sempiternals | Hang up all my fragile thoughts

[Listening intently as Kaveh explains his circumstances, Alhaitham acknowledges the gravity of Kaveh’s situation with a nod, recognizing the practical implications without delving deeply into emotional reassurances. It wouldn't do them both any good if he did.]

I see. It sounds like this could be a timely solution for both of us then.

[Focusing on the logistics of the living situation, he knows that Kaveh will appreciate it if he kept this interaction relatively objective. This is a stark difference from the warmth of their embrace, the giggles that Kaveh let out whenever he taunted and flirted.] Your help around the house will certainly be factored into our arrangement.

[He pulls out his phone, suggesting they look at their calendars to find a suitable time for Kaveh to view the house.] Are you free any time this week? [His tone remains even, focused on setting up a practical arrangement that ensures Kaveh understands the terms clearly.] We can go over the specifics when you visit. That way, you'll have all the information you need to make an informed decision.

[ When Alhaitham pulls out his phone, so too does Kaveh. He takes a moment to ensure that the toggle for Pharos's activities is set to off in his calendar, definitely not wanting the other to see the evenings earmarked for streaming, the other evenings that he's fondly labeled on his calendar as "date nights". Only then does he turn his screen so that Alhaitham can see, explaining verbally that those evenings are also a no-go for him this week too. ]

I haven't written them on my calendar, but I'm. Tutoring. Online.

[ It's a bad lie— not the lie itself, but the way his voice staggers and jumps over it. He very nearly cringes with the embarrassment, but manages to hold himself back, offering Alhaitham a small smile instead. ]

Do any of the other nights work for you? I'm partial to your idea. It gives me time to think it over, too.

[Alhaitham nods, his expression remaining composed as he glances at Kaveh's calendar. He notes that there are no evenings marked off for what Kaveh hastily explains as tutoring sessions. Well, at least he's been upfront of how busy he really is. Alhaitham doesn't press further, respecting the boundaries implicitly set by Kaveh's vague explanation, even as he registers the slight awkwardness in his delivery.

But he does make a comment on how full his calendar is.] You really need to get some time to rest when you can.

[Changing the subject immediately:] Of course, I understand that maintaining your current commitments is important, [Alhaitham responds smoothly, his tone supportive but detached, aiming to put Kaveh at ease without encroaching too much into his personal affairs.] How about Thursday evening?

[He keeps his eyes on the calendar, strategically focusing the conversation on logistics, a domain where he feels both are more comfortable. This approach also helps maintain a professional veneer, reducing the potential for emotional complexity in their interactions.]

[ Kaveh's cheeks color, and he very nearly snaps back, tells the other man that it's none of his business just how busy Kaveh keeps himself— but he holds back at the last moment, bites his tongue and simply nods. It wouldn't be wise to lose his temper at the man whose house in which he has just been offered a trial rental period.

Besides, the truth of the matter is that Alhaitham is right.

Kaveh tries to remind himself of what Euler said. His coworker is just bad with words. That's all. And the thought of Euler makes him wonder... is it really okay to move in with a guy who has a crush on him? At least he has until Thursday to make that decision, perhaps even to talk to the other man about it before he goes to see Alhaitham's place.

So he nods. ]

Thursday evening sounds good. I'll write it in so I don't forget.

[ The days pass quickly. Kaveh, as Pharos, talks to Euler and shares his concerns... and Euler, as always, is understanding and kind. He tells him that it doesn't matter to him— as long as Kaveh is comfortable with it. Kaveh, for his part, is effusive, promises that there's nothing going on, that he's still that same co-worker, but that it's a deal that he can't really afford to refuse.

He believes it too. He thinks.

And then suddenly, it's Thursday. He finishes work on time and heads to the store on the way to Alhaitham's, having been sure to get the address from the other. When he knocks, it's with a bottle of red wine in hand; and when the door is opened to him, he offers a small, awkward smile. ]

I hope you don't mind; I brought some wine. It's to... say thanks, I guess. For even giving me the time of day with this.

[Alhaitham opens the door to find Kaveh standing there, a bottle of red wine in hand, offering a gesture of thanks that Alhaitham hadn't expected but appreciates. The wine brings a momentary distraction from the recollections of their last intense personal encounter in this very apartment. He takes the bottle with a polite nod and manages a small smile.]

Oh. Thank you. That's thoughtful of you. Shall we open it? It’s always better to have drinking company, [he suggests, leading Kaveh into the kitchen to find a corkscrew and two glasses.

As he opens the bottle, and pours them both a nice but non-indulging amount, Alhaitham continues, waving and guiding Kaveh down the corridor and point out the layout of the apartment.]

This is a three bedroom. One of which is mine, of course, and one of the other two has an ensuite bathroom, which should give you plenty of privacy. [He gestures towards the doors as they pass.] There’s also a social bathroom and another room which I currently use as an extra guest room and storage, but it can be adapted if necessary if you need any office space, considering the models you need to work with.

[Entering the kitchen, Alhaitham highlights the modern appliances and ample workspace.] I enjoy cooking when time allows, so it’s well-equipped.

[Next, he shows Kaveh the laundry area, explaining,] There's a washer and dryer here, and I generally do laundry once a week, but in case you want to go forward with this we can coordinate on that to make sure we’re not in each other’s way.

[As they conclude the tour, Alhaitham turns to Kaveh, leaning against the back of the couch as he sips on the wine.] Do you have any questions about the place, or the arrangement? For chores, I’d expect help with general cleaning, taking care of the garbage and recycling, and maybe some help with meal prep if you’re comfortable with that. I'm quite flexible depending on what works for both of us.

[ Kaveh smiles slightly, offers Alhaitham a shake of his head when the other man thanks him for the thought of the wine. Really, he thinks, it's what he had to do if he were to feel even remotely comfortable with the idea of being here in this space. Even now, it's not enough, but at least he feels somewhat okay about it— really all he can do is nod and accept the other's offer, taking up the glass and having a sip (steeling his nerves) before following him on the tour.

There are several moments that follow where Kaveh has to force his jaw not to drop. A three bedroom place, multiple bathrooms... even if the rent he's being asked to pay is half of what the place is worth, it surely can't be enough. It's a feeling that only increases as they continue, and Alhaitham shows him the modern kitchen and the laundry. The other professor's offer is a dream, but...

With the tour over, he takes a breath, another sip of the wine. Does he have any questions?

He has so many. Not about the place itself or even most of the planned arrangement, but... ]

Are you.. are you sure you're not lowballing yourself? [ It's far from being in Kaveh's best interests to ask, but he can't help himself. ] Even with the division of chores you've suggested— and.. and I love to cook, so that's not an issue at all— I just. You're not asking for a lot of money. I.. I wanna make sure I wouldn't be taking advantage of your kindness to offer it at this rate.

[Alhaitham takes a contemplative sip of the wine, appreciating Kaveh’s forthrightness. The question, while unexpected, is a fair one, and it gives him a moment to articulate his reasoning more clearly. He sets down his glass and meets Kaveh’s gaze with a steady one of his own, ready to dispel any concerns of altruism or financial imprudence.]

While I appreciate your concern, I can say that it's unnecessary. The financial aspect of this arrangement isn’t my primary motivation. I don't exactly need the money.

[He pauses, ensuring his explanation is digestible, then continues,] It’s a large space, as you’ve seen, and maintaining it alone while managing my academic and research responsibilities can be challenging. Having someone here to help manage the household tasks is genuinely beneficial.

[Alhaitham takes another sip of wine, wanting to further clarify the situation without overstepping the professional boundary they maintain, while, he believes, he already knows why Kaveh is waiting for the other shoe to drop.] And it’s important to me that this arrangement is mutually beneficial. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you are taking advantage of the situation. Instead, I see this as a fair exchange—your help for reduced rent. It simplifies things for me significantly.

[ There's a slight widening of his eyes at the statement, and Kaveh has to bite back another annoyed comment. It's really not fair, he thinks, how easy it is for some people... but he's not about to say that when he's relying on that easiness for his own benefit, is he?

He sighs, and sips at his wine again, and then nods. ]

I think I understand. I suppose you know more about your financial stability than I, so if you say it's mutually beneficial, who am I to disagree?

[ He's noticed a few books lying around the place anyway, so... at least he knows he'll be able to help with something like that, too, in addition to the general division of their chores. He's silent for a moment, the contemplation written all over his face—

After a moment, he nods. ]

I'd be an idiot to turn you down. So if you're serious about accepting me as a tenant, then I'd like to... [ apply officially? What kind of language should he use here? ] ...I'd like to take you up on your offer.

[Expression is carefully neutral, yet internally, Alhaitham is somewhat surprised. He hadn't fully anticipated Kaveh's agreement, given the clear undercurrents of reluctance and the complex dynamics at work. The notion that Kaveh, the same person who often seemed the least approachable towards him at the university, would agree to share his living space, was something Alhaitham had considered a distant possibility. And yet, here it was happening. It was an odd turn of fate—or perhaps just the consequence of practicalities overriding personal grievances. How bad was Kaveh's financial situation, then?]

Very well, [He says after a moment. He raises his glass slightly, signaling a toast.] To a new arrangement then, and hopefully, one that benefits us both. [Their glasses clink gently, the sound marking the formal sealing of their agreement.

Alhaitham is keenly aware of the layers of complexity that might come with living together. Kaveh, after all, is not just any co-worker; he is someone Alhaitham has interacted with under very different circumstances through their alter egos. The dual identities add a layer of potential complication that is not lost on him. The chances of Kaveh discovering his online persona are low, but not nonexistent, and Alhaitham understands that navigating this new relationship will require a careful balancing act.]

I'll prepare the necessary paperwork for a tenancy agreement. We can include a clause for a trial period—for you, I mean—to ensure that you're completely comfortable with the arrangement.

[He's already considering the practical steps needed to formalize their agreement in a way that maintains clarity and fairness.] I'll outline the expectations around chores and house management in the agreement, so everything is clear from the outset. Does that work for you?

[It’s his way of safeguarding their professional relationship, ensuring that their interactions as landlord and tenant do not bleed over into their academic lives more than necessary. Alhaitham’s approach is designed to prevent any misunderstandings and to provide both of them with an easy out should the arrangement prove too challenging.] And of course, should you have any concerns or need adjustments to the arrangement, we can discuss them at any time.

[ To his surprise, he finds that the smile on his face is genuine, a sigh of relief on his lips as their glasses clink together. With everything he's said to Alhaitham since their meeting, he had no reason to expect that the other's offer was actually genuine, and yet here they are. Whether it's genuine kindness or practicality to a fault, the blonde finds himself glad for it right now, and grateful.

He sips from his wine as Alhaitham talks. Now he just has to hope that Euler was as okay with this whole thing as he sounded. His opinion, after all, matters to him a lot.

Perhaps more than it should. ]

I think any clause for a trial period should go both ways. I know technically as landlord you have more power than I do to cancel a contract in the long run, but I still think it would be beneficial to you to have that option in there too, in case we're completely incompatible. It's not fair for me to have an instant out while you're forced by legalities to wait. But other than that... yes, that works for me. It's... it all sounds very reasonable.

[ He pauses, a small frown on his face. There's a question he needs to ask, but..

Ugh. Come on. Surely he can find a way around it— ]

...Sometimes, my work can be noisy. [ He winces after he says it, hating how abruptly he blurted the words out. ] Is there adequate sound-proofing in the rooms? I'd hate to wake you if I'm working late.

[Alhaitham nods.] That’s a fair point. It’s only reasonable that the trial period applies both ways. I’ll make sure that’s reflected in the agreement.

[He appreciates Kaveh’s input, acknowledging that while he may not anticipate being the one to initiate a change, fairness dictates that the option should be equally available.

As Kaveh mentions his concern about noise, Alhaitham considers the setup of the apartment.] The rooms are quite well isolated, primarily for thermal reasons—each can be heated or cooled independently without affecting the others. This has the added benefit of somewhat soundproofing them as well.

[Alhaitham reflects on the implications of Kaveh’s concern about noise. He hadn’t considered Pharos’s activities to be particularly loud, but it made sense—the microphone setup likely filtered out excessive sound peaks to maintain audio quality for viewers. He recalls the vibrant atmosphere of the club where they had met; Kaveh had been quite vocal, yet the background music had overwhelmed much of the sound. In a quieter setting, what would that sound like?]

I believe the doors are the weakest point for sound travel, but regular louder noises like music or conversation are generally contained. Of course, very loud noises might still be perceptible, should you bang on the wall or the floor, but it shouldn’t be an issue under normal circumstances.

[A note, now that he thinks of this. It's a novel thing, to live with someone in a long time. The last time had been with his grandmother, and the needs were definitely different at the time. ] And, of course, safety is a priority. It’s important that one could hear if there’s an urgent need for help.

Is there anything else you’d like to know or discuss about the living arrangements or the apartment?

[ Kaveh nods, listening seriously to Alhaitham's explanations. At least for now, he thinks, it's probably for the best if he keeps his more vigorous activities limited to nights that the other isn't home. It might make things a little difficult scheduling-wise, but in this situation, he'll be doing much better financially anyway...

There's always, he thinks too, the option of putting a foam panel up on the inside of his door whenever he's going to be streaming. He'll have to investigate how that might work.

But for now, he nods— and then shakes his head a moment later as he considers the other professor's question. ]

Nothing that I can really think of. Only that... well... I suppose I should thank you. [ His eyes slide off to the side, a slight frown of frustration coming to his expression. ] I haven't been kind to you in the past. If our circumstances were switched around, I can't say for sure I would have offered you a place as freely as you appear to have offered one to me. So.. I'm sorry. It seems I misjudged you— your... your apparent poorness at communication doesn't make you the bad person I've made you out to be.

[ He takes a breath, and then looks back up at him again. ]

I'll understand if you can't forgive me, but I wanted to apologize all the same. And thank you for you not holding it against me when it came to this.

[The mixed undertones the apology carries have Alhaitham tilt his head, reflecting on the complexity of their relationship. The admission and the subsequent acknowledgment of his own supposed communication flaws elicit a wry smile from Alhaitham.]

Thank you, Kaveh, for your candor, [Alhaitham begins, his tone even but with a hint of dryness that matches the slight edge in Kaveh's apology.] Let’s just say your backhanded compliment about my communication skills hasn't gone unnoticed. But indeed, I accept your apology. We’ve both perhaps held misconceptions about each other. It's good to address these openly.

[Alhaitham then shifts slightly, considering the implications of Kaveh accepting the living arrangement under what might be pressing circumstances.] I must admit, I am somewhat surprised you accepted the offer, given our... complicated interactions in the past.

[ His jaw drops slightly, and his lips part; there's a moment where he almost snaps at Alhaitham in return, but he bites it back. Now is definitely not the time for that, no matter how much he might want to—

and besides, he probably deserved the comment. He wasn't exactly trying for a backhanded compliment, but it's come out that way regardless, so...

With a sigh, he drinks from his wine glass— a little too deeply to be considered a sip. ]

To be honest, you caught me at the best possible time for me to even consider it. I had literally just sent that email to my landlord, and I was looking homelessness dead in the eye. I'd spent a solid twenty minutes calculating [ —and sobbing in the midst of the worst panic attack he's had in years, but he's not about to say that— ] how much it would cost me to rent a storage unit to keep my furniture while I lived out of my office.

[ He takes a breath to steady himself. The last thing he needs is to have another breakdown about it, right here and now. ]

So I.. yeah.

Thanks.

[The gravity of Kaveh's situation is worse than he thought, as his circumstances seem downright precarious. How exactly did a famed Architect and scholar, well-loved professor, and skyrocketing streamer come to this? The revelation shifts something within Alhaitham, softening his earlier reserve as he truly understands the desperation that drove Kaveh to accept his offer. It wasn’t just a convenient solution; it was a necessary one.

He's not sure if he enjoys that. Even though it was circumstance that pushed Kaveh's hand, it was still forced.

... Then again. This can just be simple. It's a roof over Kaveh's head until he gets things back on track. Hopefully. He doesn't seem like the kind of person to splurge so wantonly.]

I see. I’m glad you found the offer timely, then. It sounds like it was quite a critical moment for you.

[Alhaitham pauses, considering how to proceed. The last thing he wants is for Kaveh to feel like a charity case, yet he also feels a responsibility to ensure Kaveh knows the offer is genuine and not borne out of mere convenience.

He sets his own wine glass down.] You’re welcome, Kaveh. I know we may have started on the wrong foot, but I am happy I could give you a solution on such short notice.

If there’s anything specific you need to make your move easier or more comfortable, let me know. As for the living arrangement, I’ll draft the paperwork and include the mutual trial period we discussed. We’ll make sure everything is laid out clearly, so there are no surprises.

[ It's weird, how he feels almost guilty when Alhaitham answers him, how he worries about possibly offending the other man with how desperate his move was. He can't help it, but he feels kind of bad nonetheless. It's not every day after all that you admit to someone that you're moving in with them only as a last resort.

He drains the glass, and sets it aside, and nods— the movement a little stiffer than he would like it to be.

Honestly, he's lucky that Alhaitham doesn't turn him away on the spot. ]

There's nothing I need. I'll probably just rent a trailer and make the trips myself; it'll be better than using a moving service, I think.

[ Well, not better. Cheaper, but he's not going to say that, lest Alhaitham do something crazy like offer to help pay for it, and leave him even more in his debt. ]

I guess the only question is.. when do I move? When the paperwork is done, obviously, but...

[ But he has approximately 10 days left in his current place. And he wants to talk to Euler about everything. And there's work to consider. And... ]

[Observing Kaveh closely, noting the stiff nod and how he quickly finishes his wine, he can feel the weight of Kaveh's concerns. They're palpable, his movements and expressions betraying a deeper turmoil than just the logistics of moving. It's clear that while the immediate crisis was addressed, the broader challenges of Kaveh's situation remain a heavy burden.]

I'd advise moving things in stages, if you have a lot. [He comments, though he tries to make sure that he's mostly talking in objective, practical terms, and that he's not adding the burden of his own concern onto Kaveh's multitude of worries.] As for the date, I'm relatively flexible. I can have the paperwork done by the end of tomorrow, and you could even move in then, but if you wish me to take longer so you need to get something done in the meantime, I'm alright with that.

[ Tomorrow. It's a relief he didn't know he needed, but it's there all the same. Being able to start moving as soon as the end of the day tomorrow means that he can move things gradually. A day of packing, and he can have all the incidentals out by the weekend, and then rent a trailer for the bigger things...

It should be easy enough, if he handles things like that... ]

That sounds. Really good. End of tomorrow, I mean. It would be useful to be able to start moving my stuff sooner rather than later.

[ Plus, he has enough put aside in savings to handle Alhaitham's rent in addition to Dori's for a week and change, so there's nothing to worry about there, either. ]

As long as it won't disturb you to have me doing it over several days.

[Alhaitham nods, processing Kaveh's response and planning the logistics in his mind already.] Not at all. The gradual move sounds like a sensible approach, and it should make the transition smoother for the both of us. I'll be in and out with work, so we should be able to coordinate our schedules to minimize any inconvenience.

[Alhaitham stands, walks over to a small cupboard at the entrance. The one where he had considered dropping Kaveh onto before deciding to take him to his bed instead. He ruffles through a drawer and comes back with a key.] This will be your key and fob, but I need to go downstairs to the reception and ensure it's working. I’ll prepare the tenancy agreement and have it ready for your review by tomorrow afternoon. Once you sign, you'll get the key and can begin moving your belongings as it suits you.

[ Kaveh nods, not really noticing the way his fingers twitch toward his empty glass as he chews on his lower lip. The next few days just got infinitely busier, and yet he knows all too well how important this is for him. He'll be somewhere stable, without the constant rent increases Dori likes to push on him...

He takes a deep, steadying breath. ]

Okay. That all sounds really good.

[ He's silent for a moment, and then busies his hands again by reaching into his pocket, resurfacing with his phone. ]

Here. I'll give you my number; it'll make it easier for us to coordinate. With the move, and past that, too.

[Alhaitham accepts Kaveh’s phone, inputting his number in return.] Absolutely, this will make coordination much smoother.

[He hands back the phone with a nod.] If anything comes up or if you need to discuss any details about the move or the agreement, you know where and how to find me. [A pause as they both move towards the door.] If I'm teaching I may take a while to answer. I don't usually look at my phone when I'm working.

[They say their goodbyes.

That's. Interesting for sure. He's not entirely sure why he feels antsy, but in a good way.

He supposes he's excited. As the door closes behind Kaveh, Alhaitham lingers for a moment by the entrance, his mind briefly replaying their interactions over the past few months. This new arrangement could mark the beginning of a more positive dynamic, an unexpected outcome given their rocky start.

He turns away, ready to finalize the tenancy agreement and ensure everything is for Kaveh’s arrival.

And he then remembers Pharos.

He should also look for another type of contract.]

[ The next few days go by in a blur. Kaveh takes a half day off work once the contract is signed, allowing him the time and freedom to pack his things. Downsizing from a one-bedroom place where he lives alone to a single bedroom in someone else's place is hard, and in the end he decides to rent a storage unit for a few months while he decides what to do with some of his furnishings. (Even with the unit, he's saving a lot of money this way, so he doesn't mind.) When the weekend comes he rents a trailer to handle the last of his things. The whole process is relatively painless.

He does, though, miss his ability to speak with Euler as often. He ends up putting up a short hiatus note on JustAdepti, explaining that he's moving houses and will need time to settle in. With Euler himself, he organizes a short private stream so he can give his number to the other, not willing to be out of contact for too long.

And it's nice. A few times during the whole process, when things get a little stressful or overwhelming, he texts the other, shares his feelings. Sometimes it's as simple as telling him I miss you. Something about it brings him comfort.

He's unpacking his things on the Monday after work when a different type of message comes through altogether, and Kaveh blanches.

My darling boy, it reads, I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to call you lately. I know you've been busy with your move, and well, I've been busy too. Remember last time we spoke that I said I'd been feeling tired? Well, it turns out that Frederic and I are pregnant! You're going to have a baby sister, Kaveh. She's due in about fourteen weeks, and...

He stops reading, and closes his phone.

Six months pregnant. His mom is six months pregnant, and she's only just thought to tell him.

He feels like he's going to be sick.

Instead, he staggers out of his room and onto the sofa, needing somewhere to sit in a room that isn't cluttered with half-unpacked boxes. His hands shake, phone clenched in them until his knuckles are white. He should do something— only he doesn't know what.

Why would she wait so long? Why would she not include him in any of this? She's left it so late that there's no way at all he can possibly travel to see her— she knows that his work is difficult without extended notice. Not for the first time, he's left with a horrible, sinking feeling that she's taken yet another step to writing him out of her life, and—

Kaveh's fingernails bite into his wrist hard enough to draw blood. ]

[Over the weekend, Alhaitham notes the influx of boxes and furniture into his previously spacious living quarters, adjusting to the changing environment with curiosity, even if he still feels some reservations about the whole thing. He’s mostly away, trying to give Kaveh space to move and settle in, but he checks in via text to make sure everything is going smoothly.

On his way home late Monday afternoon, Alhaitham stops by a small student-run fundraiser booth. They’re selling various trinkets to fund renovations for the student lounge. A small, stylized lion keychain catches his eye, its design both whimsical and bold. It reminds him of Kaveh—his streaming persona Pharos, and the courage and resilience he’s seen in Kaveh himself. He buys it, thinking it might be a small but meaningful housewarming gift or at least a token of goodwill.

As he unlocks the door to the apartment, the sound of silence greets him—an odd contrast to the weekend's flurry of activity, no matter how quiet Kaveh tries to be. Setting his keys on the counter, he notices a figure curled up on the sofa. Kaveh appears smaller somehow, folded into himself in a way that speaks of distress.]

Kaveh? [His voice is tentative as he approaches, setting down the small keychain on the coffee table before moving closer. Should he even get involved?

But then, there's no response. Alhaitham crouches in front of the sofa, observing Kaveh more closely. The younger man seems lost in some sort of turmoil, his phone clutched tightly in his hand as if it were a lifeline—or a source of pain. Alhaitham’s voice softens, a rare note of gentleness coloring his usually composed demeanor. He's seen this before, often. In students, usually. When everything seems to be too overwhelming. He always made sure to arrive late, no matter how punctual he always is.

The room feels smaller with the presence of Kaveh’s belongings, and now, his palpable distress. Alhaitham knows he’s not often the best at providing comfort, his interactions are typically marked by formality and distance. Yet, seeing Kaveh like this—so vulnerable and apparently in need—stirs a protective instinct he seldom indulges, and that he can't help.] Kaveh. [He insists, trying to make eye contact, to see past the barriers Kaveh might be putting up even now.]

[ At first, Kaveh doesn't even notice Alhaitham is there. Time has stretched and molded and morphed, and he doesn't know how long it's been— he hasn't finished reading the text he received, or the two others his mom sent when he "read" the first and didn't reply. Every last sense has been on fire for this entire time, agony and fear burning into him. When Alhaitham crouches in front of him, he'll see a glassy, far-away look in the blonde's eyes, something that without the quick, panicky breaths on his lips, might have him appearing to be frozen in time.

It's not the first call of his name he hears, but the second. His unfocused eyes shift, lips parting around a silent syllable as he looks through Alhaitham, then past him, then at him. ]

You're home, [ he says, a plain statement and yet somehow disbelieving, as if he's lost his grip on reality. He doesn't let go of his phone or move to unwind himself from the way he's curled in on himself. Nor do the fingers of his other hand unlatch from where they're digging into his wrist.

He blinks, and his lips tremble.

If Alhaitham is home, it means he isn't alone. And yet he still feels alone— After all, with how poorly he's acted in the past, it wouldn't be a surprise if the other just up and left him one day, would it? He would deserve it. And when even his own mother can't stand to be around him anymore...

The glass over his eyes shatters into twin tears that rush down his cheeks, fresh saltwater quick to fill the space left behind. ]

I don't wanna be alone anymore.

[The stark, raw emotion in Kaveh's voice pulls at Alhaitham in a way few things have. There's a clarity in this moment that all the formal boundaries and academic niceties can't obscure—the human need for connection, for reassurance, for simply not being alone. It shifts something fundamental in Alhaitham's approach, nudging aside his habitual reserve.

It's not the other way they relate, all need and want and flirtatious compliments, everything coated in molasses.

And yet, this is the most intimate he's been with Kaveh.

He reaches out slowly, giving Kaveh time to withdraw if he chooses, but his hand rests gently on Kaveh’s shoulder, offering a silent solidity. The gesture is simple yet laden with intent—to support, to anchor, to ground.]

You’re not. [His voice is soft but firm, trying to bridge the physical and emotional gap between them. Alhaitham is aware of the weight his words carry, especially in such a charged moment.

Seeing Kaveh so vulnerable, so utterly devoid of his usual bravado or even the basic shields people wear daily, Alhaitham feels a protective urge rise within him. It's an unfamiliar feeling in its intensity but one he recognizes as important. He’s seen his fair share of students in distress, yes, but this is different; this is personal, and it's happening in his living space, with someone who is rapidly becoming more than just a tenant. He's not just a viewer towards his streamer. Not a coworker.]

Look at me. Here. I’m here. [He offers, his tone encouraging but gentle. It’s an offer without pressure, an invitation for Kaveh to return to the moment here with him.]

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