sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[Like a skittish wild animal that doesn't know if the forest's visitor will do him harm, Kaveh's shoulders are hunched under the glimmer of his see-through shirt, his lower lip reddish, the gloss almost gone.

Alhaitham reaches for him, gently guiding his wrists closer by circling his fingers around them, stepping in, closing that distance, just enough to keep Kaveh in place before he leans in and kisses him sweetly.]

I see, [he says, eyes still fixated onto Pharos, warm, tender, before he kisses him again.] Hi, baby.

[ For a singular moment, Kaveh isn't entirely sure how Euler will react to him.

And yet he seems totally himself. The reach, the circled fingers around his wrists, holding him closer before he kisses him, making Kaveh's breath catch. The taste, the sensation— it's all familiar ~~in more ways than one~~. He reels, leaning into him, all but swooning into his arms. ]

Hi, Mister E. [ Another whisper. ] I missed you. I'm.. I'm really glad you're here.

[ I was worried, he wants to say, but he doesn't, instead just leaning up to kiss him once more. ]

[There's something to kissing Pharos as Euler, as though there's nothing holding them back, as though it's familiar, and yet free. Alhaitham's hands skim over Kaveh's sides, feeling the fabric of the shirt as he tilts his head, deepens the kiss just an increment to get a better taste of the gloss.]

Hm, [he hums, bringing his hands to Kaveh's cheeks and setting him in place as though kissing him felt like an indulgence (it is). He smiles, taunting Pharos' lips apart, nipping them gently, suckling on his tongue.] I missed you, too. I dreamed of this.

Mnn.

[ Kaveh's hum in reply is one of sweet content, the parting of his lips all too willing and a tremble in his spine. Euler's words bring a hint of alarm though, and he's quick to free one wrist from the other, doing his best to turn the tables and to catch the other man's wrist in his hand instead. ]

But no tickling.

[ A pause, because even as Kaveh says it he's confident he won't get what he wants on that front. He sighs, tilting his head to give Euler more freedom, to step forward so he can slide a leg around behind the other, drawing them closer together. ]

At least not until we've talked about everything.

Aw, [he taunts, though he chuckles, opting to wrap his arms around Pharos instead, to hold him close, not even leaving enough space to speak without brushing their lips together.] But you were laughing so cutely.

[Another soft, deep kiss, and Alhaitham takes a deep breath. Reaches to stroke that lovely hair of his. He has a penchant for it, it seems, as well as for his hands. He thinks it shows but he doesn't care.] Do you want to do that now?

[ His cheeks color in response to the statement that he was laughing cutely— and he would protest, but Euler is moving them on, drawing him into another kiss, grounding him even as he stirs the butterflies in Kaveh's stomach all over again. He finds a soft whimper on his lips despite himself, and if it weren't for the fact that he does want to talk, he'd probably grab the other man and drag him over to the bed.

Instead, he nods— and then hesitates. ]

Could.. could we talk about my roommate first, please? And then.. then the contracts?

[Euler nods, presses a kiss to Pharos' temple, and proceeds to lead them to the bed regardless. While kissing Kaveh to no end feels like a great agenda for their meeting, Alhaitham knows better than to leave those subjects linger in the back of the blonde's mind.]

Very well, allow me one thing, then, [he says before he guides him so they get to sit up on the side of the bed, Euler kneeling in front of him to remove his shoes for him, and then removing his own before he maneuvers them both so they can talk sitting against the headboard and close together.] This good?

[ Kaveh gasps as the other all but sweeps him into the bed, kneeling to take his shoes off in a way that feels as if he's been turned into some kind of royal. Despite his complicated feelings, he enjoys the way he's treated, drawn against him, and for a moment he just allows himself to bask in it, curling up against him as they relax against the headboard. ]

It is, yeah.

[ He could get used to this, he thinks. But he doesn't say that; instead he just nestles in close, thinking over it quietly for a moment or two as he breathes out. ]

I.. I think I have feelings for my roommate.

[ The words come out in a rush, and he closes his eyes, not wanting to look Euler in the face right now. ]

It's.. it's not that I... I'm still.. I don't know how to explain it. I still wanna be with you. I want you to be my first. I miss you when I can't see you and when I get to talk to you I can't stop smiling. But I also... When he looks at me it does something to me. And I.. I know we said we weren't gonna be exclusive, but—

[ Another breath, Kaveh struggling with the words now, feeling tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. ]

It still doesn't feel fair to you that I can't just. Commit. When I know how jealous and upset I'd be if there were someone else you wanted to be with.

[Well.

None of this is new to Alhaitham, yet he frowns, reassuring Kaveh that he's listening intently. Because he truly is. How can he not be, when what he tells him is basically a confession?

Warmth blooms in his chest, and he nuzzles Kaveh's hair as he explains, breathing him in, the scent of his shampoo, the soft warmth from his skin. Alhaitham isn't sure how this came to be, but he doesn't feel like diving too deep into the origins and the hows.

Not when Alhaitham feels the same, anyway. As Euler, as Alhaitham himself. Kaveh is quickly coiling into the depths of his psyche, and he allows for it, craves it.] Baby… [he whispers, cuddles close, hooking a foot to tangle between his own, soothing a knuckle across a lashline.] It's alright. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Well, wouldn't fairness involve both of us getting what we want? [He tips his head, presses a kiss onto his temple.] What if I want you not to feel constricted?

Then you're a better person than I am.

[ Not that he didn't already know that. Euler is someone special, someone who treats him than so much more than what he deserves. Where Kaveh would go to pieces if their positions were reversed, he just...

He bites his lower lip, chews at his gloss some more. Alhaitham told him he should ask about it, though, didn't he? So he takes a breath, pulls back just enough that he can finally look up at the other even as Euler moves to curl them in more closely to one another. ]

...Doesn't it bother you? I know you want me not to feel constricted, but— [ He bites his lip, asks it again: ] Doesn't it bother you, Euler? If I'm with someone else too?

[ It's a horrible thing to feel, but part of Kaveh wants the answer to be "yes". For Euler to want more from him just like Alhaitham does. Because that will mean that he really wants him, right? ]

[With a shake of his head, he chuckles.] This doesn't make a person bad or good.

[He begins to say, but Kaveh's questions don't truly sound like questions, but an imploration of some kind. 'You expected him to be upset about it,' they had discussed. The shiver of delight in the architect's body the moment Alhaitham pressed a little closer and claimed to want a little bit of Kaveh for himself.]

I didn't think I should be. [He presses another kiss to the crown of his head, tips Pharos' chin up so he can peck his nose, his lips, his cheek.] We've met through a very public channel, after all. If we're talking about fairness, it wouldn't be fair of me to want to change you.

[Absently, he tugs Kaveh's leg so it drapes across, almost hooked around his waist, and he strokes from knee to hip, then down again.] Besides, you said it yourself. You want me to be your first, you do all these special streams with just me, you meet with me here, and when you don't you miss me. You told me you were mine right here in this room. That's what I want.

[His hand stops at the curve of Pharos' upper thigh, his fingers squeezing.] But it seems you want me to act upset.

[ Despite the worry and upset written all over him, a small smile tugs at Kaveh's lips when Euler pecks kisses against his crown, his nose, his lips, his cheeks, when the other man drags him closer and touches him so casually and confidently all at once even as he talks through his feelings on it, explains his reasonings—

And despite all of Kaveh's concerns and misgivings and fears, he can't help but think it makes a lot of sense. Everything Euler has said is true, after all. Pharos does treat him differently, puts on special streams just for him and meets him outside of the bounds of his role as a streamer. And he's admitted to wanting, still wanting, Euler to be his first, to belonging to him—

Everything Euler says is true, so why does Kaveh feel something eating him up from the inside out?

His lips part, a small frown creasing his brow, and he's not sure what he's going to say but he has to say something— or at least he thinks he does until Euler keeps speaking, fingers squeezing at his thigh as he talks, and Kaveh's cheeks turn pink. ]

I...

[ He chews on his lower lip, looking up at the other man. ]

Maybe if you did, maybe if I had to.. if you made me make it up to you somehow, maybe I'd feel less guilty.

[He can't say no to that.]

Oh? [A slight twitch to his lip, and Alhaitham—Euler—schools his expression into seriousness. Into a moment of cold calculation, as though he's assessing Pharos' very core through his color-lensed eyes.

Kaveh's way of finding himself back towards guilt seems to be an issue that keeps showing up, and Alhaitham isn't sure if it's the right way to go about it. But he looks up through the mask, long lashes, bitten lip, and Alhaitham's fingers splay wide until the round of his ass, patting it lightly as a tease before he squeezes it again.] I see. How naughty. Do you enjoy the punishment that much?

Mm.. maybe.

[ Maybe, he says, but it's perhaps obvious from the way that he squirms a little under the light pat, the squeeze of his ass, that he very much does. Whether it's because of the pleasure inherent in the action, or even just the ability to release some of the stress, he's not sure. But—

He hums softly, and he curls in closer, the length of his body flush against Euler's. ]

Maybe we should, mm, talk about the contracts too. So we can. You know. Figure out what works for us. Right?

[ Though if Euler wanted to punish him now, first, he can't say he'd protest either. ]

[Alhaitham tickles him playfully.]

Tempter… [He chuckles, kissing him again, taking a deep breath as he does so, relaxed, calm. Alhaitham knows that whether as Euler or Alhaitham, he can reassure Kaveh's concerns and even offer some distraction. A bit of playfulness also helps.

How strange, to go out of one's way for this one person alone.] You can't just throw a business proposal while you're distracting me like this.

[But he still twists, scooping Pharos up onto his lap as he sits sideways for them both to get up. He gives Kaveh a light pat on the behind again as he walks to the folder he had dropped onto the desk before gathering him into his arms as he arrived. He takes a seat on one of the chairs, and drags the other so that Kaveh can sit close to him and pore over the conditions they wrote.

He arches an eyebrow at double penetration, already had an inkling over face-fucking, and all the things that involve mirrors and exhibitionism.

He circles a couple of his own on his contract. 'Body worship', 'risk of discovery'.] What do you think of these? I know you mention exhaustion, too, but what about frustration?

[He mulls over the greens, yellows, reds. Everything seems to match. His hand finds Pharos' thigh to stroke as he reads through and while they decide on a safeword, obviously pleased by the fact that they're very compatible about what they like and don't like. He finds it funny that Kaveh seems to have a penchant for things regarding his mouth. He wonders why that is.] What do you think of 'Lotus' for a safeword?

[ Naturally, he yelps and jerks when Euler tickles him, starts to protest— I said no tickling, oh my god— but the other stops before he can complain too much and lifts him up again, leaving Kaveh feeling doted on and cared for for the second time in mere minutes.

(is it bad how he thinks he could really get used to this?)

He reads over what Euler has marked on his conditions just as the other sits and looks over his own, although he can't help but steal the occasional glimpse over toward the other man, seeing the way his eyebrow lifts at something (and Kaveh wonders at what? but doesn't say anything). All in all, they seem remarkably compatible— not an entire surprise, but something pleasant to note all the same.

When the other leans over to circle some things on his own, Kaveh's brows rise over the mask, and his face heats. ]

Body worship, risk of discovery— [ And he's imagining himself on his knees, supplicant, pressing kisses to Euler's body, exploring inch by inch and finding what he likes the most; and he's imagining the two of them pressed together hot and heated somewhere where an open door would spell the end of the encounter and—

he shifts in his seat. ] Mm. I like those a lot, I'm okay to include those too. As for frustration... [ A tilt of his head. ] I know what the word means but I'm not sure how it would be used in a sexual context. Could you give me an example, Mister E?

[ Unable to help himself, he closes his hand over the top of Euler's, holding onto it, just allowing himself to enjoy the contact even if it means the other can't stroke his thigh quite as well.

(Probably for the best when his imagination has him bordering on hard.) ]

And I think "Lotus" is a good choice. I can't imagine either of us ever needing to use that for any other reason.

[This close, he can see the other shift around and try to ground himself by clasping their hands together. He's so expressive, even when trying to keep it subtle. The power of suggestion is a strong one, however, so he's not entirely surprised. He's been sending him written words and it has been enough for Pharos to get all worked up, the last session had him basically face-fuck him upside down. Kaveh is a very creative person, it's only natural for his imagination to be kickstarted so easily.

It makes him fun to tease.]

Let's imagine you're wearing a toy I can control. [He leans his temple against his propped hand, looking at Pharos thoughtfully. While he can't move his hand to and fro so easily, he can knead at the flesh regardless, soft and gentle for the time being. ] But I only set it to get you worked up, and not to get you to climax. Imagine that for several hours, maybe 2 or 3. Or 3 or 4. You're not allowed to work on or touch yourself, only I get you to make you come. [He gives Pharos' thigh a squeeze.] What do you think of that?

Oh. That sounds— I'd be so—

[ Any attempts that Kaveh is making to calm himself are summarily pulled apart and stomped over by Euler's explanation of frustration. His cheeks darken, and he shifts once more in his seat, even though he knows that doing so will jostle the hand squeezing against his thigh. The images of before are replaced by the distant feeling of pleasure, by the thought of him squirming and begging through text as Euler just smiles— ]

Yeah. I think I'd really like that.

[ And, turning his face into Euler's neck, he adds: ]

I'm imagining how it would be, trying to go about my day with you controlling my pleasure like that..

[With a chuckle, he tips Pharos' head to steal a sweet kiss from him, petting his thigh soothingly and teasingly. He's pleased that they're so compatible, that they seem to be aligned in so many ways like this. If only they had aligned before, their relationship was probably ending up differently.

But no matter, now. He gives him another kiss.] Finally, about names. Do I keep calling you 'baby'?

[ Kaveh hums, leaning into that kiss, a soft sigh of content on his lips. He feels like he could just keep kissing him, but instead Euler asks a question— a very fair one, at that. He tilts his head, not really backing up at all, hovering close as he considers it. ]

I don't mind "baby".. I like it. It makes me feel special. But was there something else you had in mind?

No. [He nuzzles his nose playfully, setting the pen in his hand on the table and skimming little circles with his fingertips on Kaveh's inner thigh. Enough discussion, his focus is entirely on the streamer beside him.] But I do like how you react to "baby". [A peck.] My baby.

[ Of all the things—

Kaveh's cheeks flare with fresh heat, and he ducks his head after the soft peck, doing everything he can to conceal his embarrassment without outright hiding his face. For Euler to go so far as to say that... ]

I. Um. Well, if you like my reaction, then.. I like being called that, so. It works out. Right?

It does. [He wants to laugh. While he expected Kaveh to be bashful about it, or a bit embarrassed, he was not expecting for him to react how he did. He tips his head towards him, pecks him again as he maneuvers him to sit on his lap.] So 'baby' if alright, but 'my baby' is too much?

[ Kaveh colors a little more darkly, and presses in closer as he's pulled into Euler's lap. To the question, though, he shakes his head. ]

It's new. I like it, it's just. Different.

[ But he does like it. It's a reminder, isn't it? No matter how much his mind ~~and heart~~ might have led him astray as of late, the nickname brings him back to the safety of this place, this person. When he's here, when he's with Euler, when it's just the two of them...

He rests his forehead against the other man's. ]

It's fitting, anyway. I am yours.

[For a moment, he allows himself to bask in the closeness, in the warmth of the man pressed and sat on him, the scent of him and his breath, the tender scrapes of his voice through his throat now that he's close. Alhaitham sighs, nuzzles a bit further, tilting his head and almost slotting their mouths together before a hand curls on the base of Pharos' neck, pulling him slightly apart.]

Show me. [He demands, though it's not without pressing a soft kiss to his lips to soothe the aggression. He doesn't want to lead or dominate by force.] But first, be good for me and get me my cigarettes, the pack is in my jacket pocket by the door?

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