sempiternals | How could your heart be stolen by a human?

[ He smiles as he's helped up, and then moves alongside him in silence for a moment or two, trying to think of how to say what he needs to in words— without causing another fight between the two of them.

After a moment, he tries: ]

Could we... bring in a mattress or something for me to sleep on? I don't think either of us should sleep on the floor or the couch. But I also... it's probably not best if we're sleeping next to each other again, is it?

[ Although the truth is that he would in a heartbeat, if push came to shove. He can't help himself in that way. ]

( He pulls out the chair from his small desk in case Kaveh rather use it than sitting on the bed. As for Wriothesley, he gives him plenty of space as he stands off to a side, leaning on a wall.

It’s as he expects, though part of him hoped Kaveh would want him in bed together. )

Of course. I’ll have someone bring one in for you.

Anything else?

[ Noting the chair pulled out for him, Kaveh takes it— he sees what Wriothesley is doing, and appreciates it— appreciates it more when the other agrees to have a bed pulled in for him.

And then he's asked if he needs anything else, and he frowns, shakes his head. No, there's really... he should be fine, as long as he can sleep and do his work...

He pauses, chews on his lower lip for a little. ]

Could we talk?

( The follow up question feels like a surprise. For some reason, he also didn’t expect Kaveh to dive into a talk of any gravity when he clearly needs the rest more than anything. At least his bruises have mostly faded, but the violence left on him is still obvious. Stress piles on like the ceiling slowly inching down until there’s nowhere else to run to. )

Of course.

[ He can see the stress practically bearing down on Wriothesley in response to his words, and he offers the man a small smile as he shakes his head. ]

Don't worry, [ he says, and then he drops his gaze away from the other man's for a moment. ] I'm not going to ask you to say much. I just— after our last fight, I thought that I should probably...

There are things about me that I feel like I should tell you. If only to... I'd like you to get to know me better.

( Wriothesley walks across to be closer to him, leaning on his small desk instead. He’s fully attentive to him as if nobody else matters in the world. Fetching his mattress can also wait. Kaveh is deceivingly conservative about his personal life, that much Wriothesley knows from the first few times they talked. He knows this because well— he’s the same way. )

I’ve wanted to get to know you from the moment I first saw you, Kaveh.

[ The words are exactly what he's always wanted to hear— but he tries not to let himself lean into the hope too much. Wriothesley has made things all too clear about where they continue to stand in spite of his feelings, and Kaveh sees no reason for that to change anytime soon.

What he can do, though, is explain to the other why he is the way he is, why he's stumbled so many times along the way, made mistake after mistake, held on in the face of no hope. ]

When I was just a kid, there was a festival held in Sumeru. It was celebrated with a championship, and the prize... was the most beautiful diadem I had ever seen. I loved it so much— I even told my father I wanted it. So... he said he'd get it for me. He didn't win, but the championship changed him. As a kid, I didn't understand why, but... anyway, he died in the desert some weeks later.

[ Kaveh closes his eyes, taking in a slow, deep breath. ]

It broke my mother. She would just stare into space and cry a lot. And I guess I kind of ended up being the adult in the house for both of us. But I... I blamed myself for it. For a really long time. Sometimes I still do. If I hadn't eyed that stupid diadem, perhaps he would never have participated—

[ —And that asshole Sachin would never have gotten his claws into him, is the end of that story, even if it's a little too complicated to explain. ]

So... yeah.

( The picture slowly begins to fill itself the more Kaveh explains. He wishes to reach out and pull him into his arms, or give him any sense of condolences. It’s always those who truly have a happy, normal family who end up in ruins.

It’s an unfortunate situation for Kaveh, carrying his father’s death on his shoulders. Wriothesley might also feel the same way if he were a child like Kaveh at the time. )

Sorry about your father, Kaveh.
Circumstance is cruel to live with, but that blame is only going to eat you up inside and leave you with nothing.

I take it you’re not fond of your step father, then?

[ Kaveh listens to Wriothesley's words, shaking his head with a slight protest— ] I don't blame myself anymore! [ —a lie, and not one told with enough time to make it remotely believable. He pauses, and sighs. ] I'm trying not to. I learned some stuff about it that changes my feelings somewhat but... I'm trying.

[ The smile he offers is tired and weak, but genuine, showing the truth of his words this time around. Although in response to the next question, it fades a little, turns more distant. ]

My step father? It's not that I'm not fond of him. He seems like a nice enough guy, and... he makes my mom happy, so that's what really counts, right?

[ Why couldn't I make her happy?

His fingers are trembling. ]

She went to Fontaine on a job once I was in school. Then she fell in love, and left everything in Sumeru behind for good.

[ She left me behind.

While unsaid, the truth of Kaveh's pain underscores each of his words, if Wriothesley looks close enough. ]

( He knows him well enough at this point to tell he's trying to convince himself of something he hasn't quite achieved and that is moving on. Closing the chapter rather than allowing the pages to still cut and wound. The progress is never easy and he knows it might be a long way ahead for Kaveh.

Something else he mentions sinks deep in him. He straightens up as he watches him, alert and focused. Sure, leaving behind a loved one to find a new life could leave even more tender scars. Wriothesley understands the sentiment featured in Kaveh's eyes, and how terrifying it would have been to be left alone without true guidance.

It's very little to go off of, so he's not sure if this is another unresolved issue Kaveh may have with her, or if she was a "bad" mother. Considering how well Kaveh's heart turned out, he doubts it would have been the case. )

Would you have preferred her to stay with you?

[ In response to Wriothesley's words, Kaveh is quiet for a moment.

Then, slowly, he nods. ]

Of course. I would have wanted that more than anything. But at the time I felt like... I didn't have the right to ask her not to leave. I was the one who destroyed her happiness, after all. How could I have asked her to stay and destroy it all over again?

...That was when I learned what the difference is between a house and a home.

[ He remembers sitting there on the divan, having come home from her wedding, looking around at the house that they used to share together, the three of them, full of memories and light and laughter, now empty and cold. ]

Anyway, I... When you don't like yourself much to begin with, and the people you love the most choose to leave you, it... it becomes very hard to believe anyone would ever want to stay by your side. [ He talks carefully, here, using the third person as shield, not allowing his words to become too personal. ] Sometimes it becomes about running away to protect yourself before you can get hurt.

There’s everything to like about you. Aren’t you being too hard on yourself? I’ve seen the way you work, which may not be so bad in the field when everything has to be perfect.

But you’re a person, not a robot or building.

( He carefully reaches over to drag fingers through his hair, then moves closer to him.

He could try to convince Wriothesley of anything but the guilt is vivid on his face. It’s poisoning him and Wriothesley can’t do much to help Kaveh through this.

He’ll have to face his own demons rather than expect the world to shift for his sake.

Perhaps he has heard words like this in the past, but Wriothesley knows better than to point it out. He does live in an underwater prison factory, after all. What right does he have to tell Kaveh how to live his life? )

Have you told her how you feel about her having left you? I admit it seems selfish from where I stand, leaving a child behind like that.

But I don’t know her like you do.

( This makes Wriothesley think more, he should have never confessed or kissed or given him any room for a chance at all. Just to watch him wither in pain again?

But they’re here and he’ll play the cards he has.
He looks away with a stern smile, oh Wriothesley knows everything about running away. )

Sometimes protecting ourselves is all we have learned to do.

[ He smiles at the hand through his hair, eyes briefly closing. But in response to Wriothesley's question, Kaveh shakes his head. ]

Of course not. How could I? If I were a parent, there's no way I could do the same, but— it was her grief, right? She had to process it the best way she knew how. And... [ He falls off for a moment, offering the other man a helpless little smile, one that says that he can't blame her when he still blames himself. ] Anyway.. I don't think it would do any good anymore. It was in the past. I know she loves me. And it's not like she's gonna come back to Sumeru. Besides—

[ That sentence stops more abruptly, and he shakes his head again. ]

Nevermind.

[ Protecting oneself.

And he wonders: is that what Wriothesley's really been doing this entire time, pushing him away and acting like it's all for Kaveh's sake, like he's protecting him from the injustice of being in a relationship that "would never work"? It brings a small, thoughtful frown to his expression, and he falls silent. ]

If she loves you, that's what matters. But if there's something still weighing heavy in your heart, well, she's your mom...

( A concept Wriothesley never became familiarized with. He looks away and his arms cross. He only ever fell for a beautiful lie in the shape of a family and a normal childhood is something well out of his understanding or reach.

He can trust himself, though. His attraction for Kaveh is real and burning but the bigger issue is dormant beneath every nuance. The closer one gets, the more difficult Wriothesley makes it for them to walk through open doors.

Of course, his concern about Kaveh's safety is also well intended. Especially his freedom. )

Are you alright? If you want to get some rest, I'll go ahead and get my mattress. Or I can always make us some tea.

[ She is his mom... but that doesn't make it any easier. He's not really sure what he's meant to say— but it seems like Wriothesley is done anyway, turning away with his arms over his chest

and Kaveh wonders what his family is like (was like? before this place?), but he doesn't ask. If the Duke wanted him to know, he'd tell him. And so he's quiet for a moment, just kind of hovering in place, not sure what to say or do.

Then the question comes, and he thinks it through before nodding slowly. ]

I'm feeling okay right now. More shaken than anything else. So.. tea would be nice, please. If you don't mind. I think it might help me settle my nerves.

( He got along well with all his siblings during those times, but he doesn’t make it a goal to ever reconnect with any other survivors. The past is long gone and as dead as everyone. Wriothesley nods at him, going on to an area on his room where a small kitchen was fitted. It’s only one stove, specifically for his tea addiction. He fills the kettle with water and it starts to boil. It takes a few minutes so he returns to Kaveh’s side. )

You’re not hurting still, are you?

( Plenty of ways that question can land, though. Wriothesley doesn’t mind talking more if Kaveh wishes. )

[ The question is an interesting one that Kaveh doesn't quite know how to parse. Emotionally? Yes, he's hurting still. He's pretty much always hurting. But that's about the most dramatic thing Kaveh could say, so he doesn't say it. Physically?

...Mm, he's hurting still, just a little.

He smiles at Wriothesley. ]

Just a little. The cream you put on it helped a lot though.

[ A pause, as his teeth worry at his lower lip. ]

I'm sorry, by the way. For dumping all that on you. I don't usually tell people, actually— my roommate's the only person who knows the full story. But I just... thought maybe it would help you understand me— some of the stupid things I do, or the things that upset me.

Edited 2024-01-18 20:50 (UTC)

( Wriothesley appears pensive as Kaveh tries to backtrack his words or apologize for them. Perhaps that’s one of the behaviors he came to learn as time kept ripping open existing wounds. He’d bring him into his arms for comfort if he didn’t fear putting him in a position that would bring him more pain. He’s been through so much in just a few days. )

You don’t have to apologize. I’m glad you told me, Kaveh.

It helps getting to know you, and ultimately it’s what I want.

I don’t know if I won’t end up saying the wrong thing to you in the future, or something.

Ever thought of doing some self healing? Anything at all, that helps deal the weight of that feeling be just a little less.

[ And so for a moment or so, the two of them just stand there. Kaveh can practically feel in the room the urge Wriothesley has to just hold him— but also the way he restrains himself, not allowing it to be what he wants it to be.

(Or maybe even that is just wishful thinking.)

When the answer comes, though, he smiles again, something in his gaze that is somehow both wistful and thankful at the same time. ]

It's okay if you say the wrong thing. You can't know the answer to every situation, and I know that. But... if I do have a bad reaction, I guess... now you'll get it, at least. I know I sometimes act kinda crazy.

[ And then, a tilt of his head. He's a smart man, but this is a topic he doesn't really understand— ]

Self healing?

( His self control is stronger than the foundation of the Fortress itself… until it isn’t. He’s undoubtedly more comfortable around Kaveh, and he’s comfortable thinking about him or what he wants to do to him. Who knows when the ideas will come to face reality.

Once the kettle hisses he goes to fill both their cups with one of his favorites teas. He sets Kaveh’s cup down on his desk to let it cool, and he blows over his own, sipping confidently. )

Everyone has crazy in them, not that it makes it any easier to handle in the moment.

You know. Like picking up a hobby to get your mind off of things, or meditate to focus on the present rather than the past. It could help you navigate your emotions.

( He reads a lot… )

[ He's quiet for a moment. Meditation is something he's heard of, with many scholars in the Akademiya espousing its merits. But he's never tried. He sees himself as someone far too busy to spend time doing nothing but breathing, as nice as the whole thing sounds—

But now? He has plenty of time, his chest hurts, and trying to blank out his thoughts for a little sounds much more preferable to thinking about the fact that someone just attacked him, wanting him dead.

He picks up his tea, blowing at it a little before sipping, and then putting it back down quietly. ]

I've never meditated before, but... I like the idea. Would you guide me?

( It could be challenging teaching something like meditation to a person so full of thoughts. If Kaveh’s behavior is anything to go by, at least. )

I had a lot of time to find new ideas and hobbies while I was an inmate.

Come here.

( He offers his hand for Kaveh to take, ultimately leading him on top of the bed to sit crossed legged in front of one another. He’s aware he’s opening up a window to allow Kaveh to theorize about his life. He looks at him in the eye, then down to take both his hands in his. )

Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

[ While he was an— To his credit, Kaveh manages to keep his expression straight, but he's admittedly a little taken aback. He's heard the rumors about Wriothesley from time to time, but most people don't like to gossip about the Duke, and confirming their veracity has been difficult.

He wonders what the other man did in the first place, how he ended up moving from inmate to lord and warden, and—

Come here, Wriothesley says, and Kaveh obeys, chasing the wondering out of his thoughts for now.

Maybe he'll be brave enough to ask later.

He moves to sit on the bed opposite the other, mimicking his pose and accepting his hands. Then, with a nod, he closes his eyes, and takes in a single, deep breath. ]

( One could pin his resume on the trajectory of fate. It weren't for the corruption he wouldn't have made certain decisions, right? Extreme, but he'll stand behind them to this day.

Kaveh's hands tie him to the moment, which is ultimately the purpose of the exercise. His hands are warm on his and admittedly, he can feel less tense about sharing moments like this with him since he's not having to hide anymore. He peeks at Kaveh to make sure his eyes are closed and smiles before closing his again. )

Now picture a blank canvas. Nothing else, and then think of the things in this room to fill it up.

Maybe it's the buzz of the lights. Or the dripping in the distance. Maybe even how cold it is. What do you like about it?

Edited 2024-01-21 06:27 (UTC)

[ A blank canvas. That's easy. He's seen many of those. And then— things in this room to fill it? That's even easier. He was just looking around it a moment ago. His architect's brain remembers where things go: the bed, the chair, the side-table, the door to the bathroom. But Wriothesley mentions sounds too, and sensations like temperature, and Kaveh finds a soft hum on his lips as they get added to the mental picture. The soft non-sound of the ocean waves around them. The rhythmic, electric buzzing of the lights. The cold— it could stand to be warmer a few degrees, and this is his canvas, so now it is. And—

What does he like? ]

The scent. [ He answers the question without thought, his eyes closed and his mind still focused on the version of this room that he's building for himself. ] I like the scent of the room. It's like... [ he chuckles ] it's like tea, but also... kinda musky, crisp like a cool winter's morning. It's refreshing, and comforting.

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