sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[The sound, the sight, the scent of him. All is enough to make Alhaitham shake to his core, and he drops his head to steal a kiss from Kaveh’s lips, filled with his own taste as they are, over and over again, mingling the taste of all of them together.

He adjusts himself before picking Kaveh up again; taking them both to the bed this time; a sheet of the contract sticking to Kaveh’s thigh and then slipping out onto the floor as he walks them over. As Euler, he perhaps shouldn’t be as affectionate, but it made no sense to him to keep him apart.

Once they’ve settled, he presses another soft, small kiss to his lips. ] Are you feeling better?

[ Honestly, Kaveh was feeling better. Getting lost in Euler like this and spending this time with just the two of them, it's easy to put all those other thoughts and worries aside. But then, after the sweet stolen kisses, he finds himself pulled into Euler's arms, carried to the bed with such affection and tenderness that it awakens the negativity all over again.

(It reminds him of Alhaitham.)

And so when the other settles them in place, presses a soft kiss to his mouth, asks if he's okay, Kaveh finds himself ducking his head. Hiding it, perhaps, against Euler's shoulder. ]

As long as you're okay, I'm okay.

[ It's not a great answer, and nor is it entirely honest. But it's the best he's got for now, when he doesn't want to spoil a good night with his anxieties. ]

Oh no. [He pretends to be distraught, though he's trying to keep things light, while nuzzling the streamer's temple and hair. The flimsy reply doesn't surprise him, even if Alhaitham didn't expect it to show up so soon.] Then we find ourselves in a conundrum. I happen to only be okay if you're okay, so one of us needs to be okay.

[He cradles Kaveh's jaw and tips him upwards, presses a nip to his nose, still playful.] If we're really pursuing this type of relationship, Pharos, then it's best if you're transparent with me. I promise you we can work things out.

[ Despite himself, Kaveh finds a soft chuckle on his lips. When his nose is nipped, he pulls a face, and then his eyes close and he rests quietly against the other for a moment, forehead to forehead. ]

Sorry. I'm not trying to hide anything. I just... we're having a nice night and I don't wanna ruin anything. Besides, I'm not even sure how to put it.

[ A breath, and he sighs. ]

I'll be okay. I guess I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I have feelings for two people and that at least one of them is remarkably okay with it.

Do you think he's not alright with it? [Curious.

Humming what he hopes is a comforting sound, he nods slowly, foreheads rubbing against each other, while he reaches for some of the covers to at least drape over Kaveh's naked legs.] I can assume it is the first time you find yourself interested in more than one person, then?

[ His smile is a little wry. ]

He is... we've only talked about it once. I haven't told him that I have feelings for him, though. I wanted to talk to you about it first. But... based on the conversation we had, it seemed like he was okay with it only because it was what I wanted.

[ He chews on his lip. Doesn't that make him so horribly selfish..? ]

But... Yeah. Yeah, it is. [ A breath, and then quietly: ] Honestly, it's the first time I've felt this strongly about anyone in a long time. And suddenly there's two of you, and I just. I feel so frustrated.

[Now that he does think of it, Kaveh hadn't really told him that he does have feelings, only that he shouldn't have done it in respect to Euler.]

Then I guess another conversation is in order… [he tilts his head, tugging playfully at his earlobe with his thumb and the crook of his finger.] Are they improving, at least?

[He finds himself once again feeling a bit guilty. On the one hand, there's Kaveh, concerned about the way he likes two people. Meanwhile, Alhaitham holds the key to the fact that it's not for nothing or coincidence that he does: they're just the same person.

Still, this is something that neither of them is ready to deal with.] Take it one step at a time. I'd say you've done all the right things so far. Thank you for reaching out to me so fast.

[ And there it is again: that weirdness. How strange it is to be told by the man for whom you hold feelings that you need to have a discussion with the other man for whom you hold feelings. While in bed. After being sexually intimate. Kaveh sighs, but he leans into Euler's touch all the same, tipping his head into the touch of that hand. ]

They are, yeah. Sometimes he still says irritating things, but I think it's like you said. Part of how he communicates. I'm learning to not let myself get offended and to look for what he's actually saying.

Anyway... of course. I.. You're really important to me. And when there's so much of myself that I want to give you, then.. then I think it's even more important to be honest. Right? It would be weird to keep all that from you. And.. and unfair.

[ His nose wrinkles. ]

I'm sorry. I'm still trying to get used to it all. I'm not used to having people pay attention to me in a serious way. And suddenly there are two of you, and. I guess I feel a little overwhelmed. And a lot guilty. I want to be fair to both of you.

[The urge to harrumph at the idea that he's "irritating" is easily squashed down, though he knows that frequently, the things that do get Kaveh mostly irritated he already knows will annoy him. He sometimes does it on purpose. It injects life into him, passion. He likes seeing it, that critical thinking, even if it's aimed at himself.

He wraps a finger around a lock of gold, tugs.] Hm, do we also get to decide what's fair and unfair?

[ Kaveh blinks.

It's not the tug on his hair that does it, as sweet and affectionate as it is, as much as it makes him want to lean forward and kiss Euler.

No, it's the question the other asks, challenging as much as it is thoughtful.

(And Kaveh thinks Alhaitham could learn some lessons from the way Euler talks.)

His lips part, and he smiles, embarrassment on his features. ]

I.. Well, in the end, I suppose what the two of you think is the most important, huh.

[ Which raises a question of its own. His hand comes up, covers that currently tugging at his hair. ]

...We talked about ground rules for the way we interact. [ His head moves a little to indicate the scattered contract. ] What about.. do you have any ground rules for this?

I wouldn't say it's the most important, either.

[He tugs it again, then weaves his fingers with Kaveh's.] I think we should all aim to be equal in this relationship. Whatever we think is the fairest compromise, what we feel comfortable with, is what we should aim at.

[He bumps their foreheads together, gentle.] And that involves what you think, too.

[At the question of rules, Alhaitham spends some time cradling Kaveh close while he hums in thought. Here's something he hadn't really considered even as he had stepped into this room. He hadn't ever thought that he'd have to think about rules and boundaries regarding a… polyamorous relationship.

Which isn't necessarily true, but. Well.]

Hm. We should establish how and when feelings, especially difficult ones, should be communicated, and especially what kind of emotional support you expect from each partner. [He nuzzles him.] That involves wanting us to act a certain way so our feelings can be processed.

[Even if it involves a controlled scenario of punishment and reward.] That reminds me…

[He pats Kaveh so he can extricate himself from the bed, only to walk to his jacket again and withdraw a flat box from it, sitting on its side and stretching it for the streamer to grab it.] Your reward.

[ Kaveh listens with a tilted head to what Euler has to say, a flush of color running across his cheeks when the other bumps their foreheads together, and eyes closing in comfort when the other cradles him close and hums his thought aloud. The hold is comforting, and he finds himself grateful for it, especially as Euler continues to talk.

(And if he's giddy at the idea of it all being called a "relationship", well— well, he's not yet, but he will be.)

As the other continues, he nods. If communication is the most important thing, then... ]

If he agrees to it too, would you be okay with exchanging numbers? Just.. just in case. [ It might be easier, he thinks, to have those conversations if he's not needing to act as a go between for them. But it also might not be needed— he doesn't know; he's never done anything like this before.

At the very least, he can keep Euler's words in mind. And talk to Alhaitham about it too.

For now, though— he pouts as the other moves away from him, but suddenly there's a box being held out toward him, and he sits up, eyes lit with excitement. Somehow, he'd forgotten about this— He opens it, eyes widening, and bites his lip as he looks up at Euler, sweetness written all about his features. ]

Thank you. It's beautiful.. Will you put it on for me?

[ Sure, he could do it himself, but this feels right. ]

[He's so earnestly devoted to accommodating them and making sure they're all good, that Alhaitham can't help but feel a bit endeared. He leans in to give a soft kiss, saying nothing for a moment, just reveling in the feeling of him, and then nodding. Kaveh as a caring lover doesn't seem surprising in the least, but to witness the extent of it is still bound to make Alhaitham's heart thrum.] That's fine. I doubt it will be necessary, but if it eases your mind, it can be done.

[Plucking the chain from the box, Euler nods.] Take off your shirt and stand in front of me, then.

[ He's relieved that Euler is willing to talk to Alhaitham, if it's necessary. It scares him to realize how much he hopes Alhaitham is willing to do the same. Against all odds there's something about this that... well. He really, really wants it to work out, doesn't he? It's just just Euler he likes, but Alhaitham too, and...

He swallows hard, trying to put that thought to the side for now— he's with Euler, he wants to focus on Euler— and so after a moment he stands up, reaching to peel off his shirt as he does. ]

Mm. Okay.

[It's not without tugging him so he stands between his legs that Alhaitham watches him remove his shirt, to press small kisses across his hip, his waist, his stomach.

He steadies him for a moment and unclasps the chain, then wraps his arms around him to loop it around Pharos' waist. Already they jingle, twinkle under the light, making the streamer's skin all the more beautiful. As Euler leans in to fasten it to the right width, he presses more kisses to it, glancing up at Pharos with a slight smile.

Once it's done, he pulls back, watches his handiwork.] Go to the mirror and see.

[ Kaveh is all smiles, all soft breaths, as Euler presses kisses into his skin, exploring him teasingly before he fastens the chain rope around his waist. And really, as much as Kaveh wants to see how it looks against his skin, there's part of him that thinks he could just stand here forever, enjoy the other's touches—

But he does want to see. And so he nods, dusting a brief kiss to Euler's forehead before he moves back over to the mirror, admiring his reflection and the way the chain glitters and twinkles under the light.

(And he wonders again about piercing his other nipple too, getting a matching chain for between them, wearing naught but three chains on stream for the other to see...)

He swallows, trying to ignore the twitch of pleasure between his legs, and turns back to smile at Euler, offering a deliberate swing of his hips. ]

I love it. It looks so pretty on me.

[His eyes flutter blissfully closed at the small kiss on his forehead, and he watches as Pharos goes to the mirror to check himself out with his new gift.

And then he comes back, all liquid grace and beautiful angles, and he's quick to tug him back to his spot, where he can reach, touch, press more kisses.] You're exquisite. It suits you.

[He hooks a finger on the chain and tugs him closer, enough so he's all but arched into Alhaitham's frame.] It's useful, too.

[ He yelps, and laughs, as he's tugged back into the other, arching naturally against him as he curls in close. ]

You have good taste, Euler. And a good way of picking things that you can use to pull me in just as you like.

[ He smiles, reaching to run his fingers through the other man's hair, a soft smile on his lips and his eyes fluttering slightly. ]

Thank you, [ he says again, genuine and sweet. ] I really like it.

[Stroking up the backs of his thighs, Euler basks in the attention of those fingers in his hair, the smile sent down upon him. It feels like a benediction, and he hums, leisurely wrapping his arms around Pharos' legs, just enough to get them cuddled together.] Hmm. You earned it. You've been excellent at dealing with all of this.

[ Kaveh lets himself be tugged in that little more, curling contently against Euler and holding him, a lazy smile on his lips.

For a moment, at least, until the other speaks and has his head tilting in slight confusion. ]

Mm...? I dunno. I think maybe you're giving me too much credit.

[ After all, it doesn't matter what "all of this" is referring to specifically; Kaveh thinks he's been a mess through most of it. Which...

Ah. Quietly, he rearranges himself, lying down properly alongside Euler, curling in closer as a thought forms on his lips. ]

...I should tell you my name. For real, this time. If you do have to talk with him, it helps for you to know it. Right?

Your name?

[Not that it'd change anything. There's no one that Alhaitham would need to talk about, but it makes sense for Kaveh to ask. And yet, knowing that side of Pharos' privacy while keeping his own real name to himself would be another unequal factor to their relationship. Euler already pays for Pharos' time, after all.] Wouldn't Pharos work?

[ It's a brief, soft flash of embarrassment that crosses Kaveh's face, and after a moment, he presses it against Euler's shoulder in an attempt to hide it. ]

"Pharos" is a public figure at this point. I know I'm not hugely famous like some of the streamers out there, but it's recognizable enough that there's a chance he could stumble across it. I'll tell him in my own time but... we met through our job; I don't want to...

[ He bites his lip, awkward and falling silent for a moment. ]

It's... I trust him not to go looking, but it's just. Something I'd rather not share just yet.

[Oh. That's so precious. Alhaitham weaves his fingers through Kaveh's hair, softly stroking it so he can cradle him close against his chest.

He's too sweet. He'd never thought that he'd be so darling when he set out to meet this streamer.]

Hm, I see.[He nuzzles his head.] Well, how about we both give you a nickname, considering the… particularities of our relationship?

Something nice. [He strokes and rubs a golden strand between his fingers, watching it glimmer under the mood lighting.] Like Light. 'Our Light'.

[ 'Light', Euler says, and for a single moment Kaveh softens into him completely. He doesn't realize the other is looking at his hair and the way it glimmers, instead thinking to the name of his online presence, the very name he was prepared to toss away just moments before.

And then he says our Light, and Kaveh feels positively faint.

He can't quite help the way he shifts, tilting his head up and seeking Euler's mouth with his, pressing against it in a soft, brief kiss. ]

You— you're wonderful. I really like that, Mister E. I hope he does too.

[ And then he kisses him once more, still soft but with some insistence this time, an act of boldness having him push Euler slightly so that he's sprawled on top of him as he tastes his mouth all over again. ]

[The chuckle he releases is unabashed, as so are his hands that stroke up his thighs, his back, stroke that smooth expanse of skin as he wraps his arms around him to kiss him back.] I can see that.

[He brings him in for another kiss, lapping deep, slow into him. Kissing Pharos, Kaveh, he's finding addicting in every kind.

He drinks him up, until he strokes his cheek, watching Pharos on top of him, the light creating a halo around the cradle of his hair.] You're wonderful, too.

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