious expression on his face even as he unfolds the fingers in his hand, his lips finding the other man's palm instead, kisses pressed into the skin. ]
I don't want to screw this up again.
[ As for the debt... well, later he'll remember to feel bad about it, but right now there's an excitement practically waiting under the seriousness of the needed discussion, a readiness to show Alhaitham everything he's planned for them and ask for input. ]
I can keep the intention of a promise. [ the scribe murmurs, eyes drifting to where kaveh's lips met the skin of his hand. ] Making commitments I can't keep seems disingenuous, when it appears neither of us have been motivated by malice. Even when we talk, we've repeatedly proven that it can just as easily devolve into an argument because of perspective. Emotion.
[ things he's still coming to grips with in their nuance, really. and it's so hard to focus on the conversation when he's torn between feeling like shit warmed up or frustratingly charmed by how beautiful kaveh looks as his lips graze his skin, doing something to stir up the flicker of feeling deep down inside him - but alhaitham is doing his best to put what he considers ephemeral concepts into words, because kaveh's right.
this all needed to be addressed, perhaps even breaking the issues down to their core components so there was absolutely no room for misinterpretation since they both seemed to run a mile with it; because the scribe doesn't want a repeat of the confronting emptiness of the past week. it felt too familiar, that hollow echo of pain just distant enough to be reminiscent of something else.
then the architect says something that makes alhaitham purse his lips in displeasure, the ghost of a frown on his face. ]
Don't say that. [ it comes out more as a demand than he intends, but the taller man had never bothered mincing words. ] It wouldn't be in the spirit of a new start if you took all the blame, when the very definition of a relationship is a fine balance.
[ For a moment, Kaveh almost wants to protest, wants to push the idea of the promise so that Alhaitham will realize how serious and important it is. But, as frustrating as it might be for him, he understands where the other is coming from, understands that the scribe won't make a promise he doesn't know for sure he can keep. And so he doesn't complain— but he is silent for a short while, trying to decide the best way to respond to him as his lips continue their lazy pattern of kisses over the palm of his hand.
The sudden sharpness of the other's voice makes him stop though, look up in mild surprise, and Kaveh can't help but laugh, his expression immediately fond as he shakes his head. ]
Believe it or not, I wasn't blaming myself. [ He lowers Alhaitham's hand back to his leg so that he can twist to face the other, his lithe fingers rising to cup the sharp sides of his face instead. ] We made this mess together— Maybe I should have been clearer. [ Kaveh's forehead rests against Alhaitham's, ruby eyes meeting emerald, that slight smile quirking the corners of his lips. ]
I don't want us to go through this again. Keeping the intention of a promise is fine— you're right, misunderstandings will probably happen anyway. [ When it comes to the two of them, they always do. ] We'll talk, we'll figure it out, we'll do whatever we have to do to make it right. I love you, and I don't want us to screw this up again.
[ And then, because he wouldn't be Kaveh if he wasn't seeking some sort of approval from the other man, his lips quirk a little more, a question in his expression. ] Better?
[ the soft brush of golden hair and cool fingers against his face is a welcome comfort to a difficult conversation and a pounding headache, eyes slipping closed as he simply enjoys. the warmth and proximity he'd been bereft of for a week still felt like a relief, even though they'd already spent the night tangled together; even though they'd been spoiled for touch since their reconciliation.
with a quiet huff that's mostly disbelief at his own sentimentality, long arms wind around kaveh's waist and come to rest at his sides. the way they're seated makes it difficult to reach too far forward, so instead the scribe settles for stroking a thumb slowly, rhythmically against the skin just above the hem of his pants - a soothing gesture more than anything else, but at the same time, alhaitham can't quite help himself from touching.
the morning didn't need to be anything more than this, but he realises he's loathe to let the other go so easily again - a thought that brings his sluggish mind back to one of the catalysts of the night before.
a murmur, with obvious reluctance; ]
If that's the case, there were other things that came up last night we should probably discuss; significant things. [ turquoise eyes open again to fix on kaveh's, if only to demonstrate that he was serious. after all, the plans that the architect had drawn, mentions of a future, much less a family - all things that would probably warrant definition before misunderstanding. ] - but, not right now.
[ Alhaitham's actions are rewarded with a contented sigh; like the other man, Kaveh is simply enjoying this moment they're sharing, the feel of the other's skin under fingers he thought would never get to touch him again, the soft huffing sound on the other's lips as his arms wind around Kaveh's waist. And where that eagerness is still bubbling under the blonde's skin, he smiles broadly when those eyes open to meet his own once more, offering a gentle smile and a nod in response. ]
Later, [ he agrees. ] When your head isn't pounding. And when—
[ And then Kaveh groans, because the realization has just hit him that he's meant to head into the desert tomorrow, having already put his client off by the better part of a week with his supposed sickness. His hands drop from the other's cheeks, shoulders slumping, a typically too-distressed look on his face. ]
I'm meant to go to Aaru Village for a few days, starting tomorrow. [ He doesn't want to go. He wants to stay here and find normal again before he's forced to be apart from Alhaitham once more. ] I've got some plans to go over with a client for a project, and—
[ He sighs. ]
Do you want me to cancel? I'm sure he won't mind if I reschedule...
[ it's a genuine question, because as far as alhaitham's concerned the matter is sorted - it's black and white that kaveh has 'moved back in' as such, and the idea of finding a new normal is completely alien to him when it simply was. and, anyway: they'd lived together far too long already, relationship or no, that the scribe is aware that there were only negative consequences for the architect procrastinating.
longer nights, more stress, darker circles under ruby eyes.
pulling back slightly, the taller man gently drops a hand on the crown of that blonde hair - much like reassuring a puppy, he supposes - and shakes his head. ]
Go and do your project; your head will be much clearer with it out of the way.
[ a pause, and despite his tiredness, a wicked glint in his otherwise level eyes. ]
[ He would cancel, Kaveh wants to say, because sorted or not, they have been apart from one another for a whole week. He's missed him, and the thought of having to leave again so soon after coming together again is just awful. He's stopped in his thoughts though by that glint in Alhaitham's eyes, and in the next his own narrow, a huff on his lips as his hands shove at the other's chest. ]
Archons, you are such a jerk, [ he mutters, but the grumping doesn't reach his eyes, which instead are alight with affection as they meet Alhaitham's own. That wickedness soothes him, gives him the best feeling he's had since a week ago; despite the tiredness the other is feeling, the hangover he's suffering, Alhaitham is cheerful enough to tease him.
It doesn't take long for his smile to come to his mouth, reversing the irritated pout on his lips as his hands move back to their place on the sides of the other's face, holding him as he leans to close the gap between them, lips catching Alhaitham's in a soft kiss, answering the pained longing of the last several days. ]
I know I have to go. [ The confession is murmured with a sigh against the other's mouth. ] But I'll miss you while I'm there.
[ alhaitham retorts evenly, though he lets kaveh push him a little because this, this felt like slipping on a well-worn glove and enjoying the fit of it. the two of them had a peculiar dynamic, but it was inarguably, intrinsically theirs; and he'd gotten so used to it over the past year or so that existence felt unbalanced when it was missing.
the kiss is equally savoured, the taller man lingering perhaps just a second longer than would be appropriate for the context of it - but he's currently indisposed, and therefore feeling rather selfish. kaveh's skin always feels so pleasant against his own, a panacea for the tumult of the past week that does something to wash away the sour taste of solitude.
the house would be quiet again without the blonde around; but this time it'd be a comfortable silence, rather than a foreboding one. plus - at least it'd be a chance for alhaitham to catch up on the sleep he'd missed turning things over in his mind on empty nights the past week. ]
Your absence will be felt, too.
[ he says finally, punctuating the statement with a look so intense it bordered on smouldering - but who can really tell, with the weariness at the creases of his eyes, and the stoic expression. ]
- that said, you should probably pack. You always forget something, so taking your time might avoid that.
Hey! [ he exclaims, offended, as if he has any right to be when the other speaks the truth— more than once has Kaveh had to purchase additional clothing against the cold desert nights, or an extra toothbrush, or something else equally important somehow forgotten in the rush of his packing. This perfectly true fact doesn't stop him from pouting about Alhaitham trying to kick him out of bed, though. ] I'll do it today. Don't rush me right now— I'm enjoying this.
[ And he is. In fact, instead of getting up, Kaveh puts any remaining cups and plates on the side table before bodily pulling Alhaitham back down to the bed with him, arms and legs draped over the other in a silent declaration: right now, he's not going anywhere. Right now, he wants to get as much of this as he can.
He's going to miss Alhaitham this week, but at least it won't be the horrid, hollow pain of the week just past. And when he gets back, they can talk about their future, about plans for dreams so big a single piece of drafting paper can't contain them. ]
Sleep. You need it, to shake off your hangover.
[ For now, Kaveh closes his eyes, a smile on his lips. ]
[ the scribe lets himself get tugged back down towards the bed, putting up zero resistance as long limbs wind their way around him in a way that had grown both comforting and familiar. most mornings they awoke to a similar sort of arrangement as kaveh always seems to gravitate towards him in the night regardless of how they go to sleep - and even though it strongly reminded alhaitham of how a tree monkey would act, it was also extremely endearing.
shocked as he is that he's grown to welcome someone in his personal space, alhaitham will refuse to complain. for once. ]
Decent advice, considering the source.
[ he murmurs, settling back into the soft down of the mattress and snaking one muscled arm around the architect's slim waist. the edges of his words get lost in golden hair as his lips brush against the crown of kaveh's head, leaving the ghost of a kiss so faint you'd wonder if it was even really there - and then the scribe's eyes slip closed.
a few moments pass as alhaitham's breathing begins to even out, signaling that he's on the edge of sleep, but before he does, some quiet words sneak out; ]
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sempiternals2023-02-11 10:39 pm
no subject
But it's a logic answered on the other side of his brain by the memory that his own mother was okay with leaving him behind, by the knowledge that when it comes to the other man, he's often the exception rather than the rule— Alhaitham may be willing to eject anyone else from his life without a second thought, but Kaveh knows it wouldn't be that simple for him, even if the other man was ready to move on. After all, they're inextricably entwined, not so easily parted by something as little as will—
And so how is he able to answer a question such as that?
Kaveh looks up, meeting the fixed squareness of that gaze, and this time it's the elder who finds it hard to maintain the contact between their eyes. ]
Is it really as easy as that? [ His voice is soft, serious despite the sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ] This is part of who I am, Alhaitham. It will get easier in time but maybe it will never fully go away—
[ And that's why it's important for them to have this discussion, to learn, to figure out what they can do to make it easier for them in the future, when their insecurities and idiosyncracies try to play them off against one another. ]
Is there anything I could have said before this happened that would have reassured you? I told you I love you, but you still had reason to doubt.
[ There's no blame in his voice. This isn't Alhaitham's fault. Nor is it his. He understands that, logically, even though that dark part of his mind wants to crowd over itself in anger and guilt, hating him for confirming the fears that the other doesn't even want to admit to having. ]
no subject
[ is the quick, flat reply to kaveh's question - could he say more, do more - and that kind of offer is so inexplicably him to a fault that the scribe nips it in the bud straightaway. whatever they'd been building together so far was something that they'd constructed in tandem, but alhaitham isn't blind; he sees the small things that the other does that he'd never even think of, the way that he phrases things more eloquently and diplomatically than the scribe ever would.
the last thing that he wants is for kaveh to do more on top of the more he already does everywhere else. ]
It was nothing you did or didn't do, it was the circumstances we were given. [ a sigh, as he distantly considers revisiting dori to heist the money back. ] I suppose that's part of who I will always be too; I doubt there'll ever be a time where I wouldn't chase a theory if it pertained to something important to me.
[ the discomfort of the conversation is still present like a thick blanket draped over his body, and as a distraction response the taller man runs a hand through his unkempt hair in an attempt to smooth it back. in a measured tone edged with lethargy; ]
I don't know if anything I'm saying is helping, really. Where do things go from here? Do you move back in, and we act as if this was an idiotic misunderstanding? Do you stay wherever it is you're staying, and we start over?
[ after all, this was stretching beyond his knowledge of social constructs. it's not like he'd gone through relationships before, let alone semi-breakups, so he has no idea what an acceptable solution is. continuing with nonchalance; ]
As long as it results in this - [ he idly gestures between them: ] continuing, I love you, so I'm open to whatever solution you find most comfortable.
[ oh, and he doesn't even think about that as he says it, nor does he even notice. ]
no subject
(That said, he still would have made an effort to do more had the other man told him he could, and so the scribe's quick rejection is probably a wise move on his part.)
But despite that small misunderstanding, the architect's message seems to have gotten across, and he finds his smile turning to something a little more fond.
The questions that Alhaitham poses are wise, sensible, and Kaveh has answers to all of them as well as queries of his own: If the other is happy with it, he wants to move back in. Chalking it up to a misunderstanding makes the most sense, but some vulnerabilities have been uncovered— on both their parts— that may mean they have to tread more carefully for a while. They'll need to learn to be better about communicating with each other.
And as for the scribe: does he want his money repaid to him? The guilt says doubtlessly yes, but the Kaveh who is learning, the Kaveh who is trying to be an adult man in a semi-functioning relationship, says it's a question that has to be asked. Does he want it repaid— and if not, should they start saving instead, putting money aside for that house Kaveh has designed for them, or for something similar, something they can dream together?
His lips are halfway parted in reply when Alhaitham continues talking, and drops— with the straightest, most stoic face he's worn in the whole time Kaveh has been in his orbit— a bomb so powerful the blonde nearly staggers off the bed in shock. His eyes wide, he stares, and the tears he's worked so hard on keeping back the last week (largely failing, but he tried) spring instantly to his eyes, brimming and overflowing before he can voice more than a single syllable in reaction. ]
Good tears— [ he gasps out with a wet, breathless laugh, lest Alhaitham misunderstand as he has before; he reaches up to brush the tears from his lashes, shaking his head. ] I love you too.
no subject
You're ridiculous.
[ because he is, they are, and even though he hadn't consciously thought about the phrase itself, alhaitham supposes it had merely become a solidified fact over the week they'd been apart. his mind never had trouble dispensing objective truths, and this one was no different - kaveh's departure had proven to him something which he'd half-thought was impossible, that someone had managed to become such an integral part in his life that continuing on without them was somewhat of an empty existence.
it surprises him a little, perhaps, but the scribe would never dare argue with evidence.
seeing the blonde cry still makes something twist inside him though, even if they were 'good tears' (a concept alhaitham will never understand), and so in a subtle, functional gesture of comfort, a large hand comes to rest on top of kaveh's knee.
perhaps it wouldn't make him stop crying, but it would make the taller man feel a little less conscious of the fact he'd let his hands go earlier. ]
Also, that's not an answer to anything I asked. I can offer more options, but I imagine they'll start becoming either more irrelevant or more absurd.
no subject
But he knows Alhaitham well enough to know that such a demand will leave him without a moment's peace until they speak about it, and so he sighs, another shake of his head as he wipes at his eyes once more, a light brush of the back of his hand gathering as many tears as he can.
(Fruitlessly, of course, because they're immediately replaced with more.) ]
If you'll have me, I want to stay here with you— [ he says, thumb absently tracing patterns into the other's skin ] —and I don't want to start over, but I don't think it's as simple as just saying it was a misunderstanding, either. We have to learn from this, and get better about communicating these things, even when they're hard. That goes for me as well as for you.
[ He should probably give Alhaitham a moment to digest that, allow discussion about that part first and foremost, but the words are on his lips and he doesn't want to re-gather the bravery to speak them, so he charges on: ]
About the money you paid to Dori. Do you want me to pay you back? Or do we put that money instead to other dreams?
no subject
[ because it had become that, hadn't it? a home, rather than a chattel. not that alhaitham was a particularly sentimental person when it came to things, but there'd perhaps been more than one reason he'd kept the house all these years even though kaveh had signed himself out of it. it had been born from their collaborative work, and to that end, had become a reminder of them.
alhaitham will put that two and two together eventually, when his head didn't feel like caving in. ]
If it's not starting over, then what does that look like? I'm unfamiliar.
[ the scribe sighs, not at the prospect of work, but at the prospect of not knowing. he deals in facts and certainties (which is an irony considering the highly strung emotional capacity of the blonde sitting in front of him) - and while he's willing to learn, alhaitham's still raw. ]
As for Dori - forget it. I wouldn't have paid it off if doing so would've put me in financial jeopardy, so you don't have to worry about it.
[ a pause, as he arches an eyebrow underneath a mess of silver hair. ]
After all, that was essentially the point of the whole endeavour.
no subject
[ Whoops. Tighnari. Kaveh told the other he'd "be back later"— last night. He should probably contact the forest ranger sooner rather than later to let him know he's alright.
In a little while, though. Right now he wants to relax like this, enjoy the comfort of the man sprawled out against his side. Idly, his fingers tighten around the hand twined with his, lifting it to his lips so he can dot soft kisses along the crests of Alhaitham's knuckles as he listens to the other feel the words out.
Of course, the answer is as difficult as the question. Kaveh's never been in a relationship quite like this one, nor one as serious as this. Even by himself, Alhaitham warrants a certain degree of care... The blonde sighs, brows furrowing as he thinks it over. ] It doesn't look all that much different from before— [ is his eventual answer, his smile soft. ] Just... It's just a promise. If something happens, and one of us feels... insecure, or has doubts, or doesn't understand... then we talk about it instead of testing. Or assuming.
[ The smile fades in place, a more serious expression on his face even as he unfolds the fingers in his hand, his lips finding the other man's palm instead, kisses pressed into the skin. ]
I don't want to screw this up again.
[ As for the debt... well, later he'll remember to feel bad about it, but right now there's an excitement practically waiting under the seriousness of the needed discussion, a readiness to show Alhaitham everything he's planned for them and ask for input. ]
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[ things he's still coming to grips with in their nuance, really. and it's so hard to focus on the conversation when he's torn between feeling like shit warmed up or frustratingly charmed by how beautiful kaveh looks as his lips graze his skin, doing something to stir up the flicker of feeling deep down inside him - but alhaitham is doing his best to put what he considers ephemeral concepts into words, because kaveh's right.
this all needed to be addressed, perhaps even breaking the issues down to their core components so there was absolutely no room for misinterpretation since they both seemed to run a mile with it; because the scribe doesn't want a repeat of the confronting emptiness of the past week. it felt too familiar, that hollow echo of pain just distant enough to be reminiscent of something else.
then the architect says something that makes alhaitham purse his lips in displeasure, the ghost of a frown on his face. ]
Don't say that. [ it comes out more as a demand than he intends, but the taller man had never bothered mincing words. ] It wouldn't be in the spirit of a new start if you took all the blame, when the very definition of a relationship is a fine balance.
[ he adds as an afterthought; ] - apparently.
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The sudden sharpness of the other's voice makes him stop though, look up in mild surprise, and Kaveh can't help but laugh, his expression immediately fond as he shakes his head. ]
Believe it or not, I wasn't blaming myself. [ He lowers Alhaitham's hand back to his leg so that he can twist to face the other, his lithe fingers rising to cup the sharp sides of his face instead. ] We made this mess together— Maybe I should have been clearer. [ Kaveh's forehead rests against Alhaitham's, ruby eyes meeting emerald, that slight smile quirking the corners of his lips. ]
I don't want us to go through this again. Keeping the intention of a promise is fine— you're right, misunderstandings will probably happen anyway. [ When it comes to the two of them, they always do. ] We'll talk, we'll figure it out, we'll do whatever we have to do to make it right. I love you, and I don't want us to screw this up again.
[ And then, because he wouldn't be Kaveh if he wasn't seeking some sort of approval from the other man, his lips quirk a little more, a question in his expression. ] Better?
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[ the soft brush of golden hair and cool fingers against his face is a welcome comfort to a difficult conversation and a pounding headache, eyes slipping closed as he simply enjoys. the warmth and proximity he'd been bereft of for a week still felt like a relief, even though they'd already spent the night tangled together; even though they'd been spoiled for touch since their reconciliation.
with a quiet huff that's mostly disbelief at his own sentimentality, long arms wind around kaveh's waist and come to rest at his sides. the way they're seated makes it difficult to reach too far forward, so instead the scribe settles for stroking a thumb slowly, rhythmically against the skin just above the hem of his pants - a soothing gesture more than anything else, but at the same time, alhaitham can't quite help himself from touching.
the morning didn't need to be anything more than this, but he realises he's loathe to let the other go so easily again - a thought that brings his sluggish mind back to one of the catalysts of the night before.
a murmur, with obvious reluctance; ]
If that's the case, there were other things that came up last night we should probably discuss; significant things. [ turquoise eyes open again to fix on kaveh's, if only to demonstrate that he was serious. after all, the plans that the architect had drawn, mentions of a future, much less a family - all things that would probably warrant definition before misunderstanding. ] - but, not right now.
Later.
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Later, [ he agrees. ] When your head isn't pounding. And when—
[ And then Kaveh groans, because the realization has just hit him that he's meant to head into the desert tomorrow, having already put his client off by the better part of a week with his supposed sickness. His hands drop from the other's cheeks, shoulders slumping, a typically too-distressed look on his face. ]
I'm meant to go to Aaru Village for a few days, starting tomorrow. [ He doesn't want to go. He wants to stay here and find normal again before he's forced to be apart from Alhaitham once more. ] I've got some plans to go over with a client for a project, and—
[ He sighs. ]
Do you want me to cancel? I'm sure he won't mind if I reschedule...
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[ it's a genuine question, because as far as alhaitham's concerned the matter is sorted - it's black and white that kaveh has 'moved back in' as such, and the idea of finding a new normal is completely alien to him when it simply was. and, anyway: they'd lived together far too long already, relationship or no, that the scribe is aware that there were only negative consequences for the architect procrastinating.
longer nights, more stress, darker circles under ruby eyes.
pulling back slightly, the taller man gently drops a hand on the crown of that blonde hair - much like reassuring a puppy, he supposes - and shakes his head. ]
Go and do your project; your head will be much clearer with it out of the way.
[ a pause, and despite his tiredness, a wicked glint in his otherwise level eyes. ]
- and the house will be much quieter.
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Archons, you are such a jerk, [ he mutters, but the grumping doesn't reach his eyes, which instead are alight with affection as they meet Alhaitham's own. That wickedness soothes him, gives him the best feeling he's had since a week ago; despite the tiredness the other is feeling, the hangover he's suffering, Alhaitham is cheerful enough to tease him.
It doesn't take long for his smile to come to his mouth, reversing the irritated pout on his lips as his hands move back to their place on the sides of the other's face, holding him as he leans to close the gap between them, lips catching Alhaitham's in a soft kiss, answering the pained longing of the last several days. ]
I know I have to go. [ The confession is murmured with a sigh against the other's mouth. ] But I'll miss you while I'm there.
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[ alhaitham retorts evenly, though he lets kaveh push him a little because this, this felt like slipping on a well-worn glove and enjoying the fit of it. the two of them had a peculiar dynamic, but it was inarguably, intrinsically theirs; and he'd gotten so used to it over the past year or so that existence felt unbalanced when it was missing.
the kiss is equally savoured, the taller man lingering perhaps just a second longer than would be appropriate for the context of it - but he's currently indisposed, and therefore feeling rather selfish. kaveh's skin always feels so pleasant against his own, a panacea for the tumult of the past week that does something to wash away the sour taste of solitude.
the house would be quiet again without the blonde around; but this time it'd be a comfortable silence, rather than a foreboding one. plus - at least it'd be a chance for alhaitham to catch up on the sleep he'd missed turning things over in his mind on empty nights the past week. ]
Your absence will be felt, too.
[ he says finally, punctuating the statement with a look so intense it bordered on smouldering - but who can really tell, with the weariness at the creases of his eyes, and the stoic expression. ]
- that said, you should probably pack. You always forget something, so taking your time might avoid that.
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[ And he is. In fact, instead of getting up, Kaveh puts any remaining cups and plates on the side table before bodily pulling Alhaitham back down to the bed with him, arms and legs draped over the other in a silent declaration: right now, he's not going anywhere. Right now, he wants to get as much of this as he can.
He's going to miss Alhaitham this week, but at least it won't be the horrid, hollow pain of the week just past. And when he gets back, they can talk about their future, about plans for dreams so big a single piece of drafting paper can't contain them. ]
Sleep. You need it, to shake off your hangover.
[ For now, Kaveh closes his eyes, a smile on his lips. ]
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shocked as he is that he's grown to welcome someone in his personal space, alhaitham will refuse to complain. for once. ]
Decent advice, considering the source.
[ he murmurs, settling back into the soft down of the mattress and snaking one muscled arm around the architect's slim waist. the edges of his words get lost in golden hair as his lips brush against the crown of kaveh's head, leaving the ghost of a kiss so faint you'd wonder if it was even really there - and then the scribe's eyes slip closed.
a few moments pass as alhaitham's breathing begins to even out, signaling that he's on the edge of sleep, but before he does, some quiet words sneak out; ]
If you snore, I'm waking you up.