sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[ It's... perfect like this, Kaveh realizes. Kissing slow and sweet, undressing one another by candlelight without any of the rush or desperation... It's never felt rough with Alhaitham the way it has sometimes with Euler, and yet it's also never felt as tender as this, as tender and unhurried, like it could go in any direction, sexual or not, and he'd be alright with it.

He sighs in content, fingers drawing absent little images over the other's skin as his hair is both freed and tied, and when fingers find his belt, he drops his head to the other's shoulder, pressing soft kisses into the muscle. ]

Me too.

[ It's a whisper, a contented sigh, as Kaveh's hands reach for Alhaitham's waist as well, working his belt open in the same way. ]

[Tugging the belt away from Kaveh's slacks and rolling it up patiently is the one thing he can do to try and distract himself from those gorgeous, treacherous hands. Alhaitham can't help the reaction of his body when a candlelit Kaveh is being so sweet, so eager, so pliant for him, so he's trying his best to at least be considerate for the context itself.

Yet, he can't help but be a bit put off by the fact that, when he tugs Kaveh's trousers down his hips, there's no sign of Kaveh being aroused by all of this, while he's already half-hard. He'll tack it onto his own relative inexperience and health, and move on.

So he steals a kiss on his temple, quick and playful, instead.] Step out of these, please?

[ He hums in low content as Alhaitham moves to tug his trousers off, not really noticing the other's momentary disappointment but instead just nodding, stepping out of his own clothes at the other's request and then toeing them off to the side, unworried about them being left neatly in the same way that his belt has been wrapped.

For once, he's not aroused. He could be, it would be a very easy flick of a switch, but for once he's allowing himself to enjoy this for what it is, this moment between them that is so intimate without needing to be about sex. And so when his own hands flit over the other's waistband, belt undone, to push his trousers over his lips, he pauses with a bitten lip, a slight flush to his cheeks as he peeks up at Alhaitham again. ]

Hm? I thought you said there's "no need to rush"...

[Alhaitham's ears tinge a deep red, the highs of his cheeks already flushed with the warmth of the bathroom air, the golden hue of the candles. He shakes his head, bowing it slightly and tucking a strand of Kaveh's hair behind his ear.]

Don't mind that. [He clears his throat, finding it rough from the embarrassment and arousal alike.] It's just a natural reaction to having you so close.

[A tip of his head and another press of a kiss on Kaveh's forehead.] We don't have to do anything about it.

[ Kaveh bites his lip.

Oh, but Alhaitham, when he's embarrassed like this... he's cute, isn't he? His head tilts a little, pressing a kiss to the bottom of the other man's jaw. ]

Mm.. maybe I want you to feel good, though...

[ And he slots himself a little closer, letting his body come flush against the other man's. ]

I don't wanna ruin the bathwater so soon, so... what if I sit in the bath, and you sit on the edge of it for now, hmm?

[Yes.

Yes.

Kaveh pressed close against him, eager and pliant and willful, wanting to please Alhaitham as much as he wants to reciprocate. This is what he's wanted, and he could so easily kiss him again, deepen it slowly with a stroke of his tongue, the want coiling around both their ankles and bringing them down further, his thoughts flicking to the splash of water created by their bodies colliding in the tub, the roll of gooseskin across Kaveh's shoulders despite the heat of him around Alhaitham's cock—

He wraps his arms tight around those freckle-dusted shoulders, and breathes him in, sinking his nose into the crook of his neck, his half-erection throbbing against Kaveh's thigh.] I'd rather save it for when we're both less exhausted, if that's okay.

[But he does draw back, his deep breath stuttering as he's reeling his own thoughts in.] But… Could you kiss me?

[ He smiles, head lifting from where his face presses momentarily into the other's hair, watching the expressions play out over Alhaitham's face, watching him stutter over his own breath, struggling over his thoughts before he speaks. And he bites his lip and he nods, pressing in closer, eyes closed as he tries to will his own body not to respond to the throb of the other against his thigh. ]

Of course I could.

[ His voice is a whisper, and there's something unspoken in the way he looks at Alhaitham, his eyes sweet and fond, speaking truths his own heart doesn't even fully understand yet. And then his mouth slots across the other man's, his arms circling his waist tighter, holding him as the blonde seeks to taste him, sighing into his mouth.

The water, perfect though the temperature may be, can wait just a little longer. ]

[Alhaitham hums into their parted lips, eyes fluttering closed in bliss. He sighs, deeply, and in a foreign land, he truly feels like he arrived home. This is it. This is the blessing that his grandmother bestowed upon him, the moment of peace and safety in Kaveh's arms.

And if it isn't something to fight for, then nothing is.

He kisses him again, and again, suckling on Kaveh's lower lip like it's something sweet.

And then he smiles.] Thank you. [Tender, reverent. Utterly smitten.

And yet he still pats Kaveh's behind.] Now let's get in the bath.

[ For a few more moments, his eyes forget to leak. No matter how tired he is, wrapped up like this in Alhaitham's arms, he feels like he could handle anything that comes his way. Like there's nothing truly as bad as his mind would make it out to be. Like he can breathe. Everything is easy, like it's meant to be. There are no complications, no secrets—

Kaveh thinks he could stay like this forever.

He answers each of those kisses, a soft sound on his lips for each, and when they separate again, it's too soon.

Admittedly, the look he gives Alhaitham in the next moment though is something bordering on quizzical, even as he moves to obey, stepping one foot and then the other into the warmth of the bathtub. Why.. ]

You don't need to thank me. [ It's a whisper. ] I would kiss you any time you wanted.

And I can show you how thankful I am that you would, can't I? [He argues, fond, only for the sake of arguing, holding his hands to make sure Kaveh is steady and following him into the bathtub closely, watching the sparkles ripple over the surface of the water as their bodies sink into the warmth.

He sits on the tub, settling himself against the tub at his back and reaching out for Kaveh to sit between his thighs.] C'mere.

[ He huffs—Alhaitham will recognize that he's on the verge of an argument, and yet he holds it back for now. Instead, he nods, offering the other a slight smile. ]

Mm, I suppose you're right. [ Even if he does think it's silly.

Still, he lets the other get settled, and then moves to sit between his thighs, back against his chest. And he has to bite his lip at the feel of that half-erection against his ass, a shudder down his spine, tempted beyond all belief to roll his hips back into it. It sends a spark of heat between his own legs, awakening him ever so slightly in turn.

And yet he remains obedient, leaning back into the other with a soft sigh.

He reaches for the wine, gives one of the glasses to Alhaitham. ]

Here.

[Alhaitham's forehead drops onto Kaveh's shoulder as he loops his arms around him. Pinned against the tub and the solid weight of his body, he feels trapped but safe, and the pressure on his groin soothes more than stirs him. Many times he's already sat on his lap, had his back pressed against his chest, enough that Alhaitham knows how he'll look like if he flares his ribs a bit wider with a deep breath, enough that he knows Kaveh's profile from this angle by heart.

So instead of the unruly thoughts of having him writhe on top of him, have him arch deeper against him for purchase of the powerful piston of his legs, Alhaitham presses soft kisses along his neck and wraps his arms around him like he's made of felt, only to peek at the glass of wine being offered. Which he gently clinks against Kaveh's.]

What should we toast about? [He mumbles, still somewhat muffled against the damp skin of Kaveh's shoulder.]

[ His eyes close, a soft breath as Alhaitham leaves kisses against his neck, Kaveh sighing and arching into the sensations. It's exactly what he needs, exactly what he wants, this connection between the two of them, undeniable and powerful.

They don't open again until he hears the soft clink, feels the breath of Alhaitham's voice against his skin as he asks what they should toast on, and Kaveh hums in thought.

He wants to say "us", but it feels too trite somehow. Wrong despite everything about it feeling right.

Twin tears slip from his cheeks, and all of a sudden, his throat aches. He swallows hard against it. ]

I... To time off? [ It sounds stupid, hollow, empty. ] To exploring. Adventures. Going new places. Something... something like that.

[ It isn't enough. He wants— ]

[Before the salt mingles with the rest of the water, Alhaitham's fingers find Kaveh's cheek, dampening it still with the wetness of his previously submerged hand, warming it with the remainder of the heat.

Kaveh still feels like an open wound, oozing the ache and purging the tension before he can fully heal. Alhaitham knows better than to stop him, no matter how much it seeps into his own skin and shapes the want to save him from the hurt he himself had caused.]

How about, [a soft rasp of his voice, this time skimmed over his cheek, as he nuzzles along the side of his face,]to baths and showers together?

[ Somehow, Alhaitham knows he's crying. There are fingers on his cheek, soothing away tears that Kaveh hasn't even fully processed are there himself, and he sniffs in a strange kind of ambivalent amusement. How does he know him so well? All this time, it's as if Kaveh has underestimated him...

He leans back a little more firmly into the other, grounding himself even as that voice rasps over his cheek, as that nose nuzzles into the side of his face. And he nods, because—because Alhaitham's words still aren't enough, but they're better somehow, less hollow, and— ]

Y-yeah. To baths and showers together.

[ And he lifts his glass, trying to ignore the way his hand trembles as he drinks—perhaps a little more deeply than he should in an effort to chase off the feelings of anxiety and nervousness determined to linger around him tonight.

And then he turns his head, catching those nuzzling lips in a soft, sweet kiss. ]

[The shaking reverberates into himself, and Alhaitham strokes the skin that he can reach. Touch to soothe, not to entice, unwanting to stifle but to ease, at least a little bit. Maybe with enough touch, he can transfer some of that restlessness, that nervousness, to himself. Kaveh does not need to bear all of it by himself.

So he lets him drink, and is about to sip on his own glass when he notices Kaveh turning toward him. And gravity pulls gravity, and Alhaitham sighs like he'd been untethered up until this point. It always feels final. It always feels like the flick of a page.

Fumbling to rest the glass blindly on the table beside the tub, he's quick to sink further in the water so it's easier for Kaveh to twist back toward him, especially when he cradles his cheek with his hand.]

Hmm, [a smaller peck, his eyes opening (he hadn't noticed he'd closed them) to smile,] the wine tastes good on you.

[ And help it does, easing Kaveh little by little, allowing him to relax into the pleasantness of it and not the anxiety. His own half-erection is still there, but starting to flag now as he relaxes and sighs, mouth meeting Alhaitham's with a sweetness he didn't know he needed.

To the compliment, he laughs, and reaches to put his own wine on the side table too. ]

Why do I have a feeling you'd say that about anything I'd eaten or drank?

[ It's said with a teasing smile, and as Alhaitham settles himself more deeply into the water, Kaveh turns, laying himself across the other instead of sitting against him. Like this, the waning evidence of his own attraction is a little too obvious against the younger's thigh, but he says nothing about it for now—it's not what they're here for, after all. He's exhausted, Alhaitham is exhausted.

He just wants this.

One hand lifts, long fingers stroking lazily down the side of the younger man's face as he smiles—and then he leans in again, kissing him softly, another sigh on his lips. ]

[Draped over him, Kaveh looks and feels languid, softened by the warmth of their bodies submerged, the sparkles shimmering across the surface making him look ethereal, otherworldly. If anyone were to tell him he's a descendant of something higher than humanity, Alhaitham would take a look at him and say that's enough empirical evidence.]

I would. [Said between kisses, one arm wrapped to prop Kaveh comfortably against him, the other stroking along his side, his arm, his hip. Both of them are too tired to hike the intensity of their need, but it's there, comfortable, though fatigued. For now he only focuses on the movement of their lips, on the way Kaveh's name sounds in his breath.] You taste divine.

[ With no idea of what exactly is on Alhaitham's mind, Kaveh finds that he chuckles at the admission, smiling between kisses as his own hands explore the other's skin in much the same way; one remaining at his face, and the other skimming down over his chest and abs, exploring the lines of muscle.

(They're like a book he's read before, he thinks absently, familiar but wanted again for a second experience.. or a third, or a fourth. He doesn't think he's ever done this, just laid here and traced his skin, and yet it feels like it.)

And then comes the next comment, and his cheeks flush, a slight push of his hands into the other's chest as he huffs, shakes his head. ]

You—you can't just say things like that, you know! Divine, really... I'm just as human as you are, Haitham..

Is it embarrassing? [He tips his head, his lip twitching just slightly as he looks at the pretty pink gracing Kaveh's cheeks. His linguistics comes out towards a vocabulary that is perhaps a little too upfront and intense for some, and yet, he doesn't think any other word would encapsulate what he feels about kissing Kaveh.] I do believe it, though.

[He plucks a bit of cheese from the tray, and places it in front of Kaveh's lips. A truce.]

A little—no, a lot—no, I mean...

[ He's mollified momentarily by the cheese, moving his head forward to snag it from Alhaitham's waiting fingers, eyes closed as he chews on it, enjoying the soft, creamy flavor. Milder than Sumerian cheeses by far, almost sweet, but delightful in its own way. It would pair well with fruits, he thinks, a sweet berry or even the pomegranate...

Ah, but—

He swallows; his eyes open. ]

It's okay if you believe it but... you're giving me a lot to live up to, you know.

[He's cute, and he watches him eat the cheese, chew thoughtfully, the little cogs in his mind trying to assess the flavor and what would highlight and go well with it. He's adorable like this, and Alhaitham is thoroughly endeared.

The hand that had fed him the cheese cups his cheek, brushing over those freckles. Under the length of the eyelashes. He can't help but kiss the soft skin.] Think of it this way: you haven't done anything to make me think this way already, right? So your "a lot" is just what you've done so far.

[ He bites his lower lip as Alhaitham's fingers cup his cheek, brushing over the skin, under his eyes, as lips press against his face in the moments that follow. The mutinous, nasty thoughts that crowd his mind as usual are right there, whispering: if he decided on his own that he feels this way, surely he can decide on his own that he doesn't anymore. How easy would it be for Kaveh to undo the magic just by saying the wrong thing? By putting a foot wrong, or his words in an incorrect place, or—

He squeezes his eyes shut, shakes the thoughts off.

Alhaitham isn't like everyone else. Alhaitham is—

He can trust him.

His eyes open again, glimmering, and he leans forward to press a soft kiss into the corner of the other's mouth, words whispered into the skin that even he can't fully comprehend just yet. ]

[It's probably too hard to believe. Alhaitham softens, brings his lips to slant against Kaveh's, holding his face between his hands like he's beautiful, like he's precious, like he's the only thing Alhaitham needs to drink in to live to eternity. It's not hunger, it's not thirst, or want, or need, but an affection that can't help but spill over the brim of his own self-restraint.]

You won't have to guess what I'm thinking. [He whispers.] I can promise you that.

I know, [ Kaveh whispers back, his lips moving against Alhaitham's in reply. And... and he really does, despite all the misgivings his brain would otherwise throw at him with such determination. He really, truthfully, does— ] I trust you.

[ He can't help the tears that slip from his eyes as he holds tight around Alhaitham's shoulders, anchoring himself close, answering each sweet kiss with a tender reply of his own. Not hunger or thirst, no, but yes to need, the kind of need that simmers deep in Kaveh and always has—

the need to be loved,

to belong. ]

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