[ It's stupid, probably, the fact that he's sitting here now, a few days later, waiting for Mister E to join a second private stream. After the disaster that was his last drunken outing, and the days that followed at work, too many sightings of Alhaitham's stupid face and—
Ugh. Forget that.
The one upside has been the additional necklace that suddenly arrived in the mail, a match to the other but in gold with a note saying that the sender thinks it would look amazing on him too (ha, take that, you snarky son of a bitch, Kaveh thought when he opened it; he does know me); it's this that the blonde uses as an excuse to invite Mister E to another stream for just the two of them— another ostensible "thank you" when really, he just wants to see him again, as much as what they're doing is him seeing the other.
If Tighnari wasn't going to kill him already, he certainly will now, when he sees not one but two private log notifications.
Oh well.
Like the last time, he's dolled up with a selection of toys laid out in front of him. The lingerie he picked specifically dips in all the right places to show the golden necklace glinting between his clavicles, delicate and bright against his pale skin. And when he sees the notification that user.2.718 has joined the room, his smile is brighter even than that. ]
Everything seems to fall into a disarray at the same time. Students become more rowdy, don't seem to listen, to read what he tells them to to prepare for the next class, then demand that he actually goes over the sections that are supposed to be their homework in class. He drops a heavy weight almost on top of Dehya's foot. He has a parent knocking into the door of his office wasting his time to bump their—lazy, entitled,—son's grades because he's the offspring of a long line of scholars. A leg of his favorite chair in his kitchen has started to creak. Time wasted. Mishaps, miscommunications.
The days following, spotting a golden head scurrying across a hall because he's late to his lecture, are a nightmare.
When the invitation comes in, Alhaitham has to assess everything. He hadn't slipped, he had been sure of that. That Pharos would confront him about his identity is still a very vague possibility, but very close to 0.
So when the screen flicks on to a bright smile, toys at the ready, golden necklace looking beautiful against his skin, Alhaitham can't help but release a sigh in relief.]
user2.718: Hello.
[What he's been stopping himself from saying each time they cross paths.]
user2.718: I would never turn down an invitation of yours.
[ Pharos's smile, when user2.718 types his greetings, only continues to broaden, and a sweet laugh finds his lips when the other points out his necklace. After days of dealing with a terrible, no good, very bad mood, the knowledge of being in the other's presence is enough to cheer him up again.
Feeling oddly shy, he reaches up to fiddle briefly with the necklace, trying his best to roll his eyes playfully, although the expression somehow just makes him look even more affectionate than before. ]
Of course it's nice; you picked it out for me. I've been wearing the silver one too, but I thought this one might look better on camera..
[ Also, he's admittedly been wearing the gold one almost constantly since it arrived on his doorstep. ]
And it makes me happy to know you wouldn't turn down an invitation. I like spending time with you, just you and me without all the rest... is that too selfish of me?
[ After all, he's doing something quite out of the norm for someone in his position, offering private streams to a particular viewer for no extra cost, and not only that but admitting that he enjoys having him around. It feels selfish, and yet here he is, doing it anyway. ]
[In fact, Alhaitham finds it rather considerate. While he's been carefully keeping his identity a secret from Pharos, he's been taking note of their interactions and how they've evolved. Kaveh, in their daily lives, seemed to have an immediate dislike for him, but the more time they spent together, even if just online, the more Alhaitham realized he was enjoying it, regardless of the misunderstandings and miscommunications they had outside these private sessions. The more he realizes that Kaveh spreads himself too thin out of his own belief that everyone deserves a break, while falling into the trap of not applying that same expectation onto himself as well. But as much as he liked to maintain a calm, collected demeanour in person, these private streams with Pharos gave him a different perspective—one where he could let down some of his defenses.]
user2.718: I'm glad you like spending time with me. The feeling's mutual.
[Alhaitham does enjoy the time spent with Pharos, even if the time spent with Kaveh was often more of a contentious debate. There was a different dynamic where they could be themselves without all the pretense that came with their jobs and personal lives. He knows it's a dangerous game he's playing, but something is compelling about being able to connect with Kaveh like this, even if he doesn't realize who's on the other side of the screen.]
user2.718: How have you been?
[He keeps his words neutral, letting Pharos set the tone. This isn't his space to dictate the pace or direction. This is about letting the other person express themselves without restraint, something he wishes he could do with Kaveh in their day-to-day interactions. It's also a way to see the real Kaveh, beyond the academic setting and his abrasive attitude.
Alhaitham takes a moment to consider the implications of his words. Even as he sits in the comfort of his own home, pack of cigarettes waiting at his side, he doesn't want to overstep. And yet he's curious about Pharos's intentions, about how he wants to spend this private time together. He knows that any misstep could lead to Kaveh discovering his identity before he's ready to reveal it.]
user2.718: I have to admit, I like that you're wearing something I gave you.
[He allows a small smile to play on his lips as he types. It's not just the necklace he's referring to; it's the entire presence of Pharos, the way he commands the camera with such ease and confidence. It's a side of Kaveh that Alhaitham admires, even if he can't express it openly in their real-world interactions. He knows it's a risk, but it's one he's willing to take, for now, to see where this connection leads.]
[ Of course, Pharos laughs when Mister E immediately tells him he's not selfish. His cheeks warm at the comment that follows it— and he wonders again at how much of a fool he's being to "fall" for a man he's never met— and he shakes his head, making a playfully teasing face in the direction of his camera. ]
If the feeling is mutual, then of course you'd say I'm not selfish! You have a vested interest, Mister E. I'm not sure everyone would agree with us, though.
[ And then the other man asks how he has been, and Pharos's lips purse in a thoughtful, almost pensive expression for a moment or two. ]
You know... [ He speaks slowly, weighing each word in turn, ] ...I was in kind of a bad mood when I first logged on today. The last few days have been kinda awful, and... [ He shakes his head, a slight smile coming back to his lips. ] It's nothing to worry about. But when you logged on and we started talking, I guess I felt better again? Maybe that's silly.
[ It occurs to Kaveh that if user2.718 is as smart as he always seems to be, he probably assumes that Pharos is just doing all this for show, cozying up to him for more gifts and tips.
He wonders if there's a way to tell him he's being honest without sounding like a crazy man. ]
Mm, you do? [ He turns back and forth in the chair a little, letting the necklace gleam in the room's dim lighting. ] I've been wearing it all the time. Sometimes the silver one, sometimes this one. It depends on what I'm wearing on the day, what might match better... You picked really well, Mister E.
user2.718: You make a good point. user2.718: But let's not concern ourselves with what everyone else thinks. user2.718: It's just the two of us here.
[If they enjoy each other's company, there's no reason to worry about external opinions. Despite their private sessions, he knows it's still just a screen between them. It's a boundary, one that doesn't feel too restrictive, allowing them to connect in a way they can't in their regular lives, even if their true identities were unknown. He's taken note of how Pharos's mood brightens with each exchange, and there's a satisfaction in knowing that he's a part of that. He says so to himself, remembering that the person who had begged him to hold him now hates his guts.
His hand fiddles with the pack beside him, and he remembers how Kaveh had plucked the cigarette from his grasp right before it touched his lips. How he'd kissed him so fiercely.
He sighs. One step at a time.]
user2.718: Not silly at all. I'm glad I could make your day better.
[And it's the truth. Alhaitham has experienced plenty of bad days himself, especially after the incident with Kaveh. Hearing that Pharos feels better after logging on is a relief. It means they're on the same wavelength, even if only within this limited space.
The question of why it doesn't translate to their physical space seems, odd. Both seem natural. He doesn't think he talks differently via text.
But while he does dive deep into the intricacies of all of this, Alhaitham stops himself.]
user2.718: I'd love to hear more about your day, but only if you're up for sharing. It's alright if you don't.
[He's careful not to push too hard, recognizing that Pharos might not want to go into details. Alhaitham's also aware of the inherent risks in encouraging personal conversation, given his own secret identity. Yet, he's drawn to Kaveh's vulnerability, his openness, and the way he can express himself without filters here.]
user2.718: You do a good job picking your outfits, too. The necklace complements them well.
[Alhaitham allows himself a moment to appreciate Pharos's presence on screen. The outfit, the setting, and the overall atmosphere are carefully curated, yet there's a genuine warmth that can't be faked. He realizes he's treading a fine line between his admiration for Pharos and his unresolved feelings for Kaveh.]
user2.718: If there's anything I can do to help make your day better, let me know.
[Alhaitham knows he can't fix everything, but he can at least offer a listening ear. He finds comfort in the fact that their interactions are not strictly transactional—there's a real connection, even if it's complicated by the circumstances. He doesn't know how long he can keep this up, but for now, he's content to enjoy these moments with Pharos, taking them as they come.]
[ He can't help but smile at Mister E's first comment; he does like the idea of it being just the two of them with no one else's opinion to have to worry about. Despite the fact that the man is just words on a screen, there's something about him that Kaveh knows he likes, knows he can trust.
Which is why, when the other says he'd like to hear about his day, Pharos finds himself leaning forward, a thoughtful expression on his face. ]
You know... it's not that I don't wanna tell you. I think I do, I know it's stupid but I trust you and... [ He falls silent for a moment, biting his lip— and then smiling at the next message that comes through, leaning back to show off his outfit a little more, even striking a (somewhat silly) pose before he shuffles in closer again. ]
But this is meant to be a private chat to thank you, not for me to just vent about my life. I feel like I vented enough last time as it is. [ With all that business about the cost of living and everything. ] And... [ A laugh, his fingers ghosting over the tops of one of the silicone toys. ] I set out all my toys already; surely that will be more fun for you than listening to me whine?
[ And yet there's a real temptation to give in; Mister E has proven himself to be incredibly intelligent (even his username alone gave it away from the beginning), and Kaveh can't help but think he might have in his mind the solution to some of his problems.
(Of course, it helps that he's smart without being an arrogant ass about it...) ]
user2.718: While I appreciate that, I do think the conversations make these moments special. user2.718: You're an excellent talker and listener.
[Alhaitham types this aware of the strange dichotomy between Pharos's trust and Kaveh's animosity toward him in their day-to-day encounters. It's bittersweet, indeed. Here, in this digital space, he's confided in and trusted; outside it, he's barely tolerated. The contrast shouldn't weight on him as much as it should, but he'll commit to a connection that seems to bring both of them some measure of comfort.]
user2.718: Venting can be cathartic. user2.718: While talking to someone in a space like this may be risky, I do understand why it can be comfortable. user2.718: I hope last time helped. user2.718: It helped me, too.
[E hopes this reassures Pharos that their interactions are valued beyond the superficial. He knows He's sincere in wanting to hear about Pharos's day, about his troubles, and not just to observe a performance.]
user2.718: I happen to like it when you whine.
[A joke? An attempt at some lightheartedness? Who knows. At this point, Alhaitham isn't even sure, he just wants to see Kaveh laugh.]
user2.718: But we can keep it light. user2.718: Your choice, always. This is your space, I'm only visiting. user2.718: Do you have anything in mind?
[His finger hovers over the send button for a moment before he presses it, feeling the weight of his words. He wants to convey that his interest isn't solely in the persona or the physicality of their interactions but in the person behind Pharos. He waits for Pharos's response, the blue light of his computer screen casting a glow that reflects his own mixed emotions—hope, concern, and an undeniable curiosity about where this might lead. There's a part of him that wishes he could reveal his identity, to see how Kaveh would react knowing everything. But the risks of doing so are too high, and for now, he must content himself with the connection they have, however fragmented and complicated it may be.]
[ There's a moment of silence as he reads through Mister E's words, and even through the lens of a camera and with the mask concealing a portion of his face, there's no doubt at all that the other will see heat rising to Pharos's cheeks. He likes more than anything the idea that Mister E finds their time special not only for the sex acts, but for Pharos as a person, for the things he shares and talks about.
He bites his lip, looking into the camera as he considers it in silence for a moment, watching the words continue to flow onto the screen— and he does laugh when the other mentions he likes him whiny, shakes his head in disagreement as he leans a little closer. ]
Right now this is both of our space. It's different from when everyone else is here. When it's just the two of us like this...
[ A breath, and fingers reach up to tug at the ends of his hair, as if nervous. ]
I have this new coworker who drives me crazy, [ he says eventually; his voice starts soft, almost hesitant, but real frustration creeps quickly into it as he speaks, revealing the depth of his feelings. ] Literally the first thing he ever said to me was criticism of my work, followed by some Sherlock Holmes-level observational bullshit like he knows me or something. What's worse, he signed up for a project I've been planning to work on for some time, so now we're in a situation where we'll have to see each other more often than not,
and I'm stupid, Mister E, and a couple of weeks ago I had a shitty fucking day and got smashed, and I— I ended up—
[ He talks himself into a corner before he even realizes what he's done. He doesn't want to tell user2.718 that he made out with Alhaitham. There's no reason he can't— tell him, or make out with anyone whom he chooses— but... somehow, it feels like cheating, and—
Fuck, he's such an idiot. ]
—I ended up making out with him, apparently, I don't even remember it, and then he admitted to having a crush on me and... ugh I just can't stand him. He's such an asshole; where does he get off telling me he likes me when he treats me like that, you know?
[Alhaitham leans back in his chair, taking a deep drag from his cigarette. The smoke curls up toward the ceiling as he exhales, and he watches the tendrils dissipate, memories of that night unfurling in his mind. Berating himself now wouldn't accomplish anything, but he knows he got carried away. He should have pushed Kaveh away after the first kiss, if not the second. He should have left him home, driven him to his neighbourhood, or paid for a cab. Yet, he hadn't.
Instead, he remembers the warmth of Kaveh's arms wrapped around his neck, the arch of his body, and how he admitted to loneliness even amidst the donations, viewers, and university popularity. Alhaitham recalls Kaveh's whispered confessions, the way he admitted to having a crush on a person he'd never seen but trusted. And despite the heated accusations that followed the morning after, he'd seen the vulnerable side of Kaveh, the side that wanted him and wrapped around him.
He takes another drag, slowly savoring the nicotine, before stubbing the cigarette out in an ashtray and refocusing on the screen. Kaveh's frustration, his anger, is palpable, and it hits Alhaitham harder than expected.]
user2.718: That sounds frustrating. user2.718: Criticism can sting, especially when it's the first thing someone says to you. user2.718: I don't think you're stupid, Pharos. Making out with someone after a shitty day isn't wrong.
[Alhaitham's fingers pause over the keys, remembering Kaveh's confession about the crush. He wants to reassure him that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he wasn't to blame for the events of that night. He continues typing.]
user2.718: You really didn't do anything wrong.
[He knows he needs to tread carefully, to not push too hard or reveal his own identity. Instead, he sticks to the facts and tries to validate Kaveh's feelings.]
user2.718: But if working together is uncomfortable, perhaps you shouldn't have to. Maybe maintaining some distance would help. user2.718: In a professional setting, a compromise could be reached.
[He hesitates, considering the implications of his next question, but it's necessary.]
user2.718: Do you think you should report him?
[It's an objective question, yet he asks it with genuine concern. If Kaveh feels genuinely uncomfortable, Alhaitham would rather see him take steps to protect himself than endure unnecessary stress.]
user2.718: He shouldn't be making you feel like this.
[Alhaitham leans back again, fingers steepled together. He knows he can't undo what's already happened, but he hopes his words can provide some measure of comfort, if not clarity. There's a pang of guilt and regret, knowing he's the source of Kaveh's frustration, but he remains focused on offering support. He’s torn between the empathy of Mister E and the objectivity of Alhaitham, straddling a line that grows blurrier with each passing interaction.]
user2.718: I'm really sorry you're going through this.
[ After such an impassioned rant, there's muted silence on Pharos's end as user2.718's replies start to come in, comforting him, reminding him he didn't do anything wrong, acknowledging his frustrations and discomfort; and he should feel relieved, encouraged, but somehow the feeling that settles on him is guilt, as if in the midst of this whole thing he's somehow betrayed his Mister E, Mister E who remains nice and kind and thoughtful towards him as always. He feels tears stinging the corners of his eyes, blinking furiously to try and rid himself of them before they can fall, and focusing on the words that continue to come in as a form of distraction, and—
He sighs, and bites his lip. Is he being as honest as he should? It's true that he was drunk, but in the mixed and muddled memories of the night, he does know he imagined E in Alhaitham's place, imagined he could hear that deep voice saying the sweet words that appear in text on the screen in front of him. He can't report someone when he was an all-too-willing participant, drunk or no.
After a moment, he shakes his head. ]
I can't report him... I was the one who approached him, and I know I was drunk, but...
[ His eyes close as he sighs again, and unbeknownst to him, a tear slips free to glimmer on his eyelashes, remaining in place even as his eyes open again in the next moment.
It's Mister E. He said Kaveh can tell him anything. ]
If I'm honest, Mister E, I was thinking about you. I was drunk, and horny, and as much of an asshole as he is, he's so smart, the same way you are. It made it easy for me to imagine that he... that you were... you know. [ A faint hint of pink creeps across his cheeks. ] I know that's stupid. You're a customer, I shouldn't be thinking about you like that. I'm sorry. You said I deserve to be respected but... it wasn't respectful of me to imagine you in that moment, either.
[ They've veered a little away from the rest of what user2.718 was talking about, putting boundaries in place at work, but he's not really thinking about that, right now, not when the other's kindness has caused the heaviness of guilt to weigh painfully on his chest. ]
[Alhaitham watches the screen intently, reading Pharos's heartfelt admission. It's not something he hadn't already suspected, but hearing it confirmed strikes him deeply. He exhales, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in his chair. Despite the smoke from his stubbed-out cigarette still lingering around the room, he feels the weight of Pharos's words, heavy with guilt and uncertainty.]
user2.718: Pharos, it's alright. You're not alone in this.
[He types carefully, knowing how sensitive the admission must have been for Kaveh. He leans closer to the screen, fingers flying over the keys.]
user2.718: I have imagined something similar. user2.718: In my own encounters, I've thought about you.
[It's not quite right, but he's not lying. As he had pressed Kaveh into the mattress in his room, he had thought about Kaveh and Pharos as an altogether entity. Alhaitham's heart quickens at the honesty of his words, at how close they come to revealing the truth of that night. He continues typing.]
user2.718: You're not alone in feeling like this, and I know what it's like. It can feel complicated and messy, but it's alright.
[He pauses, remembering when Kaveh wrapped his arms around him. The kiss had been impulsive, heated, and filled with the kind of passion he never expected. And though he can't say it outright, he hopes this next part will convey his understanding.]
user2.718: If you think you've disrespected me, then I'm equally guilty. user2.718: But these feelings don't make you bad or disrespectful, not to me.
[ He's starting to whip himself up into a frenzy of panic, feeling the need to explain each and every little part of the situation— what ends up stopping him is the next group of messages that comes through from user2.718. Words of comfort once again, but also— ]
Oh.
[ There's a lot to take away from what the other has said. There's the jealousy, for one, the strange churn in his stomach at the thought of someone else having the chance to be with his Mister E. But also the knowledge, bittersweet, that the other thought of him in much the same way he did. And he wonders what Mister E would be like as a lover... surely, he thinks, as gentle and thoughtful as he is in text, all guiding hands and searching kisses, and—
That pink darkens on his cheeks, Pharos biting his lip as he looks quietly into the camera for a moment or two. There's a part of him desperate to take off his mask, to let Mister E see the whole of his face, the person he really is. But being a teacher of all things holds him back— he trusts Mister E, but all it would take is a single leaked image...
Instead, he fiddles with the necklace, something that's apparently a habit of his when he's feeling a little nervous, and runs fingers through his hair as he laughs breathlessly. ]
I want—
[ And oh, how dangerously close he comes to saying he wants to meet him. (Tighnari is going to kill him...!) Kaveh takes a breath, steadies himself. ]
Remember when you asked if I've ever suffered from basorexia? I'm suffering from it right now, Mister E.
[Alhaitham watches Kaveh's reaction on the screen, the nervous laughter, and the way his fingers toy with the necklace and run through his hair. The earnest desire in Kaveh's voice echoes back in Alhaitham's mind as he contemplates how to respond. It's strange how his words, carefully typed behind the mask of Mister E, can comfort and draw Kaveh closer so easily. Yet, Alhaitham knows that if he were to speak as himself, Kaveh would see the empathy as suspicious, dismissing it immediately.
He recalls their interactions at work, and how the dynamic shifts when they become user2.718 and Pharos. The difference is stark, and he realizes that despite his mastery of language and rhetoric, there is an undeniable gap that can only be bridged through this digital persona.
But now, hearing Kaveh's admission that he wants to kiss him and is suffering from basorexia, Alhaitham feels a pang of longing. His fingers hover over the keyboard, contemplating the implications of revealing his identity. Could Kaveh handle it? Could he? Would it lead to the connection they both long for, or would it shatter everything they've built?
The risk is too high. Even as a streamer and viewer, it's not a step to take lightly. They both need this space, this comfort, and it's something Alhaitham can't jeopardize. Kaveh needs this more than he does.]
user2.718: I wish I could kiss you, too. user2.718: I hope this conversation gives you some comfort, though.
[It's the truth, after all. Despite the complicated nature of their connection, Alhaitham knows his feelings are genuine, and he wants Kaveh to understand that he's not alone in this yearning.
He pauses, considering how to balance vulnerability and reassurance. He doesn't want to overpromise, nor does he want Kaveh to feel pressured.]
user2.718: Just know that I'm here for you, and that your feelings are valid. You're not alone in this.
[ His voice is a little softer than he would like, the vulnerability creeping in despite his best efforts even as the other offers him comfort and assurance that he's not alone in his feelings. The whole thing feels like a mess of epic proportions, like a maze that he just can't find his way out of no matter how hard he tries. He's tied them up in a never-ending rope and now he can't unpick the knots, and—
Gods, Kaveh's not sure he's ever wanted someone so much, and they haven't even met—
(But what if they met?) ]
...You should pick one of my toys.
[ The statement comes out abruptly, sounding perhaps like it was said instead of something else waiting on the tip of his tongue
(because it was, because all Kaveh can think about is wanting to take off his mask, wanting to meet him in person, wanting to do something so totally unsafe it's not even worth dreaming about)
and he gestures to the collection placed, as usual, along the desk in front of him. His smile, even as it trembles, is real. ]
I'll give you a good show, Mister E. You can fuck me however you want.
[He sees Kaveh's trembling smile and the gesture toward the collection of toys on the desk. The request is a return to their established routine, and Alhaitham recognizes it as a way for Kaveh to ground himself. Picking a toy is a step back into their comfort zones, a reminder of the safety this space provides them both.
But Alhaitham can’t ignore the longing that settles deep in his chest. He knows it's not just the thrill of the performance or the allure of the fantasy. It's Kaveh, the person behind the mask. The one who challenges him intellectually and emotionally. The one who frustrates him and fascinates him in equal measure. Alhaitham knows he’s pining for Kaveh just as much as Pharos yearns for Mister E.
His desire to close the distance between them remains, but he knows this is the best way to protect what they have. He takes a breath, accepting that this virtual intimacy, however fragmented and complicated, will have to be enough.]
user2.718: The cockring. user2.718: But nothing else. user2.718: I'd like you to use your fingers today.
[ It's safer, offering himself this way, Kaveh thinks. It's what they're both accustomed to, a routine that he finds easy, safe. If he's lost in pleasure, he doesn't have to worry about saying something stupid, about risking his heart in some maneuver that could never benefit either of them.
(After all, Mister E says he's not alone in this, but there's no way he understands how readily Kaveh has thrown himself into these feelings, how often he thinks about him, how dangerously attached he has so quickly become.)
He's not quite expecting the answer he's given, his brows rising and his already-pink cheeks heating a little more, and he can't help the way a smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he shakes his head. ] You want me to give you a show today, huh? [ he says, and there's a tease in his voice. Of course, everything he does is a show for Mister E, but he remembers last time, pretending the toy was the man himself, talking about taking him deep and letting him cum inside— Not this time.
That smile stays on his lips as he gently lubes the ring and slips it on, twisting slightly so his single viewer can see the way it wraps his cock and balls before settling back on his seat, making sure he's giving a good view of his ass as he spreads his legs and lubes up his fingers too. ]
I'll give you the best show, Mister E. Tell me how you want me to do it.
[Well, this is definitely familiar, something they've done before. This is what Pharos has done plenty of other streams, as well, for his viewers, not for user2.718, not for the special Mister E—he shouldn't love that nickname so much, but here he is, feeling a thrum under his ribcage that gets him to itch to his cigarette pack, or through the screen.
But he knows Pharos now, he knows Kaveh, the person behind the persona. He remembers the sadness in his voice behind the anger directed at him, the frustration at Alhaitham not needing to be pleased, to welcome attrition, to embrace the bad of Kaveh that he's so not used to give.
Because it's the gist of it all, isn't it? They're both frustrated. He wonders if aside from the monetary need, if Pharos came to be because Kaveh was so, so tired of his own frustration. Tired of being tired.
He remembers how lonely his fingers had felt as they gripped at his back.]
user2.718: Lean back, and think of me caressing you. user2.718: I think I'd start with your pretty face. user2.718: Show me how you think I'd do it.
[ He's just about to start on what he thinks user2.718 wants from him when suddenly a message comes through not to lube his fingers just yet. As they're already slick, he wipes them off on a cloth he keeps to the side for exactly that, and then tilts his head to the side in curiosity, leaning forward and watching the screen as he waits for the rest of the other's instructions to come in.
think of me caressing you, the screen says, and Kaveh's reasonably sure that his heart does the impossible and skips several beats. He smiles sweetly, and his hands lift, eyes closing briefly as they touch one side of his face and then the other, fingers dragging against the skin before coming to cradle his own cheeks the way he imagines Mister E would, treating him with the gentleness he craves so badly.
What he doesn't realize is that he's been held like this before,
and by Alhaitham, of all people.
His eyes open, a small smile on his lips as one thumb swipes over them, mimicking actions he can so clearly imagine the other taking. ]
[Exactly. Exactly like that. Alhaitham knows how much he wanted to do the same, how he did the same, holding Kaveh's face between his hands and stroking his lips before he kissed him, slow and deep and feeding into his need like oil in a flame, flaring uncontrollably.
Of course, it only means for Kaveh that it felt good, to be touched in the same way, it would be only natural to find himself wanting it again. He holds Mister E in such a high regard, that he knows he'd touch him in a way that would please Pharos.
The layers to this are immense and numerous. Pharos wishes for Mister E to touch him in the way that Alhaitham touched Kaveh. Only that Pharos doesn't know that they're both the same person. It would feel almost silly if Alhaitham wasn't aware that he barely revealed anything about himself as user2.718.]
user2.718: It seems that you like that. user2.718: Can you imagine me kissing you? user2.718: Where would my hands go next? Your neck? Your hair?
[ His content is a pleased sigh, eyes soft and dreamy as they meet the camera's lens, as his fingers keep tracing over his own skin in all the ways Alhaitham did during their short time together. It's not deliberate at all; in fact, with his attention so focused on what Mister E is asking of him, he doesn't realize that he's doing it. But he's been touched like this before, and he liked it more than he realizes.
Maybe it's because of the gentleness inherent in the act; perhaps instead if's who it was, or who he dreamed it might be.
Maybe, deep down, it's all of the above.
He smiles at user2.718's continued statements, nods his acknowledgement— he does like it— and his eyes close briefly once more, teeth pressing into his lower lip in response to the phantom sensation of an imagined kiss. He sighs again, and nods. ]
Yeah.. I can imagine it. How do you kiss, Mister E? Are you gentle? Or do you like to take charge?
[ Even as he asks it, his eyes open to see the next question, and his smile broadens slightly; he answers with the movement of his hands, one lifting up to thread in his own hair as the other moves to cup at the side of his neck. He hums again at the soft sensation. It's easy to imagine his hands are the other's, touching and exploring him as he wants. ]
user2.718: I believe there's a time and place for everything.
[Although most of the kisses they had shared were hot, heavy, some of the care on Alhaitham's fingers had translated into softness, but also moving Kaveh's eagerness around into something smoother, yet still heady. He needs to take a deep breath at the sight of Pharos so beautifully blissful at his imagination, at the memory of how difficult it was for him to expand his lungs to draw in air, when he only wanted to dive back into Kaveh's lips.
He swallows something hard in his throat.]
user2.718: You look so good like that. user2.718: Would you want me to be soft? Or would you like my fingers to dig deeper into you?
[He chews on his lip thoughtfully. Then sends a message that may make the fantasy go a bit further.]
user2.718: Can you imagine yourself on my lap? user2.718: Leaning back against me. user2.718: And me whispering in your ear. user2.718: Asking how else do you want me to touch you?
[ A time and place for everything, user2.718 replies, and Kaveh can imagine him both ways: kissing him hard and passionate, tongue tangling and tasting; kissing him soft and sweet, making his heart flutter in his chest. Both are enough to have the blonde let out a soft, trembling sigh, eyes half-lidded even as he looks at the screen for the rest of the other man's words. ]
Mm... today I think I want you to be soft, [ he whispers. ] Prove that he's wrong about you.
[ Of course, he hasn't told Mister E what Alhaitham said about him, but he's not thinking about that right now. He's too distracted, leaning back harder into his chair and shuffling slightly as if getting comfortable against another person, biting his lip at the phantom sensation of words in his ear, pleasured shivers rushing down his spine. ]
I can. Mister E, are you starting to get hard? Or is my imagination just going overtime, hm?
[ A soft laugh, and then as the other asks his last question, Kaveh imagining the words breathed into his ear, he adds: ]
Would you play with my piercing a little? And... mm, and maybe tease me a little.
user2.718: Then, I will be gentle. user2.718: I'll take care of you.
['To prove that he's wrong', there are so many odd things about that statement. One, that Alhaitham is not wrong about Mister E, not exactly. Just because the bar is on the floor doesn't mean that the benchmark that he settles isn't low. And secondly, that Kaveh would defend a stranger so adamantly, for the sake of an image of the person that he thinks E is.
He takes a deep breath.
It's not an entire leap to imagine Kaveh writhing on top of him, leaning back, the planes of his chest arching with gasps and sighs as he arches further into him, the tension to his spine as Alhaitham whispered into his ear.
Pharos, he needs to remind himself. This is Pharos. And he's Mister E.
It pangs on his chest harder than he'd like. But all he can do for now is accept that.
His fingers fly over the keyboard.]
user2.718: So are you. user2.718: I've only kissed you and caressed your face. user2.718: How can I not, when you feel so good against me? user2.718: That piercing looks so good on you. user2.718: Does it hurt when you pinch it? user2.718: Stroke and knead your thigh. user2.718: Go slow, from your knee upwards.
[ He can't help but sigh again in response to those words. What Mister E tells him is that he's taken care of, that he's cared for. And maybe Alhaitham sees the bar as being so low it's on the floor, but to Kaveh's mind, he's being treated so well, so kindly— even kinder than someone like him deserves.
(In reality, perhaps it's not even that he thinks so highly of Mister E— but more how lowly he thinks of himself.)
He's obedient, pinching at the piercing and then hissing softly as his chest arches into it, a shake of his head as his eyes seek the camera once more. ]
Mm, it doesn't really hurt. It feels good, Mister E. But.. honestly, everything you do feels good. Even you just caressing my face and kissing me... it's not that weird that I'm starting to get hard, right?
[ His laugh is sweet, breathless as he defends himself, as he lowers the same hand to his knee and starts so slowly to stroke over his own thigh, still leaning back to make sure his Mister E has the best possible view of him as he does. White fingerprints appear briefly in the skin as he squeezes and kneads, and as his hand creeps higher he sighs, biting his lip and letting his eyes flutter closed again. ]
Mm, this would be easier if I could hear you for real, [ he laughs softly in the next moment, eyes opening again. ] Everything you're doing is so good I keep forgetting and closing my eyes.
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indigently) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sempiternals2023-10-04 01:27 am
Look at me, I'm a sea, I'm your sea
Ugh. Forget that.
The one upside has been the additional necklace that suddenly arrived in the mail, a match to the other but in gold with a note saying that the sender thinks it would look amazing on him too (ha, take that, you snarky son of a bitch, Kaveh thought when he opened it; he does know me); it's this that the blonde uses as an excuse to invite Mister E to another stream for just the two of them— another ostensible "thank you" when really, he just wants to see him again, as much as what they're doing is him seeing the other.
If Tighnari wasn't going to kill him already, he certainly will now, when he sees not one but two private log notifications.
Oh well.
Like the last time, he's dolled up with a selection of toys laid out in front of him. The lingerie he picked specifically dips in all the right places to show the golden necklace glinting between his clavicles, delicate and bright against his pale skin. And when he sees the notification that user.2.718 has joined the room, his smile is brighter even than that. ]
Mister E, I'm glad you could come.
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Everything seems to fall into a disarray at the same time. Students become more rowdy, don't seem to listen, to read what he tells them to to prepare for the next class, then demand that he actually goes over the sections that are supposed to be their homework in class. He drops a heavy weight almost on top of Dehya's foot. He has a parent knocking into the door of his office wasting his time to bump their—lazy, entitled,—son's grades because he's the offspring of a long line of scholars. A leg of his favorite chair in his kitchen has started to creak. Time wasted. Mishaps, miscommunications.
The days following, spotting a golden head scurrying across a hall because he's late to his lecture, are a nightmare.
When the invitation comes in, Alhaitham has to assess everything. He hadn't slipped, he had been sure of that. That Pharos would confront him about his identity is still a very vague possibility, but very close to 0.
So when the screen flicks on to a bright smile, toys at the ready, golden necklace looking beautiful against his skin, Alhaitham can't help but release a sigh in relief.]
[What he's been stopping himself from saying each time they cross paths.]
[To a point where he makes mistakes.]
[He was right. He doesn't know him at all.]
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Feeling oddly shy, he reaches up to fiddle briefly with the necklace, trying his best to roll his eyes playfully, although the expression somehow just makes him look even more affectionate than before. ]
Of course it's nice; you picked it out for me. I've been wearing the silver one too, but I thought this one might look better on camera..
[ Also, he's admittedly been wearing the gold one almost constantly since it arrived on his doorstep. ]
And it makes me happy to know you wouldn't turn down an invitation. I like spending time with you, just you and me without all the rest... is that too selfish of me?
[ After all, he's doing something quite out of the norm for someone in his position, offering private streams to a particular viewer for no extra cost, and not only that but admitting that he enjoys having him around. It feels selfish, and yet here he is, doing it anyway. ]
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[In fact, Alhaitham finds it rather considerate. While he's been carefully keeping his identity a secret from Pharos, he's been taking note of their interactions and how they've evolved. Kaveh, in their daily lives, seemed to have an immediate dislike for him, but the more time they spent together, even if just online, the more Alhaitham realized he was enjoying it, regardless of the misunderstandings and miscommunications they had outside these private sessions. The more he realizes that Kaveh spreads himself too thin out of his own belief that everyone deserves a break, while falling into the trap of not applying that same expectation onto himself as well. But as much as he liked to maintain a calm, collected demeanour in person, these private streams with Pharos gave him a different perspective—one where he could let down some of his defenses.]
[Alhaitham does enjoy the time spent with Pharos, even if the time spent with Kaveh was often more of a contentious debate. There was a different dynamic where they could be themselves without all the pretense that came with their jobs and personal lives. He knows it's a dangerous game he's playing, but something is compelling about being able to connect with Kaveh like this, even if he doesn't realize who's on the other side of the screen.]
[He keeps his words neutral, letting Pharos set the tone. This isn't his space to dictate the pace or direction. This is about letting the other person express themselves without restraint, something he wishes he could do with Kaveh in their day-to-day interactions. It's also a way to see the real Kaveh, beyond the academic setting and his abrasive attitude.
Alhaitham takes a moment to consider the implications of his words. Even as he sits in the comfort of his own home, pack of cigarettes waiting at his side, he doesn't want to overstep. And yet he's curious about Pharos's intentions, about how he wants to spend this private time together. He knows that any misstep could lead to Kaveh discovering his identity before he's ready to reveal it.]
[He allows a small smile to play on his lips as he types. It's not just the necklace he's referring to; it's the entire presence of Pharos, the way he commands the camera with such ease and confidence. It's a side of Kaveh that Alhaitham admires, even if he can't express it openly in their real-world interactions. He knows it's a risk, but it's one he's willing to take, for now, to see where this connection leads.]
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If the feeling is mutual, then of course you'd say I'm not selfish! You have a vested interest, Mister E. I'm not sure everyone would agree with us, though.
[ And then the other man asks how he has been, and Pharos's lips purse in a thoughtful, almost pensive expression for a moment or two. ]
You know... [ He speaks slowly, weighing each word in turn, ] ...I was in kind of a bad mood when I first logged on today. The last few days have been kinda awful, and... [ He shakes his head, a slight smile coming back to his lips. ] It's nothing to worry about. But when you logged on and we started talking, I guess I felt better again? Maybe that's silly.
[ It occurs to Kaveh that if user2.718 is as smart as he always seems to be, he probably assumes that Pharos is just doing all this for show, cozying up to him for more gifts and tips.
He wonders if there's a way to tell him he's being honest without sounding like a crazy man. ]
Mm, you do? [ He turns back and forth in the chair a little, letting the necklace gleam in the room's dim lighting. ] I've been wearing it all the time. Sometimes the silver one, sometimes this one. It depends on what I'm wearing on the day, what might match better... You picked really well, Mister E.
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[If they enjoy each other's company, there's no reason to worry about external opinions. Despite their private sessions, he knows it's still just a screen between them. It's a boundary, one that doesn't feel too restrictive, allowing them to connect in a way they can't in their regular lives, even if their true identities were unknown. He's taken note of how Pharos's mood brightens with each exchange, and there's a satisfaction in knowing that he's a part of that. He says so to himself, remembering that the person who had begged him to hold him now hates his guts.
His hand fiddles with the pack beside him, and he remembers how Kaveh had plucked the cigarette from his grasp right before it touched his lips. How he'd kissed him so fiercely.
He sighs. One step at a time.]
[And it's the truth. Alhaitham has experienced plenty of bad days himself, especially after the incident with Kaveh. Hearing that Pharos feels better after logging on is a relief. It means they're on the same wavelength, even if only within this limited space.
The question of why it doesn't translate to their physical space seems, odd. Both seem natural. He doesn't think he talks differently via text.
But while he does dive deep into the intricacies of all of this, Alhaitham stops himself.]
[He's careful not to push too hard, recognizing that Pharos might not want to go into details. Alhaitham's also aware of the inherent risks in encouraging personal conversation, given his own secret identity. Yet, he's drawn to Kaveh's vulnerability, his openness, and the way he can express himself without filters here.]
[Alhaitham allows himself a moment to appreciate Pharos's presence on screen. The outfit, the setting, and the overall atmosphere are carefully curated, yet there's a genuine warmth that can't be faked. He realizes he's treading a fine line between his admiration for Pharos and his unresolved feelings for Kaveh.]
[Alhaitham knows he can't fix everything, but he can at least offer a listening ear. He finds comfort in the fact that their interactions are not strictly transactional—there's a real connection, even if it's complicated by the circumstances. He doesn't know how long he can keep this up, but for now, he's content to enjoy these moments with Pharos, taking them as they come.]
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Which is why, when the other says he'd like to hear about his day, Pharos finds himself leaning forward, a thoughtful expression on his face. ]
You know... it's not that I don't wanna tell you. I think I do, I know it's stupid but I trust you and... [ He falls silent for a moment, biting his lip— and then smiling at the next message that comes through, leaning back to show off his outfit a little more, even striking a (somewhat silly) pose before he shuffles in closer again. ]
But this is meant to be a private chat to thank you, not for me to just vent about my life. I feel like I vented enough last time as it is. [ With all that business about the cost of living and everything. ] And... [ A laugh, his fingers ghosting over the tops of one of the silicone toys. ] I set out all my toys already; surely that will be more fun for you than listening to me whine?
[ And yet there's a real temptation to give in; Mister E has proven himself to be incredibly intelligent (even his username alone gave it away from the beginning), and Kaveh can't help but think he might have in his mind the solution to some of his problems.
(Of course, it helps that he's smart without being an arrogant ass about it...) ]
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[Alhaitham types this aware of the strange dichotomy between Pharos's trust and Kaveh's animosity toward him in their day-to-day encounters. It's bittersweet, indeed. Here, in this digital space, he's confided in and trusted; outside it, he's barely tolerated. The contrast shouldn't weight on him as much as it should, but he'll commit to a connection that seems to bring both of them some measure of comfort.]
[E hopes this reassures Pharos that their interactions are valued beyond the superficial. He knows He's sincere in wanting to hear about Pharos's day, about his troubles, and not just to observe a performance.]
[A joke? An attempt at some lightheartedness? Who knows. At this point, Alhaitham isn't even sure, he just wants to see Kaveh laugh.]
[His finger hovers over the send button for a moment before he presses it, feeling the weight of his words. He wants to convey that his interest isn't solely in the persona or the physicality of their interactions but in the person behind Pharos. He waits for Pharos's response, the blue light of his computer screen casting a glow that reflects his own mixed emotions—hope, concern, and an undeniable curiosity about where this might lead. There's a part of him that wishes he could reveal his identity, to see how Kaveh would react knowing everything. But the risks of doing so are too high, and for now, he must content himself with the connection they have, however fragmented and complicated it may be.]
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He bites his lip, looking into the camera as he considers it in silence for a moment, watching the words continue to flow onto the screen— and he does laugh when the other mentions he likes him whiny, shakes his head in disagreement as he leans a little closer. ]
Right now this is both of our space. It's different from when everyone else is here. When it's just the two of us like this...
[ A breath, and fingers reach up to tug at the ends of his hair, as if nervous. ]
I have this new coworker who drives me crazy, [ he says eventually; his voice starts soft, almost hesitant, but real frustration creeps quickly into it as he speaks, revealing the depth of his feelings. ] Literally the first thing he ever said to me was criticism of my work, followed by some Sherlock Holmes-level observational bullshit like he knows me or something. What's worse, he signed up for a project I've been planning to work on for some time, so now we're in a situation where we'll have to see each other more often than not,
and I'm stupid, Mister E, and a couple of weeks ago I had a shitty fucking day and got smashed, and I— I ended up—
[ He talks himself into a corner before he even realizes what he's done. He doesn't want to tell user2.718 that he made out with Alhaitham. There's no reason he can't— tell him, or make out with anyone whom he chooses— but... somehow, it feels like cheating, and—
Fuck, he's such an idiot. ]
—I ended up making out with him, apparently, I don't even remember it, and then he admitted to having a crush on me and... ugh I just can't stand him. He's such an asshole; where does he get off telling me he likes me when he treats me like that, you know?
[ And then, almost sullenly: ]
He's not nice to me like you are.
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Instead, he remembers the warmth of Kaveh's arms wrapped around his neck, the arch of his body, and how he admitted to loneliness even amidst the donations, viewers, and university popularity. Alhaitham recalls Kaveh's whispered confessions, the way he admitted to having a crush on a person he'd never seen but trusted. And despite the heated accusations that followed the morning after, he'd seen the vulnerable side of Kaveh, the side that wanted him and wrapped around him.
He takes another drag, slowly savoring the nicotine, before stubbing the cigarette out in an ashtray and refocusing on the screen. Kaveh's frustration, his anger, is palpable, and it hits Alhaitham harder than expected.]
[Alhaitham's fingers pause over the keys, remembering Kaveh's confession about the crush. He wants to reassure him that he hadn't done anything wrong, that he wasn't to blame for the events of that night. He continues typing.]
[He knows he needs to tread carefully, to not push too hard or reveal his own identity. Instead, he sticks to the facts and tries to validate Kaveh's feelings.]
[He hesitates, considering the implications of his next question, but it's necessary.]
[It's an objective question, yet he asks it with genuine concern. If Kaveh feels genuinely uncomfortable, Alhaitham would rather see him take steps to protect himself than endure unnecessary stress.]
[Alhaitham leans back again, fingers steepled together. He knows he can't undo what's already happened, but he hopes his words can provide some measure of comfort, if not clarity. There's a pang of guilt and regret, knowing he's the source of Kaveh's frustration, but he remains focused on offering support. He’s torn between the empathy of Mister E and the objectivity of Alhaitham, straddling a line that grows blurrier with each passing interaction.]
[He pauses, then types again.]
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He sighs, and bites his lip. Is he being as honest as he should? It's true that he was drunk, but in the mixed and muddled memories of the night, he does know he imagined E in Alhaitham's place, imagined he could hear that deep voice saying the sweet words that appear in text on the screen in front of him. He can't report someone when he was an all-too-willing participant, drunk or no.
After a moment, he shakes his head. ]
I can't report him... I was the one who approached him, and I know I was drunk, but...
[ His eyes close as he sighs again, and unbeknownst to him, a tear slips free to glimmer on his eyelashes, remaining in place even as his eyes open again in the next moment.
It's Mister E. He said Kaveh can tell him anything. ]
If I'm honest, Mister E, I was thinking about you. I was drunk, and horny, and as much of an asshole as he is, he's so smart, the same way you are. It made it easy for me to imagine that he... that you were... you know. [ A faint hint of pink creeps across his cheeks. ] I know that's stupid. You're a customer, I shouldn't be thinking about you like that. I'm sorry. You said I deserve to be respected but... it wasn't respectful of me to imagine you in that moment, either.
[ They've veered a little away from the rest of what user2.718 was talking about, putting boundaries in place at work, but he's not really thinking about that, right now, not when the other's kindness has caused the heaviness of guilt to weigh painfully on his chest. ]
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[He types carefully, knowing how sensitive the admission must have been for Kaveh. He leans closer to the screen, fingers flying over the keys.]
[It's not quite right, but he's not lying. As he had pressed Kaveh into the mattress in his room, he had thought about Kaveh and Pharos as an altogether entity. Alhaitham's heart quickens at the honesty of his words, at how close they come to revealing the truth of that night. He continues typing.]
[He pauses, remembering when Kaveh wrapped his arms around him. The kiss had been impulsive, heated, and filled with the kind of passion he never expected. And though he can't say it outright, he hopes this next part will convey his understanding.]
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Oh.
[ There's a lot to take away from what the other has said. There's the jealousy, for one, the strange churn in his stomach at the thought of someone else having the chance to be with his Mister E. But also the knowledge, bittersweet, that the other thought of him in much the same way he did. And he wonders what Mister E would be like as a lover... surely, he thinks, as gentle and thoughtful as he is in text, all guiding hands and searching kisses, and—
That pink darkens on his cheeks, Pharos biting his lip as he looks quietly into the camera for a moment or two. There's a part of him desperate to take off his mask, to let Mister E see the whole of his face, the person he really is. But being a teacher of all things holds him back— he trusts Mister E, but all it would take is a single leaked image...
Instead, he fiddles with the necklace, something that's apparently a habit of his when he's feeling a little nervous, and runs fingers through his hair as he laughs breathlessly. ]
I want—
[ And oh, how dangerously close he comes to saying he wants to meet him. (Tighnari is going to kill him...!) Kaveh takes a breath, steadies himself. ]
Remember when you asked if I've ever suffered from basorexia? I'm suffering from it right now, Mister E.
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He recalls their interactions at work, and how the dynamic shifts when they become user2.718 and Pharos. The difference is stark, and he realizes that despite his mastery of language and rhetoric, there is an undeniable gap that can only be bridged through this digital persona.
But now, hearing Kaveh's admission that he wants to kiss him and is suffering from basorexia, Alhaitham feels a pang of longing. His fingers hover over the keyboard, contemplating the implications of revealing his identity. Could Kaveh handle it? Could he? Would it lead to the connection they both long for, or would it shatter everything they've built?
The risk is too high. Even as a streamer and viewer, it's not a step to take lightly. They both need this space, this comfort, and it's something Alhaitham can't jeopardize. Kaveh needs this more than he does.]
[It's the truth, after all. Despite the complicated nature of their connection, Alhaitham knows his feelings are genuine, and he wants Kaveh to understand that he's not alone in this yearning.
He pauses, considering how to balance vulnerability and reassurance. He doesn't want to overpromise, nor does he want Kaveh to feel pressured.]
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[ His voice is a little softer than he would like, the vulnerability creeping in despite his best efforts even as the other offers him comfort and assurance that he's not alone in his feelings. The whole thing feels like a mess of epic proportions, like a maze that he just can't find his way out of no matter how hard he tries. He's tied them up in a never-ending rope and now he can't unpick the knots, and—
Gods, Kaveh's not sure he's ever wanted someone so much, and they haven't even met—
(But what if they met?) ]
...You should pick one of my toys.
[ The statement comes out abruptly, sounding perhaps like it was said instead of something else waiting on the tip of his tongue
(because it was, because all Kaveh can think about is wanting to take off his mask, wanting to meet him in person, wanting to do something so totally unsafe it's not even worth dreaming about)
and he gestures to the collection placed, as usual, along the desk in front of him. His smile, even as it trembles, is real. ]
I'll give you a good show, Mister E. You can fuck me however you want.
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But Alhaitham can’t ignore the longing that settles deep in his chest. He knows it's not just the thrill of the performance or the allure of the fantasy. It's Kaveh, the person behind the mask. The one who challenges him intellectually and emotionally. The one who frustrates him and fascinates him in equal measure. Alhaitham knows he’s pining for Kaveh just as much as Pharos yearns for Mister E.
His desire to close the distance between them remains, but he knows this is the best way to protect what they have. He takes a breath, accepting that this virtual intimacy, however fragmented and complicated, will have to be enough.]
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(After all, Mister E says he's not alone in this, but there's no way he understands how readily Kaveh has thrown himself into these feelings, how often he thinks about him, how dangerously attached he has so quickly become.)
He's not quite expecting the answer he's given, his brows rising and his already-pink cheeks heating a little more, and he can't help the way a smile tugs at the corners of his lips as he shakes his head. ] You want me to give you a show today, huh? [ he says, and there's a tease in his voice. Of course, everything he does is a show for Mister E, but he remembers last time, pretending the toy was the man himself, talking about taking him deep and letting him cum inside— Not this time.
That smile stays on his lips as he gently lubes the ring and slips it on, twisting slightly so his single viewer can see the way it wraps his cock and balls before settling back on his seat, making sure he's giving a good view of his ass as he spreads his legs and lubes up his fingers too. ]
I'll give you the best show, Mister E. Tell me how you want me to do it.
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[Well, this is definitely familiar, something they've done before. This is what Pharos has done plenty of other streams, as well, for his viewers, not for user2.718, not for the special Mister E—he shouldn't love that nickname so much, but here he is, feeling a thrum under his ribcage that gets him to itch to his cigarette pack, or through the screen.
But he knows Pharos now, he knows Kaveh, the person behind the persona. He remembers the sadness in his voice behind the anger directed at him, the frustration at Alhaitham not needing to be pleased, to welcome attrition, to embrace the bad of Kaveh that he's so not used to give.
Because it's the gist of it all, isn't it? They're both frustrated. He wonders if aside from the monetary need, if Pharos came to be because Kaveh was so, so tired of his own frustration. Tired of being tired.
He remembers how lonely his fingers had felt as they gripped at his back.]
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think of me caressing you, the screen says, and Kaveh's reasonably sure that his heart does the impossible and skips several beats. He smiles sweetly, and his hands lift, eyes closing briefly as they touch one side of his face and then the other, fingers dragging against the skin before coming to cradle his own cheeks the way he imagines Mister E would, treating him with the gentleness he craves so badly.
What he doesn't realize is that he's been held like this before,
and by Alhaitham, of all people.
His eyes open, a small smile on his lips as one thumb swipes over them, mimicking actions he can so clearly imagine the other taking. ]
Mm.. like this?
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[Exactly. Exactly like that. Alhaitham knows how much he wanted to do the same, how he did the same, holding Kaveh's face between his hands and stroking his lips before he kissed him, slow and deep and feeding into his need like oil in a flame, flaring uncontrollably.
Of course, it only means for Kaveh that it felt good, to be touched in the same way, it would be only natural to find himself wanting it again. He holds Mister E in such a high regard, that he knows he'd touch him in a way that would please Pharos.
The layers to this are immense and numerous. Pharos wishes for Mister E to touch him in the way that Alhaitham touched Kaveh. Only that Pharos doesn't know that they're both the same person. It would feel almost silly if Alhaitham wasn't aware that he barely revealed anything about himself as user2.718.]
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[ His content is a pleased sigh, eyes soft and dreamy as they meet the camera's lens, as his fingers keep tracing over his own skin in all the ways Alhaitham did during their short time together. It's not deliberate at all; in fact, with his attention so focused on what Mister E is asking of him, he doesn't realize that he's doing it. But he's been touched like this before, and he liked it more than he realizes.
Maybe it's because of the gentleness inherent in the act; perhaps instead if's who it was, or who he dreamed it might be.
Maybe, deep down, it's all of the above.
He smiles at user2.718's continued statements, nods his acknowledgement— he does like it— and his eyes close briefly once more, teeth pressing into his lower lip in response to the phantom sensation of an imagined kiss. He sighs again, and nods. ]
Yeah.. I can imagine it. How do you kiss, Mister E? Are you gentle? Or do you like to take charge?
[ Even as he asks it, his eyes open to see the next question, and his smile broadens slightly; he answers with the movement of his hands, one lifting up to thread in his own hair as the other moves to cup at the side of his neck. He hums again at the soft sensation. It's easy to imagine his hands are the other's, touching and exploring him as he wants. ]
Like this.
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[Although most of the kisses they had shared were hot, heavy, some of the care on Alhaitham's fingers had translated into softness, but also moving Kaveh's eagerness around into something smoother, yet still heady. He needs to take a deep breath at the sight of Pharos so beautifully blissful at his imagination, at the memory of how difficult it was for him to expand his lungs to draw in air, when he only wanted to dive back into Kaveh's lips.
He swallows something hard in his throat.]
[He chews on his lip thoughtfully. Then sends a message that may make the fantasy go a bit further.]
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Mm... today I think I want you to be soft, [ he whispers. ] Prove that he's wrong about you.
[ Of course, he hasn't told Mister E what Alhaitham said about him, but he's not thinking about that right now. He's too distracted, leaning back harder into his chair and shuffling slightly as if getting comfortable against another person, biting his lip at the phantom sensation of words in his ear, pleasured shivers rushing down his spine. ]
I can. Mister E, are you starting to get hard? Or is my imagination just going overtime, hm?
[ A soft laugh, and then as the other asks his last question, Kaveh imagining the words breathed into his ear, he adds: ]
Would you play with my piercing a little? And... mm, and maybe tease me a little.
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['To prove that he's wrong', there are so many odd things about that statement. One, that Alhaitham is not wrong about Mister E, not exactly. Just because the bar is on the floor doesn't mean that the benchmark that he settles isn't low. And secondly, that Kaveh would defend a stranger so adamantly, for the sake of an image of the person that he thinks E is.
He takes a deep breath.
It's not an entire leap to imagine Kaveh writhing on top of him, leaning back, the planes of his chest arching with gasps and sighs as he arches further into him, the tension to his spine as Alhaitham whispered into his ear.
Pharos, he needs to remind himself. This is Pharos. And he's Mister E.
It pangs on his chest harder than he'd like. But all he can do for now is accept that.
His fingers fly over the keyboard.]
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(In reality, perhaps it's not even that he thinks so highly of Mister E— but more how lowly he thinks of himself.)
He's obedient, pinching at the piercing and then hissing softly as his chest arches into it, a shake of his head as his eyes seek the camera once more. ]
Mm, it doesn't really hurt. It feels good, Mister E. But.. honestly, everything you do feels good. Even you just caressing my face and kissing me... it's not that weird that I'm starting to get hard, right?
[ His laugh is sweet, breathless as he defends himself, as he lowers the same hand to his knee and starts so slowly to stroke over his own thigh, still leaning back to make sure his Mister E has the best possible view of him as he does. White fingerprints appear briefly in the skin as he squeezes and kneads, and as his hand creeps higher he sighs, biting his lip and letting his eyes flutter closed again. ]
Mm, this would be easier if I could hear you for real, [ he laughs softly in the next moment, eyes opening again. ] Everything you're doing is so good I keep forgetting and closing my eyes.
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