sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

I—

[ And it does ground him, turns him into something akin to putty in Euler's hold, letting him be guided the way the other sees fit. He feels safe with him, sighing as the other tilts back his head to press a kiss along it, hand stroking at his throat before fingers press over his jaw.

Kaveh pouts, because he thinks he understands what Euler means. And it makes sense...

and he hates that it does. ]

It is, but.. but you know what I mean. I want that too, Euler. I want..

[ A pause as his cheeks heat all over again, as his eyes dart away for a moment. ]

I want you to be my first.

[His fingers flare to stroke the velvet of Kaveh's cheek.

And the way he says this is so awestruck, so reverent:] My darling…

[This foolish, foolish man. Wanting a stranger from the internet, someone who paid him money to show and pleasure himself, someone who, when the mask is off, Kaveh doesn't want anything to do with. This beautiful, needy man just wanting to be well-treated. Alhaitham draws back, kneels behind Kaveh, and pulls him to kneel in front of him.] C'mere.

[Pressing close to his back, his erection digging into his ass, adding to the wetness left by his tongue, slipping and grinding into the cleft, as Alhaitham presses kisses on his neck, nips on the parts of his nape where they'd be covered. Nuzzles the beautiful shell of his ear.] Give us time, baby. I want to be inside you, too. But give us time. Give us thought.

[He rolls his hips in, looks over Kaveh's shoulder, stroking his stomach and navel and then pulls back, places his knees outside of Kaveh's and presses them together.] See? I want you so badly.

[ Darling, Euler calls him, and then baby again, soothing him as he shifts Kaveh to kneel in front of him and grinds against his ass, rewarding his skin with kisses and bites and making the blonde shudder and whine. He wants to be with him so desperately, but again the other's words make sense, even if Kaveh can't help but fear the idea of time becoming an impenetrable hurdle to a relationship had mostly online.

Can't help but fear the idea that Euler will tire of him and move on, annoyed by how depressed and whiny he can be when they talk.

Not wanting to ruin the mood, though, he doesn't say as much. Instead, he nods, turning his head so he can look at Euler a little better, nodding in response to the other's statement, to the way he rolls his hips and shows Kaveh how he's already hard again— for him, all for him.

...Surely this means Euler will want to see him again, right? Even if it's only for sex... and Kaveh can handle that, can't he? As long as he gets to see him.

He sighs, his hands bracing on his knees as he nods again. ]

Y-yeah. I see.. I feel it. Please, Mister E...

[Alhaitham's hand slips down Kaveh's stomach, strokes along the fine hair dusting his navel, and wraps around the girth of his erection, squeezing tight, hard. He had asked for a ring, after all, and while its rudy coloring is so tempting, he wants to give him a chance to last a little longer as he thrusts into the tight space between his thighs, spearing beneath his sack, prodding further to be seen at the front.

You feel so good already. He rasps against his jaw, pressing a kiss to it, wrapping his arm around his torso and holding him close.] I wish I could have you all for myself. I'd like to take my time with you, savor you, if you'll allow me.

[ Kaveh gasps again, whines, when the other man's hand wraps around his erection to squeeze, further staving off the erection that was building up. He asked for a ring, but he whines anyway as he leans back against him, groans at the sensation of Euler's cock thrusting between his legs, each movement moving along under his sack and making him shudder with pleasure. ]

You can—

[ It's a soft cry made in response to Euler's statement, Kaveh's eyes flicking shut as he rolls his hips down against the other, trying to create more friction. ]

You can have me all for yourself, Euler. You're the only one I want..

[ Like an intrusive thought, Alhaitham pops into his head, and Kaveh grits his teeth, willing him away. It's not like that.. ]

[He doesn't mean it.

He can't. Pharos' economic wealth would go against Alhaitham's own possessiveness. Euler would be banned from the site if it was known that he'd drive one of their top streamers out of it, and Pharos himself would be shunned by a community that welcomed and accepted him for who he is so well. Alhaitham could never take that away from him, and even if he grips him tight, even if he thrusts into the tight heat of his thighs and pelvis with a strong enough motion to make their flesh slap, he knows it's not out of jealousy or greed, but wanting Kaveh to forget about everything but the two of them.

So when Kaveh says that—that he's the one; the only one—he knows this is a foolish thing to say in an impulsive, mindless moment.]

You have me. [He says. Because it's true. Because Euler doesn't watch anyone else. Because Alhaitham has surrendered himself to him so easily, even if Kaveh wishes him gone. Pharos may be his viewers', but Euler is Pharos' alone.] I'm yours.

[ What's scary is that Kaveh does mean it. He's falling ~~(fallen)~~ hard and fast for this man, finds himself wanting to be with him more and more. In his idealistic, hopeful brain, he hasn't even thought about the contradictions, much less the inherent difficulties. In his mind, he isn't even considering the site or his other viewers, because Euler is the only one he looks forward to seeing.

That's okay, isn't it...?

He moans again when their flash starts to slap together, head tilting back slightly in an effort to lean it against Euler's shoulder, and then the other makes that promise to him and Kaveh feels his muscles tense, building toward an orgasm that refuses to happen, locked away by the ring of the other's hand. He whines, hips shuffling helplessly, and yet it's oh so good, and he doesn't complain or ask to be freed. ]

Then— I'm yours too. This is.. this is the only thing I want. I...

[ And he bites it back, bites back admitting that he's falling ~~(fallen)~~ for him. Surely it's too soon. ]

[Alhaitham lets go.

He releases Kaveh, pushes him forward, knowing that it would eventually make him drop to the mattress again, nimble enough to pull a pillow closer so it would rest under his belly to give him more of an angle. He lets go, and he follows suit once Kaveh is laying down again, to reach for his cock again and stroke, slow but still tight, small motions of friction to make Pharos lose his mind, just a little bit. And he lets gravity, that inexorable thing that makes them orbit around each other, do the rest with his hips as he thrusts once again, as though he would actually fuck into Kaveh.]

You deserve more than this, Pharos. [Kaveh. He deserves to be treated with respect and affection by anyone, as a rule, not an exception. Because at this point, this is what Euler is—an exception to a very shitty, unfair rule.

Life isn't fair. Life isn't easy. Still, Kaveh of all people doesn't need to earn what's essentially a right. Doesn't need to prove anyone that he belongs here. Not just with Euler. Not just with Alhaitham. Here, in this Earth.

Because somehow, even his own rational brain has started to consider that Kaveh makes everything a bit more interesting. A bit more beautiful. This is why it pains him to see him tearing himself apart, with how much light he already refracts.

Alhaitham bites on the back of his neck, squeezing his fingers tightly again.] You deserve so much more.

[ He bites his lip as he's pushed forward, as Euler starts to stroke him again, writhing under the touches for how slow and tight it is; he can tell the other is keeping him teetering on the precipice and it drives him wild, makes him moan and whimper. The angle makes it seem like the other will actually fuck into him, which only makes it more agonizing every time he doesn't—

And then the quiet words start, and his eyes widen, attention momentarily pulled away entirely from what the other is doing, his heart hammering in his chest as he tries to pull his brain together enough that he can understand it, blinking slowly as his hips continue to move of their own accord. ]

I..

[ He doesn't understand. What is it that he deserves? What is Euler telling him? Surely it's not that he doesn't see this moment as enough... this is the best thing that's happened to Kaveh in years. But then what could he possibly mean?

His breath hitches as he moves, tries (and fails) to get a good view of the man still fucking firmly between his thighs, stroking him in a way that makes him want to combust. Instead, the back of his neck is bitten, and Kaveh gasps out. ]

Wha— what do you mean?

[Alhaitham's fingers find Kaveh's jaw, stroke the beautiful wings of his bones there, down to the graceful column of his throat as he keeps fucking him in earnest. As his other hand strokes him yet again, this time fast, light, as though asking for Kaveh to climax quickly.

Only to seize that pleasure again after a while. Alhaitham allows his hips to still, grinding in slow, languid circles instead, deep into the enclosure of Kaveh's body, and he groans into his ear.] Ask for it, darling. Ask for more.

[ Kaveh's question goes unanswered, but his attention is tugged away from it again by the way those fingers splay over his throat as Euler's other hand strokes him faster, drawing him closer and closer, right until Kaveh thinks he'll fall over the edge and then— ]

No— [ It's a wail of agony when his orgasm is choked off once more, muscles tensing to no reward, hips stuttering under the other's hand, gasping for breath and trying to roll his hips in the next moment as if that will help him when he's being held so firmly. Euler even slows his own thrusts, and Kaveh whines again: now he has no answer and no release, and he's going crazy.

But that voice groans in his ear, telling him to ask, and the words immediately find Kaveh's lips, tone pleading and desperate: ]

Please, please Euler, I need more, I need to cum please let me cum.. fuck me, do something please—

[Alhaitham smiles. Presses a kiss to his ear.

He won't attend to what he's being asked, but Alhaitham knows that this won't really solve what he thinks is wrong with this whole ordeal, what Kaveh really needs to figure out for himself. He's not in a place to teach or tutor him, either. But at least—

At least he's asking for what he wants and needs here. Underneath him is but a small space, but it's done.]

That's my good baby. [He purrs, and his hand moves again, steady and in sync with the motion of his waist, with the nips on his neck.] Let me see you.

[ It doesn't take him long. Really, he never fell far enough down from the peak for much build up to be required— even with Euler's hand tight around him, he was right there, ready, and so the release of that hand is on its own almost enough of a trigger for him to release.

But the other purrs in his ear, starts moving again all at once, and that is definitely enough, a sharp gasp on Kaveh's lips as everything tightens up and his orgasm hits hard, spilling him over the other's fingers as he cries out, calling his nickname to the air.

He gasps for breath and pants it out in turn, heart hammering in his chest. ]

[Alhaitham follows rather quickly. There's a particular sharp thrust, and he spills over Kaveh's thighs, onto the bedsheets. This is not the first time he's seen Kaveh come undone, and with his beautiful blue eyes closing, the arch of his body, the way he shivers underneath, are still dazzling to witness, and enough to bring Alhaitham to the brink. He holds him tight, groaning his username into his hair, sighing and kissing along his temple, flopping and turning them so he doesn't smother him with his weight, and yet still holds him tight, legs tangled, offering his bicep for Kaveh to use as a pillow.

He sighs. Nuzzles.] Thank you. [He rasps, leaving kisses to his shoulder blades.] You're so beautiful.

[ Kaveh whimpers when he feels the wet heat of Euler's orgasm coating the insides of his thighs. It's far from the first time he's made another person come— he brought Euler over the edge just before, even— but something about it feels unique and special.

Maybe it's how close they were to actually fucking.

He sighs softly as they're turned, still trying to catch his breath, immediately taking the offered bicep and resting his head against it. ]

Mm... you don't have to thank me. I got just as much out of it as you did... You're— you're really amazing, Euler.

[ He yawns, and nuzzles in closer, mostly mindless except for one niggling thought. ]

What did you mean before? When you said I deserve more?

You've provided me with so many good times. I wanted to at the very least return the favor. [It's the truth. He's given Euler so many shows, displaying his pleasure for him to see, treating him like royalty in those private streams. Engaging with him in conversation that's both titillating and intelligent.

But that's not just it. He strokes Pharos' hair behind his ear, careful not to remove the mask, checking on the streamer's wellbeing first and foremost.

He leans in slightly, lips parted, before he stops in his tracks, and lazily, languidly, twists the other way, shifting slightly with a "raise your head for a second?" to rummage through the bedside table.

Ah, there he is. Disinfectant mouthwash. A small sample bottle, which he chugs to swish, and a wet wipe to clean his mouth and spit into. He does everything promptly, throws the rest into a bin at the corner of the room, and then settles back as though nothing had happened.]

Hi. [He smiles, his amusement far more striking in his eyes than his mouth. He reaches to stroke Kaveh's cheek, and then leans in to kiss him. It's soft, so tender.] Is it wrong of me to think the world of you? That you deserve just as much? [He asks when he pulls back, thumb still swiping over his cheek.]

[ Kaveh can't help the small smile that tugs at his lips when Euler tells him that he wanted to return the favor. As far as he's concerned, there was no need for him to do that— after all, the other has paid him more than he'd imagined being paid for the vast majority of his streams, almost single-handedly keeping Kaveh in his too-small, too-expensive apartment. Then there's the conversation, the fact that he's both kind and brilliant, and Kaveh could have made himself be content with what he already had. But for Euler to want this as well... he feels luckier than he can say.

Kaveh is obedient, raising his head and watching idly as the other cleans his mouth, the blonde hit with a pang, once again, over how kind he is. He would have kissed him as they already were, but...

Needless to say, he leans into the kiss when it's given, one hand raising to cup the other man's cheek as he relaxes into it, just as soft and tender, warmly content. And after, he considers the question, lips pursed in a slight frown. ]

It's not... [ Hmm. ] I'm sure it's not wrong. I just.. I'm not really used to people thinking about what I want. But you—

[ A memory strikes him out of nowhere, and his frown deepens. ]

You remember that guy I told you about? He had the nerve to tell me that what you do for me is the bare minimum, and it just... it already made me mad then, but... [ He shrugs, and then pulls a slight face. ] Sorry, I know it's a weird thing to bring up. I just thought of it for some reason. You.. treat me better than anyone else. Like I'm a person, not just.. a sex object, or whatever.

Edited 2024-06-12 13:45 (UTC)

[He was not expecting to be brought up in the conversation, but fortunately for himself, Alhaitham is still riding the high of their post-coital bliss, so he barely reacts physically to it. His eyebrows arch slightly, and he distracts himself with playing with the necklace that Pharos is wearing.

Hm.

He thinks for a moment, chuckles.] Well, depends on what you have told him about me. [He shakes his head]. But I think, what he was poorly trying to say, may have been something along the lines of you being worth treated as a human being, as a person, as you said. And that is the bare minimum.

[He tugs at one blonde strand playfully, wraps it around his finger. Fitting imagery, really.] So in a sense, he may have a point. He may just be terrible at communicating.

[ Kaveh's quiet for a moment. On one hand, he is already mentally scolding himself for bringing Alhaitham into the conversation, for admitting that he was on his mind in some way during what should have been a moment for just the two of them.

On the other, what Euler says makes a lot of sense— not just for this topic, but for others too.

Like their first meeting.

...Ugh, no. Kaveh shakes the thought off and curls in a little closer, humming at the gentle way Euler plays with his necklace, with his hair. He doesn't want to think about Alhaitham right now at all— he's with the man he wants to be with, and it's evident to him that that man cares about him too, so... there's no need for his brain to focus on anyone else, not even for a second. As if to remind himself, he leans, presses a soft kiss to the corner of Euler's mouth.

Changes the topic. ]

You said you wanna work out what I like. [ A pause, as he smiles, as his cheeks redden slightly. ] I liked it when you slapped my ass. When you edged me, too. I know I whined about it, but I could go for longer..

[Seeing Pharos curl closer, lean into a soft kiss, even if his nose scrunches up adorably as he thinks about the reply Alhaitham gives him, is a definite new thing that Alhaitham is witnessing, one that makes his heart flutter, that gets him to fold his arms around him, cradling the streamer closer.

While he's a bit disappointed that Kaveh is changing the topic, he can understand it's probably for the best. There's only so much he can do when… well, talking about himself, so he allows it. He hums, tilting his head a little.] Does this mean you probably enjoy it if I am a little mean to you?

[ Of course, the reply only makes Kaveh's nose scrunch up more, the blonde coiling comfortably closer, legs tangling lazily with Euler's. There's something nice about this that he never expected, nakedly cuddling in the wake of the act even as his heart still works on finding a steady rhythm in his chest— something hard for it to do with the other man so close. ]

Mm... define "mean".

[ He liked what happened, after all. But with his mind so freshly on Alhaitham, supplying other sources of something Kaveh thinks of as unkind, he's not sure whether he likes the idea as a whole. ]

If I, ah, "punish" you, in a way.

[It's a straightforward answer. Alhaitham isn't making the connection, and he'd rather never do. However mean or unkind one can be should be left outside of the bedroom, in his opinion.] With due reward and care after, of course. There are ways I can go about it. Denying you a climax, tying you up. Blindfolds… Inflict a little bit of pain without harm.

Or just denying you, period.[He shakes his head.] Though I believe I'd have a hard time with that last one.

Oh.

[ Kaveh's voice is very quiet, but Alhaitham will see the heat on his cheeks even with the mask concealing part of them. Then, he nods. ]

That all sounds... mm. Except for the last one, they all sound really good. I'd like to try them. But I don't think I'd like it if you denied me as a punishment.

[ His teeth worry at his lower lip. How to go about explaining why without sounding completely pathetic? Without admitting that he's so, so afraid of being left alone that he knows it would paralyze him?

Falling quiet, he curls in closer still. ]

I wanna be yours, so don't deny me. Please.

[He strokes along his spine, and takes a deep breath.

Sweet Celestia, this man saying he wants to be his. Alhaitham's heart breaks as he presses kisses on the crown of his head.

A thumb comes up and soothes that bitten lip.]

Then no denial. I may punish you if you're ever behaving like a brat, but I won't ever leave you alone.

[He snorts.] I wasn't expecting this to be a kink talk, but I'm not complaining.

[ In so much as a breath, Kaveh goes from upset to chuckling, a smile forming on his lips and in his eyes as Euler talks. ]

It doesn't have to be! I was just thinking that... you know, before, you said you wanted to learn together what I liked, so...

[ He presses his own kiss into the other's bicep, where his head is still cradled. ]

I wanna ask what you like too. But we can talk about anything you want, Euler. I just.. honestly, I'm just happy to be here with you.

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