sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

Alhaitham carefully sets his own drink down, noting the slight shift in Kaveh’s demeanor as the topic of smoking comes up. He curses inwardly, recognizing the slip for what it is—a commonality with his own person as Alhaitham, something he hadn’t intended to reveal under the guise of Euler. The casual observation, innocuous as it might seem, sends a ripple of concern through him about how much of his true self is seeping through the character he’s crafted.

Yes, I do, [he responds, keeping his tone neutral, an attempt to mask the sudden spike in his anxiety.]

Is that a problem? [His question is genuine, a soft invitation for Kaveh to express any discomfort, which Alhaitham is prepared to address. He watches Kaveh’s expression closely, gauging his reaction, ready to navigate this delicate moment.

Each detail feels magnified, each shared piece of information a potential clue to his true identity. Alhaitham is constantly balancing on the fine line between revealing enough to maintain the authenticity of their growing connection and concealing enough to protect both their professional boundaries and his personal secret.

As Kaveh swirls his drink, Alhaitham takes the moment to steady his nerves, reminding himself to be more cautious and better separate Euler's traits from those of Alhaitham. Despite this internal reminder, he can’t help but feel a certain relief in sharing aspects of himself, even if under the guise of another.]

[ Maybe it will come as a surprise, but Kaveh doesn't immediately liken the habit to Alhaitham's. There are a lot of people in this world who smoke, after all; Alhaitham is one of them, and it seems Euler is too. And where his reaction to his coworker was irritation and annoyance, in the case of the man next to him right now... Well, surely he's smart enough to know what he's doing, right?

(Of course, the same is also true of the other smoker in his life, but... so what if he plays favorites a little?)

It also helps that whatever cigarette brand it is that he smokes, the aftertaste isn't horrendous in his mouth. It's ashy and smoky and kind of sexy. So after a moment, Kaveh shakes his head, offers him a new smile. ]

No, it's not a problem. I know how clever you are. You probably thought through all the risks and everything already...

[ Besides, it's not as if he doesn't have his own vices. His love for alcohol borders on problematic, and...

He shakes the thought off and sips at his rum before he reaches across with his free hand, linking his fingers with Euler's. ]

Anyway, it tasted kinda sexy on your mouth.

[Alhaitham feels a subtle wave of relief wash over him as Kaveh dismisses the concern about smoking with a lightness that speaks to a deeper understanding, or perhaps a selective acceptance, Alhaitham muses with an internal chuckle. The tension that had briefly knotted in his chest loosens with Kaveh's smile and the unexpected compliment that it tasted "kinda sexy" on him.

The touch of their linked fingers feels like a small victory, a tangible connection that grounds him back to the moment, to the reality of Kaveh's acceptance and presence. Alhaitham allows himself a moment to enjoy the simple pleasure of that contact, the warmth of Kaveh's hand in his, reassuring in its solidity.]

You give me too much credit, [Alhaitham replies with a soft smile, his voice low and tinged with amusement.] But I appreciate your faith in my judgment.

[Fingers curling underneath Pharos' fingers, he brings them up to his lips. Kisses the back of them, then his wrist, then his palm. He then guides Kaveh's hand to cup his own cheek, leaning into it. All as though he's doing some sort of business, as though it's the most natural thing in the world to be this affectionate.] You make it taste better.

[ It is definitely, despite Kaveh's best efforts, selective acceptance. When it comes down to it, so much of what Alhaitham does is offensive to him simply because he's Alhaitham, because he's a ~~frighteningly attractive~~ man who approached him on first meeting from the standpoint that no one else knows better than he, and worse, because he researched and figured Kaveh out right from the start in a way that makes him feel ~~seen~~ uncomfortable.

~~(And then apparently gained a crush on him, enough that he didn't protest when Kaveh threw himself into his arms, drunk and needy and wanting—)~~

He's so unlike Euler, Kaveh's Mister E, who sees Kaveh through kind, unjudgmental eyes, treats him like a human where others see a whore, who hears his problems and responds with advice rather than simply telling him everything he's doing wrong. Euler, who listens between his words rather than simply to them, finds the deeper meaning and supports him with patience and kindness.

Euler, who is in front of him right now with smiling emerald eyes and sweet words, lips that press soft kisses to his skin as he lifts Kaveh's hand to cup his own cheek. You make it taste better, he says, and Kaveh bites his lip because his heart is doing something funny again— ]

You—

[ It's remarkably forward, even for a streamer, and especially for how shy and awkward Kaveh can be in person without the bolster of alcohol, but he moves to sit atop him again, this time facing him and with his legs straddled either side of his hips, a pleasant flush of heat on his face as closes the distance between their mouths once more. ]

[The lights of the club flicker, but they're eclipsed by the surprise that flits through Alhaitham. In a decisive movement, he's straddled, cradled and pulled, and Alhaitham can do nothing but the instinctive wrap of his arms around the Streamer on his lap, grind into the assertive press of his body and exhale through his nose something blissful. This is temptation, bold and claiming and there's nothing but to arrest himself into it, rake his teeth over his lips until they tingle from the hurt.

The heat from Kaveh’s body melds into Alhaitham’s, his proximity intoxicating, addictive more than any nicotine. His breath burns into Alhaitham's mouth hotter than any smoke. One of Alhaitham’s hands rises, cradling Kaveh’s face gently, an instinctive response to the overwhelming desire to maintain contact, to reassure and be reassured that this isn't just a fleeting fantasy. Alhaitham’s pulse quickens, thudding heavily in his ears, each beat syncing with the throb of the club’s bass, the groan he releases mimicking the moans muffled from other rooms.

Thrilling and daunting in equal measure, Kaveh feels like a wild thing, and he sinks his fingers into his hair and pulls him away. Gently, just enough to arch his neck into the shape of his mouth, to narrow the world down to the space they occupy. The free hand on Kaveh's waist squeezes the round of his behind, rolling their bodies together into friction.]

You think of us like this? [He breathes, raking his teeth under the skin under his jaw.] Tell me what you'd like.

[ Each sound Euler makes is answered in kind by Kaveh. His hips willingly roll and press, and he hisses at the hand that squeezes at his ass, so quickly overwhelmed by the sensation of that mirrored against the gentle hand cupping his face. That other's exhale, the groan he makes before he starts to breathe those words against his jaw, they're enough to remind him that the other wants this just as much as he does, aches for it with the same need that Kaveh holds, and suddenly it feels like it's just the two of them alone in this space, no one else around them to ruin the mood they're starting to build.

To Euler's question, he nods. Honestly, "think" might be an understatement— ]

All the time.

[ It's embarrassingly true, but Kaveh says it without too much shame— he's trying something new tonight after all, trying for honesty where anxiety usually wins over. He wants to impress, after all, wants Euler to see him, want him in all the same ways he wants the other, wants to captivate his attention and hold it all for himself.

And so in answer to the next— question? command?— Kaveh sways his hips a little lower still, grinding them firmly into Euler's crotch. He groans; his head tips forward, lips pressing against the other's ear once more so he can whisper into it. ]

Some of the things we've done— I wanna do them for real. Let me finally show you how good I am with my mouth, Euler. And— and then you can fuck me, if you want.

Get up.

[It's a mutter, one that still does not leave much room to argue against as Euler plucks the streamer from his lap and turns him around, only to pull him back onto his lap again.

Except this time, he wraps an arm around Pharos' waist, a wide hand stroking from his naked navel up to his chest, underneath all of those chains. By doing so, he pulls him close, so he leans back against him, so Alhaitham can peer over his shoulder, kiss Kaveh should he want to.

And the other hand busies itself by prying his legs apart, kneading a knee, then up and inwards along Kaveh's inseam. He digs his fingers into the firm muscle like a sculptor wanting to assess the give of clay, and he rolls his hips again to grind his erected cock into his ass.

Those trousers look good, but they don't give much leeway in the shape of touching Kaveh the way he wanted to. Still, he'll take whatever he can.]

Do you remember this stream? [He pinches a nipple as he nuzzles the delicate shell of his ear.] Do I feel the same like this?

[ For a single moment, Kaveh thinks he's fucked everything up. The deep of that voice, muttering over the music for him to get up, hands on his waist moving him— he starts to panic, but then he's turned and pulled, and the sound that leaves him instead is a soft, surprised yelp, a soft utterance of the other's nickname as he's pulled back flush against his chest.

And just like that, he's captive to Euler's hold, head tilting back against the other's shoulder as one hand slides up under the chains that decorate his chest, and the other pries his legs apart to start teasing fingers along his clothing like he's giving some sort of massage, drawing closer and closer without reaching for the prize.

It's the most delightful sort of torment, and it only gets better when, as Euler's hips roll up and grind into him, the hand under the chains pinches at his pierced nipple, a jolt of pleasure rushing through his nerve endings— Kaveh moans a little too loudly, presses back, hips rocking down in answer, and his head turns toward the other, as if seeking him out. ]

I remember— how could I not? I— mm, Euler you feel. It feels even better like this...

[Alhaitham groans and presses kisses on the side of Kaveh's neck, the grip on his thigh slipping into the crease where it meets his pelvis, strokes the inside of the fold, stretched tendons, stretched leather. Kaveh rocks into him and spills out beautiful praise, gorgeous sounds, and it sends his heart into overdrive, his tongue feels heavy and alone all at once. He has wanted this man so much, for so long, and even if he doesn't know his true name, he says it like he trusts. Like he trusts Alhaitahm enough to be this open, this vulnerable, in front of everyone.]

You're so— [He begins, hand cupping Kaveh's crotch to feel the length of him straining against the leather, only to be interrupted by a slight clear of a throat that was neither his nor Pharos'.

The staff had slipped under their attention, into their small, secluded nook, and told them that if they'd like to play further, there are rooms available that will surely fit their standards.

Alhaitham knows, while the person keeps it professional, this is still so very new for the both of them and somewhat mortifying.

So he nods, maneuvers one of Kaveh's legs to close and have him turn on his lap sideways as he fishes out a card from a back pocket.] I'll take your most private one.

[Of course. Right away, if they'll follow them.

Alhaitham presses a soft kiss to Kaveh's cheek. Tucks his head against the crook under his jaw.] Hold on to me.

[And gets up, Streamer in his arms and all, to follow the staff into the room he just hired.]

[ Not once does Kaveh pay any heed to how public they really are. They're not in their own room or anything, but the nook itself is secluded and dark enough that it gives the illusion of them being alone; besides, his attention is entirely on Euler himself and how readily he's taking Kaveh apart, how even now he's leading them in a way that Kaveh feels both safe and respected. He trusts him, he wants to give himself over to him, and—

He's halfway into a low moan right into Euler's skin when the clear of a throat makes him stop dead, heat rushing up his cheeks as he listens to what the staff is telling the other man.

Private rooms—

Archons. How embarrassing. He feels so stupid; he completely lost all sense of everything, his need was so great, and— ]

Okay.

[ His voice is muffled into Euler's neck, arms curling tight around his shoulders as he holds onto him like a lifeline; no doubt the other will feel the heat of his skin burning with his mortification. So great it is that he hasn't even considered the fact that his favorite viewer paid for a private room without a second thought— hasn't even considered what it means for them to be going into a space with just the two of them alone. ]

Sorry. [ He breathes it into the other's skin, not even sure he can hear above the music. ] I got carried away. I should've thought about where we were—

[As they walk through the venue, there are whiplash strikes, paddles on flesh, moans, yelps, 'more daddy''s, 'you've been a very bad boy''s, gasps and people whispering as they look at each other and the shows in open rooms. Alhaitham doesn't pay attention to them, more focused on the man in his arms, on what he's saying.]

Don't apologize. I also got carried away. You're very distracting, [he smiles subtly with what he hopes is reassurance, presses a kiss to Pharos' forehead. Thanks the staff as they explained how the lock works, and locked the door for them since Alhaitham's hands are full and once another waiter brought them their drinks, setting them on a table at the corner of the room.

Excellent service, at least.

He walks them over to the bed. The setup is spartan, and functional, despite the vinyl and leather and the vending machine with all sorts of things, from lubed condoms to sex toys. It's not exactly the sexiest scenario, but it's private, and clean, even if the bass of the club is still thrumming against the walls.

Euler sits them down, strokes away Kaveh's hair from his face.] Is this okay? I felt we could use a bit more privacy, but we don't have to do anything that will need us to use that. [He jerks his chin towards the vending machine.]

[ He's lucky for Euler, he'll think later. In his sudden mortification and resulting anxiety, Kaveh isn't paying a lot of attention to what's going on, letting the other man move him around and talk to him as the staff do what little needs to be done to get the room perfectly set up for them. And only when the door is safely closed behind them does he look up to the other once more; the smile on his lips is soft, but still there as his viewer brushes the hair back from his face.

He nods, looking around the room briefly— and of course he chuckles at the sight of the sex toys, smiling as he looks back up at the other man once more. ]

This is more than okay. Privacy is a good idea.. apparently when it comes to you I... kinda forget myself.

[ Another laugh, but this time the embarrassment seems to be slowly disappearing, the smile on his lips becoming more genuine. ]

I wanna do whatever you wanna do, Euler. I... [ He falls silent as he tries to figure out how to say the words, rests his forehead against the other man's for a moment or two. His cheeks are pink, but he continues on: ] I'd give you everything right now if you wanted it so.. just say the word and I'm yours, okay?

[Celestia, have mercy on him.

Alhaitam breathes out a sigh, lung-rattling in how he needs to hold himself together. This isn't okay, Kaveh shouldn't be giving himself to him so easily, not when they don't truly know each other except for what they show on each other's screens, the undeniable attraction that pulls them together like the gravity of this planet, like something inexorable and intangible.

He tips his head, eyes closing behind his mask. His lips brush Kaveh's, Pharos', as he speaks.] The things I want to do with you… [he whispers, his hand skating back along Pharos' inner thigh to rub his fingers along the length of him, to squeeze and press it against the side of Kaveh's skin.] I want to make you feel good. I want to feel you come undone against me, after seeing you do it so many times without being able to touch you. Can I do that?

[He leans in, his spine curling to latch his mouth around his pierced nipple. He lets the nub warm with his breath, then rubs the flat of his tongue against it, suckles on it gently.] I've wanted to do this to you for so long.

[ If the argument were to come up, Kaveh would argue that it is okay. Sure, their meetings have been entirely online until now, and anonymous to boot, and yet he feels like Euler knows him better than anyone else he's ever met. The only thing Kaveh hasn't trusted him with is the truth of his identity, and that's only because—

well, it's stupid, but it's not like the world's that big, and with Euler being local enough to be able to meet here, the chance of them having some sort of acquaintance is high, and Kaveh needs to be able to keep his job.

So he allows the anonymity to hold, as much as he desperately wants to share that one last truth with the other man. But everything else—

Kaveh's eyes close, the blonde sounding a soft moan of pleasure as Euler's hand traces along him, breaths short against the other's mouth as his hips arch and press, seeking more of his affection. To the words, he nods, mute for a moment as he parses them, processes them. Gods. Archons. Yes, he absolutely wants all the things the other offers.

His lips part, and fall into a moan as the other's wicked mouth latches over his nipple and starts to lick against it. The only time he's ever felt a mouth against him like this is with Alhaitham—

(ugh, why is he coming to mind again?)

—and that wasn't like this, that was a series of kisses, not this sustained pleasure that has him moaning and writhing against the other man. He gasps wordlessly, fingers coiling into the other's hair as he tries again to find the space to say what he wants to say.

Another nod, his head tipping back in the next moment. ]

Yes. Please, I want.. mn. I wanna be with you for real this time. I want to make you feel good..

[So receptive, willing—eager. This is all that he had shown even when his mind was addled by drink, Kaveh begged him to take him, saying he's his for the night, asking him to make him see stars, to forget everything in his life.

To forget about the man that's holding and kissing him so deeply. Would he even ask for Alhaitham the same, he wonders.

His fingers open the fly of the sinfully tight leather, slip underneath to skate around his waist, following the band of his underwear, the fabric almost nonexistent to the touch, the lace leaving a brand on Kaveh's skin with how tight everything is.

Driving him crazy.

Alhaitham bites and tugs gently at Pharos' lower lip. He guides Pharos' hand to his crotch.] I wish you were mine. Do you know how much I want you?

[ Kaveh's eyes widen as fingers suddenly slip into the fly of his pants, sliding it open so his hand can press inside, touching across the lace of his thong. It only makes him return the kiss more eagerly, a soft whimper on his lips as his hand is guided to Euler's crotch, the flat of his palm meeting a straining hardness that he immediately starts to caress and stroke as he returns the kiss, tongue flicking out to taste the corners of the other's mouth.

It's embarrassing to admit, but all he's ever wanted is someone to love him. Someone to care for him genuinely and honestly, someone who sees through the bullshit in his life to the truth of him as a person— Euler does that.

~~so does Alhaitham~~

And so the other's words send a pleasant shudder down the back of his spine, Kaveh breaking the kiss with a tremble in his lips, a shake in his touch. ]

You don't have to just want me.. I'm already yours, Mister E.

[Hips rolling tightly into Kaveh's touch, Alhaitham groans and kisses him again, and again, like the tide or a wave, to and fro along the rhythm of his body. He likes it when Pharos is so vocal, when he returns so willingly. He's glad he can offer a comfortable place or entity that embraces whatever Kaveh wishes to do.

He presses a thumb into Pharos' lips, eyes dark, heavy-lidded. Affectionate. He kisses his cheek before nuzzling along his temple.] Can you show it to me?

[ The other's groan makes him shudder, makes him redouble his efforts in caressing and touching him; one-handed, with the other buried in Euler's hair, he fiddles with the other's fly so he can slip his fingers under the waistband, rolling over the fabric of his underwear and feeling how hard he is underneath it.

Instinct guides his lips to part around the thumb that presses into them, taking the tip of it into his mouth, tongue sliding along it the same way it would one of his toys, his eyes wide and fixed on the other's face as he nods. ]

Mm.

[ Another slow lick, fingers squeezing lightly around him, palm rubbing over the the head of his cock through his underwear. ]

How do you want me?

[Fuck.

Alhaitham presses his mouth to Kaveh's, drinking him in, guiding so he can suckle on his tongue, that wicked, beautiful tongue that forms beautiful words and straightforward want. If he wasn't hiding his identity he would have gasped Kaveh's name, but it hits against the back of his teeth, stopping himself from saying it.]

Be good for me? [He says tenderly, pressing soft kisses.] Get on your knees?

Mmn...

[ He murmurs contentedly into their kiss, his hand continuing to work over the other's arousal, enjoying how hard he is from little more than kissing— not that he's much better— and smiling when he tells him what he wants.

Oh, he'll be good for him. He'll be the best— ]

I've been wanting to do this for so long.

[ It's a shy whisper against his mouth before they part, Kaveh sinking to his knees on the floor, both hands immediately lifting to work Euler's pants and underwear over his hips and down to his ankles. One hand moves back to start stroking over his arousal, the blonde admiring its heft and the red flush along its length, the other steadying Kaveh as he leans forward to take the lip into his mouth, tongue swirling and teasing around the head. ]

[Never in a million years would Alhaitham think that Kaveh would be this forward when not intoxicated, that his willingness—his need—would still be present when he was in a less desperate, less heady state of mind.

Which is odd, considering that in essence, Pharos is a sex worker, someone who should and would be comfortable with this kind of thing, even if his eagerness seems to come from something a little more genuine.

Alhaitham wishes to believe, but all he can let out is a light yelp, an 'Ah...' as he breathes out, and sinks his fingers into Pharos' hair. He nudges his cock a bit further into his lips, unable to stop himself from wanting to feel that heat around him.] You're so fucking beautiful…

[ Usually, he wouldn't be anywhere near this forward, especially on a first meeting. There's a drink and a half thrumming in his veins, but nowhere near enough to inspire this sort of bravery— really, the only thing doing that is the fact that they're both masked, their identities still somewhat preserved. Something about it makes the act somewhat easier, less embarrassing.

He may be a sex worker, but he's also a virgin, after all.

The soft yelp serves to inspire him though, lips parting as Euler's hips nudge him just that little bit further, a pleased flush heating his cheeks in response to the curl of fingers in his hair and the praise offered to him. The heft of the other man's arousal is different to the toys he's used, and he's girthier too, but Kaveh wants to do the best he can, wants to put on a show Euler will never forget.

So he starts slow, suckling around the head, tongue and lips exploring him, swiping over the head and dipping into the slit. His hand works over the lower end of his shaft, stroking and touching, making sure no part of him feels like it's going without. And only once he's used to that does he dip his head lower, taking the other into his mouth bit by bit, tasting and pleasuring, his mouth making sounds more and more obscene for the more of him he takes in. ]

[Alhaitham is easily losing it.

And he's not even embarrassed by it, though many probably would. Just a few touches, some ministrations from that taunting, teasing tongue, the softness of Kaveh's lips, the way he sounds and thrums around his length, so eager to please, it all makes it so much better than any other moment where, a long time ago, Alhaitham had been bored to no end.

Kaveh may be a virgin, and while Alhaitham isn't, he's really thought that his libido would be something to consider as a non-essential in his life. Something pleasant, to take the edge off, to indulge in, but hardly anything thrilling, anything beautiful and arresting like this man on his knees.

He bends forward, cradling Kaveh's head so he can press his mouth to the crown of it.] So good for me… [he babbles as he's pleasured, having whispered from the obscene to the affectionate until now.] I'm close, Pharos— I'm…

[He doesn't climax yet, holding back with a full-bodied shiver. He doesn't want to do it to disrespect Kaveh, or any preferences.] How do you…?

[ Once he starts to take him in deeper, Kaveh loses himself quickly in the space between Euler's legs. The world outside his favorite viewer's arousal disappears into a pleasant hum of nothingness; all he can think about is the taste, the scent of sweat in the air, the low-voiced sounds and words the other commits to the air for each movement he makes. Everything else is lost to the fog of pleasure.

The warning cuts through the haze, though, and Kaveh's eyes flick languidly open, lens-altered sapphires peering up at the other man, ministrations briefly pausing as his clouded brain picks the words apart to make sense of them.

And— oh. He's asking permission, isn't he.

A slow smile forms on the lips wrapped around Euler's cock, and with a hum, Kaveh shifts, taking him right down to the base, eyes fixed on his face as well as they can be when his nose is pressed right up against his pubis. His throat contracts, spasms, the noise obscene, but he holds himself together, drags his tongue along the other's length, makes a few small movements against him as if encouraging him to fuck his throat, even if he won't last long enough to do it. ]

[Kaveh is going to kill him.

Softly, he arches, throws his head back in pleasure, taken by how deep his cock is, how he can feel the tip of it touch the back of Kaveh’s throat. The sound that rolls out of his own is close to a whimper, and he wonders suddenly who is the one that’s submissive to the other.

Alhaitham’s hips move on their own, rolling into that sweet, beautiful mouth, and he can’t stop but stare, but cradle Kaveh’s face so tenderly even if he fucks it so deep.

He guides one of Kaveh’s hands to his thigh. Whispers something to him to tap out if it’s too much, to get ready.

And then he rolls back and props his weight on a wrist behind himself and thrusts into it. Kaveh requested it: he must know what he’s doing. So he indulges him, and himself—

— and it’s so much, that he breaks earlier than he thought he would, barely having the time to grit out a warning, coming right into his mouth.]

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