sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[It's not as though he hadn't been expecting this type of question to come forth, after a while. Alhaitham had been feeding Kaveh some vague information—nothing about his work, nothing about his whereabouts. But Kaveh is, of course, a curious person, as all good scholars should be.

He hums a thoughtful sound.] I wasn't expecting my problems could be pillow talk, but I'm okay with sharing them if you want to listen.

[ Kaveh smiles at the other's comment, offering a slight shake of his head. ]

My problems have been pillow talk more than enough times for us, haven't they? Anyway, it doesn't have to be problems if you want.. I just want to get to know you better, so whatever you want to share, I'll listen to you.

[ He means it. Kaveh has always taken a keen interest in the lives of his loved ones, but this is something beyond that, like a craving to get to know the man better even as he tries to respect the distance he knows they have to have. ]

Alright. [That doesn't stop him from stealing a kiss. Or two. Or three. Kaveh is just a riptide of affection that Alhaitham can't help but sink into. It's with very sweet kisses that he interrupts their conversation, but he eventually does pull back to tug the streamer into a closer cuddle.]

I moved here recently because I was considered persona non grata at my old job. [And he shrugs.] Which is to be expected, considering I had our boss arrested. I found some documentation about the misusage of funds, delivered it to the authorities, and a lot of people were affected by the aftermath. I was not expecting people to congratulate me, but right now, you could say that I'm having some trouble adapting.

[ Despite very much wanting to hear about the other, Kaveh admittedly pouts a little when the other stops stealing those kisses in order to pull him closer. Each of them fills him with a giddiness that he can't exactly describe, and he finds himself smiling a little even as Euler starts to talk.

His expression, though, quickly becomes serious. Come to think of it, something similar happened in his own field recently, although he doesn't know what happened to the whistleblower. He has to imagine it's difficult, though, for Euler's old coworkers as well. If his own research were to get affected by something like this— and it very nearly did, given that that university was angling to buy off members of his own design and planning department— he could end up homeless, and yet at the same time he can't deny it was the right thing to do. ]

I think you did a brave thing, Euler. It's not easy to do the right thing when it's going to have a blowback like that, but you did it anyway. Maybe the people there now don't appreciate it, but others will benefit in the future, so.. yeah.

[ As for the trouble adjusting... ]

I think you told me about the rest, though. You said you worried you'd caused too strong an impression with your new coworkers?

[With a sigh, Alhaitham melts to Kaveh's words, to his earnestness and honesty. If Kaveh believes he did the right thing, then he'll believe Kaveh. And while he bears no guilt over what he's done, the fact is that it's unfortunate that so many people were associated with that malpractice.

He nods, the motion nuzzling into Kaveh's hair.]

I perhaps was too blunt with how I presented myself and the way things were done in my previous job. Was too quick to judge. Naturally, people took offense to it. Hopefully, with time things will change a bit.

[ Kaveh chuckles at that— a gentle, affectionate sound as he uncoils himself just a little, stretching so that he can properly press his mouth to Euler's, the kiss soft and sweet and tender, but also more than the brief pecks of the moments before. ]

You? Too blunt? [ he murmurs against the other's mouth, still smiling, before he pulls away, looking down at him with his eyes bright and warm. ] I think giving it some time is the right thing to do. Let them get to know you a little more, and they'll see you like I do.

[ A pause. ]

Maybe not quite like I do, but.. you know what I mean.

[Alhaitham smiles, his teeth raking over Kaveh's lips as he nips at his lower lip, as he kneads at the flesh of his waist playfully.] Maybe not. He repeats. You're giving me a lot of credit, though. I will admit that the way I went about it was improper.

[Reaching to stroke his hair, Alhaitham draws in a long breath.] I will also admit that I treat you a bit differently than everyone else.

Maybe you're just bad at communicating, sometimes.

[ It's gentle, affectionate, even teasing, as his fingers run up and over the other man's chest and abdomen, exploring the lines of muscle with light scratches of his nails.

As for what the rest of Euler says, though, it makes him tilt his head. He's not sure how he feels about what the other has said— on one hand, part of him wants to be normal in Euler's life, treated the same as he would treat anyone else. But on the other... he likes the thought that he's special somehow.

And for once, he decides to ask, instead of allowing himself to form a judgement without doing so. ]

Mm? How is it different, the way you treat me?

[Oh, but those fingers are doing things to him. Alhaitham's eyes flutter closed, his breath slipping into his mouth through his teeth as he plucks those fingers from his chest to press a kiss to them.]

In the same way you treat me differently. [He sighs, presses a kiss to his palm, to his wrist.] Isn't it natural, to act a bit differently when you have a crush?

[ Kaveh's heart aches. It would be so much easier, wouldn't it, if Euler were the one in his day to day life, feeling like he does and working alongside him? Instead of that horrible awkwardness that has come into being at his work, they might be able to actually try going on dates, try something out for real instead of this. He longs for more, but he can't help the fact that this is whom he's falling ~~(fallen)~~ for, and...

His eyes close, and the hand currently against Euler's mouth moves slightly to cup his cheek, brush lightly over the skin. ]

I guess it is. But I.. I should let you know that it's.. it's kind of beyond a crush, for me.

[Ah.

He thinks he hears his own heart crumbling.

Part of him says that there's no way that the true Alhaitham can ever come out, not really. Anything will be a betrayal.

So Alhaitham—Euler—slips past the grasp of that hand, captures Pharos' lips with his own. And this, this is deep, hungry—

—broken.

Call him selfish, but he's aiming to revel in the taste of Kaveh on his tongue for a moment further. To the point that when he pulls back, it's Alhaitham who needs to catch his breath.] This is foolish.

[ Kaveh gasps as he's all but crushed in a kiss, his fingers sliding up into Euler's hair to hold him tight, pull him closer as he returns it, every bit as deep and needy as the other man is. Every bit as broken, when something about it feels like the other is trying to hold on to something that's falling so suddenly apart.

He's an idiot. He shouldn't have said anything. He's an idiot— ]

I know. [ His voice is a whisper, and his eyes suddenly sting with unshed tears. ] I know it is. But I can't help it.

[ He bites his lip again, hesitant over the next words, but needing to give Euler the chance to back away from them, even if it's the last thing he wants. ]

If you don't want to see me again, I'll understand.

[The kiss still tingles on his lips, and Alhaitham tips his head enough to kiss at his cheeks, right under where the tears would fall. He rolls them so he's laying on top of Kaveh, a leg slipping between his before he kisses them again, and he shakes his head when he pulls back, encasing that beautiful face between his braced arms.]

I know. I know you can't. I'm not blaming you. [He lets his forehead rest on Kaveh's, and he curses all of this, the masks, the fronts, the fact that he messed up on their very first encounter.] I'm not rejecting you, Pharos. I don't think I ever could.

[He sighs, closing his eyes. Stealing another kiss. Soft, this time. Fond. So very warm.] But… let's take our time. I don't want to rush, and I certainly don't want to rush you. We should learn about each other truly, shouldn't we?

[He nuzzles their noses together.] We can do that, right?

[ There's a relief that settles on his chest even before Euler speaks, as the other man rolls them over and slots a leg between his. He's a kind enough man, and honest enough, that if he were rejecting him, he wouldn't do it with a kiss. And then he shakes his head and confirms his actions with words, and Kaveh sighs too.

I don't think I ever could. Archons. He says he has a crush, but he speaks like a man in just as deep as Kaveh is, and...

He smiles, fingers continuing to curl through his hair, stroke along his scalp. Admittedly, taking their time isn't something he's sure he wants, not when he's so sure, but... given the complexity of the situation, he understands that too. And so he nods. ]

You're not rushing me, Euler. If anything, I'm the one who's trying to rush... I'm sorry. It's hard when I know how I feel, but... [ A soft breath. ] We can do that.

I'm not invalidating your feelings, either. [Foolish, almost unbelievable as they are. Alhaitham isn't sure how he ended up with a man who hates him and has romantic feelings for him at the same time. He'll need to think further.

Later, though. He looks into Kaveh's eyes, the corner of his mouth twitching in a half-smile in what he hopes is reassurance.] I'm not going anywhere. [A beat.] Unless you want me to. But we can afford a reasonable pace.

[ To the statement Euler makes about Kaveh potentially wanting him to, the blonde is quick to shake his head. ]

I don't want you to. I like you right here, with me.

[ And he's relieved. Having his feelings invalidated would surely feel like shit—

a realization that forces a strange kind of guilt to settle in his stomach as he frowns, and nuzzles in closer in an effort to hide that frown. It's not something that should spoil their time together, anyway. ]

So... yeah. Take all the time you need, Euler. I'll wait as long as you want.

[He notices. Of course he notices. Alhaitham is anything but observant, and yet, he doesn't find himself willing to prod at Kaveh's sudden moment of what seemed like uncertainty.

His lip twitches again. Steals a kiss or two.] I like being right here with you, too.

[ To his knowledge, no uncertainty is noticed, and he likes the way that Euler just leans in to steal more kisses from him, dragging his attention back to the moment and away from the momentary guilt. He smiles, and his arms move to wind fully around the other, tugging him down closer, one hand cupping the back of his neck. ]

Mm... are you good for another round, Euler? Because I for one would enjoy some more learning...

[Alhaitham presses more kisses then, soft and slow and somewhat chaste save for the way he seems to relish on the feeling of Kaveh's lips between his own. A roll of his hips, his hardened cock pressing against the skin of Kaveh's navel, works more as an answer, even if he pulls back with a hum, a playful glint in his eyes.] I wonder. Will you be good to me?

[ He laughs softly, reaches between them to take Euler's hardening cock in his hand, fingers stroking along its length as he chases the other's mouth, not wanting him to pull away too far.

The question, though, has him pause in the chase, tilting his head as he peers up at the other, a teasing smile finding his own lips in answer. ]

Aren't I always good, Euler?

[Another hand slips in between them to grab at Kaveh's. Leveling the playing field between them is not something that he wants to make a habit of—it's a trap, really— but he wants Kaveh to lose it in the same wavelength as Alhaitham.] Hm, are you? [A peck.] Can you be? [Another.] Always? [Another.]

[ Kaveh's not thinking about the playing field at all, not when Euler's hand wraps around him in turn. He whimpers, hips jerking in slight surprise, and his eyelids flutter— his attention though is quickly stolen by those pecked kisses, those words.

Can he be? Always? ]

Mm. Of course— [ And here, he steals his own quick kiss, faux-sapphire eyes alight with warmth. ] Let me prove it to you. What do you want from me?

[At that, Alhaitham draws back just enough to pull Kaveh's hand away from his erection—and he'll save a small moment to mourn the loss of it—and the other to pin them beside his head.

And then he lets go, with a small smile to his lips.]

Be good. [A kiss on his jaw.] Leave your hands here. [On his neck.] And don't move until I tell you to. [On his chest.

And he swoops lower to suckle on the head of his cock.]

[ Let me prove it, Kaveh says, and in the next moment realizes just how much of a fool he was by doing so. He bites his lip as Euler's hands move to pin his wrists to either side of his head, and then tells him that he's not allowed to move them, and he lets out a surprised whine as the other starts to kiss his way down his body. ]

Can't— can't I at least—

[ No. He said he'd prove it. ]

Euler, maybe you should—

[ —hold them there, is what Kaveh plans to say, but the words are swallowed in a sharp, desperate gasp as the other takes the head of his cock into his mouth. ]

Nngh..

No, baby. [He presses a kiss along the length of him, then swirls his tongue over the head and takes it in, giving it one slow, long suck, as though he's savoring the salt of him, the weight of it on his tongue.

He's not exactly experienced at giving head, he's realizing, but he can pick up from the little experience he had at receiving it, and he's curious. His tongue may go places in an exploratory manner, and he takes Kaveh's cock a bit too deep once to check on his gag reflex—still there. Still, he knows that enthusiasm beats expertise here.

So he presses small kisses on Kaveh's navel, nips at his inner thighs.] Be good for me. Or I'll have to punish you.

[And this is yet again, another thing Alhaitham has no experience on. A reward and punishment system lies onto a part of sex that he had read about, thought interesting, but never really actively sought. Still, Pharos makes it easy for him to navigate—he's so vocal and expressive, it doesn't leave him to guessing]

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