sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[ I'm sorry, Euler says, and Kaveh shakes his head. He has no reason to apologize, and the blonde plans to say as much, but he notices the other is still typing, and so he waits.

And waits.

He's just starting to wonder if he's said something wrong when suddenly there's a knock on his door, and Kaveh startles, looking up. ]

Euler, I'm sorry. Would you wait just a moment, please? [ His voice is hushed. ] My roommate is knocking. He knows I'm busy right now, so I can only assume it's important...

[ And he toggles off his mic and camera, standing and hurrying across the room as a slight frown forms on his face. He's not about to yell at Alhaitham when the other has been so kind to him tonight, but he did tell him he had a date, didn't he? So either it is something genuinely important, or he's being unspeakably rude—

He opens the door, his lips parting in a question. ]

What is it? I told you, I—

[ Just like that, he's pulled into a tight embrace, Alhaitham's arms circling him and holding him close. The words die on Kaveh's lips as for a single moment he just stands there in shock, unsure of what to do or say, even as the other apologizes. Why would he— why now? The wildest, wondering thought crosses Kaveh's mind, and his lips form around a single syllable, the beginning of a name, a motion once again dashed into silence as Alhaitham continues talking, asks Kaveh to let him be selfish for a moment.

No, it's not that. Of course it's not. It was a silly thought in the first place, no matter how briefly it was entertained. It's obviously something much simpler, much...

Mm. Of course. The first time they stood together in this house, Alhaitham admitted to having feelings for Kaveh, didn't he? And just now, after so much kindness on the other's part, the blonde went and stated so thoughtlessly that he had a date, and...

Kaveh's hands lift, winding around Alhaitham's waist, and he leans quietly into the other's hold. ]

It's okay, Alhaitham. [ His own voice comes on a whisper too. ] We can stay like this for as long as you need to.

[As he embraces Kaveh, Alhaitham's senses sharpen to every little detail—the subtle stiffening of Kaveh's body, the hesitance before he returns the embrace. When Kaveh starts to form a syllable, the sound aligns so closely to his online handle that Alhaitham's heart skips. A rush of fear surges through him, the dreadful possibility that he's revealed too much, that he's inadvertently exposed their dual lives. His breath hitches, waiting for the rest of the word to drop, a word that could unravel everything.

But then, the moment passes, and Kaveh simply wraps his arms around him, accepting the embrace. Alhaitham lets out a quiet sigh, relief mingling with the residual tension from the scare. The physical connection, the warmth from Kaveh's body grounds him, and for a brief moment, he allows himself to just feel, to just be there with Kaveh, not as Euler, not as a linguistics professor, but simply as a person who cares.

'It’s okay, Alhaitham.'

The words, whispered so gently by Kaveh, encourage Alhaitham to hold the embrace a moment longer. And he tsks, feeling that he's the one being comforted right now. Still, he tightens his arms slightly.

After a minute, Alhaitham slowly pulls back, looking into Kaveh's eyes with a softness rarely shown. His voice is low, filled with genuine regret for the potential intrusion on Kaveh's evening.]

I’m sorry for interrupting your time. I’ll be in my room if you need anything. Have a good rest of your night.

[He gives a final, reassuring squeeze of Kaveh's shoulders before turning to leave, his footsteps silent as he retreats to his own space, his mind still turning over the near slip and the implications it could have had.

Back in his room, Alhaitham closes the door gently behind him. He sits back down at his computer, the blinking cursor of the chat still open where he left it. Taking a deep breath to settle the whirlwind of emotions, he resumes typing as user2.718, his words careful, aimed at offering continuity and a semblance of normalcy.]

user2.718: That's alright, no worries. user2.718: I can only imagine the weight on you today. user2.718: Are you okay alone? user2.718: I wish I could be there for you.

[ He hears the tsk on the other's breath, but he doesn't comment on it or ask questions. Instead, he simply lets Alhaitham hold him, holds him back, his head resting on his chest and his breath even and steady. He doesn't move or try to move until the other pulls back with another soft apology, and even then all he can do is shake his head, watch in silence as he pulls back and pads silently down the hallway back to his own room.

And it's perhaps a good thing for Alhaitham that Kaveh doesn't move back right away. His suspicion, while faded as quickly as it appeared, would likely come rushing right back if he got back to find that the other hadn't typed at all in his absence. But as it is, by the time he moves back to his computer and sits down, turns the camera and microphone back on, Euler's words are already showing on the screen.

It's a little hard for Kaveh to get the confused frown off his face, but he manages a small smile instead as he settles back on his chair. ]

Sorry. My roommate.. [ Gods, how to even explain what just happened. And yet, he feels he needs to. ]

I told you before that he has a crush on me. I told him I had a date, and I guess.. I'm not sure. He came to my door just now and hugged me. But I didn't wanna just turn him away. He.. he was really kind before, Euler. He steadied me, and he talked me out of my panic attack. You were right, I was really wrong about him.

[ His smile is soft, almost apologetic. ]

If I could have you here, I would in a heartbeat. But I wasn't alone, either. [ A pause, as he bites his lower lip. ] Is that... okay?

[As Kaveh returns to their chat and begins to explain the interruption, Alhaitham listens with a mix of relief and continued concern. The mention of his real-life self’s actions prompts a brief, involuntary pause. He's touched by Kaveh’s openness and his ability to see the good in someone he previously had misgivings about. Alhaitham types back, ensuring his responses reflect understanding and support.]

user2.718: Of course, it’s okay. I’m glad he was there for you when you needed someone. user2.718: At least, as long as you didn't feel obligated to indulge him. user2.718: Feelings aside, if he really wants to support you, it shouldn't be something transactional.

[Alhaitham's fingers pause over the keyboard for a moment, contemplating how to navigate the complexities of their situation without revealing too much. He wants to comfort Kaveh, to bridge the distance between them, yet he must maintain the integrity of both his identities.]

user2.718: And thank you for telling me about it. I’m here now, so let’s talk or do whatever helps you feel better.

[He sends the message, his heart aching slightly at the thought of being so near yet so far from truly being there with Kaveh. Once a comfortable buffer, the digital space between them now feels like a chasm he wishes he could close.]

[ Kaveh is quick to shake his head when Euler mentions transactions. ]

I'll be honest... for a moment I thought it was gonna be. Not now, but earlier. It always has been, with guys in the past. But he... he, um. He surpassed my expectations. I'm glad you convinced me to give him another chance.

[ He smiles, a soft, tired expression, and tilts his head as he looks into the camera. ]

Talking sounds good. I've missed you. I still miss you. I'm sorry I've been so busy with moving— it was important for me to do, obviously, but I haven't enjoyed not being able to see you so much. And— [ He pulls back slightly, letting the camera get a view of the mess that is his room, ] —I've still got all this to deal with!

[ He pauses then, and considers with a tilt of his head. ]

Can we just chat while I do some more unpacking, maybe? Something so mundane is boring, so having your company will be nice while I do it. If that's okay?

[The fact that Kaveh had harbored doubts about his intentions weighs heavily on Alhaitham, revealing the depth of Kaveh's past experiences with conditional relationships. He's glad to have defied those expectations, showing a side of himself that genuinely cares without seeking anything in return.]

user2.718: I'm glad he was there in a way that felt supportive. user2.718: It's important to me that you feel safe and respected, especially during tough times.

[As Kaveh suggests chatting while he unpacks, Alhaitham finds himself agreeing without hesitation. It sounds like fun, close, even in such a mundane activity.]

user2.718: It sounds perfect. Would you like to turn on the text-to-speech? Or would you prefer voice chat? user2.718: I’d like to see you tidying up if that’s okay. user2.718: It feels more like I’m there with you.

[ Kaveh barely has to consider the offer made. He's quick to offer the camera a quick, stunning smile, joyful despite the bloodshot of his eyes and the tired of his expression. ]

We should do voice chat, of course. If you're feeling up to it. The robotic text-to-speech voice has nothing on yours.

[ It's a silly statement, and he giggles after he says it, well aware of how it sounded. (Though, to be fair, Euler saying he wants to be with him while he unpacks is kind of silly too, even if Kaveh feels the same way.)

He waits for the other to turn his own voice on, and then he looks around at the boxes, considering. ]

What should I do first? [ A glance back at the camera as he offers a playful wink. ] I haven't unpacked my toys yet..

[He types a quick response, his fingers tapping with an ease that belies his amusement at Kaveh's playful suggestion.]

user2.718: You flatter me.

[After sending the message, Alhaitham switches to voice chat, turning on the mic of his headphones, testing the connection to ensure clarity.]

Can you hear me okay?

[His voice comes through clear and warm, but low, as if he doesn't want to be very loud. There's a slight chuckle following his words as he picks up on the playful tone set by Kaveh.]

Maybe save the toys for later. I wouldn't want us getting too distracted right now.

[He waits for a moment to ensure Kaveh can hear him properly before continuing, his tone still light but clearly focused on helping Kaveh feel comfortable and at ease.]

What do those boxes at the corner have?

I can hear you just fine.

[ Once again, the sound of that voice is soothing to his ears. He offers a quick smile to the camera, something pleased and content. If it weren't for the fact that he only just mentally moved on from the concept of Alhaitham and Euler being the same person, he might have taken pause at the similarities of their voices. But for now he says and notices nothing.

And as for the comment about their getting distracted... Kaveh can't help but laugh at that, a soft, amused sound that forms as easily on his lips as had he never been so upset just a short while earlier. But he nods, and moves over to the corner so that he can bring those boxes over nearer to the camera. He puts them down and then sits in his chair again, reaching for scissors to cut the tape open. ]

This one just has clothes. But this one...

[ He pauses, and his cheeks turn a pretty pink. ]

I'm about to tell you something about me, Euler. But you can't tell anyone. Okay???

[Alhaitham listens attentively, his curiosity piqued by the hint of secrecy in Kaveh's tone. The faint flush on Kaveh's cheeks on the screen adds a layer of intimacy to their conversation. What could a sexy streamer be suddenly embarrassed about?]

Your secrets are safe with me.

[Aiming for his voice to be reassuring, a gentle nudge for Kaveh to continue. He is so curious.]

[ The reassuring tone in Euler's voice is noted, and Kaveh takes a soft breath before he cuts the tape and opens the box, carefully starting to move its contents from within to the desk and the nearby shelf so that he can sort them better. ]

I um. I dunno if I've told you this before, but I'm kind of an artist. So I really like anything that's artistic or aesthetic. So there's.. um, there's some video games I really like. Animations, too. If it's pretty, I wanna watch it or play it. And sometimes I like it enough that I buy... stuff. Statues, or posters. Things like that. This box has that kind of stuff.

[ And without another word, he lifts a statuette from the box, a figure from one of the games he's played. ]

[As Kaveh reveals his artistic inclinations and shows off a statuette from his collection, Alhaitham's perspective shifts subtly. This new layer to Kaveh's persona—a blend of professional rigor and personal passion for the arts and aesthetics, a new perspective into Kaveh's hobbies, typically unseen in the austere halls of academia or the performative space of streaming, paints him in a more multifaceted light.]

Oh? It's great to see you have such a passion for the arts and aesthetics. It explains why you care about what you wear, too.

[Alhaitham’s response is genuine, his voice conveying a warmth that invites Kaveh to share more. He recognizes the vulnerability in sharing personal hobbies that might not align with public perception, and he feels heightened respect for Kaveh’s openness.]

It's incredibly detailed. Which game is it from?

[ When Euler answers not with laughter or teasing, but warmth and genuine curiosity, Kaveh's smile broadens. He wasn't expecting such a kind reaction— as nice as Euler is, as much as he likes him, he wouldn't have blamed him for a gentle tease, especially with how much of an effort Kaveh has gone to him his interests.

(Even now, the shelf where these will be displayed is set up at a point behind his desk, where the camera won't be able to see.) ]

It's called... Lowlight Spirits. It's an action RPG, famous for being really difficult. [ He realizes it sounds like he's bragging— and he laughs, shakes his head. ] I'm terrible at it, I always have to get co-op players to help me... but the environments are stunning, and the stories for the characters are moving in ways you wouldn't expect. There's this one city that's full of light, and one time I pressed the wrong button and accidentally attacked the guardian, and then everything plunged into darkness. It was so haunting. And I felt really guilty, even though it's just a game...

[Alhaitham listens intently as Kaveh describes his experience with the game, intrigued by the emotional depth Kaveh finds in these digital worlds. It's a side of him that Alhaitham hadn't fully appreciated before—the sensitivity to story and environment, even within a game.]

Fascinating. It’s like a good book or a film, isn’t it? Pulling you into its world completely.

[His tone is encouraging, inviting Kaveh to continue sharing. This interaction feels like a discovery, peeling back layers of someone he thought he knew in a professional capacity and revealing a richer, deeper persona beneath.]

I'm impressed that you engage so fully with it, even when it’s challenging. It says a lot about your appreciation for art and narrative.

[ Kaveh's brows lift in response to Euler's comment, a brightness taking over his expression. Here he was, thinking that he was rambling on about something in which the other would take no interest (and for the second time this evening, what with Alhaitham's questions and the resulting lecture on his feelings about architecture). But Euler responds with a comment of his own, rather than placating him.

And there's a compliment there, too. But for now, Kaveh is much more interested in his thoughts— ]

Do you enjoy reading, then, Euler? I've got a lot of books in another couple of boxes, so we can do those ones next..

I do, yes.

[He's about to say he also needs to read for work, but stops himself. That's too close. Too soon. It's best if he just doesn't say anything and Kaveh thinks it's a hobby, which isn't a lie.

He smiles, though.] Oh? I'm curious now. But I want to see what other artistic things you have first. Tell me more. I want to hear all about it.

[ It's been a while since a date showed an active interest in the things Kaveh likes. Perhaps that's why it becomes so easy for him to start talking about the things he pulls one after the other out of the box. Posters of movies— animated and live action— that have struck a chord with him. More statues and figures. Photos. Photobooks and artbooks both. Each is taken from the box in turn and talked about, shown off to the camera as Kaveh smiles, relaxing more and more until his anxieties are all but forgotten.

It's not until that box is empty that he makes a face, a little embarrassed at how readily he was able to talk Euler's ears off. ]

Did I put you to sleep yet?

Not at all.

[He smiles, even if he has taken his laptop to his bed, and has laid down with it on his lap, his headphones plugged in. As much as he appreciates silence, watching Kaveh excitedly talk about the things he enjoys is something he's finding to be entirely relaxing. He has an interesting eye for things, little things that catch his eye and his heart, and that resonates with Alhaitham, a little bit.

It's interesting, and he feels grateful that he could share this moment with him, even if via a pseudonym and an anonymous identity.

But his headphones do sign that they're running out of battery.]

It's getting late, though. I'm glad we made some progress on your unpacking. [A pause, and he says this earnestly.] Thank you for showing me all of this.

[ He can hear the smile in Euler's voice when he talks, and that's enough for him to know that the other is being truthful in what he says. It brings a smile to Kaveh's own lips, even if he is disappointed that their call has to end after what feels like such a short time. With how little they've been able to talk lately, he's missed him a lot—

He doesn't complain, though. He wants the other to see him smiling, so he knows he's helped even after the day Kaveh has had. So he blows a kiss, leans his head on his hand as he peers into the camera. ]

It's my pleasure. I'll try to make sure I'm done before we chat next time. Then I can give you a tour.

[ A few more comments, a promise to talk soon, another blown kiss, and Kaveh ends the call, continuing his unpacking by placing some of the objects on his shelves, and laying out the posters and photos so he can decide where to display them once everything else is in its place.

The feeling of loneliness is quick to creep back, cold and discomforting, and even as he changes into his sleep pants and shirt and scrapes his hair back into a loose bun, Kaveh's not sure he'll be able to sleep just yet.

Maybe...

A few minutes later, with a Blu-Ray in hand, he pads across to Alhaitham's bedroom and, seeing the strip of light still glowing from underneath, knocks quietly on the door. ]

Hey.. [ He offers a small smile when the door opens. ] Um, I know this is kind of a weird favor to ask. But I was wondering if I could bum a cigarette?

[ It's not that he wants to smoke it. There's a part of him craving the taste of it, a hint of an alternate reality where Euler can kiss him goodnight and hold him as he sleeps. That's all. ]

[He's not expecting a knock.

But when he hears it, he's expecting everything.

Maybe a good night, maybe a thanks once again for allowing him to move in. Maybe a warning, say to be quiet in the morning, or some sort of idiosyncrasy that Kaveh hadn't revealed yet.

That he figured everything out. That the gig is up.

He's not expecting Kaveh to ask him for a cigarette, of all things.

So he blinks at him for a moment; two moments.

Alhaitham goes:] ... Sure. One minute.

[And steps out of the door, still a bit reeling from the request.]

Just the one? Here. [He stretches his hand out with the pack so Kaveh can pluck the cigarette from it.] Take the lighter that's inside.

...Yeah. Just the one.

[ He takes it as offered, takes the lighter along with it. ]

Do you prefer it only used outside, or is inside okay?

[ After all, the last thing he wants is to break Alhaitham's rules on day one, of all things. This isn't something they've talked about for obvious reasons— Kaveh isn't a smoker.

...Which explains the look Alhaitham is giving him. ]

It's. I'm not gonna smoke it, really. I know that's kind of a waste. I just.. the taste is.. it's kind of comforting. I know that's a really weird thing to say about cigarettes but.. yeah.

Inside is fine, but I do open the windows and smoke near them. [He starts to explain.

But then Kaveh goes and justifies his request and—

The taste.

The taste is comforting.

What tastes— Ah.

Kaveh is going to kill him.]

Anyway. Those things will kill you. [He says, because he's a little petty.]

Okay. I'll open the window and sit near it.

[ And then Alhaitham makes a comment that, for a moment, Kaveh finds completely confusing. Yes, these things will kill him. But why would Alhaitham say that? The one between the two of them who actually smokes—

The memory hits him halfway into opening his mouth, and with a roll of his eyes, he reaches out, shoves lightly at Alhaitham's shoulder. ]

Shut up.

[Oh, there's a reaction he didn't expect.

But it's beautiful to watch unfold, anyway. The moment where the idea clicks, and Kaveh rolls his eyes upon the realization, and Alhaitham is shoved but can't help chuckle.]

Have a good night, Kaveh.

Have a good night, Alhaitham. I'll return the lighter to you in the morning.

[ He starts to turn, and then pauses, biting his lip. ]

Actually...

[ And he turns back around, holding out the Blu-Ray in his hand. ]

If you're not planning on sleeping anytime soon, did you wanna watch a movie with me? It's a Studio Scirocco film; they're known for their beautiful animation styles and watercolor backgrounds. You can bring a book out if you want.. I was just thinking the company might be nice.

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