[ tighnari can't help it, he lets out a frustrated, mournful sound, almost like a breathless laugh, but there is no joy in the noise, only pain and loss and desperation. he can't hurt kaveh again. he can't allow himself to keep doing this. why can't kaveh understand? is this his way of coping? tighnari can't fathom it. those hands touch his face, kaveh is weeping, and tighnari feels his heart splintering behind his ribs. ]
I didn't protect you. I hurt you..
[ why, kaveh, why, why -
tighnari's tears spill over, a sob caught in his throat that he attempts to swallow down, his ears pinned back hard, his tail still trembling. ]
Why.. why would you want to protect me..
[ he swallows thickly again, aching inside, furious with himself, frustrated by kaveh's relentless kindness, his forgiveness that sears tighnari's protections away. slowly, he forces himself to pull back. he needs to focus, he needs to get kaveh cleaned up before the worst happens again. ]
[ The words come quietly, insistently. He'd rather tell Tighnari that he didn't hurt him, but he knows the other would call him out for that, would tell him not to lie. So he doesn't. Instead, he sticks to the truth— all of it, no matter how hard. And he would elaborate further, would tell Tighnari why it's so important to him to protect his friend... but the other is pulling away, out—
(the cum practically gushes from between his legs, coloring the bloodstained table an odd, milky red)
—and telling him to sit up. So Kaveh does, fighting the urge to reach out and run gentle fingers through Tighnari's hair, to touch him, to do something to try and just... calm him down, help him, heal him. Instead, he turns over, presenting his back to the other once more, the blood from the welts now smeared and smudged across pale skin, mottled in other places with the dark color left behind by the other's lips. ]
[ no, not on purpose.. and yet, it still happened.
tighnari quickly swaps into work mode as best as he can. he needs to hurry, needs to clean kaveh up so he can convince him to leave, he doesn't have the time right now to feel sorry for himself, or for what had happened between them. that can come later, after kaveh is taken care of.
quickly tugging up his shorts again, tighnari sets to it. he washes his hands and gloves up, prepares damp and dry towels, and examines kaveh's back and rear. at the very least, the wounds don't seem to have been aggravated by tighnari's assault.. the smallest of blessings. silent as the grave, he works, wiping up the mess from the table, and from kaveh's body, carefully cleaning away cum and blood until it's all wiped away, leaving tighnari to be better able to see the lacerations.
with the blood gone, they don't look so terrible. none are severe enough to require sutures, so instead tighnari applies a few butterfly stitches to the deepest wounds, then slathers on antiseptic salve and bandages the area. the bleeding has more or less staunched itself by now. ]
All right, you're finished.
[ he says, peeling off his gloves and moving to a cabinet to fetch some pills for the pain. ]
[ Kaveh lies in silence while Tighnari works, trying not to flinch as he moves quickly, cleaning off the mess of fluids on his back so he can work on the wounds themselves. Like always, he's quick. Efficient.
Kaveh hates how silent he is throughout it.
He understands. Tighnari has to feel horrible for the same reasons he does. This wasn't meant to happen (this way). Kaveh asked him to slow down and he couldn't. The medic probably feels like he's guilty of something terrible, just like the courtesan feels wrong, like he lost control over his own body to someone else—
But Kaveh never told him to stop, either. It's a thought both dizzying and sobering.
When Tighnari moves to the cabinet, Kaveh sits up again to wait for the pills, and his arms fold across his chest, still wrapped in the tatters of lingerie left from before. ]
How come I've never seen you like this before? [ The words are soft, kind, lacking the accusation others might have. Kaveh, through and through. ] Surely it happens more than once every few years.
[ tighnari is glad that kaveh lets him work quietly, he doesn't want to argue any further, doesn't want to be comforted, he just wants to see kaveh tended to and cleaned up before the urge begins to bite at his shoulders again. ]
I take supplements to suppress it every year.
[ shaking two pills free of the bottle, he drops them into kaveh's hand, then offers him a small cup of water to wash them down. his voice is thin, rough, tired, and matter-of-fact. ]
[ Kaveh takes the pills that are offered, swallows them back with the water Tighnari hands to him, and puts it aside in silence, frowning and shaking his head. Whatever the reason, his friend's supplements haven't worked this year, so... ]
How long does it last?
[ There's a small, thoughtful frown on his face. He doesn't make to leave, as he's sure Tighnari would prefer, but neither does he reach out to touch him at all, quietly taking a measure of the situation as he gathers his silken sleep pants back up to his hips. ]
[ tighnari sighs softly, then peels off his gloves to wash his hands again, trying to keep himself busy. now that the immediate horror of what happened has passed, he's now feeling.. numb. hollow. ]
Overall it'll be a month or so until I'm back to normal, but this week will be the worst of it. I'll have to.. figure something out. Different herbs. Another combination..
[ he sounds distracted. distant. his heart is aching. tighnari dries his hands, then moves to pluck a thin cloth robe from a peg on the wall, which he drapes over kaveh's shoulders before he's returning to the cabinet to pull out a smaller bottle, which he brings back and sets beside kaveh. ]
You can take two of these every six hours as needed. If you have any inflammation, heat, or discharge from the wounds let me know.
[ That's a long time for Tighnari to be suffering. He's not the only medic that the establishment has, but he's the most experienced and busiest, and if it's like this... Kaveh frowns as the bottle is set beside him, running the numbers in his head in silence. A week is a long time, especially for someone booked as regularly as he is, but he can afford it, and...
The look on Tighnari's face, the distracted sound to his voice— it breaks Kaveh's heart, and— and he'll be hurting if he's on his own, and Kaveh loves him and doesn't want him to hurt, and other people could be in danger like this too, and
Archons.
Kaveh loves him, doesn't he?
Taking a deep breath, the blonde stands from the table, pulling the robe a little closer around himself, tucking the bottles of medicine into its pockets before he reaches out, slim fingers winding around Tighnari's wrist. ]
Pack what you'll need. We'll go to my quarters. I'll have the madam cancel my appointments for the week, and the other medics can fill in for you.
[ mild shock shifts across tighnari's face, followed immediately by hard stubbornness. ]
Kaveh, no.
[ averting his gaze, tighnari's hands curl into fists beside him. ]
You need to rest, Kaveh, and besides, I - after what happened, we - I shouldn't..
[ his heart squeezes in his chest. kaveh is only trying to help, he knows, but it's foolish of him. no, tighnari didn't do it on purpose, but he still hurt kaveh, the damage is still done, and that's what matters. kaveh doesn't need to feel responsible for helping him, especially after.. ]
[ No. Whatever the damage is, it doesn't matter. Kaveh can't bear the thought of what Tighnari will need to go through by himself if he doesn't accept his help. And... he dreads this thought, doesn't want to speak it into existence, but isn't it possible his friend could lose control around someone else, too, if he can't get his mixtures right in time? So many problems could be caused by something Kaveh can fix, and...
His fingers tighten on the other's wrist. ]
I'll rest. I promise. But it will be with you next to me, `nari, because I'm not going back to my quarters without you. I won't— I can't let you go through this on your own.
[ oh, kaveh.. he's so damned kind, it's like a knife right between tighnari's ribs. swallowing thickly, tighnari looks away. ]
So you'll let me hurt you, instead.
[ why can't kaveh understand? this is tighnari's problem, and his problem only, the last thing he wants is to put kaveh through that again. once was enough. once was too much. raising his arms, he hugs them tightly around his body. ]
I can't.. I can't do that again, Kaveh, I can't hurt you like that again..
[ Kaveh sighs. Tighnari isn't listening to him, and he gets it, his friend is scared of what happened, of how he lost control, but it's something that only happened because he was trying to deny himself, rather than give himself over to what he needs...
Kaveh moves closer, reaches to cup his friend's smaller face in his hand, looks down at him with dead seriousness in his crimson eyes. ]
You hurt me because you were too busy trying to not hurt anyone. Aren't you at more risk of losing yourself again without a proper outlet? [ He leans down, presses a soft kiss at the corner of Tighnari's lips. ] I trust you, `nari.
[ kaveh takes his face in soft hands, looks him in the eye, and tighnari feels his strength beginning to crumble. fresh tears fill his eyes, hot and shining, and tighnari breathes in sharply. he doesn't know where to begin, how to even internalize what's happened.. but kaveh is relentless, and tighnari is too tired and aching to fight it any longer.
his gaze drops, and he swallows thickly, then nods. ]
.. all right.
[ kaveh trusts him.. he shouldn't, but he does. tighnari doesn't know why, or how, he would possibly still trust him after all of this, but he does, and that's that. ]
[ Kaveh nods, and steps back. On some level, he feels awful, as if he is now the one forcing this, making Tighnari do something he doesn't want to do.
They'll talk about it. They'll talk about that, and what happened before, and Kaveh will help his friend see that he's not some monster because of it, and they'll be okay. Emotionally and physically too. It's a much better scenario than leaving Tighnari here all by himself, where he'll suffer with both, and where someone else could end up hurt too. ]
[ to be fair, tighnari had planned to lock himself away with sedatives while kaveh left - he'd never leave himself in the position to hurt someone else, not after this - but kaveh gets his request nonetheless, so tighnari nods and turns away to slip back into his rooms.
he goes through the motions quietly and hollowly, carefully preparing a bag full of clothing, medicines, and the necessary toiletries, before he's returning to the door again. already he's beginning to feel his skin flush with heat. it'll be another few hours before it's unbearable again, but the itch is certainly there. he looks distracted. fidgety. ]
[ While Tighnari's gone, Kaveh uses the medical office's phone to call the madam and explain the situation as well as he can without revealing the other's private information; by the time his friend emerges again, Kaveh's appointments are canceled for the week, and the other medics are rostered to fill the fox's absence.
He reaches out, snagging the other's hand gently in his, comforting fingers running over skin and pads and wrist. ]
Everything's canceled. If you want, we can talk about it all when we get to my quarters, okay?
[ And with that said, he leads the way, holding Tighnari's hand in his the entire time, not stopping to let go even once they're safely ensconced inside. ]
[ that guilt rears again, a knife sliding between his ribs, but tighnari shakes it off. kaveh is a successful enough courtesan, surely a week's time won't make too much of a difference, but still.. he hates that it has come to this at all.
their fingers weave together as they walk, and tighnari knows the way to kaveh's rooms, but he allows himself to be led nonetheless, the edges of his mind too numbed to pay proper attention to where they're going. once they arrive, he sets down his bag by the door, still quiet, still silent.
he shifts his weight from foot to foot, his tail flicking restlessly from side to side. ]
[ With the door closed safely behind them, Tighnari seems like he'll stand in place and shuffle back and forth forever if Kaveh doesn't do something. The blonde steps close, arms winding around his friend's waist and face pressing into his hair, dropping kisses against the scalp. ]
I know you scared yourself.
[ He breathes out soft words between kisses, holding Tighnari tight against him. ]
But I'm not going to let you blame yourself for a biological impulse. You tried to send me away and I didn't listen. [ There was that strange feeling, he remembers vaguely, but that's not something he needs to talk about right now. Right now he wants to focus on what Tighnari needs, what will help Tighnari feel better. ]
Please, please don't beat yourself up for what happened. I want to help you get through this, `nari.
[ kaveh isn't wrong - tighnari, without guidance, does not know what to do with himself, an odd feeling that would be novel if things weren't so grim. so when kaveh approaches, pulling him in close, tighnari's eyes lift to his face, large and vulnerable and desperately, achingly sorry.
his arms are so warm, his scent so sweet and familiar..
tighnari can no longer hold it back. his breath catches, his eyes flood with tears, and he presses both hands against kaveh's chest, intending to push him back and away, because he does not deserve this comfort, but instead he's leaning in, pushing in close to kaveh with a sob in his throat, fingers squeezing tightly in his shirt as the years begin to spill free. ]
[ Kaveh's heart breaks. The hurt in his chest is worse than any he's felt tonight so far, so much worse than anything Tighnari could have inflicted on him physically. His own eyes well up with tears, and he holds the other man close, burying his face in his hair, his own fingers curling into the back of his shirt as he breathes, tries to keep himself steady enough that he can aid the other in turn. ]
It's okay... Tighnari, it's okay, I...
[ He doesn't know what to say. All he can do is hold him, try to reassure him when Tighnari's heart doesn't want to allow himself to be reassured. ]
[ it isn't okay, it isn't okay at all, and these wounds.. they will last, surely. he may not have been in control of himself, but he hurt kaveh in ways he never would have wanted to hurt anyone; he has no idea how he will face himself in the mirror without wanting to shatter the glass. the disgust he feels for himself is overwhelming.
but kaveh is desperate to console him, so tighnari must allow him to. it's what kaveh wants, and tighnari should give it to him, so he will. he leans his weight into kaveh's arms, allowing the tears to fall freely, allowing his heart to ache and break, all the while feeling guilty for it, for daring to need comfort when he should be the one comforting kaveh. everything is all wrong.
soon enough he begins to quiet. the itch is ramping up again, but he's trying to suppress it, trying to control his breathing. ]
[ Kaveh can't understand exactly what Tighnari is going through right now. His biology is completely different, and so his urges have never been entirely out of his control. The only thing to which he can continue to liken it is his sex and his gender, incongruous as they always were until he met someone willing to help him bring them somewhat more in alignment, out of his control in a different way.
All he can do is try to show the other man that he understands, that he doesn't blame him, that they're going to be alright—
As the time passes, he feels Tighnari start to relax against him— but he can also hear and feel the change in the other's breathing, a forced steadiness in each inhale and exhale. Kaveh bites his lip, runs his fingers through his friend's hair. ]
[ gods, how he hates that kaveh needs to comfort him at all - he shouldn't be, it's wrong, it's backward, but tighnari isn't strong enough to pull away from it, either. the fingers through his hair feel lovely, and tighnari's trembling ears fold back as he slowly pulls away, scrubbing at his face with both hands. things will never be the same, after this. he cannot undo what has been done. but he can still try to take care of kaveh. ]
I'm all right.
[ he says hollowly, his voice rough from weeping, and for the first time he can remember, he is unable to look kaveh in the eye. he busies himself with his things instead, carrying his packed bag aside to set it down at the end of kaveh's bed. he can feel his rut riding at his back, biting into his flesh. ]
[ For all that Tighnari tells him that he's all right, he doesn't sound it, doesn't feel it. Kaveh doesn't know how he can possibly express it, prove it to him that he's not as bad as his friend seems to think, that he knows already that the pain between them will pass, that he blames the fennec for nothing, knowing in his heart of hearts that anything that happened was out of Tighnari's control.
For now, at least, he follows the other over to his bed, reaching out to gently snag his slim wrist in long fingers. ]
`Nari.
[ His voice is soft, pleading. ]
Please don't shut me out. I promise you that I'm okay, you don't need... please don't beat yourself up over this. I'm okay. I don't blame you for anything, I know that... I know how hard you work to control this part of you, and...
[ Kaveh takes a moment, closes his eyes, lets out a low, slow breath. ]
You don't have to control it with me. Okay? I mean that. Let me help you. Not just to feel guilty. To really help.
those words threaten to bring tears to his eyes again, and tighnari tenses when those fingers wrap his wrist - but then.. he slowly relaxes, closing his aching eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I don't want to shut you out. You shouldn't - you shouldn't be the one comforting me, after -
[ he bites off the rest. tighnari doesn't want to argue anymore, not with kaveh, his sweet kaveh, who deserves all the warmth in the world. after a long moment of hesitation, tighnari turns his wrist to take kaveh's hand in his own, weaving their fingers together and squeezing gently. ]
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indigently) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sempiternals2023-12-14 11:09 am
no subject
I didn't protect you. I hurt you..
[ why, kaveh, why, why -
tighnari's tears spill over, a sob caught in his throat that he attempts to swallow down, his ears pinned back hard, his tail still trembling. ]
Why.. why would you want to protect me..
[ he swallows thickly again, aching inside, furious with himself, frustrated by kaveh's relentless kindness, his forgiveness that sears tighnari's protections away. slowly, he forces himself to pull back. he needs to focus, he needs to get kaveh cleaned up before the worst happens again. ]
Just.. just try to sit up. I'll clean you up.
no subject
[ The words come quietly, insistently. He'd rather tell Tighnari that he didn't hurt him, but he knows the other would call him out for that, would tell him not to lie. So he doesn't. Instead, he sticks to the truth— all of it, no matter how hard. And he would elaborate further, would tell Tighnari why it's so important to him to protect his friend... but the other is pulling away, out—
(the cum practically gushes from between his legs, coloring the bloodstained table an odd, milky red)
—and telling him to sit up. So Kaveh does, fighting the urge to reach out and run gentle fingers through Tighnari's hair, to touch him, to do something to try and just... calm him down, help him, heal him. Instead, he turns over, presenting his back to the other once more, the blood from the welts now smeared and smudged across pale skin, mottled in other places with the dark color left behind by the other's lips. ]
no subject
tighnari quickly swaps into work mode as best as he can. he needs to hurry, needs to clean kaveh up so he can convince him to leave, he doesn't have the time right now to feel sorry for himself, or for what had happened between them. that can come later, after kaveh is taken care of.
quickly tugging up his shorts again, tighnari sets to it. he washes his hands and gloves up, prepares damp and dry towels, and examines kaveh's back and rear. at the very least, the wounds don't seem to have been aggravated by tighnari's assault.. the smallest of blessings. silent as the grave, he works, wiping up the mess from the table, and from kaveh's body, carefully cleaning away cum and blood until it's all wiped away, leaving tighnari to be better able to see the lacerations.
with the blood gone, they don't look so terrible. none are severe enough to require sutures, so instead tighnari applies a few butterfly stitches to the deepest wounds, then slathers on antiseptic salve and bandages the area. the bleeding has more or less staunched itself by now. ]
All right, you're finished.
[ he says, peeling off his gloves and moving to a cabinet to fetch some pills for the pain. ]
no subject
Kaveh hates how silent he is throughout it.
He understands. Tighnari has to feel horrible for the same reasons he does. This wasn't meant to happen (this way). Kaveh asked him to slow down and he couldn't. The medic probably feels like he's guilty of something terrible, just like the courtesan feels wrong, like he lost control over his own body to someone else—
But Kaveh never told him to stop, either. It's a thought both dizzying and sobering.
When Tighnari moves to the cabinet, Kaveh sits up again to wait for the pills, and his arms fold across his chest, still wrapped in the tatters of lingerie left from before. ]
How come I've never seen you like this before? [ The words are soft, kind, lacking the accusation others might have. Kaveh, through and through. ] Surely it happens more than once every few years.
no subject
I take supplements to suppress it every year.
[ shaking two pills free of the bottle, he drops them into kaveh's hand, then offers him a small cup of water to wash them down. his voice is thin, rough, tired, and matter-of-fact. ]
Usually they work without a problem.
[ this time.. ]
no subject
How long does it last?
[ There's a small, thoughtful frown on his face. He doesn't make to leave, as he's sure Tighnari would prefer, but neither does he reach out to touch him at all, quietly taking a measure of the situation as he gathers his silken sleep pants back up to his hips. ]
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[ tighnari sighs softly, then peels off his gloves to wash his hands again, trying to keep himself busy. now that the immediate horror of what happened has passed, he's now feeling.. numb. hollow. ]
Overall it'll be a month or so until I'm back to normal, but this week will be the worst of it. I'll have to.. figure something out. Different herbs. Another combination..
[ he sounds distracted. distant. his heart is aching. tighnari dries his hands, then moves to pluck a thin cloth robe from a peg on the wall, which he drapes over kaveh's shoulders before he's returning to the cabinet to pull out a smaller bottle, which he brings back and sets beside kaveh. ]
You can take two of these every six hours as needed. If you have any inflammation, heat, or discharge from the wounds let me know.
no subject
[ That's a long time for Tighnari to be suffering. He's not the only medic that the establishment has, but he's the most experienced and busiest, and if it's like this... Kaveh frowns as the bottle is set beside him, running the numbers in his head in silence. A week is a long time, especially for someone booked as regularly as he is, but he can afford it, and...
The look on Tighnari's face, the distracted sound to his voice— it breaks Kaveh's heart, and— and he'll be hurting if he's on his own, and Kaveh loves him and doesn't want him to hurt, and other people could be in danger like this too, and
Archons.
Kaveh loves him, doesn't he?
Taking a deep breath, the blonde stands from the table, pulling the robe a little closer around himself, tucking the bottles of medicine into its pockets before he reaches out, slim fingers winding around Tighnari's wrist. ]
Pack what you'll need. We'll go to my quarters. I'll have the madam cancel my appointments for the week, and the other medics can fill in for you.
no subject
Kaveh, no.
[ averting his gaze, tighnari's hands curl into fists beside him. ]
You need to rest, Kaveh, and besides, I - after what happened, we - I shouldn't..
[ his heart squeezes in his chest. kaveh is only trying to help, he knows, but it's foolish of him. no, tighnari didn't do it on purpose, but he still hurt kaveh, the damage is still done, and that's what matters. kaveh doesn't need to feel responsible for helping him, especially after.. ]
no subject
His fingers tighten on the other's wrist. ]
I'll rest. I promise. But it will be with you next to me, `nari, because I'm not going back to my quarters without you. I won't— I can't let you go through this on your own.
no subject
So you'll let me hurt you, instead.
[ why can't kaveh understand? this is tighnari's problem, and his problem only, the last thing he wants is to put kaveh through that again. once was enough. once was too much. raising his arms, he hugs them tightly around his body. ]
I can't.. I can't do that again, Kaveh, I can't hurt you like that again..
no subject
[ Kaveh sighs. Tighnari isn't listening to him, and he gets it, his friend is scared of what happened, of how he lost control, but it's something that only happened because he was trying to deny himself, rather than give himself over to what he needs...
Kaveh moves closer, reaches to cup his friend's smaller face in his hand, looks down at him with dead seriousness in his crimson eyes. ]
You hurt me because you were too busy trying to not hurt anyone. Aren't you at more risk of losing yourself again without a proper outlet? [ He leans down, presses a soft kiss at the corner of Tighnari's lips. ] I trust you, `nari.
no subject
his gaze drops, and he swallows thickly, then nods. ]
.. all right.
[ kaveh trusts him.. he shouldn't, but he does. tighnari doesn't know why, or how, he would possibly still trust him after all of this, but he does, and that's that. ]
I'll.. get some clothes.
no subject
They'll talk about it. They'll talk about that, and what happened before, and Kaveh will help his friend see that he's not some monster because of it, and they'll be okay. Emotionally and physically too. It's a much better scenario than leaving Tighnari here all by himself, where he'll suffer with both, and where someone else could end up hurt too. ]
Okay. I'm here when you're ready to go.
no subject
he goes through the motions quietly and hollowly, carefully preparing a bag full of clothing, medicines, and the necessary toiletries, before he's returning to the door again. already he's beginning to feel his skin flush with heat. it'll be another few hours before it's unbearable again, but the itch is certainly there. he looks distracted. fidgety. ]
All right.. let's go.
no subject
He reaches out, snagging the other's hand gently in his, comforting fingers running over skin and pads and wrist. ]
Everything's canceled. If you want, we can talk about it all when we get to my quarters, okay?
[ And with that said, he leads the way, holding Tighnari's hand in his the entire time, not stopping to let go even once they're safely ensconced inside. ]
no subject
their fingers weave together as they walk, and tighnari knows the way to kaveh's rooms, but he allows himself to be led nonetheless, the edges of his mind too numbed to pay proper attention to where they're going. once they arrive, he sets down his bag by the door, still quiet, still silent.
he shifts his weight from foot to foot, his tail flicking restlessly from side to side. ]
no subject
I know you scared yourself.
[ He breathes out soft words between kisses, holding Tighnari tight against him. ]
But I'm not going to let you blame yourself for a biological impulse. You tried to send me away and I didn't listen. [ There was that strange feeling, he remembers vaguely, but that's not something he needs to talk about right now. Right now he wants to focus on what Tighnari needs, what will help Tighnari feel better. ]
Please, please don't beat yourself up for what happened. I want to help you get through this, `nari.
no subject
his arms are so warm, his scent so sweet and familiar..
tighnari can no longer hold it back. his breath catches, his eyes flood with tears, and he presses both hands against kaveh's chest, intending to push him back and away, because he does not deserve this comfort, but instead he's leaning in, pushing in close to kaveh with a sob in his throat, fingers squeezing tightly in his shirt as the years begin to spill free. ]
no subject
It's okay... Tighnari, it's okay, I...
[ He doesn't know what to say. All he can do is hold him, try to reassure him when Tighnari's heart doesn't want to allow himself to be reassured. ]
I'm here, [ he whispers. ]
no subject
but kaveh is desperate to console him, so tighnari must allow him to. it's what kaveh wants, and tighnari should give it to him, so he will. he leans his weight into kaveh's arms, allowing the tears to fall freely, allowing his heart to ache and break, all the while feeling guilty for it, for daring to need comfort when he should be the one comforting kaveh. everything is all wrong.
soon enough he begins to quiet. the itch is ramping up again, but he's trying to suppress it, trying to control his breathing. ]
no subject
All he can do is try to show the other man that he understands, that he doesn't blame him, that they're going to be alright—
As the time passes, he feels Tighnari start to relax against him— but he can also hear and feel the change in the other's breathing, a forced steadiness in each inhale and exhale. Kaveh bites his lip, runs his fingers through his friend's hair. ]
How are you feeling?
no subject
I'm all right.
[ he says hollowly, his voice rough from weeping, and for the first time he can remember, he is unable to look kaveh in the eye. he busies himself with his things instead, carrying his packed bag aside to set it down at the end of kaveh's bed. he can feel his rut riding at his back, biting into his flesh. ]
I can hold it off for a little while longer.
no subject
For now, at least, he follows the other over to his bed, reaching out to gently snag his slim wrist in long fingers. ]
`Nari.
[ His voice is soft, pleading. ]
Please don't shut me out. I promise you that I'm okay, you don't need... please don't beat yourself up over this. I'm okay. I don't blame you for anything, I know that... I know how hard you work to control this part of you, and...
[ Kaveh takes a moment, closes his eyes, lets out a low, slow breath. ]
You don't have to control it with me. Okay? I mean that. Let me help you. Not just to feel guilty. To really help.
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those words threaten to bring tears to his eyes again, and tighnari tenses when those fingers wrap his wrist - but then.. he slowly relaxes, closing his aching eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I don't want to shut you out. You shouldn't - you shouldn't be the one comforting me, after -
[ he bites off the rest. tighnari doesn't want to argue anymore, not with kaveh, his sweet kaveh, who deserves all the warmth in the world. after a long moment of hesitation, tighnari turns his wrist to take kaveh's hand in his own, weaving their fingers together and squeezing gently. ]
You're right. We.. we'll be all right.
[ they'll always be all right. ]
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