sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[Draped over him, Kaveh looks and feels languid, softened by the warmth of their bodies submerged, the sparkles shimmering across the surface making him look ethereal, otherworldly. If anyone were to tell him he's a descendant of something higher than humanity, Alhaitham would take a look at him and say that's enough empirical evidence.]

I would. [Said between kisses, one arm wrapped to prop Kaveh comfortably against him, the other stroking along his side, his arm, his hip. Both of them are too tired to hike the intensity of their need, but it's there, comfortable, though fatigued. For now he only focuses on the movement of their lips, on the way Kaveh's name sounds in his breath.] You taste divine.

[ With no idea of what exactly is on Alhaitham's mind, Kaveh finds that he chuckles at the admission, smiling between kisses as his own hands explore the other's skin in much the same way; one remaining at his face, and the other skimming down over his chest and abs, exploring the lines of muscle.

(They're like a book he's read before, he thinks absently, familiar but wanted again for a second experience.. or a third, or a fourth. He doesn't think he's ever done this, just laid here and traced his skin, and yet it feels like it.)

And then comes the next comment, and his cheeks flush, a slight push of his hands into the other's chest as he huffs, shakes his head. ]

You—you can't just say things like that, you know! Divine, really... I'm just as human as you are, Haitham..

Is it embarrassing? [He tips his head, his lip twitching just slightly as he looks at the pretty pink gracing Kaveh's cheeks. His linguistics comes out towards a vocabulary that is perhaps a little too upfront and intense for some, and yet, he doesn't think any other word would encapsulate what he feels about kissing Kaveh.] I do believe it, though.

[He plucks a bit of cheese from the tray, and places it in front of Kaveh's lips. A truce.]

A little—no, a lot—no, I mean...

[ He's mollified momentarily by the cheese, moving his head forward to snag it from Alhaitham's waiting fingers, eyes closed as he chews on it, enjoying the soft, creamy flavor. Milder than Sumerian cheeses by far, almost sweet, but delightful in its own way. It would pair well with fruits, he thinks, a sweet berry or even the pomegranate...

Ah, but—

He swallows; his eyes open. ]

It's okay if you believe it but... you're giving me a lot to live up to, you know.

[He's cute, and he watches him eat the cheese, chew thoughtfully, the little cogs in his mind trying to assess the flavor and what would highlight and go well with it. He's adorable like this, and Alhaitham is thoroughly endeared.

The hand that had fed him the cheese cups his cheek, brushing over those freckles. Under the length of the eyelashes. He can't help but kiss the soft skin.] Think of it this way: you haven't done anything to make me think this way already, right? So your "a lot" is just what you've done so far.

[ He bites his lower lip as Alhaitham's fingers cup his cheek, brushing over the skin, under his eyes, as lips press against his face in the moments that follow. The mutinous, nasty thoughts that crowd his mind as usual are right there, whispering: if he decided on his own that he feels this way, surely he can decide on his own that he doesn't anymore. How easy would it be for Kaveh to undo the magic just by saying the wrong thing? By putting a foot wrong, or his words in an incorrect place, or—

He squeezes his eyes shut, shakes the thoughts off.

Alhaitham isn't like everyone else. Alhaitham is—

He can trust him.

His eyes open again, glimmering, and he leans forward to press a soft kiss into the corner of the other's mouth, words whispered into the skin that even he can't fully comprehend just yet. ]

[It's probably too hard to believe. Alhaitham softens, brings his lips to slant against Kaveh's, holding his face between his hands like he's beautiful, like he's precious, like he's the only thing Alhaitham needs to drink in to live to eternity. It's not hunger, it's not thirst, or want, or need, but an affection that can't help but spill over the brim of his own self-restraint.]

You won't have to guess what I'm thinking. [He whispers.] I can promise you that.

I know, [ Kaveh whispers back, his lips moving against Alhaitham's in reply. And... and he really does, despite all the misgivings his brain would otherwise throw at him with such determination. He really, truthfully, does— ] I trust you.

[ He can't help the tears that slip from his eyes as he holds tight around Alhaitham's shoulders, anchoring himself close, answering each sweet kiss with a tender reply of his own. Not hunger or thirst, no, but yes to need, the kind of need that simmers deep in Kaveh and always has—

the need to be loved,

to belong. ]

[And what Kaveh needs, Alhaitham can provide. And he shows love in the shape of his lips as he kisses him slow and deep, in the strength of his arms as he winds them around him tight, curls his fingers around the back of his neck. Alhaitham loves not in the way that Kaveh wants, but perhaps in the way that Kaveh seems to need, grounding him to a place, to a person, to the essence of his existence.

Because has crumpled and rightened Alhaitham's heart, leaving it with folds and markings of where it has been bent forever, softening it and bending it to the worn out history that Alhaitham himself has adored on pages and covers of ancient books and scrolls, forever branded and inked to eons to come. And that is all because, for Alhaitham, Kaveh is enough. He's worth being loved, he's worth being without proving anything to anyone.]

[ It may not be the way that Kaveh wants, but the truth is that Kaveh doesn't know what Kaveh wants, when it comes to how he wants to be loved. Kaveh knows what he thinks he wants, and even that is a jumble of confused thoughts and half-truths. Wants don't answer the ache in his chest and the hurt in his head.

Needs do.

It's easy, then, natural, for Kaveh to fold into Alhaitham's arms, to sigh against the tenderness of those kisses even as he relaxes into the strength of his hold. Whatever thoughts and questions might be on his mind are gone. Like this, he—he doesn't have to answer to anyone, not even to himself. He's warmed, protected, loved, safe.

Saved.

There's a soft sound on his lips, unbidden and unknown, a sigh, a sob; fingers reaching up to cup Alhaitham's cheeks, to coil into his hair as breath whispers across the other man's lips, locked together deep as they are. And he thinks, not for the first time, that he would give himself to him now if Alhaitham wanted it, regardless of his promises, of his still-wandering feelings, of everything still wrapped around them and between them, holding them apart.

After all, can't it only get better from here? ]

[Alhaitham can relate to the candlelight flame, its edges flickering, when Kaveh sobs into his mouth, like a soft cry—fear, sadness, need and happiness all wrapped into the taste of him, making him simmer. Kaveh's fingers splay across his face, into his hair, and he breathes him in deep, like he could feed and live from the trash of his lungs, for its a treasure to him.

He draws them apart only when they need true air to breathe, and it instantly feels cold. His form flickers into his own feelings, unsure and inexperienced about all of this, and so do Kaveh's candlelit carmine jewels, tear-stained and peering at him like a storm beyond colored glass of cathedrals, painting everything beautiful in spite of the torment on the other side.

And so, Alhaitham worships, brushing his wet fingers over his cheek again, his eyes laced with tenderness.

And his lip twitches.] You're all sparkly now.

[ Air. Air is important, more than anything, and yet Kaveh still finds a whimper on his lips when Alhaitham breaks their kiss to welcome it. It's untrue, but he feels as if he could get everything he needs from the mouth of the other man alone, wrapped up tight in him, kissing and breathing and wanting and needing. So there's a pout, something almost reproachful in his eyes when Alhaitham pulls away, even as the other man reaches to brush his fingers over his cheek.

(And the look in his eyes is so tender, so soft, so sweet, Kaveh could melt with it, cave to it, drown in it—)

And then Alhaitham tells him that he's all sparkly, and Kaveh laughs, his own hands lifting to smooth through the younger's hair, down his neck, over his shoulders. ]

You too. The candlelight only makes it more obvious. It's kinda like how the wet sand looks in the sunset...

I've never been called a bank of sand before. [A tease, even as he pulls Kaveh closer again to brush their noses together, sighing at the closeness.

He wonders how they're going to wash the glitter off. Are they supposed to wash it off? Would it dissolve or fall off as they get dry? Instead of all of those logistical issues, however, he leans in and gives Kaveh another bit of cheese.] You look very pretty.

Oh, shut up, you...

[ But it's fond, a smile on his face as he cups Alhaitham's cheeks in both hands and leans in to kiss him slow and sweet. He's used things like this before, so he doesn't have the same logistic concerns the other man has, nor does he sense that the other is wondering about it. Instead, he's focused entirely on the way the other offers him some cheese, leaning in to snag it in his teeth with a soft hum of pleasure. ]

Don't you want some too, Haitham?

[ And then, after a moment, thoughtfully: ]

But you are, you know. Sand banks are strong. And they're often hidden under the waves, only appearing at low tide... kinda like how you don't always reveal the whole of yourself to everyone. Right?

[Alhaitham almost drops the cheese that he was getting for himself.

He holds it, pretends that he needs the time to chew on it and assess the flavors, though his ears are flushed at the tips and he's looking at Kaveh through a narrowed gaze, like he can't really understand what to do with that information.] Sounds like you really thought about it.

[ Kaveh flushes again as he's looked at so intently—though he can spy it, the heated pink at the tips of Alhaitham's ears, and it's all he can do not to reach out and tug playfully at them. ]

Mm... it's not so much that I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I just... I kind of realized. Those are all things I've thought before, about... you know, about you being strong, or private. But when you said I was comparing you to a sand bank...

[ He shrugs. ]

I guess it was more apt than I realized.

[ He picks up another piece of cheese for the younger man, and then grabs for his own wine glass, taking a small sip as he hums. ]

Should I go on telling you positive things about yourself, Alhaitham?

I can agree with private. [He mulls as he chews on the cheese, then reaches to drink some of the wine itself.

Kaveh splayed on top of him, glittering, dazzling, saying he's strong, admitting he's thought about it. Surely this man has an idea of the effect he has on him.

He clears his throat, takes a deep breath. Not for the first time, and certainly not the last, Alhaitham thinks Kaveh may as well be his peace but also his death.] No. You shouldn't.

[ He huffs. ]

You don't think you're strong? [ He'll follow the request, but at the same time he doesn't want Alhaitham to think he's anything less than he is. So he runs his fingers down over the other's arms, his biceps, lightly squeezing the muscles there—and he leans close, mouth brushing the younger's ear. ]

You could hold me up against a wall the whole time, Haitham. Don't deny it.

[ It's not that he's trying to make things sexy, he just... it was the first thing he could think of. Whoops. ]

[He's not—

—He's not trying, but Alhaitham's mouth, even right after swallowing a bit of wine, goes completely dry.

The hand still wrapped around Kaveh tightens, and he buries his face against his neck, breathing in deep.] Kaveh… Don't do this to me.

[ Kaveh stops.

He's not trying, and so admittedly he hasn't even thought twice about it, doesn't entirely know for a moment what he might have done to make Alhaitham tell him to not. So he stills, entirely, the only movement allowed a tentative raise of his hand, a soft pat through silver strands.

And even that is cautious, like he's afraid of scaring the other off all over again. ]

S-sorry. I didn't mean to. I won't.

[Even if that's cautious, Alhaitham leans his head against the touch, tilts it so he can kiss his wrist, his palm, his fingers. He guides Kaveh's other hand to set the glass of wine after setting his own, and then weaves their fingers together as he shakes his head.] Don't apologize.

You're wrong though. [He presses his mouth to under his jaw. It's chaste, the kiss he leaves there.] I wouldn't need a wall to hold you up.

[ He sighs, all over relief when Alhaitham responds to his slight touches, sets his glass down and tells him not to apologize. Clearly the foot he's set wrong isn't as drastic as he let himself believe it was after all. His fingers link a little tighter with the other man's, and he smiles, tilting his head curiously at the statement that he's wrong.

And then: a chaste kiss, and a statement far from chaste. Kaveh's ears burn, and he draws back like he's been scalded. ]

H-hey, I thought you said—

[Alhaitham merely looks at Kaveh in silence. His expression is soft, though he's still flushed, fond, and he reaches tuck one of Kaveh's locks behind his ear, somewhat relieved he's not the only one this affected.

'See?'] Are we not discussing how strong you find me?

[ The sound the blonde makes is almost a whine. ]

We were, but you said— [ A deep breath. ] You said not to do it, so I was stopping—

[ Only for Alhaitham to pick it up and turn it around on him, leaving him fumbling and shy. ]

[Bringing Kaveh's head down to kiss him on the forehead, Alhaitham cradles him close.] I'm sorry.

[He nuzzles him gently, taking deep breaths, easing his own heat back into a simmering warmth, and he strokes Kaveh's arms like it'd help him do the same.] I just didn't want to be the only one flustered.

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