sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[Gentle, he presses his lips to the elegant bridge of Pharos' nose, tucking him close and dear to him, into his arms. If only he could actually do this without the front of their usernames, the remove of the screens that still follow them into this room. It's for the best, and Alhaitham nods back.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. He whispers into the cheek that he kisses right after. Alhaitham nuzzles his ear, gently humming. Pharos seems to enjoy his voice, even if he's making it so he doesn't follow his usual cadence.] Do you want to remove your clothes, get on the bed for me? I want to make you feel good, too.

[ Kaveh's cheeks warm more in response to the sensation of Euler whispering thank yous against his skin; his laugh is warm and sweet as he shakes his head. He doesn't need words of thanks, doesn't require anything like that from the other when he was only doing what he so desperately wanted to do... but he enjoys the sound of the words on the other's mouth anyway, loves hearing what the other has to say. He smiles, and hums, and presses in closer, fond and sweet even with his own arousal thrumming heavily between his legs.

When the other asks him to get on the bed, though, he nods immediately.

He's eager, but still nervous enough that his hands tremble slightly as he strips himself out of his clothes, removing first the jacket with all its necklaces, then the pants that hug the skin of his thighs, and then finally the lacy thong providing only the smallest bit of modesty. The fabrics puddle on the floor, and he moves to the bed, sitting on the edge with his lip bitten and his legs spread, erection straining eagerly against his abdomen. ]

Like this?

[As he peels off his clothes, Alhaitham can't help but watch. As Euler, he's used to watching Pharos in all types of skimpy clothing and underwear, lace and leather and colorful things to adorn his body, hide an imperfection that Kaveh probably sees in himself or two.

Still, in that one private stream he had bared himself except for that necklace he had given him, and now he's doing the same.

Alhaitham crowds over him immediately, kissing up his abdomen, not yet touching Kaveh's cock—he'll save the best for last—nipping at the slope of his ribcage, pressing his tongue around his nipples, up and up and up until he wraps his lips around that gifted necklace and tugs at it with his teeth.]

You're so perfect. [His hands follow the path of his mouth, pinching at his nipples, flicking them, stroking up and down his sides.] You make me feel so lucky.

[He finally wraps his fingers around his length, but only enough to lather them in Pharos' precum, and then slip them down over his balls, his perineum, further down.] How do you like it? From the back? The side? The front?

[ Kaveh's hands are braced back against the bed, and yet they wobble and nearly send him into a sprawl when Euler crowds over him, pressing kisses against his skin, nipping and licking and touching. It's so much, especially for someone who's had an experience like this all of once— when he was drunk, on top of that— especially when it's someone whom he's falling for more and more by the day.

When Euler's hands start to follow the path of his mouth, Kaveh lifts an arm to curl fingers through his hair, stroking along the scalp even as he moans softly, head tossed back and lip bitten. He wants to touch too, wants Euler to feel as good as he does, but it's hard to keep his focus like this, with the other distracting him with everything he does.

His hips arch into the touch between his legs, a whine on his lips to find it so brief, although as the other's fingers slide over his balls and perineum, the whine fades into a soft moan, because Kaveh knows what's next, wants it so badly—

Instead, Euler asks him a question, and he blinks. How does he...

(Wait, from the side? Is that even a thing?)

Gods, he doesn't know.

But the last thing he wants is to admit the truth of his virginity when they're like this, and so he just smiles, the expression somewhat strained as he shakes his head. ]

I.. I'll like whatever you do, Euler.

[Alhaitham tilts his head.

One thing would be to be so frozen by choice and excitement that Pharos would defer to him. But another seemed uncertainty, one enough to make Pharos forget that his fingers are so close to the rim that they skip it, instead squeezing at a buttock to make him yelp in the same way he had done to him.

Instead, he smiles, presses a kiss to Pharos' cheek, and then pulls back so he can remove his own shirt to get them both into an equal ground of nudity. Alhaitham's turtleneck is an issue, as he almost had his mask off as he pulled his sweater, but somehow he managed to keep it without much of an issue.]

That will not do. Do you know why? [And then, he falls to his knees, settles between his legs, and tugs Pharos' closer, by the necklace this time, one finger hooked on the (gold) chain, and Alhaitham can place kisses on his chest, on his nipple, on his collarbone, hiking himself further up to press their noses together, to breathe the same air.] Because you're making me feel special. I want to do what you enjoy, Pharos. I know I can't give you something exclusive but, [a small peck on his lips] allow me the chance to do something special for you.

[ Kaveh whines when the other's fingers slip past his rim to squeeze at him instead— a delightful sensation, but not exactly the one he wanted— and then watches as he pulls back to remove his shirt. For a moment, the expression on his face is a pout, but as Euler strips, his jaw drops slightly at the lines of defined, powerful musculature, and suddenly Kaveh is thinking not just of something sweet and gentle and loving the way he's wanted it with him, but also how easily Euler could toss him around, pin him down and fuck him until he can't think.

His mouth is dry, and he has to shake himself out of the thoughts when the other speaks, and—

Ngh.

Even as he's tugged in closer (and gods that's so sexy how he does that with the necklace ~~just like Alhaitham did~~), even as Euler continues to explore his skin, he speaks, and...

Damnit. Damnit. He can't lie about it, not when the other is being so sweet to him, trusting him in a situation like this, and...

He licks his lips. ]

I— I don't know what I enjoy. [ His voice trembles on his lips. ] Whenever I've done anything with anyone else, it's been... I've been drunk, or it's been someone who's only cared about getting off, or— [ A deep breath. ] And besides that, it.. I haven't actually..

[ His gaze drops as the last of the words rush out from between his lips. ]

Apart from the toys, I haven't actually had sex.

[Alhaitham kisses him.

His mind reels. Suddenly, nothing made sense.

And yet, instinctively, he puts everything together.

Suddenly, everything made sense.

Kaveh is technically a virgin. That would explain the tense relationship he has with Alhaitham's feelings, how he removed himself from the situation the moment that he assumed that Alhaitham had a crush like he was something about to combust. Alhaitham had thought the reaction had been down to disgust (and perhaps some guilt), but now, things make so much more sense.

How long has it been for Kaveh since he ever trusted anyone? What happened to him for him to not allow himself to trust in the first place?

Does Alhaitham even deserve to know? He doesn't want to think about that. He doesn't ask. He merely cradles his hands on Kaveh's face and kisses him, soft, heady. Slow, but growing in intensity.

Because while some part of his rejection (of course, the fact that Kaveh just doesn't like him isn't cast aside) is explained, there's an undeniable, fluttering warmth blooming and thrumming through Alhaitham's ribcage.

Then… he's been using sex as a way to express himself, to win money that his day job doesn't allow, of course, but also as a means to self-express, and he's doing it under his terms, even if under the scrutiny of everyone who finds him.

That's such a genius idea, an amazing, well-thought-of plan, and yet so, so beautifully brave.

And yet, as he delivers himself to a man he's met online, as someone who threw himself to a coworker he just met and hated and told him he's theirs.]

You're so incredibly foolish. [He whispers, pressing soft kisses all over his face, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.] Why give yourself to me so freely if that's the case?

[He doesn't allow Pharos the opportunity to answer, still leaning in for another kiss.] Let me help you find out what you like, then? It'd be my honor to learn together with you.

[ Foolish, Euler calls him, and Kaveh's lips part in retort— he's not foolish, he wants this, he wants him— but he's all too quickly kissed into silence, and he sighs softly and leans into it, wraps his arms around him in reply, head tilting into those tender, myriad kisses.

It's a promise Kaveh made to himself a long time ago, that he would give himself only to someone he knew he wanted to be with longer term, someone for whom he had genuine feelings. And he nearly screwed that with Alhaitham, with his frustration and his need to be loved and cared for, but he didn't in the end. Now, he's here with his Mister E, his Euler, and this is what he wants, who he wants.

He's falling, and he knows it. And he'll explain himself, he will, but— but right now, Euler—

Kaveh nods, runs shy fingers through the other man's hair. ]

I'd like that. [ His voice is a whisper. ] I trust you, Euler.. I know you'll make it good for me, and I can figure it out in the meantime. That's why I said I don't mind anything.

[ That, of course, and the fact it's Euler. ]

I just wanna be with you.

[It's such a huge responsibility, one that Alhaitham is glad that their night together before hadn't taken them to something they couldn't back away from. In that sense, he doesn't feel guilty—he didn't know what he didn't know—but he still counts his blessings that he didn't step into a mistake as hard as he had.

As Euler, the responsibility is still quite hefty, and he's not entirely sure if Kaveh considers it the same. He strokes Pharos' cheek, a tender gaze to him that he's not sure he's even aware of.

Fingers, toys, but not an actual person penetrating him or being penetrated. One could consider all of those other explorations to be actual sex, but he supposes that the act of it in itself counts for something in Pharos' perspective.

And to think he's only done those with people who used him, to the point that he doesn't even know what he truly enjoys…

Best not to think about it. Alhaitham presses more kisses along his neck, over the chain around his neck.] Can you lay down on your stomach for me? Make yourself comfortable.

[ There's something about the way that Euler looks at him that makes Kaveh's heart tremble in his chest. The blonde smiles in response, eyes closing and head tilting into the other's touch, humming lowly as kisses press along his neck and over the chain that Euler himself bought him. He really likes seeing Pharos wear it, doesn't he? It makes Kaveh happy too, knowing that he can make the other happy just by wearing his gift.

Perhaps it's a strange thing to focus on after the admission he's just made... but it's easier than focusing on the embarrassment, isn't it? And Kaveh has no idea what Euler is thinking, about the concerns and the responsibility he feels.

Told to make himself comfortable, he nods, stealing one more soft kiss from Euler's mouth before he does exactly as the other asks, moving to lie flat on the bed, stomach and chest flush to the mattress for now. ]

Like this? [ he asks. ] Or do you need me to move?

[ He has no idea what Euler is planning, and yet his heart is pounding in anticipation, arousal straining eagerly against the bedsheets. ]

[Cute.

Alhaitham’s hands skim over his legs, squeezing at his calves, his thighs, the low of his back, his sides. All the while, he smiles, because this is something that many viewers don’t see unless Pharos needs to check on something behind him, and even then it’s almost twisted so he can check if he’s in the right angle. ]

You have a really nice back. [He says as he crawls over him and settles gently on top of him, allowing his weight to give him some sort of comfort, holding him close around his chest as he presses kisses on his nape.] You’re perfect. Let me know if you’re uncomfortable. I’ll move us if you are, and that’s okay.

[Slowly, painstakingly slow, Alhaitham presses gentle kisses and teasing nips on the skin down his spine. Then around his waist.

And then a playful bite on his ass cheek. He settles between his legs, and spreads them to swipe his tongue along the cleft, from below his balls up to his ass.]

[ It's not the first time Euler has called him perfect— and Kaveh hopes it's not the last. Every time it's said, he gets a silly little flutter in his chest, a feeling like swarming butterflies in his stomach; he's never felt perfect in his life, but when Euler names him as such, he can actually almost believe it. Despite the circumstances of their meeting, he trusts the other man that much, imagines he'll only say those things that he truly feels.

So too does he trust him enough to follow his instructions and requests without hesitation, nodding when he's told to let the other know if he becomes uncomfortable— that it's okay if he needs them to move.

This is why, Kaveh thinks, he wants it to be Euler. He already knows how well the other will treat him, does treat him, and he's thinking about telling the other man so much when the slow, gentle press of lips to his back distracts him.

Later, then. Later, because he really wants to say it, needs to say it even, but—

Kaveh moans, breath catching, when the bite against his cheek is followed by a slow stripe of Euler's tongue. His fingers scrabble, curling into the sheets. ]

[Here's something that Pharos can't achieve via his own fingers, via any toys at his disposal. Alhaitham knows that while Kaveh is flexible, there's only so much he can do to himself. So the moan delights him and he hums enough to be heard, grinning while he swirls his tongue once again, rubs at the puckered hole in slow, tantalizing circles as he kneads at the flesh of his ass.]

[ There is only so much that Kaveh can do to himself, and this is certainly not one of those things. Nor was it even at the top of his list for things he imagined Euler doing.

But it feels good, and there's no way that the other won't see it written all over Kaveh, the blonde writhing against the bed, pressing his face into the covers as if to muffle the soft, whiny moans that surface on his lips. ]

Eu-Euler..

[Alhaitham allows his hand to smack Kaveh's asscheek. Not enough to hurt, but just enough to startle, to give the threat of pain. He suckles, licks, prods at it with his tongue, with his thumb, teasing the rim of where he's most sensitive over and over.]

Let me hear you. [He says as he comes up for a short moment.] Call out to me.

[ Alhaitham is rewarded for the smack with a visceral jolt of Kaveh's body, a moan too loud even with his face pressed into the bed. Oh— that he likes, apparently, from the way it makes his cock spasm against the sheets, from the swell of pleasure in his gut.

And of course, the sensations of the other's tongue and mouth and thumb only add to it, teasing him until his eyes are rolling back in his head, until he's panting helplessly against the sheets.

Call out, Euler says, and he can't help but comply, lifting his head to gasp out the other's name once more. Like this, he doesn't know how long he'll last, but... ]

Gods— so good—

[Oh? He likes that, does he?

Alhaitham hums, rubs at the spot where his palm had landed, squeezes it, and then tugs Kaveh's hips a bit higher.

Not only the friction against his cock lessens, but he also gets more access to the back of his thighs.

Which he promptly bites, hard enough to leave a mark.]

Hm. Good. [He says, before he kisses the sore spot, the one on his buttock, and then nestles his face against his hole again, laving it with all the affection and love he can muster.]

[ The reduction in friction against his cock should make things a little easier for him. But in the same moment, teeth sink into his thigh hard enough to make him yelp, a sting of pain that has him twitch, fingers tightening on the bedspread until his knuckles are white. ]

Fuck—

[ A groan turns into a whine on his lips, Kaveh's hips arching against Euler's mouth, and his cock twitches in need; he's embarrassingly aroused over so little, and while he's not in the danger zone yet, he... ]

Euler, do you.. mn, do you think the vending machine has any, ngh. Any rings? I.. I don't wanna lose it too soon.

[So, a little bit of pain to spice up the pleasure. There's something that runs deeper alongside the contrast of pleasure and pain, but Alhaitham is way too focused on making Kaveh react rather than philosophize over it.

Later, though, he would. And he'd sigh with fondness. With a slight sliver of exasperation, his heart clenching.]

What if I want to see you come undone? [He says, blowing on the hole to tease it before thrusting his tongue in and out.] I'd like that. [He rakes his teeth over the flesh of his other cheek.] I like watching you lose your mind, Pharos.

[ He sucks in a soft gasp when Euler blows against him, teasing him about wanting to see him fall apart; then the other's tongue presses into him and thrusts, and he releases the gasp in a cry, biting down hard on his lower lip as he writhes under the other's ministrations. Euler says he wants to see him come undone, but... ]

But I— I don't want this to be over too soon.

[ It comes out almost as a whisper, his cheeks reddening on the admission. ]

I want.. I wanna be with you, Euler, I... nn, please.

Aren't you?

[Alhaitham draws back, crawling over him carefully, stroking up his spine, heavy handed, almost possessive. Euler has no claim over him, but acting as though he had seems to ground Kaveh into softness, into safety.] I'm here with you, as much as you are here with me.

[He presses a kiss to the crown of his head, hand coming up to stroke along his throat, tipping his head to stretch the beautiful column of his neck, kneading at his jaw.] I want to learn you, to give you something that you can't give yourself. Isn't that being with you?

I—

[ And it does ground him, turns him into something akin to putty in Euler's hold, letting him be guided the way the other sees fit. He feels safe with him, sighing as the other tilts back his head to press a kiss along it, hand stroking at his throat before fingers press over his jaw.

Kaveh pouts, because he thinks he understands what Euler means. And it makes sense...

and he hates that it does. ]

It is, but.. but you know what I mean. I want that too, Euler. I want..

[ A pause as his cheeks heat all over again, as his eyes dart away for a moment. ]

I want you to be my first.

[His fingers flare to stroke the velvet of Kaveh's cheek.

And the way he says this is so awestruck, so reverent:] My darling…

[This foolish, foolish man. Wanting a stranger from the internet, someone who paid him money to show and pleasure himself, someone who, when the mask is off, Kaveh doesn't want anything to do with. This beautiful, needy man just wanting to be well-treated. Alhaitham draws back, kneels behind Kaveh, and pulls him to kneel in front of him.] C'mere.

[Pressing close to his back, his erection digging into his ass, adding to the wetness left by his tongue, slipping and grinding into the cleft, as Alhaitham presses kisses on his neck, nips on the parts of his nape where they'd be covered. Nuzzles the beautiful shell of his ear.] Give us time, baby. I want to be inside you, too. But give us time. Give us thought.

[He rolls his hips in, looks over Kaveh's shoulder, stroking his stomach and navel and then pulls back, places his knees outside of Kaveh's and presses them together.] See? I want you so badly.

[ Darling, Euler calls him, and then baby again, soothing him as he shifts Kaveh to kneel in front of him and grinds against his ass, rewarding his skin with kisses and bites and making the blonde shudder and whine. He wants to be with him so desperately, but again the other's words make sense, even if Kaveh can't help but fear the idea of time becoming an impenetrable hurdle to a relationship had mostly online.

Can't help but fear the idea that Euler will tire of him and move on, annoyed by how depressed and whiny he can be when they talk.

Not wanting to ruin the mood, though, he doesn't say as much. Instead, he nods, turning his head so he can look at Euler a little better, nodding in response to the other's statement, to the way he rolls his hips and shows Kaveh how he's already hard again— for him, all for him.

...Surely this means Euler will want to see him again, right? Even if it's only for sex... and Kaveh can handle that, can't he? As long as he gets to see him.

He sighs, his hands bracing on his knees as he nods again. ]

Y-yeah. I see.. I feel it. Please, Mister E...

[Alhaitham's hand slips down Kaveh's stomach, strokes along the fine hair dusting his navel, and wraps around the girth of his erection, squeezing tight, hard. He had asked for a ring, after all, and while its rudy coloring is so tempting, he wants to give him a chance to last a little longer as he thrusts into the tight space between his thighs, spearing beneath his sack, prodding further to be seen at the front.

You feel so good already. He rasps against his jaw, pressing a kiss to it, wrapping his arm around his torso and holding him close.] I wish I could have you all for myself. I'd like to take my time with you, savor you, if you'll allow me.

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