sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[ He's lucky for Euler, he'll think later. In his sudden mortification and resulting anxiety, Kaveh isn't paying a lot of attention to what's going on, letting the other man move him around and talk to him as the staff do what little needs to be done to get the room perfectly set up for them. And only when the door is safely closed behind them does he look up to the other once more; the smile on his lips is soft, but still there as his viewer brushes the hair back from his face.

He nods, looking around the room briefly— and of course he chuckles at the sight of the sex toys, smiling as he looks back up at the other man once more. ]

This is more than okay. Privacy is a good idea.. apparently when it comes to you I... kinda forget myself.

[ Another laugh, but this time the embarrassment seems to be slowly disappearing, the smile on his lips becoming more genuine. ]

I wanna do whatever you wanna do, Euler. I... [ He falls silent as he tries to figure out how to say the words, rests his forehead against the other man's for a moment or two. His cheeks are pink, but he continues on: ] I'd give you everything right now if you wanted it so.. just say the word and I'm yours, okay?

[Celestia, have mercy on him.

Alhaitam breathes out a sigh, lung-rattling in how he needs to hold himself together. This isn't okay, Kaveh shouldn't be giving himself to him so easily, not when they don't truly know each other except for what they show on each other's screens, the undeniable attraction that pulls them together like the gravity of this planet, like something inexorable and intangible.

He tips his head, eyes closing behind his mask. His lips brush Kaveh's, Pharos', as he speaks.] The things I want to do with you… [he whispers, his hand skating back along Pharos' inner thigh to rub his fingers along the length of him, to squeeze and press it against the side of Kaveh's skin.] I want to make you feel good. I want to feel you come undone against me, after seeing you do it so many times without being able to touch you. Can I do that?

[He leans in, his spine curling to latch his mouth around his pierced nipple. He lets the nub warm with his breath, then rubs the flat of his tongue against it, suckles on it gently.] I've wanted to do this to you for so long.

[ If the argument were to come up, Kaveh would argue that it is okay. Sure, their meetings have been entirely online until now, and anonymous to boot, and yet he feels like Euler knows him better than anyone else he's ever met. The only thing Kaveh hasn't trusted him with is the truth of his identity, and that's only because—

well, it's stupid, but it's not like the world's that big, and with Euler being local enough to be able to meet here, the chance of them having some sort of acquaintance is high, and Kaveh needs to be able to keep his job.

So he allows the anonymity to hold, as much as he desperately wants to share that one last truth with the other man. But everything else—

Kaveh's eyes close, the blonde sounding a soft moan of pleasure as Euler's hand traces along him, breaths short against the other's mouth as his hips arch and press, seeking more of his affection. To the words, he nods, mute for a moment as he parses them, processes them. Gods. Archons. Yes, he absolutely wants all the things the other offers.

His lips part, and fall into a moan as the other's wicked mouth latches over his nipple and starts to lick against it. The only time he's ever felt a mouth against him like this is with Alhaitham—

(ugh, why is he coming to mind again?)

—and that wasn't like this, that was a series of kisses, not this sustained pleasure that has him moaning and writhing against the other man. He gasps wordlessly, fingers coiling into the other's hair as he tries again to find the space to say what he wants to say.

Another nod, his head tipping back in the next moment. ]

Yes. Please, I want.. mn. I wanna be with you for real this time. I want to make you feel good..

[So receptive, willing—eager. This is all that he had shown even when his mind was addled by drink, Kaveh begged him to take him, saying he's his for the night, asking him to make him see stars, to forget everything in his life.

To forget about the man that's holding and kissing him so deeply. Would he even ask for Alhaitham the same, he wonders.

His fingers open the fly of the sinfully tight leather, slip underneath to skate around his waist, following the band of his underwear, the fabric almost nonexistent to the touch, the lace leaving a brand on Kaveh's skin with how tight everything is.

Driving him crazy.

Alhaitham bites and tugs gently at Pharos' lower lip. He guides Pharos' hand to his crotch.] I wish you were mine. Do you know how much I want you?

[ Kaveh's eyes widen as fingers suddenly slip into the fly of his pants, sliding it open so his hand can press inside, touching across the lace of his thong. It only makes him return the kiss more eagerly, a soft whimper on his lips as his hand is guided to Euler's crotch, the flat of his palm meeting a straining hardness that he immediately starts to caress and stroke as he returns the kiss, tongue flicking out to taste the corners of the other's mouth.

It's embarrassing to admit, but all he's ever wanted is someone to love him. Someone to care for him genuinely and honestly, someone who sees through the bullshit in his life to the truth of him as a person— Euler does that.

~~so does Alhaitham~~

And so the other's words send a pleasant shudder down the back of his spine, Kaveh breaking the kiss with a tremble in his lips, a shake in his touch. ]

You don't have to just want me.. I'm already yours, Mister E.

[Hips rolling tightly into Kaveh's touch, Alhaitham groans and kisses him again, and again, like the tide or a wave, to and fro along the rhythm of his body. He likes it when Pharos is so vocal, when he returns so willingly. He's glad he can offer a comfortable place or entity that embraces whatever Kaveh wishes to do.

He presses a thumb into Pharos' lips, eyes dark, heavy-lidded. Affectionate. He kisses his cheek before nuzzling along his temple.] Can you show it to me?

[ The other's groan makes him shudder, makes him redouble his efforts in caressing and touching him; one-handed, with the other buried in Euler's hair, he fiddles with the other's fly so he can slip his fingers under the waistband, rolling over the fabric of his underwear and feeling how hard he is underneath it.

Instinct guides his lips to part around the thumb that presses into them, taking the tip of it into his mouth, tongue sliding along it the same way it would one of his toys, his eyes wide and fixed on the other's face as he nods. ]

Mm.

[ Another slow lick, fingers squeezing lightly around him, palm rubbing over the the head of his cock through his underwear. ]

How do you want me?

[Fuck.

Alhaitham presses his mouth to Kaveh's, drinking him in, guiding so he can suckle on his tongue, that wicked, beautiful tongue that forms beautiful words and straightforward want. If he wasn't hiding his identity he would have gasped Kaveh's name, but it hits against the back of his teeth, stopping himself from saying it.]

Be good for me? [He says tenderly, pressing soft kisses.] Get on your knees?

Mmn...

[ He murmurs contentedly into their kiss, his hand continuing to work over the other's arousal, enjoying how hard he is from little more than kissing— not that he's much better— and smiling when he tells him what he wants.

Oh, he'll be good for him. He'll be the best— ]

I've been wanting to do this for so long.

[ It's a shy whisper against his mouth before they part, Kaveh sinking to his knees on the floor, both hands immediately lifting to work Euler's pants and underwear over his hips and down to his ankles. One hand moves back to start stroking over his arousal, the blonde admiring its heft and the red flush along its length, the other steadying Kaveh as he leans forward to take the lip into his mouth, tongue swirling and teasing around the head. ]

[Never in a million years would Alhaitham think that Kaveh would be this forward when not intoxicated, that his willingness—his need—would still be present when he was in a less desperate, less heady state of mind.

Which is odd, considering that in essence, Pharos is a sex worker, someone who should and would be comfortable with this kind of thing, even if his eagerness seems to come from something a little more genuine.

Alhaitham wishes to believe, but all he can let out is a light yelp, an 'Ah...' as he breathes out, and sinks his fingers into Pharos' hair. He nudges his cock a bit further into his lips, unable to stop himself from wanting to feel that heat around him.] You're so fucking beautiful…

[ Usually, he wouldn't be anywhere near this forward, especially on a first meeting. There's a drink and a half thrumming in his veins, but nowhere near enough to inspire this sort of bravery— really, the only thing doing that is the fact that they're both masked, their identities still somewhat preserved. Something about it makes the act somewhat easier, less embarrassing.

He may be a sex worker, but he's also a virgin, after all.

The soft yelp serves to inspire him though, lips parting as Euler's hips nudge him just that little bit further, a pleased flush heating his cheeks in response to the curl of fingers in his hair and the praise offered to him. The heft of the other man's arousal is different to the toys he's used, and he's girthier too, but Kaveh wants to do the best he can, wants to put on a show Euler will never forget.

So he starts slow, suckling around the head, tongue and lips exploring him, swiping over the head and dipping into the slit. His hand works over the lower end of his shaft, stroking and touching, making sure no part of him feels like it's going without. And only once he's used to that does he dip his head lower, taking the other into his mouth bit by bit, tasting and pleasuring, his mouth making sounds more and more obscene for the more of him he takes in. ]

[Alhaitham is easily losing it.

And he's not even embarrassed by it, though many probably would. Just a few touches, some ministrations from that taunting, teasing tongue, the softness of Kaveh's lips, the way he sounds and thrums around his length, so eager to please, it all makes it so much better than any other moment where, a long time ago, Alhaitham had been bored to no end.

Kaveh may be a virgin, and while Alhaitham isn't, he's really thought that his libido would be something to consider as a non-essential in his life. Something pleasant, to take the edge off, to indulge in, but hardly anything thrilling, anything beautiful and arresting like this man on his knees.

He bends forward, cradling Kaveh's head so he can press his mouth to the crown of it.] So good for me… [he babbles as he's pleasured, having whispered from the obscene to the affectionate until now.] I'm close, Pharos— I'm…

[He doesn't climax yet, holding back with a full-bodied shiver. He doesn't want to do it to disrespect Kaveh, or any preferences.] How do you…?

[ Once he starts to take him in deeper, Kaveh loses himself quickly in the space between Euler's legs. The world outside his favorite viewer's arousal disappears into a pleasant hum of nothingness; all he can think about is the taste, the scent of sweat in the air, the low-voiced sounds and words the other commits to the air for each movement he makes. Everything else is lost to the fog of pleasure.

The warning cuts through the haze, though, and Kaveh's eyes flick languidly open, lens-altered sapphires peering up at the other man, ministrations briefly pausing as his clouded brain picks the words apart to make sense of them.

And— oh. He's asking permission, isn't he.

A slow smile forms on the lips wrapped around Euler's cock, and with a hum, Kaveh shifts, taking him right down to the base, eyes fixed on his face as well as they can be when his nose is pressed right up against his pubis. His throat contracts, spasms, the noise obscene, but he holds himself together, drags his tongue along the other's length, makes a few small movements against him as if encouraging him to fuck his throat, even if he won't last long enough to do it. ]

[Kaveh is going to kill him.

Softly, he arches, throws his head back in pleasure, taken by how deep his cock is, how he can feel the tip of it touch the back of Kaveh’s throat. The sound that rolls out of his own is close to a whimper, and he wonders suddenly who is the one that’s submissive to the other.

Alhaitham’s hips move on their own, rolling into that sweet, beautiful mouth, and he can’t stop but stare, but cradle Kaveh’s face so tenderly even if he fucks it so deep.

He guides one of Kaveh’s hands to his thigh. Whispers something to him to tap out if it’s too much, to get ready.

And then he rolls back and props his weight on a wrist behind himself and thrusts into it. Kaveh requested it: he must know what he’s doing. So he indulges him, and himself—

— and it’s so much, that he breaks earlier than he thought he would, barely having the time to grit out a warning, coming right into his mouth.]

[ Gods, it's so much better than when he fucks his own mouth with a toy.

It's harder, too.

Kaveh groans as Euler starts to fuck into him, eyes fluttering closed despite himself as he struggles to keep his composure and to relax his throat. He's not used to not having control for this part of it, and on the first thrust his throat tenses and he gags. But he keeps at it, fingers pressing into the other's thigh but not tapping, leaning into him and relaxing himself as well as he can, allowing the other to fuck him the way he wanted—

and then suddenly his mouth is flooded, a sound of surprise finding Kaveh's lips as he feels the pulse of Euler's cock right before it happens, and he's new enough to it that a dribble or two slips free, running from the sides of his mouth as he leans back and slips his mouth off him, lips parted and tongue out enough that Euler can see the milky white of his own cum spread over his lips and tongue.

Then, eyes still on the other's face, he closes his mouth and swallows, tongue tracing his own lips to clean up the mess he's made. ]

[Alhaitham tugs him close, opens his mouth with his own so he can drink what's left of himself within him.

He's— floored is one way to say it but he's not entirely sure it is what he's supposed to be. There's something beyond that, that just thinks of Kaveh, of the man who took him and swallowed him, and licks his lips to chase after more.

He's never felt more wanted and that's so terrifying.

Slowly, he tugs him to his lap again, looking at Pharos' face, stroking the sweat, the tears, stroking his hair in place. He presses soft kisses.] You did so well. You're so good to me.

[He kisses him again, and it's tender, slow. Nothing of this can be considered reasonable yet Alhaitham has gone beyond it.] Are you okay?

[ Oh.

Kaveh's not sure what he's expecting by way of a reaction, but it's certainly not what follows, with Euler tugging him close to kiss him, to lick and suck from his lips the remnants of his own orgasm. It's insanely hot, the blonde flushing a hot red as he returns the kiss, panting softly into his mouth as he's lifted back into the other's lap, as he strokes away the sweat and the tears beading at the corners of his eyes where he didn't even notice them, praising him in that low voice the entire time.

Gods, he's falling too hard and too fast and he doesn't know what he's going to do with himself—

To the question, he hums, and nods, nuzzling his nose against Euler's cheek before he pulls back a little, that dreamy look still on his face, but softened somewhat, Kaveh having come back to reality thanks to the man's gentle care. ]

I'm okay. That was.. mm, it was wonderful. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Mister E, I've wanted to do that for a long time...

[Gentle, he presses his lips to the elegant bridge of Pharos' nose, tucking him close and dear to him, into his arms. If only he could actually do this without the front of their usernames, the remove of the screens that still follow them into this room. It's for the best, and Alhaitham nods back.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you. He whispers into the cheek that he kisses right after. Alhaitham nuzzles his ear, gently humming. Pharos seems to enjoy his voice, even if he's making it so he doesn't follow his usual cadence.] Do you want to remove your clothes, get on the bed for me? I want to make you feel good, too.

[ Kaveh's cheeks warm more in response to the sensation of Euler whispering thank yous against his skin; his laugh is warm and sweet as he shakes his head. He doesn't need words of thanks, doesn't require anything like that from the other when he was only doing what he so desperately wanted to do... but he enjoys the sound of the words on the other's mouth anyway, loves hearing what the other has to say. He smiles, and hums, and presses in closer, fond and sweet even with his own arousal thrumming heavily between his legs.

When the other asks him to get on the bed, though, he nods immediately.

He's eager, but still nervous enough that his hands tremble slightly as he strips himself out of his clothes, removing first the jacket with all its necklaces, then the pants that hug the skin of his thighs, and then finally the lacy thong providing only the smallest bit of modesty. The fabrics puddle on the floor, and he moves to the bed, sitting on the edge with his lip bitten and his legs spread, erection straining eagerly against his abdomen. ]

Like this?

[As he peels off his clothes, Alhaitham can't help but watch. As Euler, he's used to watching Pharos in all types of skimpy clothing and underwear, lace and leather and colorful things to adorn his body, hide an imperfection that Kaveh probably sees in himself or two.

Still, in that one private stream he had bared himself except for that necklace he had given him, and now he's doing the same.

Alhaitham crowds over him immediately, kissing up his abdomen, not yet touching Kaveh's cock—he'll save the best for last—nipping at the slope of his ribcage, pressing his tongue around his nipples, up and up and up until he wraps his lips around that gifted necklace and tugs at it with his teeth.]

You're so perfect. [His hands follow the path of his mouth, pinching at his nipples, flicking them, stroking up and down his sides.] You make me feel so lucky.

[He finally wraps his fingers around his length, but only enough to lather them in Pharos' precum, and then slip them down over his balls, his perineum, further down.] How do you like it? From the back? The side? The front?

[ Kaveh's hands are braced back against the bed, and yet they wobble and nearly send him into a sprawl when Euler crowds over him, pressing kisses against his skin, nipping and licking and touching. It's so much, especially for someone who's had an experience like this all of once— when he was drunk, on top of that— especially when it's someone whom he's falling for more and more by the day.

When Euler's hands start to follow the path of his mouth, Kaveh lifts an arm to curl fingers through his hair, stroking along the scalp even as he moans softly, head tossed back and lip bitten. He wants to touch too, wants Euler to feel as good as he does, but it's hard to keep his focus like this, with the other distracting him with everything he does.

His hips arch into the touch between his legs, a whine on his lips to find it so brief, although as the other's fingers slide over his balls and perineum, the whine fades into a soft moan, because Kaveh knows what's next, wants it so badly—

Instead, Euler asks him a question, and he blinks. How does he...

(Wait, from the side? Is that even a thing?)

Gods, he doesn't know.

But the last thing he wants is to admit the truth of his virginity when they're like this, and so he just smiles, the expression somewhat strained as he shakes his head. ]

I.. I'll like whatever you do, Euler.

[Alhaitham tilts his head.

One thing would be to be so frozen by choice and excitement that Pharos would defer to him. But another seemed uncertainty, one enough to make Pharos forget that his fingers are so close to the rim that they skip it, instead squeezing at a buttock to make him yelp in the same way he had done to him.

Instead, he smiles, presses a kiss to Pharos' cheek, and then pulls back so he can remove his own shirt to get them both into an equal ground of nudity. Alhaitham's turtleneck is an issue, as he almost had his mask off as he pulled his sweater, but somehow he managed to keep it without much of an issue.]

That will not do. Do you know why? [And then, he falls to his knees, settles between his legs, and tugs Pharos' closer, by the necklace this time, one finger hooked on the (gold) chain, and Alhaitham can place kisses on his chest, on his nipple, on his collarbone, hiking himself further up to press their noses together, to breathe the same air.] Because you're making me feel special. I want to do what you enjoy, Pharos. I know I can't give you something exclusive but, [a small peck on his lips] allow me the chance to do something special for you.

[ Kaveh whines when the other's fingers slip past his rim to squeeze at him instead— a delightful sensation, but not exactly the one he wanted— and then watches as he pulls back to remove his shirt. For a moment, the expression on his face is a pout, but as Euler strips, his jaw drops slightly at the lines of defined, powerful musculature, and suddenly Kaveh is thinking not just of something sweet and gentle and loving the way he's wanted it with him, but also how easily Euler could toss him around, pin him down and fuck him until he can't think.

His mouth is dry, and he has to shake himself out of the thoughts when the other speaks, and—

Ngh.

Even as he's tugged in closer (and gods that's so sexy how he does that with the necklace ~~just like Alhaitham did~~), even as Euler continues to explore his skin, he speaks, and...

Damnit. Damnit. He can't lie about it, not when the other is being so sweet to him, trusting him in a situation like this, and...

He licks his lips. ]

I— I don't know what I enjoy. [ His voice trembles on his lips. ] Whenever I've done anything with anyone else, it's been... I've been drunk, or it's been someone who's only cared about getting off, or— [ A deep breath. ] And besides that, it.. I haven't actually..

[ His gaze drops as the last of the words rush out from between his lips. ]

Apart from the toys, I haven't actually had sex.

[Alhaitham kisses him.

His mind reels. Suddenly, nothing made sense.

And yet, instinctively, he puts everything together.

Suddenly, everything made sense.

Kaveh is technically a virgin. That would explain the tense relationship he has with Alhaitham's feelings, how he removed himself from the situation the moment that he assumed that Alhaitham had a crush like he was something about to combust. Alhaitham had thought the reaction had been down to disgust (and perhaps some guilt), but now, things make so much more sense.

How long has it been for Kaveh since he ever trusted anyone? What happened to him for him to not allow himself to trust in the first place?

Does Alhaitham even deserve to know? He doesn't want to think about that. He doesn't ask. He merely cradles his hands on Kaveh's face and kisses him, soft, heady. Slow, but growing in intensity.

Because while some part of his rejection (of course, the fact that Kaveh just doesn't like him isn't cast aside) is explained, there's an undeniable, fluttering warmth blooming and thrumming through Alhaitham's ribcage.

Then… he's been using sex as a way to express himself, to win money that his day job doesn't allow, of course, but also as a means to self-express, and he's doing it under his terms, even if under the scrutiny of everyone who finds him.

That's such a genius idea, an amazing, well-thought-of plan, and yet so, so beautifully brave.

And yet, as he delivers himself to a man he's met online, as someone who threw himself to a coworker he just met and hated and told him he's theirs.]

You're so incredibly foolish. [He whispers, pressing soft kisses all over his face, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.] Why give yourself to me so freely if that's the case?

[He doesn't allow Pharos the opportunity to answer, still leaning in for another kiss.] Let me help you find out what you like, then? It'd be my honor to learn together with you.

[ Foolish, Euler calls him, and Kaveh's lips part in retort— he's not foolish, he wants this, he wants him— but he's all too quickly kissed into silence, and he sighs softly and leans into it, wraps his arms around him in reply, head tilting into those tender, myriad kisses.

It's a promise Kaveh made to himself a long time ago, that he would give himself only to someone he knew he wanted to be with longer term, someone for whom he had genuine feelings. And he nearly screwed that with Alhaitham, with his frustration and his need to be loved and cared for, but he didn't in the end. Now, he's here with his Mister E, his Euler, and this is what he wants, who he wants.

He's falling, and he knows it. And he'll explain himself, he will, but— but right now, Euler—

Kaveh nods, runs shy fingers through the other man's hair. ]

I'd like that. [ His voice is a whisper. ] I trust you, Euler.. I know you'll make it good for me, and I can figure it out in the meantime. That's why I said I don't mind anything.

[ That, of course, and the fact it's Euler. ]

I just wanna be with you.

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