sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[ Kaveh is quite sure he's never been so tired in so many different ways at once.

Physically, he and Alhaitham have been up since the crack of dawn for their trip to Fontaine. Long-distance travel is never easy, but the rigmarole of temporary immigration makes things ever more difficult still, adding an hour's worth of wait to a bus-and-then-ferry trip that seemed on its own to take forever. Then came the trip to the capital itself, and after arriving and visiting, their evening jaunt around the streets, exploring the sights and sampling the foods.

Mentally, perhaps, he feels even worse. The anxiety he'd built up in his head over the last few weeks was washed away in the wake of something much more awkward. No step-father around to speak of today, supposedly allowing mother and son their time together—leaving Kaveh with a quiet guilt that he required his own emotional support in the form of Alhaitham while his mother, pregnant, had none. (And yet, selfishly, he knows he couldn't have handled Frederic's presence just yet.) There were the usual worries: the fear of replacement he's felt since this whole thing started just a few months ago chief among them, but also how his mother is faring so heavily pregnant, whether the birth will go successfully, whether he'll be able to bond with his new sibling when their ages are so far apart, and...

Socially, his battery is drained. What should have been a reunion between mother and son felt almost, sometimes, like a meeting between strangers. There were moments of closeness, of course, gentle affection in her voice and the tremor of love in his. And once, when Alhaitham stepped away for a cigarette, she tutted, and shook her head knowingly, and said: "It was the only thing I couldn't stand about your father, you know. Those damnable things."

(And so, Kaveh learned his father had been a smoker—and also that whatever his relationship was with Alhaitham, they were transparent as glass in the eyes of his mother.)

Emotionally, of course, he feels like he's been through the wringer. All of those things and more, building up on him little by little until he feels as if he's about to explode. Every look, every glance, every word carries some unspoken feeling, and Kaveh's heart is overfull with both love and pain. Then of course comes the worry that his head likes to instill on his heart, the reminder he gets every time he's with his mother that there are people in this world who would leave him behind—the fear that Alhaitham, too, will be one of them, and Kaveh doesn't want to be alone—

It brings them to now, quiet and alone in their hotel room, with Alhaitham's hand on his shoulder and the moon rising, and Kaveh thinks he could cry. ]

Yeah. It's... it's been a lot.

[ His voice is a whisper. Whatever his worries, Alhaitham is still here right now. He allows his head to droop to the side, to find the other's shoulder, to rest against it. He shouldn't dwell, right? Alhaitham has also traveled, been forced to endure the discomfort of estranged mother and son, has done all the same things Kaveh himself has done, with his dislike for being social on top of it, and so... ]

You must be tired too.

[With the weight of the day pressing down on both of them, Alhaitham lets Kaveh lean into him, feeling the warmth of his body, the tension slowly seeping out of him. The moonlight filtering into the room casts everything in a soft glow, and there’s a sense of calm now, of intimacy that Alhaitham knows they both need.]

Yeah, I’m tired too. [His voice is low, soothing as he rests his head lightly against Kaveh’s.] But we’ve made it through the hardest part.

[Hand moving in a slow, comforting rhythm along Kaveh’s back, he knows Kaveh is still processing everything, the emotional weight of seeing his mother pregnant, of being reminded of all the complexities of their relationship. And while he can’t take those feelings away, he can at least be there with him, in the quiet of this moment.]

You don’t have to hold it all in. [He presses his lips to the crown of his head.] You’ve done enough today.

[He lifts his hand, brushing Kaveh’s hair away from his face, before tilting his head slightly to look at him.] Do you want to try the bathtub? Or perhaps just sleep?

[ You don't have to hold it all in, Alhaitham says, and Kaveh feels his heart lurch in his chest, feels the unshed tears burn instantly in his eyes. But he swallows, and blinks, because— ]

That wouldn't be fair to you. You've been such an amazing support all day, Haitham—the last thing I wanna do is just cry and make you look after me all night too.

[ Not to mention the fact that he was probably kept up half the night with Kaveh pacing around the apartment as he packed and unpacked and repacked.

With a sigh, he leans into the gentle touches, trying to focus on what's being offered and not back on the day and every tiny little mistake he made during. As tired as he is, he somehow thinks sleep might elude him right now. But the bathtub... that sounds nice... ]

Mm. I know we already ate... but what if we ordered some wine and a dessert from room service? Or a cheese platter or something. We can relax in the bathtub and share?

[Alhaitham’s heart aches seeing him try so hard to hold it all in. He speaks as if caring for him would be a burden, and Alhaitham feels a twinge of frustration—not at Kaveh, but at the way he constantly downplays his own needs.]

It’s not. I like caring for you, remember? [Spoken into the golden strands of his hair, Kaveh smells faintly of sweat, roses, and something salty, like the ocean clung to him.] I’m here because I want to be.

[He presses another kiss to Kaveh’s temple, his hand still brushing tenderly along his back as Kaveh contemplates the suggestion of the bathtub and wine.]

That sounds perfect. [Alhaitham’s voice softens, the idea of relaxing in the warm water, a welcome reprieve after the long, emotional day. He whips out his phone, looking through the room service menu.] A glass of wine, maybe some cheese. The hotel seems to be specialized in comfort food, after all.

[He tips his phone's screen towards Kaveh.]

Help me pick?

[ I like caring for you, remember? I'm here because I want to be.

Another affirmation, another skip of Kaveh's heart, another splash of tears threatening to spill down his cheeks as he swallows. His fear, more mutinous than ever in the wake of his exhaustion, asks him darkly: for how long?, but somehow he's able to quell it for now, and Kaveh sighs, the release spilling twin tears onto his cheeks. The armor that Alhaitham has consistently been affording him is starting to do its job, his heart protecting him with the knowledge that he has someone even as his brain tries to fixate on all those who left before.

So he turns, wraps his arms around the younger man's waist, half-buries his face in his chest—only half, because he has to be able to look at the screen. ]

You should get one hard cheese and one soft. Maybe, for the soft, camembert? It's Fontanian, so it's the best place for us to eat it. [ And with that in mind... ] And for the same reason, we should definitely drink the Bordeaux. It's a mix of merlot and cabernet sauvignon, and if I remember correctly it's flavored with cherries and vanilla.

[He feels the warmth of Kaveh’s tears against his chest and he wraps his arm tighter around him, heart softened with the tenderness, the rawness of the moment. He listens carefully to Kaveh’s suggestion, smiling at how specific and thoughtful his choices are. Even in his tired state, Kaveh’s attention to detail never ceases to amaze him.]

Camembert and Bordeaux, it is. [He nods, gently tapping in the order as Kaveh keeps his face half-hidden against his chest.] I trust your taste.

[Because even when Kaveh picks up a bottle to forget, it's always the finest one. Alhaitham has learned some of the best ones just from the evenings they spent talking and drinking, then falling asleep on the couch after one drunken, long, sloppy kiss.

He tucks his phone away after completing the order, his free hand coming up to brush through Kaveh’s hair, his voice gentle.] Let’s get that bath ready, hm?

[ From the tightening of the arm around him, he knows that Alhaitham knows. And yet, for once, he's okay. He's not embarrassed, not frustrated by his situation, breaking down so easily in tears. Rather, he allows his tears to continue to flow, dampening the other's shirt as they just stand there together, as Alhaitham puts their order together. He's not miserable, not wailing, not falling apart—he's just crying, a true release of his emotions, the tears trickling in silence down his cheeks and into the other's shirt. ]

Mm, [ he mumbles at one point, smiling despite the outflow of emotion, ] you'd better. I wouldn't question you on what coffee to buy.

[ It's all he needs to say, content to rest against the other man until finally Alhaitham pulls back, fingers brushing through his hair, to suggest they get the bath ready. And Kaveh nods, breaks free to lean up, to press a soft kiss against the curve of the other's jaw.

Things became quite natural between them quickly, didn't they? It feels like their time in the desert has only made it easier. There's no hesitation, no embarrassment about reaching for him, about wanting him.

And the pain of wanting another man too—one who, so far, hasn't reached out to him like Kaveh has hoped he might—has started to fade. ]

Mm, can we try one of those things I bought? The bombes de bains? I got a few that are only lightly scented so they won't irritate your nose too much.

[The huff of one single laugh makes his chest rumble, and Alhaitham's fingers run through that beautiful hair he likes so much. As though Kaveh were sunlight himself, and he'd be forever inclined to worship it, if at least at a distance.

Things became so easy; slowly and surely, meaningful glances were exchanged, and hugs and shoulders were shared. Alhaitham's head easily found a resting space on Kaveh's lap as much as Kaveh's has found one in Alhaitham's chest. Alhaitham had been careful and meaningful, not wanting to take advantage of Kaveh's broken heart to steal his attention for himself, not wanting to nudge the raw wound open to reach for Kaveh's painful need. He'd stolen a few pecks on the crown of his head, forehead, and cheek. And he'd slowly ache for Kaveh's lips alone, but soon found them to find his own.

It has been all so natural. Like two sides of a colored glass. Transformative all the same.] Yes, we can. Let me guess: The one with the sparkles? Or the champagne one that's bubbly?

[ He rolls his eyes and huffs at the question, a little annoyed at how quickly Alhaitham has seen through him. It's true that where he went for lighter, less bothersome scents, he also went for more ostentatious styles, a way to enjoy the glitz of such an item in a different way, in his opinion. But it seems that the other man knows him too well, because those two are the exact two he had in mind.

And even now, he's thinking about how good Alhaitham's skin would look, glistening in sparkling water...

Another huff, and then he tilts his head in thought. ]

Let's do the sparkly one. Maybe after the baby is born we do the champagne one and also drink champagne. You know. Celebrating and all.

[ Even if, truthfully, he's not entirely sure he'll feel like celebrating after it's all said and done. Still, a good way to try to be positive. Right? ]

[And now Kaveh isn't crying anymore. No sniffling, no tears. Just him looking up at him with those crimson eyes, looking like he wants to start with a 'You—'.

He brushes the wetness on his cheeks away with a curl of his finger, and then pecks him on the tip of his cute nose.] Sounds good. I'll go get the towels. Get the bath running for us?

[ Indeed, Kaveh is no longer crying.

Unfortunately, it's not something that lasts for long. He smiles, and answers Alhaitham's peck with one of his own, pressed to the corner of the other's mouth, a nod as he goes about starting to get the bath running. While the water heats, he goes to get the sparkly bath bomb from his bag, putting it to the side so they can add it once the water is almost full.

Somewhere, between finding the right temperature (somewhere in the middle of his perfect and Alhaitham's perfect) and putting the plug into the tub, the tears start leaking from his eyes again. There's still no sniffling, no sobbing, just a steady trickle of slow tears, dropping occasionally as if to remind him of how exhausted he is.

He reaches up, wipes them away absently, not even fully realizing now that they're there now that he's focused on the bath, a low hum on his lips. ]

Are there any candles in there too? And do you want me to set my speaker up with some quiet music? Nothing loud, just something nice to cut out any outside noise.

[Alhaitham is on his way to bring the towels when he hears a knock on the door. Close to it, he asks who it is. Room service. Incredibly fast and efficient, something he appreciates, and therefore leaves a good tip for. He holds the tray with one towel on his shoulder and another on the crook of his elbow, walking over to the bathroom.] Sounds good. I think I saw two candles on the desk, and there are speakers in the room that can be connected to Bluetooth. Where should I leave the tray?

[ Kaveh looks up as Alhaithm re-enters the space, holding towels and the tray. There's a sudden, irresistible fondness that fills him, and without a word he reaches for the tray to put it on the bathroom counter, freeing Alhaitham's hands before stretching one arm out again, tugging him closer by the material of his shirt and catching his mouth in a soft, sweet kiss.

(Why? Because he wanted to. Because just looking at the other man makes his heart flutter.)

He hums, and then pulls away with a smile that spites the wetness on his cheeks, taking the towels from him too so he can hang them up. ]

I'll set the music up, then. Will you bring the candles? And matches, if you can find them.

[The kiss surprises him, the fabric of his shirt the first thing he realizes, the warmth of Kaveh's wettened lips on his own the last. His breath hitches a slight moment, and Alhaitham reaches to cradle the architect's face to dry the skin of his velvet cheeks.

When they part, Alhaitham nods, his eyes shaped of fondness. He leans in a steals the world's tiniest kiss from him.] Alright. I have a lighter, anyway.

[ There's a pause as Kaveh's head tilts, and he laughs. ]

How did I forget that? [ he wonders, fond, before he nudges Alhaitham with his hip. ]

Go. I want to get in the bath, and I won't do it without the candles.

[ A slight demand, eyes sparkling, before he goes about setting up the music for them. ]

[His heart does a somersault. Kaveh's laughter, finally. He missed it. The will to hug him tight surges within him so fast that he almost can't help himself. And yet, Alhaitham just steps back into the room to get the candles.]

Fine, fine.

[He does find matches. Branded with the hotel's insignia, classy and matching the candles' aesthetic. He decides to bring those because he knows Kaveh would appreciate anyway.

Once he sets them nearby, the water is already steaming the bathroom with a warm and comfortable dampness. Alhaitham decides to close the door to keep it from escaping, and decides to pour the wine onto two glasses as Kaveh prepares the bath.]

[ He smiles as Alhaitham pads out of the room, and then goes about continuing to set up the bath. He starts with some low music over the speakers, a playlist of smooth, peaceful music. Then, with the tub almost full, he drops the bath bomb into the tub, watching as it bursts and fills the water with a faint blue color and myriad sparkles that glimmer in the light. By the time, the other is back in the room and closing the door, filling the wine glasses, so Kaveh lights the candles and turns off the electric lights, plunging the room into a comfortable, flickering warm glow.

(The tears still flow, on and off, and yet despite them he somehow feels... okay, for reasons he can't entirely explain.) ]

The scent isn't too strong?

[ He glances at Alhaitham briefly, wanting to confirm before he condemns the other to what could be a long time spent in the tub together with a smell he can't stand. ]

Edited 2024-10-12 10:28 (UTC)

[He leans against Kaveh's back, peeking over his shoulder and looping his arm to bring him the glass of wine to try. Kaveh is the expert, after all, he should ensure the wine is up to standards.

Meanwhile, he breathes in the scent of the bath bomb that rises with the steam.] It's fine. It's not too potent.

[ The other's lack of disagreement to the smell makes Kaveh smile, proud of himself. He wanted something that Alhaitham wouldn't mind, and he succeeded—and he feels good about it, too. Still smiling, he accepts the glass, sipping from it with an approving hum before putting it down again. ]

The wine's wonderful, too. Everything is perfect.

[ It would probably be easier to undress himself and get into the bath, but instead he turns back to Alhaitham, leaning to kiss him softly instead, hands lifting to work at the buttons on his shirt one by one as he does. ]

[The wine is perfect, especially mingled with the taste of Kaveh's mouth. The flicker of the candlelight paints his irises with sunset, and he's smiling when they're kissing, sighing at the softness of it.

He does reciprocate just as tender, stroking Kaveh's jawline as he tips his head sideways just an increment further to brush their lips together again. Though he feels those dexterous fingers across his collarbone, down the center of his chest, pulling his shirt apart with the same lightness as those kisses.

Celestia, this man is going to kill him. Ever since Kaveh decided to pause things with Euler, Alhaitham hasn't really made that much of a move, caution still weighing heavy on both their shoulders while they kissed for longer, they held each other tighter, they whispered each other's names. It's been soft, careful, and everything Kaveh needs.

Yet he can't help the deep breath he takes when those fingers unlatch the first button resting against his stomach. Alhaitham nudges their mouths apart with a jut of his chin as they kiss, nuzzling Kaveh's cheek while he unbuttons his shirt, too.] No need to rush, we're supposed to relax.

[ Everything he needs is in everything Alhaitham does: the soft sigh on his mouth when their mouths join, the deep breath in response to an unfastened button, the reciprocation even as the younger man breaks the kiss to scold him—so tenderly that Kaveh's heart does something funny in his chest as he shakes his head. His gaze is hooded, molten with the reflection of candlelight even as he smiles, one hand lifting to brush silver-glinting strands of hair back from the other's face. ]

Not rushing, [ he whispers. ] Not once we get in the water, anyway. It's just that the temperature is perfect—half you, half me—so I want us to get in. After that we can take it as slow and steady as we like.

[ "It" being—well, Kaveh doesn't exactly know. But as their time the last few weeks has worn on, he's started to feel more and more like he would give this man everything, Euler or no Euler. Perhaps that's why he was hesitant on his own at first, grateful for Alhaitham's patience. And even now he knows he needs to be careful, when there are discussions to be had, things to be worked out.

But surely they can rest together in the heat of the bath, share wine and cheese and slow kisses until the decadence of it all has them tumble into bed, satiated from touches and kisses alone?

He sighs, and his fingers work on the last of Alhaitham's buttons, reaching to push his shirt off his shoulders. ]

Is it okay?

More than. [Shrugging the shirt off, he does the same to Kaveh while he presses a kiss to his cheek, to his jaw, to underneath his ear. Alhaitham reaches for one of Kaveh's wrists and plucks a hairband looped around it, reaching to bunch and tie his hair in a knot on the top of his head, removing the pins that would snag the locks carefully. As much as Alhaitham desires Kaveh, his own skin already heated from the affection, the touches, the sight and feel of Kaveh undressing right in front of him in the half-light, whispering earnest and beautiful, he knows he's doing the right thing by pacing himself, by not acting on his baser instincts, on the want that he knows is reciprocated, just untimely.

He unfastens Kaveh's belt, and yet, he can't help but swallow something tight in his throat.]

[ It's... perfect like this, Kaveh realizes. Kissing slow and sweet, undressing one another by candlelight without any of the rush or desperation... It's never felt rough with Alhaitham the way it has sometimes with Euler, and yet it's also never felt as tender as this, as tender and unhurried, like it could go in any direction, sexual or not, and he'd be alright with it.

He sighs in content, fingers drawing absent little images over the other's skin as his hair is both freed and tied, and when fingers find his belt, he drops his head to the other's shoulder, pressing soft kisses into the muscle. ]

Me too.

[ It's a whisper, a contented sigh, as Kaveh's hands reach for Alhaitham's waist as well, working his belt open in the same way. ]

[Tugging the belt away from Kaveh's slacks and rolling it up patiently is the one thing he can do to try and distract himself from those gorgeous, treacherous hands. Alhaitham can't help the reaction of his body when a candlelit Kaveh is being so sweet, so eager, so pliant for him, so he's trying his best to at least be considerate for the context itself.

Yet, he can't help but be a bit put off by the fact that, when he tugs Kaveh's trousers down his hips, there's no sign of Kaveh being aroused by all of this, while he's already half-hard. He'll tack it onto his own relative inexperience and health, and move on.

So he steals a kiss on his temple, quick and playful, instead.] Step out of these, please?

[ He hums in low content as Alhaitham moves to tug his trousers off, not really noticing the other's momentary disappointment but instead just nodding, stepping out of his own clothes at the other's request and then toeing them off to the side, unworried about them being left neatly in the same way that his belt has been wrapped.

For once, he's not aroused. He could be, it would be a very easy flick of a switch, but for once he's allowing himself to enjoy this for what it is, this moment between them that is so intimate without needing to be about sex. And so when his own hands flit over the other's waistband, belt undone, to push his trousers over his lips, he pauses with a bitten lip, a slight flush to his cheeks as he peeks up at Alhaitham again. ]

Hm? I thought you said there's "no need to rush"...

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